xp_logs | Log: Sam and Scott

Scott comes down to the infirmary to find Sam.

Sam looked even worse then he had the day before. He had only left the medical lab for a few moments earlier, while Kyle was asleep, in order to take care of a few errands. Otherwise, the oldest Guthrie had taken up residence in a chair across from the young feral's room so that he could be on hand if called but so that he wouldn't be imposing too badly. He was just very generally concerned; far too worried to get any sleep.

Scott's appearance at the end of the hall was sudden and soundless. "Up," he said curtly to Sam, keeping his voice low; he didn't want to disturb either of the patients down here. "We are not having this conversation in the infirmary."

With a deep breath and a nod, Sam stood to follow. He rubbed his eyes a bit, even though he hadn't been sleeping. Once they made it into the hall, he stood next to the door and leaned back against the wall. He still wanted to be near by so he could hear and he didn't plan on yelling. He didn't know if Scott did.

"What," Scott said, just as curtly, "happened?"

"Nothing I have an excuse for. I was just so angry and Kyle was doing what a good friend ought to. I tried to get him to leave but he rightly wouldn't." Sam wasn't going to go on a long rant. He didn't have any right to do what he did and there wasn't any reason to make it sound like he did.

"I could have guessed that you lost your temper." Scott was keeping his voice level, but the words dripped sarcasm. "What I want to know is why."

"Just not handling things well, I suppose. When Jay came back I thought I had it... but he's got those instincts now and it's the first time I haven't understood him since he came out and I flirted with Piotr... I just needed to understand my brother." Sam took a deep breath and sighed. "I know everyone thinks it's because of Morgan but that just made it where I couldn't ignore how people see me. I lost my teeth when I went back to the farm and... I didn't even hurt Sabertooth and he tried to kill my brother... you know?" It was too much information to relay in one quick conversation and he knew he was just sounding crazy again.

Staring at his teammate, Scott thought he was maybe, just maybe starting to realize just how absolutely... boggling to his friends he must have been back during the days of his own nervous breakdowns. Then again, he'd never landed any of his teammates in the hospital. "Let me get this straight," he said slowly, hoping he in fact had it wrong. "Kyle's in here, because you... were trying to prove that you had some sort of killer instinct and lost your temper?"

"Wasn't trying to prove it. I wanted to know if it was there. If I don't have it in me then I'm not keeping anything under control; I wouldn't be doing the right thing... I just wouldn't be doing anything." Sam ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Scott very seriously. "What wouldn't you do for your brother?"

Oh, God, he did have it right, more or less. What the fuck? "Why did you want to know if it was there?" Scott asked, ignoring Sam's question.

"So I knew I'm like I am because of a choice. Then I could know Jay could be like that and that everyone that sees me as just a big ol' puppy dog was wrong... No one was supposed to walk in; no one was even supposed to know." Sam didn't think it was anyone else's business but now it certainly had become everyone's. He just knew that when people found out and he'd be rightly hated for it.

"...I'm sorry, what? Why would you ever doubt that it was a choice? And I don't know precisely who the hell you think sees you as a giant puppy dog."

"Maybe it's just me." Sam shrugged. He'd had this conversation a few times already, particularly with Jay. He couldn't show Scott or anyone else how people looked at him or talked to him.

Scott shook his head slowly. "We all have to resolve our feelings about how far we're willing to go in the field," he said, "but as soon as you hurt Kyle, this became no longer just about you." Scott took a deep breath, jaw clenching as he squared his shoulders. "I don't know what to say to you, Sam. You seriously injured someone, for no good reason that I can see. I sure as hell know that Charles is going to have to deal with whether or not you can be trusted to be around the kids as a teacher, after this-" Thank God that was no longer his responsibility. "Even if the story doesn't get out, you've put him in... I can't even just call it an impossible position. What happened between Logan and Crystal wasn't this serious. As for the team..." Scott pressed his lips together. "How are any of us supposed to trust you after something like this?"

"I know what I did. I figure that the Professor's going to do what he's going to do and so are you. I've been trying to explain for a long time now and I don't suppose I can; I probably deserve worse then what y'all will come up with. Kyle'd like to teach though and it sounds like a spots about to open up." Sam remembered what Kyle had said and that he had inspired him. His betrayal of that respect was more of a punishment then anything else could be.

Scott just shook his head, disbelievingly. He puts Kyle in the infirmary and now I get the hangdog look and the 'punish me' act? "Go and see Charles," he finally said, his voice clipped. "Sooner, rather than later. I would strongly suggest you do it before he comes looking for you. As for the team, you are on the bench until this gets resolved, one way or the other."