Amanda Sefton (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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xp_logs2007-09-04 11:19 am
xp_daytripper) wrote in xp_logs2007-09-04 11:19 am
Entry tags:
After the Funeral: Amanda, Kurt - Tuesday
After Margali's funeral and the ritual destruction of her possessions, Kurt and Amanda talk. A very fundamental realisation is made.
There were many customs that went with a Romani burial, especially for the death of a leader, and all had to be observed. One of the more important was the burning or destruction of all the deceased's possessions - in this case, Margali's caravan and everything in it - except Margali herself - had been put to the torch.
Kurt's steps were slow and heavy as he moved around the dying pyre, pausing when he saw Amanda sitting a little further ahead.
Amanda breathed out smoke, and flicked ash off her cigarette. She'd gotten some looks when she'd lit up - one of the Romani traditions she couldn't keep straight, she guessed - but shrugged it off. Half of Margali's more distant relatives thought she was little more than a gadjo any way. At least she'd been able to clean up today after the funeral - there'd been some crazy rule about not combing your hair or bathing for the three days after a death. And she'd thought magic users were superstitious... But that hadn't been on her mind as she'd sat watching the embers flickering among the twisted and blackened metal that had been the caravan's frame.
She looked up as Kurt approached. "Hey, Blue," she said, giving him a small smile, a bruise darkening along her jaw from Wanda's punch. Jimaine had lent her a red kerchief for the funeral, and afterwards she'd pushed it down off her hair, so that it hung around her neck almost jauntily. "How're you doing?"
"As well as could be expected", he said quietly, looking distinctly tired as he drew closer. He'd taken the allowed opportunity to wash, as she had, but it hadn't helped much with the new lines on his face. "And you?"
"You know, I have no idea right now?" she replied, a little wryly. She took another drag of her cigarette, blew the smoke out so it joined what was rising from the pyre. "I just... I don't know how to react to this, Kurt. With everything that's happened..." She trailled off, a little lamely. "I'm sorry."
"It is a lot to take in", he acknowledged, voice still quiet, and settled to the ground beside her. "And you do not even know the customs, to fall back on them as we can."
"There's that," she acknowledged. "I keep doing things wrong, and people keep giving me Looks, like I'm bringing a curse down on them or something." In the embers something shifted and collapsed with the sound of breaking glass. "It's odd. Back when Charlie died, I did something like this. Collected what I had of his stuff, set it on fire. I thought it was just something we'd made up, back when I was on the street."
"I think... sometimes, when you do not have a settled place, it is the best you can do. For us, it is a custom so old no one remembers why, but when you were on the street... perhaps you remembered a little of it, or perhaps it was the only sign of respect you could show."
"I don't remember much at all. Bits and pieces, mostly to do with you and Stefan." She sighed, and finished her cigarette, flicking the butt into the pyre. "I owe you an apology, too. For what I said, back at the brownstone."
"I remember you said you remembered small things", he said, looking at her sideways. "And the apology is accepted."
She gave another smile, wanting to reach out and touch his shoulder but remembering the rules about impurity after a death. Those had been drilled in. "Sometimes I think you'd forgive anything, Kurt. It was a low blow, and I shouldn't have used it. Comparing Rack with anyone in the family... I know better."
"Not quite anything, perhaps", he said lightly. "But certainly where an apology is offered and meant, anything. You were angry, though I will not say I was not at hearing it."
"It felt like you were letting her get away with it," Amanda admitted. "Keeping it in-house. And I don't think I've ever seen you as pissed off as you were then. Remind me not to do that again."
"I think perhaps you will need no reminding. But I will be sure to do so. As for the keeping it in-house... it is just the way I am used to doing things, when they are clan matters. You know I did not want your friends here, except perhaps Wanda, and even she is of a different clan."
"But..." Amanda took a breath, looking away from him and back at the fire. "I'm not clan, Kurt. Not when you come down to it. So much of who I am would have had me out on my ear, even without M... without her doing it after the Selene business. What I did on the streets, the fact I'm not a virgin any more... Hell, even the whole bi thing." She gave a small snort. "I've been talking to some of the older people, trying to get a feel. I don't think they'll ever be the same again. Let's face it Kurt, you and Stefan and Jimi are my family, but I'm not one of you, not any more. The Trenchcoats... they're my clan now, and they had as much right to be involved as you and I."
"Another sin to lay at his door", Kurt said, quiet and sad, with no need to clarify who 'he' was. "I will not speak his name again. ~I cast his name to the dust, and his soul to hell~." The last was under his breath, a muttered curse. "But you are right. What is, in this case, cannot be changed, and while you are welcome here... you cannot be truly clan."
"She was right, in a way. Gemile died years ago." It was said softly, so softly as to be missed over the background noises. "I think it's best if I go back tomorrow, if that's all right," she said louder. "Bring word back, that sort of thing." She gave Kurt another one of those small, sad smiles. "I've said my goodbyes, and things are a bit too complicated."
