Matt Murdock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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xp_logs2022-11-30 08:12 pm
xp_daredevil) wrote in xp_logs2022-11-30 08:12 pm
Entry tags:
log: Matt and Illyana
Backdated like whoa, Matt meets Illyana. They discuss demons and Mean Girls and Matt checks out the Soul Sword.
Heading into the chapel, messenger bag across his chest and a bag containing his lunch in hand, Matt listened to the news on his ear buds. Then he paused, sniffing. Taking an ear bud out he filtered out the background noises around him until.... ah ha! That was what he'd noticed. The new girl was nearby.
"Looking for something?" he asked, approaching her.
"Magic library used to be out here, but could not find it," Illyana replied shortly. "Was hoping it would have answers to research." She hadn't explored the entire building, because it just felt weird, but she'd gone to the area she thought had housed the safe parts of the magic library before, only to find it stripped down and empty. Maybe this guy knew where it was. "Did not feel it in mansion either, unless wards are even better now?"
"It's... not here," Matt replied, unsure how much he should divulge. "It was moved a while back. Do you know Topaz? She's in charge of it."
"At least idiots not in charge of it. Can get in touch with Topaz, thank you." Manners were still a work in progress, but Illyana was trying. "This place feels weird. Different than before." She admittedly hadn't been in the chapel much before, but she could feel the weird magic somewhere inside. She was curious, but it also made her nose itch.
"Before?" he asked, curiosity piqued. "When were you last here?" He had been here a number of years, but didn't remember her. "Illyana, right? Demon queen."
"Was still teenager," Illyana said. "In room with Xavin and Rahne. When Rahne went back to Muir I went with her." And she'd avoided most of the adults where she could, lest she be pulled into their terrible ideas. Like school. And shots. And pissing off a succubus.
Ah. That explained it. He'd been very new back then. "Matt Murdock. We met, of sorts, on the journals," he switched his bag to the other hand, offering his right one to shake, "Good to meet you in person."
"Very Catholic lawyer guy." She gave his hand a brief shake. "Smart one that leaves demons to professionals. Need more adults like that here. Mansion pisses off demons like it is favorite sport."
"You know... you might be the first to think that. I appreciate it," he grinned, "I'm headed to my office to eat and get stuff done, but you're welcome to join me, if you don't need to go look for Topaz immediately."
"Smart enough to not piss off demons," Illyana replied with a shrug, following along behind Matt. "Makes you smarter than others. Books are important but not emergency, will find Topaz later. Is being lawyer like big rooms on TV, shouting objection and banging hammer thing?"
"It...can be. Depends on what type of lawyer you are," Matt explained, leading her down into the basement where his office was, "Though only the judge gets to bang the gavel. Only trial lawyers really end up in court."
"Seems like a lot of yelling. Would be easier to settle issues with combat." Illyana's low light vision was decent, but the lights coming on as they moved through the hallway was helpful. "What do you do when not lawyer?"
"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" he chuckled, hitting the light switch for his office with only the slightest fumble. Maybe he'd remember to turn it off. Maybe someone else would catch it. Maybe he'd burn the bulb out. Who knew? "I'm on the Excalibur team. Used to be an X-Man, if that's what you're asking. Was a vigilante for a bit before that," sitting at his desk, he didn't get his computer out and instead pulled out his lunch to eat.
Illyana shook her head. "No, argument is definitely over if head is separated from body. Hard to talk unless you are certain kinds of demon. Or immortal I guess." She flopped into the chair on the other side of Matt's desk, drawing a knee up in habit. "What does Excalibur do? Do not remember them from before, but was mostly focused on not getting involved in weird adult shit." She shifted uncomfortably, then tacked on "Did not work very well."
What? They were clearly not on the same page. "Excalibur monitors the worm hole. And attends it as needed, so it doesn't explode. It whatever it is that it might do that is universe- ending. Clint can explain it better. We deal in the weird," he didn't need to understand the science, he needed to understand it's effects. Two different things.
Willingly goes after weird shit. Maybe she needed to revise how smart this man was. "What is wormhole? Is maybe new magic I feel?" If so, she either needed to stay far, far away from it, or learn everything she could to be prepared for getting pulled into the weird shit. Hopefully with more of a warning than being asked to stab someone with Soulsword. "Makes nose itch."
