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xp_logs2004-10-20 09:25 am
x-icarus.livejournal.com) wrote in xp_logs2004-10-20 09:25 am
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Early Wednesday morning, Alison finds Jay in the music room writing the song he started with Terry a while ago. She performs it for him so he can listen to it as a spectator, and he gets all choked up when it conjures certain memories. It's all very cute and sad and makes you just want to hug the little Guthrie.
Surrounded by a dozen or so sheets of music and lyrics, Jay sat on the floor in the empty music room. Guitar on his lap, he was trying to finalize the song he'd begun writing nearly a month ago. He had been working non-stop on it since he'd originally come up with it that one time with Terry, but still it didn't feel right. Something was missing and he didn't know what. Sighing in frustration, he just barely stopped himself from angrily hurling his guitar across the room.
"You'd only regret doing that anyway," Alison commented from the doorway. "Hey. I was going to restring one of the guitars... found you here instead." Tilting her head to the side she wandered inside, remembering Sam's worries about his little brother. "Something's giving you trouble?"
Jay looked up, harsh words to the intruder on the tip of his tongue. But upon seeing that is was just Alison, he relaxed. "Dang song Ah'm tryin' ta write," he said. "Givin' me nothin' but trouble."
"Trust a good song to do that to you," she replied, smiling a bit. She was lucky with the flashes of inspiration and marathon song writing days, really - although that hadn't happened much lately. At all even. But most of the time it was long hard work, producing a song that was satisfying. "The music or the words?"
"It's the whole freakin' thing." To say that Jay was irritable would be like saying that Alison is generally a peppy person. "Ah just can't do this. Ah know what Ah wanna say and Ah know what Ah want it to sound like, but it just won't come out. Ah've been at this piece o' horse shit for weeks now and I don't got nuthin'."
"Step away from it," she said, shrugging and not at all put off by his mood. "Best thing to do when you can't see the words from the paper. Just back off - if it's meant to be, it'll come to you while you're doing something else. Probably when you have no paper nearby and then you'll end up scribbling stuff in the dirt with a branch or something." She grinned a bit wryly at that. Nope. Never did that her. "You should probably keep a pen and notepad with you though."
"Naw, Ah can't do that. It wants to come out, Ah feel it. It just won't." He sighed again and rested his head against the wall behind him. "S'like . . . It's like Ah can see it out the corner of mah eye, and no matter how much Ah turn around ta try an' see it, it keeps movin' too." He shrugged. "It's somethin' that needs ta get done now, anyway."
She had been like that, when she'd first started writing. But if it had been a month... Still. "Tell you what. Why don't you let me go through the guitar work for you once? Give you a way to hear it without playing it - maybe enough to figure out what's bothering?"
Alison Blaire wanted to hear his song. The song he was writing for Kevin Cabot. The song that would probably be the most important thing he will ever create. Picking his jaw up from off the floor, he glanced apprehensively at her. "W-well, i-it's really not so good. Not your style anyway. Ah don't think you'd much care for it . . ."
She laughed gently and shook her head. "I'm the music teacher, remember? And hey, I've been there," she gestured at the papers strewn about. "Still end up there nowadays on a regular basis too." She found a chair and brought it nearby, setting it so that she would be facing him. "Want to run through it for me first, or d'you want me to have a go at it so you can see if that triggers anything for you?"
There was no way that Jay could have played such a personal song in front of Alison, so he wordlessly unslung his guitar and passed it to her, along with the most recent copy of the song. She wouldn't laugh at him, no matter how crappy it was. And anyway, Terry liked it, version 1.0 at least, so it wasn't too bad.
She took her time, handling the guitar gently - it wasn't hers but that hardly changed anything after all. The music sheets were laid out between them and she looked down at them for a while, getting an idea for the rhythm and the song before starting to play through it once. The words remained unsung however, for the first time, to give Jay an idea of what the melody itself sounded like when you weren't playing it.
Jay listened intently, trying to take the perspective of a listener rather than a musician. Overall, it sounded good to him, almost like an old Patsy Cline song. A small, sad smile appeared on his lips, and he involuntarily began tapping his foot to the beat.
Alison continued playing the song, eyes scanning the music sheet and never changing from what had been set down, until she plucked the final notes from the guitar. She simply looked up and waited silently, to hear what Jay thought about it from this point of view.
Jay stared off into space as she finished, lost in his own world. He'd picked up a couple of things he'd wanted to change, but other than that, it was suitable. "Can ya' sing?" he asked Alison softly, finding a sudden lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking much more loudly. The music alone had brought some images to mind that he'd rather leave behind.
