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xp_logs2005-05-09 07:30 pm
x-icarus.livejournal.com) wrote in xp_logs2005-05-09 07:30 pm
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Jay & Jean, backdated to Monday (5/9)
Set almost two weeks ago, after Jay brings pizza to Forge, he runs into Jean. Uncontrolled telepathy + hormonal teenage boy = much embarrassment.
Did I really almost kiss him? Jay asked himself as he walked down the stairs to the main level of the mansion. He'd left his history textbook in the classroom and needed it for homework. But that was almost a secondary thought to Jay. After pizza with Forge, Jay had excused himself. He felt suddenly uncomfortable around his suitemate, even though Forge hadn't done anything that should make it so. The butterflies in his stomach were too much to ignore, though, so he had to leave before he ended up doing something they'd both regret.
Did I really almost kiss him?Jean was far too used to life in a high school. It took her a full second to pick out that there was anything strange about the thought. In truth, it wasn't until she glanced up the stairs and saw Jay coming down them that she figured out what it was. Jay and Forge? I can see why he'd be fretting. "Hello, Jay," she said. "How are you feeling?" Hank had done his last check-up, and she'd seen the notes, but it was always good to check.
"Huh?" As usual, Jay had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he'd ignored the presence of everyone else around him, and he wasn't expecting anyone to greet him. "Oh, heya, Dr. Grey. M'fine, just headin' ta grab a book." And stay away from Forge. Keep temptation away.
To cal him on his projecting and his terrible shielding or not... It was a difficult call. From what Jean knew, many of the new students had not had much more than rudimentary psi-defense lessons, and some had had even less than that. But, many of them were also very uncomfortable with the idea that someone might be privy to their innermost thoughts. Although, in this case, they weren't so much 'innermost' as 'right out there in the open for anyone with any mental sensitivity to pick up on'. "Book for classes or for fun?" she asked, giving him some time to come out of himself if he could and focus on things other than his roommate.
"Hmm? Oh, uh, for history class," Jay replied. Yes, history. Think about history. The Industrial Revolution is much more interesting than half-Cheyenne geniuses with prosthetic limbs. "Gotta answer a few questions, but Ah need ta reference stuff in the book. Ah ain't a history buff."
The real difficulty came in sorting out what she heard from what she 'heard'. "History, huh? I must admit, the Industrial Revolution was never my favorite topic. A complicated time, with not much to alleviate the toil and turmoil of it all. Could recommend a couple of books, though."
Jay blinked. "Ah didn't say nuthin' 'bout the Industrial Revolution . . ." he said slowly before it clicked. His eyes widened, and he took a step away from Jean, his face reddening. While he was angry at the invasion of his mind, he was more embarrassed than anything. "Ya didn't 'hear' nuthin' else, didja?" he asked, concerned.
"Didn't you?" Jean asked. "I'm sorry, Jay. I'm afraid I still can't quite help it. I did not mean to intrude on your privacy." Which wasn't exactly answering the question.
"You did, then," he answered for her, his face turning as red as his wings. "Hear what Ah thought, Ah mean. Shit, Ah'm so embarrassed, Doctor Grey. Maybe Ah oughtta just leave ya to what you were doin' and go on mah own way ta get mah book . . ."
"No, Jay, it's all right, you know. Do you want to talk about it?" There was no real reason for him to be embarrassed, but teenagers and unstable emotions went hand in hand.
"Ah dunno," he said reluctantly. Jay wasn't one to talk to people outside his immediate comfort zone, but there was something about Jean that he trusted. Coming back from the dead spoke volumes to him, he reckoned. "Guys fall for all sortsa people. Queers ain't no different."
"Girls too, if it comes to that. I don't know anyone who hasn't had their fair share of... less than appropriate crushes. Some have even had more than." Jean's smile seemed to imply that she fell into this second category.
"Guys and girls usually got it easy, though," Jay explained. "Y'all just haveta worry 'bout whether they like you back or not. Ah've got that and whether he could actually like me in that way in the first place, y'know? Adds a whole other dimension of complexity to this. Ah've had my fair share of crushes on breeders," Jay said wryly, "And it never ends well. Can't imagine why this'd be any different."
"Of course, your being interested in a 'breeder', as it were, is far harder than, say, my freshman year boyfriend coming out of the closet four months after we started dating?" Jean matched him wry for wry. "I agree, there is a fair amount of futility and possible pain tied up in being attracted to someone who isn't attracted to you, for whatever reason. Unfortunately for us, though, that rarely stops us from forming the attraction in the first place. It's just up to us to deal with it in as good a way as we can."
