xp_logs | Hope & David Haller: Second projection

Hope projects for the second time, but does not know how to get back...

Not again... Not this again!!! 'Hope' glanced around her rather agitatedly. Here she was again, floating above her body, but she had absolutely no idea how to return to it. And though she had chosen the sun room because she thought it would be quiet and a good place to be alone, it had turned into a distinct disadvantage: there was no one who could go for some form of help.

Before the young woman's anxiety could escalate much further there was a gentle rap on the door frame. It was followed by an unfamiliar male voice. "Hope? Are you all right?"

'Hope' turned around so she could see the newcomer, an awfully tall man whose hair only seemed to add to his height. ~"I don't know how to get back inside my body!!!"~ A faint sense of panic ran through the mental voice.

Jim blinked, the unexpected projection brushing his mind before he even registered the crumpled form next to a couch. He'd been dropping off some mail to the professor when Charles had paused in their conversation and noted he felt a ripple from Hope. Since Charles had already indicated Jim might wish to speak to her personally regarding a potentially problematic situation with her mother the counselor had agreed to check on her. Though the professor had outlined his suspicions about the nature of Hope's mutation, seeing a new type of manifestation was always a unique experience.

Setting this aside for now, the telepath turned to the business at hand. He stepped fully into the room, holding up one hand in a calming gesture. Hope's astral form had been the last thing he noticed: it was colorless, almost spectral where it crossed the path of direct sun. She was hovering close to her physical body. Jim could understand the reluctance to move any further. ~It's okay, Hope,~ Jim replied in kind, allowing a tendril of his own surety to enter the link. ~Relax. We'll figure it out.~ Aloud he added, "Can you hear me speak?"

~Yes! I can hear you!... Please... I want to go back, but I don't know how...~ Her mental voice was still panicked and she cast a desperate look at her own body. The man was a stranger to her, but at the moment she would accept any help if it meant she could go back to normal.

Jim offered her a smile, crooked but reassuring. "It's okay. Nobody knows what they're doing the first few times -- when they use their powers, I mean. It may be a little scary for a while, but it gets a lot easier once you start knowing what to expect." He kept his tone gentle, though there was an encouraging lilt at the end. "Sorry, I forgot to say -- I'm David Haller. My powers are a lot like the professor's, so I think I can help. But we have to take it slow. The more we know about what's happening and why, the easier it'll be to figure out how to control it. Does that make sense?"

~It does.~ Hope replied frantically. ~But I don't wanna know more. I just want to go back. Both to my body and things just to the way they were.~ She cast another desperate glance at her body.

The telepath hesitated, considering. He understood her panic, but he suspected that if Hope didn't calm down she wouldn't be able to reenter her body. But she was scared -- if he'd understood the professor right this may have been only her second experience with the power, and she didn't know anyone yet. Not really.

Abruptly, Jim reached a decision. "Okay," he said. "Hope, hang on for a minute. I'm going to show you something."

The telepath dropped into the nearest chair and closed his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd done this -- once telepathy had been folded into the core personality it had become less necessary, and less comfortable. But years ago, back when the two boys were still discrete entities, Jemail had favored it as a means of communication with Charles, Moira, and, sometimes, David himself.

His body relaxed, his breathing deepening almost immediately. An instant before it could have been mistaken for a spontaneous nap, he reappeared.

He looked the same. Unlike Hope's ghostly projection he appeared perfectly solid, and there was a grounding to his stance that indicated he might as well have been standing on bedrock. But he was now at an eye-level with Hope, and whatever his feet were standing on it certainly wasn't the floor.

~It will be okay.~ The telepath gestured to his own body where it slumped in the chair. ~We'll get it worked out, I promise. And I'll stay with you like this until we do. Okay?~

Hope's eyes widened as she looked back and forth between the man's body and the projection that was standing in front of her. ~You... you...~ Her mental voice stuttered. ~You're like me?~ She wasn't alone? There were others who could do the strange thing she did? ~How?~

Jim tapped his forehead. ~I'm a telepath. Not as good as the professor, but I can hear other people's thoughts and project my own, as well as my own consciousness. You have a specialized version of that power -- it's how you can be up here and down there at the same time.~

She looked back and forth a few more times and slowly her panic started to ease a little. If this man could do what she did, they should be able to figure out how to get her back in her own body... right? She met his eyes shyly as she tried to push the thoughts about not being able to do it away. ~What do we do now?~ She asked hesitantly.