She smiled just a bit and nodded, looking down at the music sheets once more. After a moment she started the melody again, picking through the notes delicately. She sung along the lines of the melody itself, voice soft and edged with a hint of wistfulness and nostalgia.
At first, Jay let himself just enjoy Alison singing (his song!!!), letting the sound of the guitar and her voice wash over him. But as she continued, singing about two youths enjoying one another's company one summer night by a lake, Jay felt his eyes water. Images and thoughts of him and Kev flooded his mind, and he could barely hold on. He clenched his fists tightly, trying to keep control over himself. He was even almost successful.
It was an easy song to sing, in a way. Everyone had felt something similar at one time or another, or just the plain yearning of it - those were songs Alison had always favored. Especially the more awkward ones written by a younger musician. The polish that professional writing required didn't mean that there would be heart to a song, after all. She kept singing softly until the end, stilling the strings of the guitar as she lingered over the last note.
Jay sat in silence after she finished, not even bothering to wipe his tear-stained face. It was silly, he thought, to cry over a song of all things, but it was beyond his control. He could still remember the first time he'd met Kev, the first kiss, the first time they'd spent the night in each other's arms. And damn, did it hurt.
There was little movement from Alison as the echoes of the chords faded in the room, silence reigning for a moment. Finally she shifted, handing him the guitar. "Maybe it's just fine as it is, after all," she murmured softly.
"Hmm?" Jay looked up at Alison, snapped out of his reverie. "N-no, still got some kinks ta work out," he said hoarsely. "But thanks. That - that sounded good." He shook his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Dang, Ah'm a mess. Sorry."
"Why apologize?" She rose to her feet slowly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "The best songs we can hope to write are those who mean the most to us." She smiled a little wistfully at him, reminded of Sam for a moment. "I've written my share of those."
"S'just embarrassin'. Gettin' all emotional like this over some music. How can Ah ever expect to perform if Ah get all choked up over something' so silly?" Jay shook his hair out of his face and sighed again. He was half-tempted to ask for a hug or something, as he was starving for some affection, as much as he'd deny it from Paige or Sam.
"It's a song you wrote from the heart," she smiled, squeezing his shoulder gently. "Of course it affects you. You'll learn how to channel that in the music, eventually. It took me a while."
"You're not gonna tell Sam or Paige Ah'm just about bawlin' like a babe, are you?" he asked, a sense of urgency in his voice. If they knew this, they'd no doubt corner him and force this all out of him, and that was the last thing he wanted. It was bad enough that Sam's ex-girlfriend had seen him like this.
"Why would I do that?" She didn't move, other than to shake her head a bit. "Not going to. There's hardly anything abnormal about crying over a song you wrote, after all." She took a step back, hand falling from his shoulder.
"Ah just feel so foolish." Jay started gathering up the papers, intent on heading back to his room for some peace and quiet, and shook his head. "Don't mind me. Ah'm just overreactin' to somethin'."
"Jay? Don't do that. If it means something to you, then it does." She tilted her head to the side, letting him gather up the papers. "There's no shame in feeling intensely about something. Or someone."
Carefully placing his guitar back in his case, Jay got to his feet and shook his hair out of his face. "Don't do what? Ah just . . ." He sighed, slinging the case over his shoulder. The expression on his face was one of sadness and loss. Even his wings looked exhausted. "It's so hard sometimes, ya know? Some days Ah'm fine, and then there're the others where it's like a trial or somethin' just ta move. It . . . well, it sucks."
She wondered how he'd react if she suggested he talk to Doctor Samson. Actually, it might be better to just mention his name to the good doctor and see what a professional thought of the whole thing.
But the boy sounded Depressed.
"I can imagine it would. It doesn't sound like a fun place to be. Does talking to someone, like you are now to me say, help a bit?"
Ooh, she used the T word, which nearly made Jay wince. "No. Yes. Maybe? A little, Ah guess. It's not somethin' Ah really like to talk about, though. But you heard the song, so you kinda know what's goin' on and all."
"You can talk about anything under the sun and it still helps sometimes, without talking about something specific," she pointed out. Heaven knew she as doing a fair bit of that lately. "But if you want, since I've already heard the song... I'll be there if you want to talk. Or something." She added the last with a smile, giving Jay some leeway. He was a teenager after all.
"Thanks, ma'am." Jay offered her a small smile and nodded his head. "Ah don't know why Sam and you still aren't dating. He musta done somethin' really dumb ta lose a gal like you." Shifting his guitar case higher up on his shoulder, he nodded at Alison again and left the room.
