Rogue and Jessica Talk (Warning, this post contains themes of non-con and abuse)

[x-jessicajones.livejournal.com]

Rogue had found the first few journal posts amusing. Lyrics to bubble gum pop was always appreciated, and it was nice to see Jessica happy, after all the things that had been going on with her personal life.

But then the posts started to devolve a little bit, and with each day (and each admitted hangover), Rogue got more and more concerned. Texting her friend to meet her at the boat house, Rogue puttered around, sketching here and there, and put out a few bottles of water. No booze. Even an invulnerable person needed to give their liver a break.

Jessica had made sure to shower before going to visit Rogue. She was pretty embarrassed, actually. Rogue was her friend, that much was true, but the other woman was the epitome of cool and collected. Jessica still had a strong urge to impress her and well, apparently her behavior of late hadn't done that. She had pulled her hair into a bun and pulled on her baggiest clothes. She whooshed out the door, grabbing her water bottle on the way. She was even more upset that her inner walls were crumbling. Her talk with Sue sometime back had been...good. She felt that she'd really helped the blonde. That said, it had also brought painful memories to the surface, memories that she'd long thought dead. She flew out of the nearest window and quickly reached the boathouse.
"Rogue? It's...it's Jessica." She called, fighting to raise her voice and hating how weak she sounded.

"Hey sugar," Rogue replied, peeking out from behind some canvasses. She tried to hide her surprise at Jessica's looks, but it wasn't done very good. "Jesus, girl," she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Are you okay? Are you sleeping or eating? Because you look like Satan chewed you a new one."

"He sort of did, in a sense." Jessica answered, shuffling her feet. "I've been sleeping a little. Eating about as much." She continued. "I just...I'm sorry if I disappointed you." She finished hurriedly.

Okay, so that went emotional fast. Rogue smiled softly and motioned to the chairs she'd set up by the window. It was a nice calming view out to the lake, and while this wasn't intended by any means to be a counselling session, it was obvious Jessica needed something.

"Hey now," she said, moving towards her friend. "Y'all haven't disappointed me, so don't go on thinking that. I'm just worried 'bout ya, because you've had a really rough couple of months, caring for your mama and all." Stretching out her arms, she leaned in for a hug. "I just want you to know you're loved and cared for, no matter what. This is a safe place for us to talk, and you know you can let down some of your guard...but if you don't wanna, I'm happy to just sit here with you, okay?"

Relief flooded through Jessica and her eyes pricked with tears. Her head was still pounding, damn alcohol, and she quickly sat herself down in the chair.
"Th-thanks. I'm glad to hear that. I mean, you were my very first friend here. The one who 'took me in' so to speak. I think the world of you." She began softly. "I've been having nightmares lately. It started back after I talked to Sue a little while back. She'd been going through a rough patch herself and, well, I was in your position. I think I managed to help, but it brought up some things for me. Some things that I-I haven't thought about in a long time." She continued. "I-it's sort of a long story. And...it's not-" Jessica stated, her voice thick. She cleared her through and had a moment of silence before continuing. "It's not easy to hear. Or say." She finished.

Rogue sat down herself, and pulled her legs up, curling them underneath her. "Like I said, I'm here to listen, and I'm here to sit. There's no judgements, no subject taboo. You tell me as much or as little as you want. I'm okay."