"No offense intended," Jay mumbled, embarrassed that he'd used such an epithet in front of her. "But you know what it's like ta fall for someone ya shouldn't, yeah? T'ain't fair, but maybe it's fate. Maybe this is supposeda learn me a lesson 'bout love. Or maybe Ah'm supposeda learn Forge a lesson." That would be nice.
"Don't worry about it," she told him, not at offended. "But yes, I know and, sad to say, I can't promise you ever really grow out of it." As Logan had shown... "I'm not sure I believe in fate - I get rather wary of using 'supposed to' in regards to life and love - but I'm hardly about to suggest that either you or Forge not learn any lessons."
Learning such lessons with Forge led to thoughts that would make a nun blush, which made Jay feel even more awkward and embarrassed than he already was. "Sorry," he said, sure that Jean had picked up on these thoughts. "But Ah can't tell him. That'd totally ruin our friendship. Ah mean, Ah already ain't friends with Kyle no more because he thinks Ah'm a freak and Ah know he is. Don't want that ta happen with Forge."
"I understand, yes. But if not telling him is plan number one, and history texts are plan number two, can I ask what lesson about love you think fate is trying to teach you? Whether or not there's a guiding force to it doesn't mean you can't still learn something from the experience. Or, chose not to learn it."
"Probably tryin' ta tell me that ya only truly fall in love once, and that once is like bein' in the Garden of Eden sans devilish snakes, but every other time is like takin' a scenic tour through the ninecircles of Hell," Jay responded despondently.
Jean blinked, the pure, bitter cynicism of Jay's thoughts startling her with their intensity. "... That would definitely fall under the category of 'life lessons one doesn't want to learn', I should think."
"Fate has a wicked dark sense of humor," said Jay. "You know how it is, don't'cha? Everyone thinks you bit the dust, and finally when people are movin' part their mournin', ya come back and throw everythin' around. Ain't sayin' it's your fault at all, mind you. Just sayin' that who wants ta learn whether or not they can live on when someone special is takin' from 'em? Much less who can live on when they come back like nothin' ever happened?"
"I would say that that sums it up nicely, yes. But, of course, having been forced to learn those lessons, I get to also learn that I can recover from them - take back my life, as it were." Optimism, thy name is Jean Grey.
"Ah got a healing factor. Ah can recover from anythin'. Ah'll even be able to move mah wings again soon." Jay stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Feelin' like this . . . it kinda makes me wanna disavow everythin' Ah know and everythin' Ah've ever heard about bein' gay. Ta see iffn Ah can't convert Forge, y'know? Ah know it sounds stupid and horrible, but that's the way it is."
"I would say it was understandable, more than stupid or horrible. I would also suggest that it was a bad idea, but you know that and would have to balance it against what you want anyway." And that was the truth - Jean might not think it was a good idea, but it was Jay's decision to make either way and the best that anyone could do was suggest.
"Lord knows how many ladies wanted ta try and convert me back ta bein' straight after they heard Ah wasn't," Jay said dryly. "Seems like it's only fair for me ta do that on mah side." He shook his head as he opened the door to the room where he'd last seen his book. He knew how childish he sounded, and was ashamed that the words even left his lips.
"Turn and turn about?" Jean suggested. "Although, on the flip side, you know exactly how successful their attempts were."
"Ah hold more faith in mah own abilites ta seduce than those chicks," Jay said. "Poetry works wonder for girls or guys. Real poetry. Quotin' the latest Backdoor Boys or whoever's the current travesty ta music ain't gonna win no one's heart." He found the book on his chair where he'd left it. "And Ah'm really just babblin' now. Ah should go get
this work done."
Jean couldn't help but smile at that. At least his self confidence was returning - Jay had taken a blow when he was attacked, and though Jean hadn't known the cause she'd been able to tell how down he was. It was good to see him cheering up at least a little, and she trusted him and Forge to work out their problems in a healthy manner if it came to that. "All right," she said, nodding. "Good luck with your homework."
"Thanks, Dr. Grey." As he left the room, he turned to Jean again. "Um, and what we just talked about? Not that Ah reckon you're gonna go 'round tellin' everybody 'bout this, but, just ta make sure, y'know . . . s'just between us, yeah?"
"Of course, Jay," she said reassuringly. "You don't have to worry about that."