"Magic?" he groaned, pulling the lid off his salad and stabbing it with unnecessary force. He was not a fan of magic. "Yeah, maybe. I have about as much magic ability or knowledge as a pencil. But that's probably what it is. I can hear it sorta...it kinda hums."
Illyana wrinkled her nose at the mention of the magic humming, stilling for several moments to see if she could pick it up from her seat. The crunch of salad, footsteps, a little bit of the minor hum that electricity had, but nothing from the magic she could feel except for the itch. She got her nose into her elbow just fast enough to catch the sneeze that burst out. "Apologies for that. Cannot hear hum, but ears are normal. Would probably need to be closer."
"Not necessarily," Matt answered, "That's my power. Enhanced senses," he tapped his glasses, "Can't turn them off, but even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm blind. I navigate the world using my powers instead of sight," though he still used plenty of adaptations and accommodations with technology, too.
Illyana shook her head, even though she was aware now that Matt couldn't see it. "Misunderstand. Am sensitive to other magic, would probably hear something if ears close enough. Maybe not hum, magic could sound like song or chant but not be clear. Like language. Cannot understand if you do not know, yes? But if you know similar language, can sometimes still figure out meaning." Her phone buzzed, and she pulled it out, sending a smiling emoji back to her brother at the picture of the dog napping next to his feet. "What does world look like through powers? Or is just impressions, knowing where thing is?"
"Mmm," it was hard to explain. He'd tried variously over the years with little success. "I lost my sight when I was young, what I do remember isn't always helpful. I get... more than impressions. It's not sight in the traditional sense, it's...I can tell you everything about your last meal, your heart rate, and more. I can't tell you your hair color. Does that make any sense?"
"Very invasive things, not surface things, makes sense." And was a little terrifying, truthfully. "So smell like poptarts and have rabbit heart, do not want extra comments on digestion smells thank you." Illyana gave him a small smile and a brief explanation of her own powers in return. "Make portals and do some magic, but not as strong here as in Limbo. Think it is about where raised. That is magic I learned, so earth magic harder."
Matt nodded, "I learned long ago to ignore the more personal things. People can't help it and it's just awkward for me," her powers were interesting. "Portals? Like teleporting? There's another girl here that does that, too you know."
"Yes. Stop in Limbo first, but can go pretty far. Cannot take much with, but makes trips faster." And people, but that had gone so poorly last time that she wasn't interested in repeating the trip anytime soon unless it became necessary.
"Useful, though..." Matt trailed off thinking, "There's demons in limbo you said. Do they interfere with the teleporting since you go through there?" he didn't know how Clarice's powers worked, but she'd never mentioned going through anything other than a portal she created. Nothing in the middle. At least, not that he could remember.
"Not if fast enough," Illyana replied grimly. "Is usually short hop, land in Limbo, get bearings, take breath, go again. Long trip, people means I need more rest before going again. Short trip, no people, can cheat edges." And when she wasn't fast enough, sometimes she got stuck. At least mostly these days with directing things, but it was still a pain. "Am Queen, lesser demons not likely to challenge. Biggest demon work for me, so. More safe than before, still do not suggest as travel plan."
"Is there a King? Who runs Limbo in your absence?" Now Matt was curious.
"S'ym runs in my absence. Is probably plotting to overthrow, because that is way of Limbo. Bow to..." Illyana paused, trying to find the right words. "Biggest bitch, believe would say up here. Defeated demon that kidnapped me and could do same to S'ym, so defers to me as leader."
"That going to be a problem for us here?" Matt was interested in the politics of Limbo but only as far as it might affect the mansion, or more specifically, Excalibur. That wormhole could be pesky Made Clint excitable.
"Eh." Illyana shrugged. "S'ym has very long lifespan and is hard to defeat. Waiting for presumably mortal Queen to die or be defeated is drop in pond. Is hard to tell, demons tend to follow own wishes or strongest presence, are not always logical. Might cause mischief, might be content to stay top enforcer. Would be more concerned about other people here that go fight demons."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, the only demons I fight are my own, but I like to think we've reached a friendly stalemate at this point," not all demons were physical. "But if yours show up, I'm not going to sit idle. That's not really how we work around here."