The counselor smiled, glad she seemed to be calming. Slowly, but it was still progress. ~First, we try to figure out what caused it. It's less scary if you can pinpoint what sort of things cause it. We call it a catalyst. This has only happened once before, right? The first time -- is it all right to ask what you were doing?~

~My parents were speaking with me. We were discussing a situation that I had handled inappropriately.~ Hope explained briefly, almost returning to her usually more formal speech without thinking. ~I felt somewhat light headed and suddenly I was floating above my own body.~

Jim nodded. ~So right before it happened, you were feeling uncomfortable?~ he asked, though he didn't press for clarification as to the nature of the situation. He was still a stranger to her, and this had to be awkward enough. ~Emotionally uncomfortable, I mean. Upset or embarrassed, that sort of thing.~

Hope had to think there for a few moments, wincing a little at the memories of what had occurred, but she finally nodded. ~Yes, I was upset.~ She looked at the floor as she continued. ~I remember thinking that I didn't want to be there and that I wanted to be far away. That was before I started feeling light headed.~ She raised her gaze and asked: ~Does that mean anything to you, sir?~

~It does. Certain emotional states can provoke a manifestation -- not always, but often. The big three are fear, anger, and stress.~ Jim ticked off each item on his fingers and gave Hope an encouraging smile. ~What you're describing is actually pretty normal. You can think of your powers when they first come on as a kind of involuntary reflex, like crying or blushing. People who use psionics, which is what our powers fall under, tend to have a close connection between their powers and emotions.~ Jim glanced down at Hope's body, which still lay at the foot of the couch. As a projection he didn't actually perceive the room as he would have if he were looking through his own eyes, but Hope's mind, though separate, was still tied to her body. Paradoxically, in this state it appeared less distinct than her projection.

~How were you feeling this time?~ he asked, turning his attention back to the girl's consciousness. ~Did it just come out of nowhere, or did something happen?~

~I had spoken to my mother on the phone. She informed me that I had to remain here and continue to work on receiving a cure of some sorts.~ Hope's gaze slowly lowered again, feeling ashamed. ~I was again upset and wished that I was at home or anywhere else but here. Then I started feeling light headed and suddenly I was floating again.~

The telepath's lips compressed. The professor had been right to worry -- Hope's mother was going to make this difficult. Accepting a new manifestation was hard enough without the people around you trying to convince you it wasn't right, or something that could be undone. But none of these thoughts helped Hope right now, so Jim forced himself to set them aside.

~Okay. We've found at least one common trigger then: stress.~ He shook his head. ~Don't worry. Like I said, there's nothing unusual about what you're going through, and you'll get the hang of it in time. As far as your mother goes -- she doesn't really understand this yet. And right now that's okay, because neither do you. Not entirely. So for now, when she says 'cure', think of it as 'control'. You'd both agree you don't want to be in a situation where you're stuck outside of your body, right? Regardless of what else she might expect to happen, you will, at least, learn that. Later, when you have a handle on things yourself, you can worry about explaining how it really works to her. For now, just worry about yourself. All right?~

~I will try, Mr. Haller.~ And though Hope believed that her mother would never really see it as something that could not be cured, she would agree that Hope being stuck outside her body was not good. ~So I have to try not to be stressed? Then I would stay inside my body?~ That sounded much too simple and much too hard at the same time.

~Not necessarily, but it would probably reduce unintentional projecting.~ With an apologetic smile, Jim spread his hands. ~However, I think we can both agree that sometimes stress is unavoidable. So the question isn't how to avoid stress, but how to deal with it.~

Hope thought back to all her mother's magazines that claimed to have the perfect way of dealing with stress. It usually made her think that no one knew exactly how to do that.

~Everybody seems to have a different opinion on that, sir. There are many different ways.~

Jim nodded in agreement. ~Not all methods work for all people. We'll have to find out which is most effective for you.~ He crossed his arms and glanced in the vicinity of the ceiling, thinking. ~Do you remember what happened the first time you returned to your body? Anything about how you did it?~

~No, sir. Everything became black and all I remember is waking up at the hospital.~ Hope shook her head. ~The last thing I remember is my mother on the ground with my dad and her calling 911.~

~The first time is often abrupt. It's not unusual to pass out shortly afterwards, or during.~ Jim uncrossed his arms and a cigarette appeared in one hand. It was an astral prop, but so familiar it manifested of its own accord. He took a meditative drag and glanced down at the shadow of Hope's body.