Jay blushed again, and nodded at Jean. "Yeah, thanks. Uh, see ya." Oh was that embarrassing, he reflected as he made his way to the library.
Did I really almost kiss him? Jay asked himself as he walked down the stairs to the main level of the mansion. He'd left his history textbook in the classroom and needed it for homework. But that was almost a secondary thought to Jay. After pizza with Forge, Jay had excused himself. He felt suddenly uncomfortable around his suitemate, even though Forge hadn't done anything that should make it so. The butterflies in his stomach were too much to ignore, though, so he had to leave before he ended up doing something they'd both regret.
Did I really almost kiss him?Jean was far too used to life in a high school. It took her a full second to pick out that there was anything strange about the thought. In truth, it wasn't until she glanced up the stairs and saw Jay coming down them that she figured out what it was. Jay and Forge? I can see why he'd be fretting. "Hello, Jay," she said. "How are you feeling?" Hank had done his last check-up, and she'd seen the notes, but it was always good to check.
"Huh?" As usual, Jay had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he'd ignored the presence of everyone else around him, and he wasn't expecting anyone to greet him. "Oh, heya, Dr. Grey. M'fine, just headin' ta grab a book." And stay away from Forge. Keep temptation away.
To cal him on his projecting and his terrible shielding or not... It was a difficult call. From what Jean knew, many of the new students had not had much more than rudimentary psi-defense lessons, and some had had even less than that. But, many of them were also very uncomfortable with the idea that someone might be privy to their innermost thoughts. Although, in this case, they weren't so much 'innermost' as 'right out there in the open for anyone with any mental sensitivity to pick up on'. "Book for classes or for fun?" she asked, giving him some time to come out of himself if he could and focus on things other than his roommate.
"Hmm? Oh, uh, for history class," Jay replied. Yes, history. Think about history. The Industrial Revolution is much more interesting than half-Cheyenne geniuses with prosthetic limbs. "Gotta answer a few questions, but Ah need ta reference stuff in the book. Ah ain't a history buff."
The real difficulty came in sorting out what she heard from what she 'heard'. "History, huh? I must admit, the Industrial Revolution was never my favorite topic. A complicated time, with not much to alleviate the toil and turmoil of it all. Could recommend a couple of books, though."
Jay blinked. "Ah didn't say nuthin' 'bout the Industrial Revolution . . ." he said slowly before it clicked. His eyes widened, and he took a step away from Jean, his face reddening. While he was angry at the invasion of his mind, he was more embarrassed than anything. "Ya didn't 'hear' nuthin' else, didja?" he asked, concerned.
"Didn't you?" Jean asked. "I'm sorry, Jay. I'm afraid I still can't quite help it. I did not mean to intrude on your privacy." Which wasn't exactly answering the question.
"You did, then," he answered for her, his face turning as red as his wings. "Hear what Ah thought, Ah mean. Shit, Ah'm so embarrassed, Doctor Grey. Maybe Ah oughtta just leave ya to what you were doin' and go on mah own way ta get mah book . . ."
"No, Jay, it's all right, you know. Do you want to talk about it?" There was no real reason for him to be embarrassed, but teenagers and unstable emotions went hand in hand.
"Ah dunno," he said reluctantly. Jay wasn't one to talk to people outside his immediate comfort zone, but there was something about Jean that he trusted. Coming back from the dead spoke volumes to him, he reckoned. "Guys fall for all sortsa people. Queers ain't no different."
"Girls too, if it comes to that. I don't know anyone who hasn't had their fair share of... less than appropriate crushes. Some have even had more than." Jean's smile seemed to imply that she fell into this second category.
"Guys and girls usually got it easy, though," Jay explained. "Y'all just haveta worry 'bout whether they like you back or not. Ah've got that and whether he could actually like me in that way in the first place, y'know? Adds a whole other dimension of complexity to this. Ah've had my fair share of crushes on breeders," Jay said wryly, "And it never ends well. Can't imagine why this'd be any different."
"Of course, your being interested in a 'breeder', as it were, is far harder than, say, my freshman year boyfriend coming out of the closet four months after we started dating?" Jean matched him wry for wry. "I agree, there is a fair amount of futility and possible pain tied up in being attracted to someone who isn't attracted to you, for whatever reason. Unfortunately for us, though, that rarely stops us from forming the attraction in the first place. It's just up to us to deal with it in as good a way as we can."
