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xp_logs2004-10-24 01:43 am
x-madelyn.livejournal.com) wrote in xp_logs2004-10-24 01:43 am
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Madelyn, Jubilee - very late Saturday night
True to her word, Jubilee comes down to medlab the night of the shooting incident bearing food and coffee. She and the grateful Doctor Bartlet talk for a while about what happened, and coping mechanisms. It's all in the gestures.
The lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and I plead
Jubilee juggled the food and coffee for a moment, trying to find the best way to balance it all before heading down to the Medlab. She needed things to keep her busy, to keep her mind away from the events of the blood drive. It was so much like when her parents had been shot. The same feeling of uselessness, the same shock that wouldn't bleed away and left her tense and unable to sleep. Doug was fine though, and would no doubt get the berating of his life from everyone and sundry. It wasn't her business, just as the crisis had nothing at all to do with her for once. So, she would be useful and sleep would come eventually, as it always did.
Turning, she pushed the Medlab door open with her back, and called out in a sing-song voice. "Ohhhh, Maaaads! Your foood is heeere."
There was no immediate answer, and Jubilee was starting to get worried when Madelyn came out of her office, tucking a tissue into the pocket of her labcoat and straightening the lapels. Her eyes were red-rimmed above the black circles, her hair coming loose from its ponytail, but she managed a wan smile at the sight of Jubilee and her burden. "You're my guardian angel, kiddo. I ran out of coffee about an hour ago. I was just mourning the loss."
"Well, considering the amount of coffee addicts in this place, it's probably the easiest thing to find. I brought a couple of different foodage type things as well, cause I wasn't sure what you'd want." Jubilee said, putting her burden down one of the closest tables.
She looked Madelyn over, noticing quickly the state she was in and frowned. There were certain unwritten rules of interaction that Jubilee had been taught to obey. One of those was that if someone didn't tell you something, pushing them wasn't allowed. Still, Madelyn wasn't just anybody, she actually seemed to care about Jubilee. It was a quandary, that was for
sure. "You okay?" she asked, finally deciding that a question wasn't really pushing, least not much.
Madelyn opened her mouth to say "Fine! Everything's fine!" but remembered the girl's post about trust. It was something that was bothering Madelyn a lot as well - Clarice's reasons for not seeing Samson had just pounded the point even further home. "Doctor Bartlet's fine," she replied with a small shrug. "Madelyn's having a hard time of it. Having to restart the heart of a student for no real good reason tends to be a bit on the upsetting side."
Jubilee smiled suddenly and then shook her head when Madelyn looked surprised. "Sorry, Mads. Just that you sounded so much like me then. I got that whole 'I'm hurtin' like crazy inside but I don't wanna break down and blubber all over you' flippant type tone too, ya know?" She dragged two chairs over and sat down on one of them, offering the other to Madelyn. "Take a load off, Doc."
"You'd be amazed at how many of us do that, kiddo," Madelyn said with a wry face, taking the chair offered. "Coping mechanism - laugh or go crazy." She reached for the coffee first, then one of Lorna's pumpkin muffins. "At least Lorna's particular coping mechanism means the rest of us get fed."
Jubilee nodded, taking a muffin of her own and pulling small bits of it off to eat. It was a habit from her days before the school. You made food last for as long as you could. Besides, with Lorna's muffins it was good to savour them. "Truth is Mads, I don't think it's gonna get any better, ya know? There's always gonna be the next crisis. Whether it's cause of one of us, or somethin' from the outside. It's never gonna end. Only way I can see of survivin' it is talkin' to each other more, and maybe being there to help when it's needed. Course, Scott's all about me provin' how mature I am before he'll let me do that."
She'd ripped a bit off the muffin a little more forcefully then she'd wanted at that last part. It was frustrating wanting to help, wanting to be shown how to help and being told she couldn't. She'd prove to him that she was up for it though, and then they'd see whether she had what it takes.
"Doug scared the hell outta me, ya know. It was like I was eight years old again and knowin' that there was nothin' I could do. How could he do that, Mads? How could he fuckin' know that there was a chance he could die and let Marie-Ange be there to see it? I hate him for that right now, hate him for knowin' and not even carin' that he'd put someone he loved through it. Just to be a fuckin' hero. But it ain't about me, and it's not my place to have opinions on any of it. So, I keep my mouth shut and just get on with things."