"That is fair. Did not know people here had personal demons. Is easy to tell, or have to guess which demon belongs to person?" That could get messy. Illyana hadn't seen any demons outside of the tiny mischief-makers on Halloween, and none around the mansion, but maybe the wards kept them out?
Taking a deep breath, then a sip of his drink, Matt tried to think of how to explain it. "No. Personal demons aren't usually...tangible. Not in the sense you're thinking. Most often, that's a euphemism for mental health. It can also be a euphemism for drinking or drugs, harmful things someone might be addicted to. But addiction is an illness that is seen as a demon. Depression and anxiety are other common mental health issues that are referred to as demons. There are doctors specifically trained to help treat people with mental health disorders in a variety of ways, however, prior to understanding that these disorders and things were a health issue, it was often thought that a demon entered a person to force them to act in ways deemed inappropriate. Hence, personal demons. And clergy from various religions were often in charge of helping these people. Sadly...they did more harm than good for most people. And we still have a long way to go to help people in a lot of ways, our understanding of mental health issues is....barely scraping the tip of the iceberg. But we're trying to be better."
"I suppose average person cannot beat up own brain for bad thoughts," Illyana replied. "My own demons are more tangible, but not of this dimension. Mostly." Pyotr trying to convince her that their parents needed to know she was alive was its own sort of demon, one she wasn't comfortable talking about. But she'd seen other sacrifices with their own personal demons, little imps that took on various shapes and stuck close as a companion. Those sounded almost tolerable.
"The joke a lot of us who deal with mental health demons is that we get so used to them that we're now friendly. On good terms, if you will. For some, it's still a goal," Matt shrugged, "You either learn to live with them and do what you need to do to live your life with them, or you....don't. And not doing so is generally not great, but it's also not easy either way, so....it is what it is."
"So it is like forging weapon? If material is too bad, will be weak, break. But can mix weak material with strong, get weapon that might bend, not break." It was the best comparison she had that made sense. "Personally prefer to look weakness in face and say 'Fight me, coward' but I was not always like this." Belasco - and S'ym, along with others under his authority - had made sure to break her. Repeatedly. In ways she would probably never voice out loud. Just their bad luck that she'd been reforged into something stronger and meaner than they had been prepared to handle, tempered just enough to not destroy the world in her rage.
"Mmm," he didn't disagree, "I'm a Murdock. We fight. But that's not for everyone."
"Is what I know," Illyana replied with a shrug. "But I understand. Brother is not really fighter. Is strong, likes to protect. But willing to protect is not same as enjoying thrill of good battle."
"Sometimes," Matt replied philosophically, "violence does solve things. And being the one to deliver that is very satisfying."
"You understand. I like that." Getting her own back had been quite satisfying, but she did not begrudge Pyotr's preference for protection over violence, even if she did not understand. He was willing to get between harm and people that could not protect themselves, and that was admirable enough. Not that she would say something so sappy out loud.
Lunch finished, he recovered the bowl and tossed it all in the trash without turning his head, "I'm a Murdock," he explained simply, "we have the devil in us. Or at least, that's what my dad always said. I don't think he's wrong," his uncle disagreed, but Matt wasn't sure he understood. It took a lot of fight to be unapologetically who you were when Andre grew up and came out, even more so to make it a successfully as he did. Andre might not have the violence thrumming in his veins, but he had the fight.
Illyana tilted her head at Matt's phrasing, eyes going unfocused as she looked at him through the lens of magic sensing. "Do not see any devil in you," she responded after several long seconds. "Suppose could be bloodline thing, but look like normal human to me." And as far as she knew he wasn't making pacts with demons or sacrificing innocents. "Maybe little bit Yeti, you are tall and furry."
"The term is 'otter,' actually," Matt laughed, "in the queer community. But, as I mentioned, we're Catholic. Having the 'devil in us,' is only a phrase. Sort of like personal demons in our heads," Illyana was very literal in her limited way.
"Float on back, hold hands? Ride in tank at big glitter parade?" The image was kinda cute, not that Illyana would admit to it. "So many demons in this place you cannot just stab with sword. Do not like it."
