xp_logs | Sooraya and Angel: a Serious Talk

Sooraya and Angel talk about a major decision of Sooraya.

Pushing the last pin into the hair donut so the bun would firmly stay into place, Sooraya eyed herself and the mirror, before her eyes slid to the basket of colorful scarves near the mirror. Usually she would have taken one and wrapped it around her head, but not this morning.

This morning stepped outside her room and called out: "Angel! Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, one minute!" Angel called, quickly tying her hair back and examining herself in the mirror before declaring herself ready for the day. "Okay, yeah, great, ready to-"

She cut herself off when she walked out of her room and saw Sooraya. Without a hijab. "Ah...Sooraya? Are you forgetting something?" Not the most tactful way to approach it, perhaps. But it was all Angel could think to say.

"Uhm..." Sooraya looked down at her hands, before looking at Angel with a confused look on her face. "I have my purse and coat. I think that is everything..." Hopefully Angel would not pursue it.

Angel raised an eyebrow, thoroughly unimpressed. "Alright, sure. So I guess I'm just supposed to ignore it, then?"

"Uhm... I had secretly hoped you would?" Sooraya sank on a nearby chair. "It's a decision I have thinking about for a while..." She admitted. "...and I figured it was best just to do it when I was... well... decided."

"You should know me better than that," Angel said as she flopped back onto the couch, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. "Why?" It was a fair question.

"I always wore my hijab for a reason, Angel. Not because it was done that way in Afghanistan, not to hide myself away, but because it had a special meaning for me." She explained slowly. "But that meaning has gone and I felt like continuing to wear it was a lie."

"What was the meaning?" Angel asked quietly.

"I did it because Allah asks it of me... it was a way to honor him and show his respect. But now, with all the doubts I am having, the trouble to even believe, I felt like wearing it was a lie." Sooraya explained slowly.

Angel nodded slightly. "It's hard to keep believing with everything we've seen - everything we're still seeing - isn't it?"

"In some ways it's easier, but in many more ways it has become harder and harder. Especially with all the consequences from M-Day we're still seeing." Sooraya's eyes slit towards the shelves where they kept the various candle holders for their lost friends. "The people you still miss and mourn every day, but where you cannot talk about..."

Angel followed her gaze, sighing heavily. Even today she still missed everyone they had lost. She didn't think she would ever really be done with mourning. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Not to wear my hijab? I think the turning point was that mission in Ithica, with Tildie. I don't know what it was exactly, but some time afterwards I just realized I didn't feel anymore why I always wore it." Sooraya shrugged. "Did take me a lot of time to get the courage to really do it though."

"And you feel that's what's right for you?"

"At least for now..." Sooraya fell silent. "I don't know it's forever. If you had me asked two years ago if I ever thought I would feel like this, I would have said no and laughed. But for now, this is the right path. I am just a bit nervous about how everyone is going to react."

Angel shifted to move and sit on the couch with Sooraya, nudging her friend's knee with her own. "Anyone gives you hell, send 'em to me. I'll take care of them."

"I think it will be more questioning looks then displeasure, at least around here." Sooraya admitted with a small smile. "At university, I hope it mostly will be the same..."

"It's your choice," Angel pointed out. "It was your choice to keep wearing it when you came here, and it's your choice to not now." She paused for a moment, hesitating before venturing, "You...haven't been praying as much anymore either, I noticed..."

"You have noticed that right." Sooraya's hand reached up to fiddle with her scarf out of habit, but when she didn't find the cloth, she fiddled with her hem of jacket instead. "It... it just didn't work for me anymore. It always felt like a special moment before, but I lost that feeling. Marie suggested I do a more general meditation instead, so I have been doing that a few times a day."

"That makes sense," Angel said, nodding a bit. "I mean...it sounds like it does, at least. I won't lie, I don't know much about it."

"Haven't been going to the mosque much anymore either." Sooraya admitted. "Going there... it felt like I was putting on a show. And I was also getting frustrated with so many of the things I heard..."

"Like what?" Angel asked. "If you don't mind me asking."

"It's more like the things I didn't hear... They almost completely gloss over M-Day and what happened. Issues surrounding mutants are not discussed. And I tried to speak about some of my personal doubts... All I received were judging looks and pitying statements to trust in Allah. It just got to be too much."

"You weren't comfortable anymore," Angel summed up quietly.

"Exactly. And since keeping going there while it was only making me feel worse, I figured it was better not to go. I do miss some aspects of it though, so I might have to look into finding a place where I can find those instead." Sooraya shrugged. "But that does not have to be immediately."
"Work on your schedule," Angel agreed, wrapping an arm around Sooraya's shoulders. "It's about what's best for you."

"I'm planning on that... Just to see where my path takes me." Sooraya answered as she leaned into Angel a bit. "I do think we need to head out though..." She commented after a long moment. "Or we are going to be late."

Angel squeezed her shoulders tight. "Right-o," she agreed. "Let's set the new Sooraya loose on the world."