"No offense intended," Jay mumbled, embarrassed that he'd used such an epithet in front of her. "But you know what it's like ta fall for someone ya shouldn't, yeah? T'ain't fair, but maybe it's fate. Maybe this is supposeda learn me a lesson 'bout love. Or maybe Ah'm supposeda learn Forge a lesson." That would be nice.
"Don't worry about it," she told him, not at offended. "But yes, I know and, sad to say, I can't promise you ever really grow out of it." As Logan had shown... "I'm not sure I believe in fate - I get rather wary of using 'supposed to' in regards to life and love - but I'm hardly about to suggest that either you or Forge not learn any lessons."
Learning such lessons with Forge led to thoughts that would make a nun blush, which made Jay feel even more awkward and embarrassed than he already was. "Sorry," he said, sure that Jean had picked up on these thoughts. "But Ah can't tell him. That'd totally ruin our friendship. Ah mean, Ah already ain't friends with Kyle no more because he thinks Ah'm a freak and Ah know he is. Don't want that ta happen with Forge."
"I understand, yes. But if not telling him is plan number one, and history texts are plan number two, can I ask what lesson about love you think fate is trying to teach you? Whether or not there's a guiding force to it doesn't mean you can't still learn something from the experience. Or, chose not to learn it."
"Probably tryin' ta tell me that ya only truly fall in love once, and that once is like bein' in the Garden of Eden sans devilish snakes, but every other time is like takin' a scenic tour through the ninecircles of Hell," Jay responded despondently.
Jean blinked, the pure, bitter cynicism of Jay's thoughts startling her with their intensity. "... That would definitely fall under the category of 'life lessons one doesn't want to learn', I should think."
"Fate has a wicked dark sense of humor," said Jay. "You know how it is, don't'cha? Everyone thinks you bit the dust, and finally when people are movin' part their mournin', ya come back and throw everythin' around. Ain't sayin' it's your fault at all, mind you. Just sayin' that who wants ta learn whether or not they can live on when someone special is takin' from 'em? Much less who can live on when they come back like nothin' ever happened?"
"I would say that that sums it up nicely, yes. But, of course, having been forced to learn those lessons, I get to also learn that I can recover from them - take back my life, as it were." Optimism, thy name is Jean Grey.
"Ah got a healing factor. Ah can recover from anythin'. Ah'll even be able to move mah wings again soon." Jay stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Feelin' like this . . . it kinda makes me wanna disavow everythin' Ah know and everythin' Ah've ever heard about bein' gay. Ta see iffn Ah can't convert Forge, y'know? Ah know it sounds stupid and horrible, but that's the way it is."
"I would say it was understandable, more than stupid or horrible. I would also suggest that it was a bad idea, but you know that and would have to balance it against what you want anyway." And that was the truth - Jean might not think it was a good idea, but it was Jay's decision to make either way and the best that anyone could do was suggest.
"Lord knows how many ladies wanted ta try and convert me back ta bein' straight after they heard Ah wasn't," Jay said dryly. "Seems like it's only fair for me ta do that on mah side." He shook his head as he opened the door to the room where he'd last seen his book. He knew how childish he sounded, and was ashamed that the words even left his lips.
"Turn and turn about?" Jean suggested. "Although, on the flip side, you know exactly how successful their attempts were."
"Ah hold more faith in mah own abilites ta seduce than those chicks," Jay said. "Poetry works wonder for girls or guys. Real poetry. Quotin' the latest Backdoor Boys or whoever's the current travesty ta music ain't gonna win no one's heart." He found the book on his chair where he'd left it. "And Ah'm really just babblin' now. Ah should go get
this work done."
Jean couldn't help but smile at that. At least his self confidence was returning - Jay had taken a blow when he was attacked, and though Jean hadn't known the cause she'd been able to tell how down he was. It was good to see him cheering up at least a little, and she trusted him and Forge to work out their problems in a healthy manner if it came to that. "All right," she said, nodding. "Good luck with your homework."
"Thanks, Dr. Grey." As he left the room, he turned to Jean again. "Um, and what we just talked about? Not that Ah reckon you're gonna go 'round tellin' everybody 'bout this, but, just ta make sure, y'know . . . s'just between us, yeah?"
"Of course, Jay," she said reassuringly. "You don't have to worry about that."
Jay blushed again, and nodded at Jean. "Yeah, thanks. Uh, see ya." Oh was that embarrassing, he reflected as he made his way to the library.