Madelyn blinked - it was a lot to answer in one small space. But then again, Jubilee tended to fire off any number of points in one breath, not unlike her powers. Almost as if she felt she needed to get everything out before something shut her up again. "I think you're right, about the talking," she began slowly, gathering her thoughts. It was a bit more difficult than usual, when she was this tired. To give herself time to think, she took a bite of her muffin, chewing and swallowing before going on. "But it can't be forced. Someone pointed out to me, the mechanisms are there, you students know we're available to talk to - it's up to you to take advantage of it. And that'd be a general, non-specific you, by the way," she added with a brief smile as Jubilee looked ready to protest. "As for Doug..." She fell silent again, picking at the muffin but not eating it. "I don't know what he was thinking, what his motives were. All I know is, he felt he was doing the right thing, even 'though it was beyond stupid. I don't think he wanted to be a hero, he just didn't see another way out." She swallowed a little compulsively as her throat tightened. "I just hope to God that I never have to give CPR to one of you kids ever again. Once is more than enough."
Jubilee pondered her own muffin for a moment before putting it aside. She leaned over and hooked Madelyn into a quick hug, sitting back afterwards and looking somewhat embarrassed. She rarely hugged anyone, and never before had she hugged one of the adults here. It'd always felt wrong somehow, opening herself up way too much. She shifted a bit, picking her muffin up again and taking a bite out of it, concentrating on her chewing for a moment.
"Don't know if I can promise anythin', Mads. Not for the others anyhow. But, I guess I can try my best not to end up dyin'." she said, trying to fit the words past the muffin coating her mouth.
"I appreciate it." Both parts - the hug and the words. Madelyn didn't say that part aloud, knowing Jubilee wasn't comfortable with that sort of thing, but her smile, the relaxing of her posture, spoke volumes. "So, I volunteered to take some of Scott's driver's ed classes," she said, steering the subject away from awkward places. "You wouldn't be one of his students, would you?"
"What? You mean my near miss of the town fountain isn't legend yet? I am truly, truly offended. How am gonna make world famous stunt driver if no one talks about my exploits in hushed and frightened tones?" Jubilee asked, her grin wide.
The lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and I plead
Jubilee juggled the food and coffee for a moment, trying to find the best way to balance it all before heading down to the Medlab. She needed things to keep her busy, to keep her mind away from the events of the blood drive. It was so much like when her parents had been shot. The same feeling of uselessness, the same shock that wouldn't bleed away and left her tense and unable to sleep. Doug was fine though, and would no doubt get the berating of his life from everyone and sundry. It wasn't her business, just as the crisis had nothing at all to do with her for once. So, she would be useful and sleep would come eventually, as it always did.
Turning, she pushed the Medlab door open with her back, and called out in a sing-song voice. "Ohhhh, Maaaads! Your foood is heeere."
There was no immediate answer, and Jubilee was starting to get worried when Madelyn came out of her office, tucking a tissue into the pocket of her labcoat and straightening the lapels. Her eyes were red-rimmed above the black circles, her hair coming loose from its ponytail, but she managed a wan smile at the sight of Jubilee and her burden. "You're my guardian angel, kiddo. I ran out of coffee about an hour ago. I was just mourning the loss."
"Well, considering the amount of coffee addicts in this place, it's probably the easiest thing to find. I brought a couple of different foodage type things as well, cause I wasn't sure what you'd want." Jubilee said, putting her burden down one of the closest tables.
She looked Madelyn over, noticing quickly the state she was in and frowned. There were certain unwritten rules of interaction that Jubilee had been taught to obey. One of those was that if someone didn't tell you something, pushing them wasn't allowed. Still, Madelyn wasn't just anybody, she actually seemed to care about Jubilee. It was a quandary, that was for
sure. "You okay?" she asked, finally deciding that a question wasn't really pushing, least not much.
Madelyn opened her mouth to say "Fine! Everything's fine!" but remembered the girl's post about trust. It was something that was bothering Madelyn a lot as well - Clarice's reasons for not seeing Samson had just pounded the point even further home. "Doctor Bartlet's fine," she replied with a small shrug. "Madelyn's having a hard time of it. Having to restart the heart of a student for no real good reason tends to be a bit on the upsetting side."