He nodded, sitting back, "So much to introduce you to. Maybe I'll take you to a pride party. Just, don't bring any weapons. None," they were both weapons in their own ways but no sense in adding to it with swords or other blades. "I think you'll like it."
Illyana raised an eyebrow. "I am weapon, Matt Murdock. Sword is part of me, is always there. Will not draw it unless life is in danger, is best I can do." She wasn't sure about a big party surrounded by strangers, but... perhaps it was time to work on those people skills Pyotr said she lacked.
Thank god he wore sunglasses so she couldn't see him roll his eyes so hard they practically fell out of their sockets. He did not want prosthetic eyes, thank you very much. "Don't be so literal." He wasn't sure if it was because she was Russian or because she lived in Limbo or something else, but damn.
"Will not bring other weapons. Sword is..." she trailed off, unsure how to phrase it. The easiest way to demonstrate was usually to call it forward, but since Matt couldn't see... Illyana let out a frustrated huff. "Normally would just show you, visual would be enough. Sword is made from my life essence. Is always part of me unless called."
"Ah," that was good to know. "Can you....call it? Or draw it? I want to see if I can sense it, if you don't mind," that would be important to know.
Illyana stood, pushing the chair away from her foot with a loud scrape and making sure she had the space to pull it out without hitting anything. It was going to be a tight squeeze, but maybe if she turned sideways... yes. She snapped her fingers loudly as she got ready to summon, just to give him an area to focus on. "Pay attention, will emerge from here." She let out a soft grunt as she pulled it forward, hilt manifesting in her hand and going from a bright glow to something solid as it separated from her body. "Matt Murdock, meet Soulsword." The tip rested lightly on the floor, a thin bluish-yellow glow surrounding the blade. "Is mostly for things of magic, but can use on people as well. Not as effective on normal people, but deep stab is deep stab, yes?"
Moving slowly and reaching carefully, Matt touched the blade of the sword. It was tangible against his fingers and he could tell, very sharp. Pulling off his glasses he blinked, as if that might help, then set them absently on the desk. "That was not there a moment ago," he murmured, hating magic with every fiber of his being. He couldn't deny it, but he didn't have to like it. "Does doing that hurt?"
"It is not comfortable," Illyana acknowledged. "Not pain, but... discomfort." She let it sink back into her body, the armor reversing until she was standing there in her normal clothes. "Ritual to create it was more painful. Not as painful as ritual that ripped parts of soul out for Belasco."
Soul-ripping sounded very painful. "Thank you for doing that, then," Matt replied, seriously. He was glad it wasn't pain, but discomfort was still not ideal. "It's very impressive."
"It was only good way to defeat captors," she replied with a shrug. "Did what I had to do to survive." Illyana paused, and thought about being thanked. "You are welcome. Cannot see with eyes normal, still need to know what to expect. Would not want you to run into sword higgle-piggle, yes?" She thought those might be the right words, but English. Bah, so frustrating as language.
Higgle-piggle? Matt ugly snorted trying not to laugh, "I'm pretty good at not running into things in general. But it is always good not to be surprised like that by someone on my own team."
Illyana narrowed her eyes at him. "Is good to know. He is not demon, he is grace, he will not fall flat on face."
"Oh so, they have Sandra Bullock movies in Limbo?" That was such a great movie, it should be in Limbo. "Have you seen Mean Girls?"
"Saw it here last time. Part of Limbo is lost things, forgotten by time or destroyed by people until not even memory remains. Movie may be there one day, but will be lifetimes from now."
"Well, clearly, you need to see Mean Girls. I think you'll....find it fascinating," would she like it? Hard to tell. Would she find it educational? Quite likely.
"Will add it to list. Many things I missed, being in Limbo. Have been told I need to also watch... Madoki? Madika? Do not remember without list. About magic girl." Illyana had a small notebook with things she'd been told she needed to watch, listen to, taste. Human experiences. Pop culture, so she would understand references. Unfortunately, it was in her room and she was down here.
Matt had no idea. "Uh... Unless a movie has descriptive audio or one of my friend's acts as narrator, I'm not really one for TV much," he usually had the important cultural touchstones, but not everything. There was a lot he didn't bother with. "Doesn't matter," he checked the time on his watch and made a face. "I need to get back to work though unless I feel like working until 11pm tonight." No, no he did not want to do that.