"Well...you know I was adopted by the Jonses after my accident. They were great to me and its because of them that I made it through...everything. It was my last year of high school. I was eighteen and I felt like I was on top of the world, you know how it is." She began as she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped hear arms around them. "I was trying to figure out just what to do with my life. I mean, I was smart and whatever, but there was nothing definitive. I was thinking about how my powers could benefit others. I mean, I didn't find a lot of uses for super strength day to day. That's when I got a truly stupid idea. I went to the costume shop, bought myself a skin tight, spandexy nightmare and a mask and decided to try my hand at being a superhero. You know, like that Spider-Man fellow. Called myself 'Jewel' even though that made me sound like a stripper." She continued, adding a little hallow laugh. Her chest ached already and her throat burned. She couldn't believe this. It was like struggling to keep her head above water. "I...I did some good. You know, stopped some muggings and things. Nothing special. Then I met...him, Zebidiah Killgrave. H-he looked like a man, Rogue, but he wasn't. He was a monster." She added quietly. "I found him in a restaurant. When I walked in, it looked like everyone was dead, but they were just asleep. He'd told them all to stop breathing and they had passed out from the lack of air, it was, uh, putting him off his meal. Then...he told me to sit down. It felt like a fog had rolled in. My body obeyed, even though my mind was screaming for it not to. That didn't last long, though. I-I'm not sure, but his powers seem to have that effect. Like, like they replace your desires with his." She added. The tears were flowing silently and she reached up to let her hair down and threaded her fingers through it a bit. "He made me tell him...everything. My real name, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. He was...really interested in the accident. Told me it was my fault my dad lost control of the car and..." The tears were accompanied by loud gulps of air. "That was that. H-he decided to keep me. He liked controlling a 'noble' soul or some sick shit. I stayed that way for eight months. I can't even tell you all of the things I did then. He made me dye my hair pink and gave me these stupid pink contacts to wear. He said they made me look more surreal, like a comic book character or whatever the fuck. When it rained we had to stay inside. He seemed afraid of it. Afraid of the water. Those were the worst days. He'd tell me how much I wanted him. A-a-a-and-" Jessica cried, her breath coming too quickly for words now. She coughed and wiped the flood of salt water from her eyes. "God dammit." She muttered. "I BELIEVED him. I held onto every word, thought it was all real. I think I even begged, but he told me no, just because he knew how much it would hurt me. Near the end, we were cornered by the cops. He was afraid they'd shoot him before he could use his power, so he told me to kill them. To beat them until they were bloody smears on the ground. I did it, too. Didn't have a choice. I broke a few arms, threw a squad car and-" She added, growing silent for a moment as she stared at the ground. "-I crippled one of them. Cracked his spine. Paralyzed him from the waist down. Then...that's when the fog started to lift. I guess his power only worked with close proximity. I flew up and away then, got shot a few times too. I was in so much pain. He'd starved me, but that was nothing compared to all of the emotional pain I was feeling at the time. The cops I'd nearly killed, the other girls he'd pull off the street to have a 'night of fun,' and all of the other things that sick fuck had made me do." She added before she took in a deep breath and let it out. "I-I missed my graduation. M-my parents had thought I had simply run away to 'find myself.' They didn't even know I was missing. They didn't call the cops or try to find me. I-I couldn't tell them. Couldn't tell them how I saw Killgrave's purple fucking face in my nightmares. Saw the scared expression of those girls, saw the blood on my hands-" She finished, her voice moving to a fever pitch before she broke down into unintelligible sobs.

It was only through years of experience as a counsellor that Rogue was able to not feed into any of Jessica's anxiety and pain. Keeping a calm, collected profile and nodding appropriately, Rogue listened to what Jessica had to say, all the while breaking inside at what had happened ot her friend. Since day 1, she'd known that Jessica had something inside her, something that kept her hard inside, but she'd never known the actual magnitude of it. And now this ... Rogue made a mental note to try to build up Jessica's support system.

"That's a lot to hold inside," Rogue responded quietly, reaching out to hold her friend's hand. "Have you ever talked to anyone about this?"

"No. Well, I told Sue a little. There hasn't really been a reason to tell anyone." She answered.

"So you've been holding this in, all by yourself, all these years?"

"Well, unless you count alcohol, then yes." Jessica joked weakly. "I mean I couldn't exactly tell my parents. They'd be crushed and my mother, well..." She answered. "I didn't have many friends in high school, exactly, and the disappearing act didn't help."

Rogue nodded, still processing the information Jessica had provided her. Even though she had the training as a therapist, it was hard to decide what hat she should wear: that of friend and mentor, or that of a mental health professional. "You're amongst friends now," Rogue responded finally. "This whole mansion, we're a family here. I know you got your team, and your co-workers, and me ... you don't gotta be alone anymore, okay? No one's gonna judge you."

She thought for a moment. "You need to take care of you. Have you thought of talking to Haller or someone? I mean, I love you, but it wouldn't be super ethical of me to do any counselling for you, I'm too close to you."

"A-are you sure? I mean, I know it's my own damn fault, but it seems that some people around here don't exactly think I've got all my crayons in my box, you know?" She asked. "And this Haller guy, he's good? I don't know if I've heard of him." She asked between sniffles.

Rogue gave a little snort at Jessica's comment. "Sugar, none of us have our marbles in a row, or our ducks in corners, or whatever mismatched expression you want. Just know that you're not alone. Haller's a good therapist, and there's always Charles too." Not always everyone's preference, considering he could be a bit intimidating. "Just let me know, and I can set something up. I'm also happy to listen to you whenever you need, and if that's not what you need, well, I know a nice little quarry up the road where we can go smash boulders too." Logan's method for dealing with issues also helped.

"Thanks, Marie. I-I appreciate it." She answered. "I think I'll take you up on that offer. To see Haller, I mean." She continued, before she looked up and stared into her mentor's eyes. "Thank you. I know you took a chance on me when we first met and...you doing so has meant the world to me." She finished.