"I will not keep you from leaving, and nor will the others. Now the three days are up, the customs relax... a little. I must stay, though - my place is here, at least for now. You will be back for the wedding?"
"Wild horses and all that," she replied.
There were many customs that went with a Romani burial, especially for the death of a leader, and all had to be observed. One of the more important was the burning or destruction of all the deceased's possessions - in this case, Margali's caravan and everything in it - except Margali herself - had been put to the torch.
Kurt's steps were slow and heavy as he moved around the dying pyre, pausing when he saw Amanda sitting a little further ahead.
Amanda breathed out smoke, and flicked ash off her cigarette. She'd gotten some looks when she'd lit up - one of the Romani traditions she couldn't keep straight, she guessed - but shrugged it off. Half of Margali's more distant relatives thought she was little more than a gadjo any way. At least she'd been able to clean up today after the funeral - there'd been some crazy rule about not combing your hair or bathing for the three days after a death. And she'd thought magic users were superstitious... But that hadn't been on her mind as she'd sat watching the embers flickering among the twisted and blackened metal that had been the caravan's frame.
She looked up as Kurt approached. "Hey, Blue," she said, giving him a small smile, a bruise darkening along her jaw from Wanda's punch. Jimaine had lent her a red kerchief for the funeral, and afterwards she'd pushed it down off her hair, so that it hung around her neck almost jauntily. "How're you doing?"
"As well as could be expected", he said quietly, looking distinctly tired as he drew closer. He'd taken the allowed opportunity to wash, as she had, but it hadn't helped much with the new lines on his face. "And you?"
"You know, I have no idea right now?" she replied, a little wryly. She took another drag of her cigarette, blew the smoke out so it joined what was rising from the pyre. "I just... I don't know how to react to this, Kurt. With everything that's happened..." She trailled off, a little lamely. "I'm sorry."
"It is a lot to take in", he acknowledged, voice still quiet, and settled to the ground beside her. "And you do not even know the customs, to fall back on them as we can."
"There's that," she acknowledged. "I keep doing things wrong, and people keep giving me Looks, like I'm bringing a curse down on them or something." In the embers something shifted and collapsed with the sound of breaking glass. "It's odd. Back when Charlie died, I did something like this. Collected what I had of his stuff, set it on fire. I thought it was just something we'd made up, back when I was on the street."
"I think... sometimes, when you do not have a settled place, it is the best you can do. For us, it is a custom so old no one remembers why, but when you were on the street... perhaps you remembered a little of it, or perhaps it was the only sign of respect you could show."
"I don't remember much at all. Bits and pieces, mostly to do with you and Stefan." She sighed, and finished her cigarette, flicking the butt into the pyre. "I owe you an apology, too. For what I said, back at the brownstone."
"I remember you said you remembered small things", he said, looking at her sideways. "And the apology is accepted."
She gave another smile, wanting to reach out and touch his shoulder but remembering the rules about impurity after a death. Those had been drilled in. "Sometimes I think you'd forgive anything, Kurt. It was a low blow, and I shouldn't have used it. Comparing Rack with anyone in the family... I know better."
"Not quite anything, perhaps", he said lightly. "But certainly where an apology is offered and meant, anything. You were angry, though I will not say I was not at hearing it."
"It felt like you were letting her get away with it," Amanda admitted. "Keeping it in-house. And I don't think I've ever seen you as pissed off as you were then. Remind me not to do that again."
"I think perhaps you will need no reminding. But I will be sure to do so. As for the keeping it in-house... it is just the way I am used to doing things, when they are clan matters. You know I did not want your friends here, except perhaps Wanda, and even she is of a different clan."
"But..." Amanda took a breath, looking away from him and back at the fire. "I'm not clan, Kurt. Not when you come down to it. So much of who I am would have had me out on my ear, even without M... without her doing it after the Selene business. What I did on the streets, the fact I'm not a virgin any more... Hell, even the whole bi thing." She gave a small snort. "I've been talking to some of the older people, trying to get a feel. I don't think they'll ever be the same again. Let's face it Kurt, you and Stefan and Jimi are my family, but I'm not one of you, not any more. The Trenchcoats... they're my clan now, and they had as much right to be involved as you and I."
"Another sin to lay at his door", Kurt said, quiet and sad, with no need to clarify who 'he' was. "I will not speak his name again. ~I cast his name to the dust, and his soul to hell~." The last was under his breath, a muttered curse. "But you are right. What is, in this case, cannot be changed, and while you are welcome here... you cannot be truly clan."
"She was right, in a way. Gemile died years ago." It was said softly, so softly as to be missed over the background noises. "I think it's best if I go back tomorrow, if that's all right," she said louder. "Bring word back, that sort of thing." She gave Kurt another one of those small, sad smiles. "I've said my goodbyes, and things are a bit too complicated."
"I will not keep you from leaving, and nor will the others. Now the three days are up, the customs relax... a little. I must stay, though - my place is here, at least for now. You will be back for the wedding?"
"Wild horses and all that," she replied.