Illyana wrinkled her nose. "Gross, no. Thank you for telling me how to find library."
Heading into the chapel, messenger bag across his chest and a bag containing his lunch in hand, Matt listened to the news on his ear buds. Then he paused, sniffing. Taking an ear bud out he filtered out the background noises around him until.... ah ha! That was what he'd noticed. The new girl was nearby.
"Looking for something?" he asked, approaching her.
"Magic library used to be out here, but could not find it," Illyana replied shortly. "Was hoping it would have answers to research." She hadn't explored the entire building, because it just felt weird, but she'd gone to the area she thought had housed the safe parts of the magic library before, only to find it stripped down and empty. Maybe this guy knew where it was. "Did not feel it in mansion either, unless wards are even better now?"
"It's... not here," Matt replied, unsure how much he should divulge. "It was moved a while back. Do you know Topaz? She's in charge of it."
"At least idiots not in charge of it. Can get in touch with Topaz, thank you." Manners were still a work in progress, but Illyana was trying. "This place feels weird. Different than before." She admittedly hadn't been in the chapel much before, but she could feel the weird magic somewhere inside. She was curious, but it also made her nose itch.
"Before?" he asked, curiosity piqued. "When were you last here?" He had been here a number of years, but didn't remember her. "Illyana, right? Demon queen."
"Was still teenager," Illyana said. "In room with Xavin and Rahne. When Rahne went back to Muir I went with her." And she'd avoided most of the adults where she could, lest she be pulled into their terrible ideas. Like school. And shots. And pissing off a succubus.
Ah. That explained it. He'd been very new back then. "Matt Murdock. We met, of sorts, on the journals," he switched his bag to the other hand, offering his right one to shake, "Good to meet you in person."
"Very Catholic lawyer guy." She gave his hand a brief shake. "Smart one that leaves demons to professionals. Need more adults like that here. Mansion pisses off demons like it is favorite sport."
"You know... you might be the first to think that. I appreciate it," he grinned, "I'm headed to my office to eat and get stuff done, but you're welcome to join me, if you don't need to go look for Topaz immediately."
"Smart enough to not piss off demons," Illyana replied with a shrug, following along behind Matt. "Makes you smarter than others. Books are important but not emergency, will find Topaz later. Is being lawyer like big rooms on TV, shouting objection and banging hammer thing?"
"It...can be. Depends on what type of lawyer you are," Matt explained, leading her down into the basement where his office was, "Though only the judge gets to bang the gavel. Only trial lawyers really end up in court."
"Seems like a lot of yelling. Would be easier to settle issues with combat." Illyana's low light vision was decent, but the lights coming on as they moved through the hallway was helpful. "What do you do when not lawyer?"
"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" he chuckled, hitting the light switch for his office with only the slightest fumble. Maybe he'd remember to turn it off. Maybe someone else would catch it. Maybe he'd burn the bulb out. Who knew? "I'm on the Excalibur team. Used to be an X-Man, if that's what you're asking. Was a vigilante for a bit before that," sitting at his desk, he didn't get his computer out and instead pulled out his lunch to eat.
Illyana shook her head. "No, argument is definitely over if head is separated from body. Hard to talk unless you are certain kinds of demon. Or immortal I guess." She flopped into the chair on the other side of Matt's desk, drawing a knee up in habit. "What does Excalibur do? Do not remember them from before, but was mostly focused on not getting involved in weird adult shit." She shifted uncomfortably, then tacked on "Did not work very well."
What? They were clearly not on the same page. "Excalibur monitors the worm hole. And attends it as needed, so it doesn't explode. It whatever it is that it might do that is universe- ending. Clint can explain it better. We deal in the weird," he didn't need to understand the science, he needed to understand it's effects. Two different things.
Willingly goes after weird shit. Maybe she needed to revise how smart this man was. "What is wormhole? Is maybe new magic I feel?" If so, she either needed to stay far, far away from it, or learn everything she could to be prepared for getting pulled into the weird shit. Hopefully with more of a warning than being asked to stab someone with Soulsword. "Makes nose itch."