~All right. Now that we have an idea of what can cause you to leave your body we can try and work on ways to get you back in.~ The counselor flicked simulated ash from his cigarette and glanced back at Hope. ~Can you feel your body right now? Any physical sensation at all? Concentrate -- it may be difficult to notice.~

He was smoking a cigarette while projecting? Was that even possible? She tore her eyes away from the fictional cigarette and flicked a glance at her own physical body. ~I am not sure...~ She 'closed' her eyes and tried to feel her body. At first there was nothing, but as she stood/hovered there longer there was something. ~I don't quite know how to describe it, but it feels stiff?~

~Pain or discomfort can sometimes interrupt concentration, at least when you're consciously projecting. For some people this extends to any kind of contact.~ Jim crouched to peer at Hope's unconscious body. The separation made her awareness of her own physicality weak, providing only an indistinct image, but one of the clearer impressions was that of an arm twisted uncomfortably beneath her. And there was something else . . .

The strong sunlight in reality had obscured it, but on the astral plane Jim could see a cord about the thickness of a finger and as translucent as Hope herself. It seemed to emerge from the center of the girl's physical forehead and float upwards like a twist of smoke, disappearing somewhere behind the girl's astral body.

Cigarette still held in his free hand, Jim pointed at the cord and looked up at the girl. ~Hope? Can you see this?~

~What?~ Hope turned around and stared. ~What is that? I had not noticed it before.~ She twisted around, attempting to see over should where the cord might be leading, but it seemed to disappear in her hair. She eyes it a little more before continuing. ~It's almost like it is a connection between my body and.... this...~ She gestured at her projected body.

~That's exactly what it is,~ Jim confirmed, pleased by her surmise. He straightened, trying to study her astral form as unobtrusively as possible. ~You may not feel it, but you mind is still anchored to your body. It connects . . .~ Ah, there it was -- it had been hard to spot at first, lost in the cloud of her hair. Jim raised a hand to indicate the spot between and slightly above Hope's eyes, his fingers close, but not touching her. ~Here.~

Hope raised her hand automatically, trying to feel the string. Then she followed it, watching how it connected with her body lying on the floor. ~This is very, very strange.~ She remarked. She looked over to Haller and watched the area between his astral and his physical body. ~You do not seem to have one, sir.~ She remarked shyly.

Jim grinned. ~Our powers are similar, but not the same. Even people who do have the same powers tend to use them differently. But we can explore that more later. Do you mind if I go back to myself for a minute? I would like to move your arm to a more comfortable position. It could be that the physical stimuli will bring you back. If nothing else, we can see how aware of it you are.~

~That is alright.~ Hope tried to not to look at the duplicate of Mr. Haller disappearing and him standing up and moving towards her body, but instead tried to focus on that vaguely uncomfortable feeling she could feel from her own physical body. She could see him move her arm from under her body and she could feel something changing in what she felt, but it was vague and undefined. The sensation grew a little stronger though.

"Do you feel anything?" Jim asked, glancing at her hovering form. It would have been convenient if the contact alone had been enough to bring her back, but if this was Hope's primary expression of her power it was perhaps not surprising it did not. "The movement of your arm, your weight shifting? My hands?"

~Something changed, but I could not tell exactly what. It is like the uneasiness faded a little.~ Hope spoke slowly, trying to analyze what she had sensed. ~But it does feel like I can feel my own body just a little more.~ And she was starting to feel a bit more calm inside. Now that they were really working towards something, it was if the panic drained away a bit, though the nervous feeling still hovered in the background.

"Hm." Jim scooted away from Hope's body until his back was against a wall; he closed his eyes again, and an instant later his astral form reappeared before her.

~Usually more stimuli to the body can help refocus your attention,~ he explained, re-crossing his arms thoughtfully, ~but Dr. Grey-Summers is the specialist on the body/mind connection. This is really more her area than mine. But I'd like to try something else first. You've been in a pool before, right? Have you ever tried just floating?~

A small smile crossed Hope's face as she thought back to floating around in the pool in the summer when she was younger. ~Yes, I have. I used to enjoy that when I was a young child.~

~Okay, good.~ It was always easier to relate things back to a familiar experience. Still facing Hope, Jim dropped into a cross-legged position. ~I'm going to try you on a form of guided meditation,~ he explained. ~Don't worry if it seems to take a while -- this is your first time, so it usually does. First, close your eyes and imagine yourself floating, just like you're in a pool. Focus on the feel of the water under you, the lightness of your body -- as much sensory detail as you can think of. Let me know when you have it fixed solidly in your mind.~

Hope frowned a little in confusion first, but then mimicked his posture and closed her eyes, thinking back to the last time when she had floated in the pool. She tried to picture the pressure of the water under her, the temperature difference between the areas of her body that were in and out of the water, the strange muffledness of the sounds with her ears in the water and the sunlight making patterns on the inside of her eyelids. It took her a while to build the picture, the sensations flitting away a couple of times, but finally she nodded. ~I think I have something...~