She stared at the bewinged boy as he left the room, forgetting all about actually saying goodbye or wishing him a good day. And after a while looked out the window with a small sigh, smiling wistfully.
Surrounded by a dozen or so sheets of music and lyrics, Jay sat on the floor in the empty music room. Guitar on his lap, he was trying to finalize the song he'd begun writing nearly a month ago. He had been working non-stop on it since he'd originally come up with it that one time with Terry, but still it didn't feel right. Something was missing and he didn't know what. Sighing in frustration, he just barely stopped himself from angrily hurling his guitar across the room.
"You'd only regret doing that anyway," Alison commented from the doorway. "Hey. I was going to restring one of the guitars... found you here instead." Tilting her head to the side she wandered inside, remembering Sam's worries about his little brother. "Something's giving you trouble?"
Jay looked up, harsh words to the intruder on the tip of his tongue. But upon seeing that is was just Alison, he relaxed. "Dang song Ah'm tryin' ta write," he said. "Givin' me nothin' but trouble."
"Trust a good song to do that to you," she replied, smiling a bit. She was lucky with the flashes of inspiration and marathon song writing days, really - although that hadn't happened much lately. At all even. But most of the time it was long hard work, producing a song that was satisfying. "The music or the words?"
"It's the whole freakin' thing." To say that Jay was irritable would be like saying that Alison is generally a peppy person. "Ah just can't do this. Ah know what Ah wanna say and Ah know what Ah want it to sound like, but it just won't come out. Ah've been at this piece o' horse shit for weeks now and I don't got nuthin'."
"Step away from it," she said, shrugging and not at all put off by his mood. "Best thing to do when you can't see the words from the paper. Just back off - if it's meant to be, it'll come to you while you're doing something else. Probably when you have no paper nearby and then you'll end up scribbling stuff in the dirt with a branch or something." She grinned a bit wryly at that. Nope. Never did that her. "You should probably keep a pen and notepad with you though."
"Naw, Ah can't do that. It wants to come out, Ah feel it. It just won't." He sighed again and rested his head against the wall behind him. "S'like . . . It's like Ah can see it out the corner of mah eye, and no matter how much Ah turn around ta try an' see it, it keeps movin' too." He shrugged. "It's somethin' that needs ta get done now, anyway."
She had been like that, when she'd first started writing. But if it had been a month... Still. "Tell you what. Why don't you let me go through the guitar work for you once? Give you a way to hear it without playing it - maybe enough to figure out what's bothering?"
Alison Blaire wanted to hear his song. The song he was writing for Kevin Cabot. The song that would probably be the most important thing he will ever create. Picking his jaw up from off the floor, he glanced apprehensively at her. "W-well, i-it's really not so good. Not your style anyway. Ah don't think you'd much care for it . . ."
She laughed gently and shook her head. "I'm the music teacher, remember? And hey, I've been there," she gestured at the papers strewn about. "Still end up there nowadays on a regular basis too." She found a chair and brought it nearby, setting it so that she would be facing him. "Want to run through it for me first, or d'you want me to have a go at it so you can see if that triggers anything for you?"
There was no way that Jay could have played such a personal song in front of Alison, so he wordlessly unslung his guitar and passed it to her, along with the most recent copy of the song. She wouldn't laugh at him, no matter how crappy it was. And anyway, Terry liked it, version 1.0 at least, so it wasn't too bad.
She took her time, handling the guitar gently - it wasn't hers but that hardly changed anything after all. The music sheets were laid out between them and she looked down at them for a while, getting an idea for the rhythm and the song before starting to play through it once. The words remained unsung however, for the first time, to give Jay an idea of what the melody itself sounded like when you weren't playing it.
Jay listened intently, trying to take the perspective of a listener rather than a musician. Overall, it sounded good to him, almost like an old Patsy Cline song. A small, sad smile appeared on his lips, and he involuntarily began tapping his foot to the beat.
Alison continued playing the song, eyes scanning the music sheet and never changing from what had been set down, until she plucked the final notes from the guitar. She simply looked up and waited silently, to hear what Jay thought about it from this point of view.
Jay stared off into space as she finished, lost in his own world. He'd picked up a couple of things he'd wanted to change, but other than that, it was suitable. "Can ya' sing?" he asked Alison softly, finding a sudden lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking much more loudly. The music alone had brought some images to mind that he'd rather leave behind.
She smiled just a bit and nodded, looking down at the music sheets once more. After a moment she started the melody again, picking through the notes delicately. She sung along the lines of the melody itself, voice soft and edged with a hint of wistfulness and nostalgia.