Jubilee smiled suddenly and then shook her head when Madelyn looked surprised. "Sorry, Mads. Just that you sounded so much like me then. I got that whole 'I'm hurtin' like crazy inside but I don't wanna break down and blubber all over you' flippant type tone too, ya know?" She dragged two chairs over and sat down on one of them, offering the other to Madelyn. "Take a load off, Doc."
"You'd be amazed at how many of us do that, kiddo," Madelyn said with a wry face, taking the chair offered. "Coping mechanism - laugh or go crazy." She reached for the coffee first, then one of Lorna's pumpkin muffins. "At least Lorna's particular coping mechanism means the rest of us get fed."
Jubilee nodded, taking a muffin of her own and pulling small bits of it off to eat. It was a habit from her days before the school. You made food last for as long as you could. Besides, with Lorna's muffins it was good to savour them. "Truth is Mads, I don't think it's gonna get any better, ya know? There's always gonna be the next crisis. Whether it's cause of one of us, or somethin' from the outside. It's never gonna end. Only way I can see of survivin' it is talkin' to each other more, and maybe being there to help when it's needed. Course, Scott's all about me provin' how mature I am before he'll let me do that."
She'd ripped a bit off the muffin a little more forcefully then she'd wanted at that last part. It was frustrating wanting to help, wanting to be shown how to help and being told she couldn't. She'd prove to him that she was up for it though, and then they'd see whether she had what it takes.
"Doug scared the hell outta me, ya know. It was like I was eight years old again and knowin' that there was nothin' I could do. How could he do that, Mads? How could he fuckin' know that there was a chance he could die and let Marie-Ange be there to see it? I hate him for that right now, hate him for knowin' and not even carin' that he'd put someone he loved through it. Just to be a fuckin' hero. But it ain't about me, and it's not my place to have opinions on any of it. So, I keep my mouth shut and just get on with things."
Madelyn blinked - it was a lot to answer in one small space. But then again, Jubilee tended to fire off any number of points in one breath, not unlike her powers. Almost as if she felt she needed to get everything out before something shut her up again. "I think you're right, about the talking," she began slowly, gathering her thoughts. It was a bit more difficult than usual, when she was this tired. To give herself time to think, she took a bite of her muffin, chewing and swallowing before going on. "But it can't be forced. Someone pointed out to me, the mechanisms are there, you students know we're available to talk to - it's up to you to take advantage of it. And that'd be a general, non-specific you, by the way," she added with a brief smile as Jubilee looked ready to protest. "As for Doug..." She fell silent again, picking at the muffin but not eating it. "I don't know what he was thinking, what his motives were. All I know is, he felt he was doing the right thing, even 'though it was beyond stupid. I don't think he wanted to be a hero, he just didn't see another way out." She swallowed a little compulsively as her throat tightened. "I just hope to God that I never have to give CPR to one of you kids ever again. Once is more than enough."
Jubilee pondered her own muffin for a moment before putting it aside. She leaned over and hooked Madelyn into a quick hug, sitting back afterwards and looking somewhat embarrassed. She rarely hugged anyone, and never before had she hugged one of the adults here. It'd always felt wrong somehow, opening herself up way too much. She shifted a bit, picking her muffin up again and taking a bite out of it, concentrating on her chewing for a moment.
"Don't know if I can promise anythin', Mads. Not for the others anyhow. But, I guess I can try my best not to end up dyin'." she said, trying to fit the words past the muffin coating her mouth.
"I appreciate it." Both parts - the hug and the words. Madelyn didn't say that part aloud, knowing Jubilee wasn't comfortable with that sort of thing, but her smile, the relaxing of her posture, spoke volumes. "So, I volunteered to take some of Scott's driver's ed classes," she said, steering the subject away from awkward places. "You wouldn't be one of his students, would you?"
"What? You mean my near miss of the town fountain isn't legend yet? I am truly, truly offended. How am gonna make world famous stunt driver if no one talks about my exploits in hushed and frightened tones?" Jubilee asked, her grin wide.