"Magic?" he groaned, pulling the lid off his salad and stabbing it with unnecessary force. He was not a fan of magic. "Yeah, maybe. I have about as much magic ability or knowledge as a pencil. But that's probably what it is. I can hear it sorta...it kinda hums."
Illyana wrinkled her nose at the mention of the magic humming, stilling for several moments to see if she could pick it up from her seat. The crunch of salad, footsteps, a little bit of the minor hum that electricity had, but nothing from the magic she could feel except for the itch. She got her nose into her elbow just fast enough to catch the sneeze that burst out. "Apologies for that. Cannot hear hum, but ears are normal. Would probably need to be closer."
"Not necessarily," Matt answered, "That's my power. Enhanced senses," he tapped his glasses, "Can't turn them off, but even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm blind. I navigate the world using my powers instead of sight," though he still used plenty of adaptations and accommodations with technology, too.
Illyana shook her head, even though she was aware now that Matt couldn't see it. "Misunderstand. Am sensitive to other magic, would probably hear something if ears close enough. Maybe not hum, magic could sound like song or chant but not be clear. Like language. Cannot understand if you do not know, yes? But if you know similar language, can sometimes still figure out meaning." Her phone buzzed, and she pulled it out, sending a smiling emoji back to her brother at the picture of the dog napping next to his feet. "What does world look like through powers? Or is just impressions, knowing where thing is?"
"Mmm," it was hard to explain. He'd tried variously over the years with little success. "I lost my sight when I was young, what I do remember isn't always helpful. I get... more than impressions. It's not sight in the traditional sense, it's...I can tell you everything about your last meal, your heart rate, and more. I can't tell you your hair color. Does that make any sense?"
"Very invasive things, not surface things, makes sense." And was a little terrifying, truthfully. "So smell like poptarts and have rabbit heart, do not want extra comments on digestion smells thank you." Illyana gave him a small smile and a brief explanation of her own powers in return. "Make portals and do some magic, but not as strong here as in Limbo. Think it is about where raised. That is magic I learned, so earth magic harder."
Matt nodded, "I learned long ago to ignore the more personal things. People can't help it and it's just awkward for me," her powers were interesting. "Portals? Like teleporting? There's another girl here that does that, too you know."
"Yes. Stop in Limbo first, but can go pretty far. Cannot take much with, but makes trips faster." And people, but that had gone so poorly last time that she wasn't interested in repeating the trip anytime soon unless it became necessary.
"Useful, though..." Matt trailed off thinking, "There's demons in limbo you said. Do they interfere with the teleporting since you go through there?" he didn't know how Clarice's powers worked, but she'd never mentioned going through anything other than a portal she created. Nothing in the middle. At least, not that he could remember.
"Not if fast enough," Illyana replied grimly. "Is usually short hop, land in Limbo, get bearings, take breath, go again. Long trip, people means I need more rest before going again. Short trip, no people, can cheat edges." And when she wasn't fast enough, sometimes she got stuck. At least mostly these days with directing things, but it was still a pain. "Am Queen, lesser demons not likely to challenge. Biggest demon work for me, so. More safe than before, still do not suggest as travel plan."
"Is there a King? Who runs Limbo in your absence?" Now Matt was curious.
"S'ym runs in my absence. Is probably plotting to overthrow, because that is way of Limbo. Bow to..." Illyana paused, trying to find the right words. "Biggest bitch, believe would say up here. Defeated demon that kidnapped me and could do same to S'ym, so defers to me as leader."
"That going to be a problem for us here?" Matt was interested in the politics of Limbo but only as far as it might affect the mansion, or more specifically, Excalibur. That wormhole could be pesky Made Clint excitable.
"Eh." Illyana shrugged. "S'ym has very long lifespan and is hard to defeat. Waiting for presumably mortal Queen to die or be defeated is drop in pond. Is hard to tell, demons tend to follow own wishes or strongest presence, are not always logical. Might cause mischief, might be content to stay top enforcer. Would be more concerned about other people here that go fight demons."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, the only demons I fight are my own, but I like to think we've reached a friendly stalemate at this point," not all demons were physical. "But if yours show up, I'm not going to sit idle. That's not really how we work around here."