At first, Jay let himself just enjoy Alison singing (his song!!!), letting the sound of the guitar and her voice wash over him. But as she continued, singing about two youths enjoying one another's company one summer night by a lake, Jay felt his eyes water. Images and thoughts of him and Kev flooded his mind, and he could barely hold on. He clenched his fists tightly, trying to keep control over himself. He was even almost successful.
It was an easy song to sing, in a way. Everyone had felt something similar at one time or another, or just the plain yearning of it - those were songs Alison had always favored. Especially the more awkward ones written by a younger musician. The polish that professional writing required didn't mean that there would be heart to a song, after all. She kept singing softly until the end, stilling the strings of the guitar as she lingered over the last note.
Jay sat in silence after she finished, not even bothering to wipe his tear-stained face. It was silly, he thought, to cry over a song of all things, but it was beyond his control. He could still remember the first time he'd met Kev, the first kiss, the first time they'd spent the night in each other's arms. And damn, did it hurt.
There was little movement from Alison as the echoes of the chords faded in the room, silence reigning for a moment. Finally she shifted, handing him the guitar. "Maybe it's just fine as it is, after all," she murmured softly.
"Hmm?" Jay looked up at Alison, snapped out of his reverie. "N-no, still got some kinks ta work out," he said hoarsely. "But thanks. That - that sounded good." He shook his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Dang, Ah'm a mess. Sorry."
"Why apologize?" She rose to her feet slowly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "The best songs we can hope to write are those who mean the most to us." She smiled a little wistfully at him, reminded of Sam for a moment. "I've written my share of those."
"S'just embarrassin'. Gettin' all emotional like this over some music. How can Ah ever expect to perform if Ah get all choked up over something' so silly?" Jay shook his hair out of his face and sighed again. He was half-tempted to ask for a hug or something, as he was starving for some affection, as much as he'd deny it from Paige or Sam.
"It's a song you wrote from the heart," she smiled, squeezing his shoulder gently. "Of course it affects you. You'll learn how to channel that in the music, eventually. It took me a while."
"You're not gonna tell Sam or Paige Ah'm just about bawlin' like a babe, are you?" he asked, a sense of urgency in his voice. If they knew this, they'd no doubt corner him and force this all out of him, and that was the last thing he wanted. It was bad enough that Sam's ex-girlfriend had seen him like this.
"Why would I do that?" She didn't move, other than to shake her head a bit. "Not going to. There's hardly anything abnormal about crying over a song you wrote, after all." She took a step back, hand falling from his shoulder.
"Ah just feel so foolish." Jay started gathering up the papers, intent on heading back to his room for some peace and quiet, and shook his head. "Don't mind me. Ah'm just overreactin' to somethin'."
"Jay? Don't do that. If it means something to you, then it does." She tilted her head to the side, letting him gather up the papers. "There's no shame in feeling intensely about something. Or someone."
Carefully placing his guitar back in his case, Jay got to his feet and shook his hair out of his face. "Don't do what? Ah just . . ." He sighed, slinging the case over his shoulder. The expression on his face was one of sadness and loss. Even his wings looked exhausted. "It's so hard sometimes, ya know? Some days Ah'm fine, and then there're the others where it's like a trial or somethin' just ta move. It . . . well, it sucks."
She wondered how he'd react if she suggested he talk to Doctor Samson. Actually, it might be better to just mention his name to the good doctor and see what a professional thought of the whole thing.
But the boy sounded Depressed.
"I can imagine it would. It doesn't sound like a fun place to be. Does talking to someone, like you are now to me say, help a bit?"
Ooh, she used the T word, which nearly made Jay wince. "No. Yes. Maybe? A little, Ah guess. It's not somethin' Ah really like to talk about, though. But you heard the song, so you kinda know what's goin' on and all."
"You can talk about anything under the sun and it still helps sometimes, without talking about something specific," she pointed out. Heaven knew she as doing a fair bit of that lately. "But if you want, since I've already heard the song... I'll be there if you want to talk. Or something." She added the last with a smile, giving Jay some leeway. He was a teenager after all.
"Thanks, ma'am." Jay offered her a small smile and nodded his head. "Ah don't know why Sam and you still aren't dating. He musta done somethin' really dumb ta lose a gal like you." Shifting his guitar case higher up on his shoulder, he nodded at Alison again and left the room.
She stared at the bewinged boy as he left the room, forgetting all about actually saying goodbye or wishing him a good day. And after a while looked out the window with a small sigh, smiling wistfully.
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That and their players don't write poetry.
... well I don't.
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. . .
Except we're pretending that they're actually good.
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