~Good. Now: pull your arms and legs close to you in a ball. In the water, your weight becomes concentrated -- you begin to sink. Focus on the sensation of holding your knees to your chest, your arms wrapped around yourself. Your breath in your lungs, your heart in your chest. There is no one else around, no sound or motion to distract you. Just you, slowly floating to the bottom.~

Hope pictured herself folding up in to a fetal position. That was the easy part. It was far more difficult to focus on breathing and a heartbeat since she not really had one. After a few tries she had an hold of an image that might work. Blacking out her other perceptions took a few tries, since she lost the fragile hold she had of her heartbeat and breathing. Finally she could feel herself sinking slowly. She was not really worried about being unable to breath, since she could not breath anyway. So she just floated there in peaceful blackness.

Suddenly there was tug... and another one and Hope felt like she was being sucked back... She knew no more...

Jim needed no confirmation to know Hope had rejoined her body; the moment her astral form disappeared her body snapped into the sharp focus he associated with a normally aligned consciousness. Slipping back into his own body, Jim massaged his neck and scooted over to where the girl lay.

"Hope?" he asked, gently touching her arm. She gave no response, but he remembered what she'd said about losing consciousness the first time she'd returned to her body. The telepath drew back and settled himself down to wait, leaving a few feet between them in case Hope was cautious about personal space.

Suddenly the world snapped in normal focus and Hope startled awake. Her eyes flew open and she shot up, the world spinning around her. "What..." Her voice stumbled a little and she shook her head in an attempt to stop the spinning. Her memories snapped back in place and she stared at her hands. "I am back?"

Jim grinned at her from his space on the floor. "Yes, you're back. And you got there by yourself, voluntarily." He tilted his head, studying the brunette. "How do you feel? Is sensation basically back to normal, or is there numbness?"

Hope looked at the man who had managed to guide her back into her body and gave him a somewhat uncertain smile. The dizziness was fading and she took stock of herself. "I am a little dizzy, but that is fading away." She remained seated on the floor and leaned back against the couch, though she did arrange her skirt to lie in acceptable way. "Thank you for your help, Mr. Haller. I am sorry for the way I reacted." A faint blush colored her cheeks.

The counselor's smile turned faintly amused. "What, because you had a completely unfamiliar experience and got scared? Everybody's scared at first. And for what was only your second time, you handled yourself very well. You have nothing to apologize for. Truly." Jim pulled his feet under him and offered Hope his hand. "Do you feel up to standing? Movement should help you reorient yourself."

She took just a moment to recheck with her body before taking his hand and let herself be pulled to her feet. She quickly smoothed down her skirt and she had to look up quite a bit as she said: "Thanks." She took a few steps before pausing and looking back up, a strange vulnerable look in her eyes.. "Mr. Haller, am I going to keep doing this every time I speak with my mother now? She wants me to call her weekly and tell her how I am progressing with everything."

Jim shook his head. "It's hard to say, though the spells should decrease as you get more practice with them. However, now that you know it could be an issue it's something you can plan for. If you find yourself feeling stressed and don't yet feel comfortable floating alone, you can seek out company or text someone to join you. You're welcome to call me, for example. If I can join you, I will."

"It's not the floating alone that worries me, Mr. Haller." Hope confessed awkwardly, her eyes once more firmly aimed at the ground. "It's that I do not know if I will be able to get back in my body again like you showed me..."

"Remember that you've done it twice now -- and the first time you did it on your own," Jim pointed out. He continued, not unsympathetically, "Don't worry if you have difficulty returning for a while. It's still new, and like any new muscle it has to be exercised. It will get easier over time. Until then, if you find yourself getting too frustrated or stressed, try talking to someone. It doesn't need to be about your powers. Often just the act of distraction well help. When you're calm you can try again."

"I will, sir." Hope nodded. She tried to sound confident, but there was still a nervous tremor to her voice.

He heard the shiver in her words. "You'll do fine," Jim promised, and let the certainty warm his voice. "And if something's not working, we'll find a better way. All right?"

"All right." Hope nodded again, but she still felt deeply uneasy at the entire idea of having to figure out how to get back inside her body again and probably again and again...

Jim didn't have to guess at Hope's unease; polite as she was, he could still see the ghost of a frown on her young face. She was still scared. But that, at least, he could try to help her with.

"Hey, would you like to come with me to the kitchen?" he asked, gesturing to the door. "We can get something to drink, and if you like I can give you a little background on psionics and what you can expect. Or any other questions you have, really."