"That is fair. Did not know people here had personal demons. Is easy to tell, or have to guess which demon belongs to person?" That could get messy. Illyana hadn't seen any demons outside of the tiny mischief-makers on Halloween, and none around the mansion, but maybe the wards kept them out?
Taking a deep breath, then a sip of his drink, Matt tried to think of how to explain it. "No. Personal demons aren't usually...tangible. Not in the sense you're thinking. Most often, that's a euphemism for mental health. It can also be a euphemism for drinking or drugs, harmful things someone might be addicted to. But addiction is an illness that is seen as a demon. Depression and anxiety are other common mental health issues that are referred to as demons. There are doctors specifically trained to help treat people with mental health disorders in a variety of ways, however, prior to understanding that these disorders and things were a health issue, it was often thought that a demon entered a person to force them to act in ways deemed inappropriate. Hence, personal demons. And clergy from various religions were often in charge of helping these people. Sadly...they did more harm than good for most people. And we still have a long way to go to help people in a lot of ways, our understanding of mental health issues is....barely scraping the tip of the iceberg. But we're trying to be better."
"I suppose average person cannot beat up own brain for bad thoughts," Illyana replied. "My own demons are more tangible, but not of this dimension. Mostly." Pyotr trying to convince her that their parents needed to know she was alive was its own sort of demon, one she wasn't comfortable talking about. But she'd seen other sacrifices with their own personal demons, little imps that took on various shapes and stuck close as a companion. Those sounded almost tolerable.
"The joke a lot of us who deal with mental health demons is that we get so used to them that we're now friendly. On good terms, if you will. For some, it's still a goal," Matt shrugged, "You either learn to live with them and do what you need to do to live your life with them, or you....don't. And not doing so is generally not great, but it's also not easy either way, so....it is what it is."
"So it is like forging weapon? If material is too bad, will be weak, break. But can mix weak material with strong, get weapon that might bend, not break." It was the best comparison she had that made sense. "Personally prefer to look weakness in face and say 'Fight me, coward' but I was not always like this." Belasco - and S'ym, along with others under his authority - had made sure to break her. Repeatedly. In ways she would probably never voice out loud. Just their bad luck that she'd been reforged into something stronger and meaner than they had been prepared to handle, tempered just enough to not destroy the world in her rage.
"Mmm," he didn't disagree, "I'm a Murdock. We fight. But that's not for everyone."
"Is what I know," Illyana replied with a shrug. "But I understand. Brother is not really fighter. Is strong, likes to protect. But willing to protect is not same as enjoying thrill of good battle."
"Sometimes," Matt replied philosophically, "violence does solve things. And being the one to deliver that is very satisfying."
"You understand. I like that." Getting her own back had been quite satisfying, but she did not begrudge Pyotr's preference for protection over violence, even if she did not understand. He was willing to get between harm and people that could not protect themselves, and that was admirable enough. Not that she would say something so sappy out loud.
Lunch finished, he recovered the bowl and tossed it all in the trash without turning his head, "I'm a Murdock," he explained simply, "we have the devil in us. Or at least, that's what my dad always said. I don't think he's wrong," his uncle disagreed, but Matt wasn't sure he understood. It took a lot of fight to be unapologetically who you were when Andre grew up and came out, even more so to make it a successfully as he did. Andre might not have the violence thrumming in his veins, but he had the fight.
Illyana tilted her head at Matt's phrasing, eyes going unfocused as she looked at him through the lens of magic sensing. "Do not see any devil in you," she responded after several long seconds. "Suppose could be bloodline thing, but look like normal human to me." And as far as she knew he wasn't making pacts with demons or sacrificing innocents. "Maybe little bit Yeti, you are tall and furry."
"The term is 'otter,' actually," Matt laughed, "in the queer community. But, as I mentioned, we're Catholic. Having the 'devil in us,' is only a phrase. Sort of like personal demons in our heads," Illyana was very literal in her limited way.
"Float on back, hold hands? Ride in tank at big glitter parade?" The image was kinda cute, not that Illyana would admit to it. "So many demons in this place you cannot just stab with sword. Do not like it."
He nodded, sitting back, "So much to introduce you to. Maybe I'll take you to a pride party. Just, don't bring any weapons. None," they were both weapons in their own ways but no sense in adding to it with swords or other blades. "I think you'll like it."
