Nathan and Jubilee, Saturday evening

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Jubilee, needing to talk about what's happened, knocks on Nathan's door. He's the first to hear that she's made the decision to take a different path in life - for now, at least. She finds out that Nathan is doing some reassessing, too.


Jubilee knocked on the door of the suite Moria and Nathan shared, fidgeting slightly as she waited. Because being an adult now didn't stop her from having an inability to be still. Although Alison had helped her with that immensely. She hoped Nate was in, she needed someone to talk to right now.

Nathan, slumped in the armchair by the window, heard the knock and for a long moment, didn't respond. He wasn't feeling like company. Moira had reluctantly gone down to the labs, taking Rachel with her, but had made him promise to call her if he needed, and the link was wide open. The only thing that was. He had his shield as dense and as hard as they would go, so he didn't sense the person outside the door.

But then the knock came again. Someone who knew he was in there? "Come in," Nathan called back. Might as well find out what they wanted, then send them on their way.

Jubilee opened the door and peered in hesitantly. That had not sounded particularly welcoming in 'Nate tone'. She smiled suddenly, she'd gotten so used to the people at the mansion that these days she could almost tell how they were feeling just by the timber of their voices. It was sort of nifty, really. "Hey grumpy, mind if I come in and clutter up the place with my presence?"

Jubilee. Nathan thawed - infinitesimally. "Come in," he repeated quietly. She closed the door behind her, and he gave her a long, measuring look. "How are you?"

"Dude, ask the hard questions. I'm...probably trying very hard to fool myself into being okay ." Jubilee replied, walking over to sit down next to him. "So, how are you doing? It was kinda chaotic there at the end, an when we got back you disappeared."

"I'm fine," Nathan murmured, staring down at her. "Just fine. I just didn't want to stick around for the post-game show, and since I wasn't hurt, I didn't need to be taking any of the doctors' time."

"There's all kinds of hurt, Nate." Jubilee responded, her tone gentle. She knew he'd probably already talked this out with Moira, so he didn't need her poking around. But he was also her teammate, and if there was one thing being on the team had taught her, it was that you offered help when you thought it was needed.

Nathan raised an eyebrow, a flicker of humor crossing his features for a moment. "Says the young woman who was kidnapped and almost murdered. I think it's safe to say neither of us had a particularly good night last night."

"Well, not like it hasn't happened before. Although, I think Styker was more into the 'torture you horribly till we find out how your mutation works, and then kill you if we don't find you useful' sort." Jubilee replied, trying for flippant and coming out just a touch more bitter then she would have liked.

"You're going to talk to Charles, right?" Nathan said, almost patiently. "No trying to work through this on your own..."

"Yeah. Got an appointment with him on Tuesday. Just wanted a couple of days to process things. But I learnt my lesson about burying things, they have a habit of biting you on the ass." she replied, pushing her hair back behind one ear. "How many times you faced the end, Nate? Like, knowin' you were going to die an havin' to be okay with it even if you'd rather have had it happen some other day...like, a million years from then?"

Nathan stared at her for a long moment. "More time that I can count," he finally said, softly, part of him trying to wrench away from the emotion that stirred in response to the serious look in her dark eyes.

"I've never written a will, you know that?" Jubilee replied. "I didn't even think about dying. Only, now I'm thinking that I need to. Now I'm thinking there's so much I need to make sure of, if I'm going to be an X-man. It seems silly that I never thought I'd die before."

Okay, this was not the way to spend an afternoon. Why was she talking about wills? She'd come up here to get away from her own thoughts for a moment, talk to someone and hopefully get her head straight a little. Only, here she was discussing death and what you needed to do to get ready for it.

"Jubilation..." It was the strangest push-pull sort of sensation. He wanted to say something, to reassure her somehow, but he had nothing that could serve that purpose. No words of wisdom left. "You could die on a mission," he finally said, his voice low, "or crossing the street tomorrow. Any of us could. It's just that usually we aren't wrenched out of our everyday lives and forced to face that truth. Like you were."

"I know. It's why..." Jubilee paused for a second, wondering if she was really ready to tell someone this. It hadn't been an easy decision for her last night, and she'd still be arguing with herself over it for most of the day. "It's why I'm leaving.

Nathan stared at her for a long moment. "Leaving?" he finally asked, his voice a little hoarse.

"Not for good." Jubilee replied, trying to sound reassuring. "Just for the year, maybe. Then I'll see. David's been talking up New York, us moving in together. An there's this academy for police. I want to be an X-Man, but I gotta be something else first. It ain't dyin' I'm scared of, Nate. I'm just scared of regretting it when I do."

Nathan opened his mouth, then closed it again when the words wouldn't come. He reached out instead, his fingers brushing her cheek almost hesitantly. "I'm proud of you," he said, almost inaudibly. "I don't think I've said that lately. Or enough."

She grinned, caught by surprise at Nate's comment. She'd been worried that her team mates would think she was quiting on them, that she was abandoning them because it'd gotten too tough. She should have known they'd understand. "Dude, you're totally gonna make me blush."

"Can't have that, can we?" He took his emotions, let them drain away. The smile he gave her was fainter, less behind it than had been behind his words. "You know what you need, Jubilee, and you're going to make the right choices. Have faith in yourself, all right?"

"Thanks. You know, this ain't gonna mean I won't be back here to give you hell, right? Teach all your new students how to drive you up the wall. Need to make sure you stay on your toes, ya know." Jubilee replied, grin mischevious.

"I'm not going to be teaching in January," Nathan said after a moment. It was something that he had decided today, sitting here.

This was a surprise, Nate had always seemed happy to be teaching. Jubilee gave him a questioning look.

"Oh?"

Nathan gave a little shake of his head. "Might do a few independent study projects if there's interest, but..." He shrugged a little, his eyes sliding away from hers.

"Don't...Nate, you've always loved teaching. Dude, you'd be almost bouncing during language classes. What's goin' on?" Jubilee pushed, not wanting to see him do something he'd regret.

Although, he was trusting her to know what was good for herself, right? So perhaps she should give him that same support. It wasn't easy, deciding to give something up, even when it was for your own good.

Nathan looked back at her. "It's too hard," he said, almost flatly. "It's... not for me, anymore." He laid a hand on his arm, thinking about metaphors. "I kept wearing my heart on my sleeve, when it came to you guys. I can't do that anymore. It hurts too much."

"You..." Jubilee began, stopped and then reached over to wrap her arms around him. "Don't you know that's why we're all so close to you? We need that, Nate. We need an adult who's going to love us despite all the crap. I know it's hard, and that it sucks and that we don't usually say thankyou when we should. I'm sorry you've gotta stop, but I understand if it's no good anymore."

"It wasn't enough. I can't..." The shaky exhale might have been a laugh. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then hugged her, briefly but firmly. "You," he said, his voice a little steadier, "are a friend, okay? Not a student. A friend. A teammate. However long it takes you to go off and find yourself, even if you find something that's a better fit out there."

Jubilee's smile was brilliant, sparkles flashing in her hair for a second. "Thanks, friend. But don't you worry, I'll be back. No matter what happens out there, Xavier's is always home. Besides, have to come back on my twenty first so I can drag you all down to Harry's for my first legal drink, hey?"

"I'll buy you something fruity. With an umbrella."