Illyana raised an eyebrow. "I am weapon, Matt Murdock. Sword is part of me, is always there. Will not draw it unless life is in danger, is best I can do." She wasn't sure about a big party surrounded by strangers, but... perhaps it was time to work on those people skills Pyotr said she lacked.
Thank god he wore sunglasses so she couldn't see him roll his eyes so hard they practically fell out of their sockets. He did not want prosthetic eyes, thank you very much. "Don't be so literal." He wasn't sure if it was because she was Russian or because she lived in Limbo or something else, but damn.
"Will not bring other weapons. Sword is..." she trailed off, unsure how to phrase it. The easiest way to demonstrate was usually to call it forward, but since Matt couldn't see... Illyana let out a frustrated huff. "Normally would just show you, visual would be enough. Sword is made from my life essence. Is always part of me unless called."
"Ah," that was good to know. "Can you....call it? Or draw it? I want to see if I can sense it, if you don't mind," that would be important to know.
Illyana stood, pushing the chair away from her foot with a loud scrape and making sure she had the space to pull it out without hitting anything. It was going to be a tight squeeze, but maybe if she turned sideways... yes. She snapped her fingers loudly as she got ready to summon, just to give him an area to focus on. "Pay attention, will emerge from here." She let out a soft grunt as she pulled it forward, hilt manifesting in her hand and going from a bright glow to something solid as it separated from her body. "Matt Murdock, meet Soulsword." The tip rested lightly on the floor, a thin bluish-yellow glow surrounding the blade. "Is mostly for things of magic, but can use on people as well. Not as effective on normal people, but deep stab is deep stab, yes?"
Moving slowly and reaching carefully, Matt touched the blade of the sword. It was tangible against his fingers and he could tell, very sharp. Pulling off his glasses he blinked, as if that might help, then set them absently on the desk. "That was not there a moment ago," he murmured, hating magic with every fiber of his being. He couldn't deny it, but he didn't have to like it. "Does doing that hurt?"
"It is not comfortable," Illyana acknowledged. "Not pain, but... discomfort." She let it sink back into her body, the armor reversing until she was standing there in her normal clothes. "Ritual to create it was more painful. Not as painful as ritual that ripped parts of soul out for Belasco."
Soul-ripping sounded very painful. "Thank you for doing that, then," Matt replied, seriously. He was glad it wasn't pain, but discomfort was still not ideal. "It's very impressive."
"It was only good way to defeat captors," she replied with a shrug. "Did what I had to do to survive." Illyana paused, and thought about being thanked. "You are welcome. Cannot see with eyes normal, still need to know what to expect. Would not want you to run into sword higgle-piggle, yes?" She thought those might be the right words, but English. Bah, so frustrating as language.
Higgle-piggle? Matt ugly snorted trying not to laugh, "I'm pretty good at not running into things in general. But it is always good not to be surprised like that by someone on my own team."
Illyana narrowed her eyes at him. "Is good to know. He is not demon, he is grace, he will not fall flat on face."
"Oh so, they have Sandra Bullock movies in Limbo?" That was such a great movie, it should be in Limbo. "Have you seen Mean Girls?"
"Saw it here last time. Part of Limbo is lost things, forgotten by time or destroyed by people until not even memory remains. Movie may be there one day, but will be lifetimes from now."
"Well, clearly, you need to see Mean Girls. I think you'll....find it fascinating," would she like it? Hard to tell. Would she find it educational? Quite likely.
"Will add it to list. Many things I missed, being in Limbo. Have been told I need to also watch... Madoki? Madika? Do not remember without list. About magic girl." Illyana had a small notebook with things she'd been told she needed to watch, listen to, taste. Human experiences. Pop culture, so she would understand references. Unfortunately, it was in her room and she was down here.
Matt had no idea. "Uh... Unless a movie has descriptive audio or one of my friend's acts as narrator, I'm not really one for TV much," he usually had the important cultural touchstones, but not everything. There was a lot he didn't bother with. "Doesn't matter," he checked the time on his watch and made a face. "I need to get back to work though unless I feel like working until 11pm tonight." No, no he did not want to do that.
Illyana wrinkled her nose. "Gross, no. Thank you for telling me how to find library."