Amanda and Kurt, late Saturday night; Kurt and Meggan, early Sunday morning

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

They talk about Meggan, Amanda's plans to come back to the mansion, and Madelyn.



Evening was settling on the camp, mist rising from the river nearby and mixing with the woodsmoke. Having finished helping Stefan settle the horses for the night, Amanda was sitting by the fire, Meggan curled up asleep in her lap - the little furry girl was still building her strength, and tended to nap fairly often. There was a pensive look on her face as she watched the flames, unconsciously rocking a little to soothe Meggan as she twitched in what was obviously a bad dream.

Kurt, preferring the open air to remaining inside, even in the caravan, had been out for an evening walk, and now had decided to take advantage of the fire's warmth for a while. As he drew closer, he smiled at the sight of the two girls and called a soft greeting to Amanda.

"Hey," she said quietly in reply, glancing up from the fire with a brief smile. While she wasn't as openly affectionate with him as she was with Stefan, she had thawed considerably towards 'St Kurt' in the time they been travelling with the caravan. Even more since they'd found Meggan - the little girl trusted Kurt almost as much as she did Amanda, and that was enough for her.

He smiled back, settling by the fire near the girls. "How are you and Meggan today?"

"She's doin' better. Still doesn't like me t' go far from her, but she's startin' t' look around her more, take an interest in things." Amanda smiled and stroked the hair back from Meggan's face, but there was something else in her expression, a certain resignation. Like she'd realised she had to make a choice she didn't want to make. "'M gunna take her back t' the school," she said suddenly, apropos of nothing. "Will you help me sort that out?"

He gave her a quick sideways glance, rather startled to hear that decision. "Of course, if that is what you want. I had not thought you would be going back there..."

"If it was just me..." Amanda shrugged as best she could with her arms full of sleeping child. "'S too soon, 'm not ready t' go back yet. But Meggan..." She bit her lip. "She's mine now, an' I owe it to her t' give her the best chances. An' I can't do it alone, or even here." She saw Kurt's frown, and went on. "Not sayin' it's a bad situation t' grow up in, but face it, Kurt, I don't belong here. Not really. Eventually it'd be a matter of me havin' t' leave, an' makin' Meggan choose between me an' Margali, an' that ain't fair. 'Sides, the school'd be the best place for her t' learn about her powers - there's more t' her than just the shapeshiftin'."

He considered all of that for a long moment, then nodded. "I will make the arrangements as soon as you would like to leave, then. And I will be going with you."

Now it was Amanda's turn to be startled. She knew Kurt had had his confidence badly shaken after the Mistra mission, even if he hadn't really said. "I thought you were thinkin' of stayin' here?" she asked.

He nodded again, slowly, gazing into the fire. "I thought of it, yes. Until very recently, I was still considering it. But the weeks we have spent here have shown me... this will always be my home, but it is no longer really my world."

"An' the school is?" she asked. What he'd said had touched something in her, a sense of growing dislocation. The school was her home, but her world, where she fundamentally belonged? She wasn't sure there was a place like that. Meggan shifted in her arms again, snuggling closer, and she smiled. Maybe this was all the world she needed, encompassed in a small girl that needed her.

"It is... closer", he answered after a moment's thought on that. "Not entirely, perhaps, but... once, I could have happily lived out my life here, among my people, as nothing more than a circus acrobat, and the son - or brother - of the clan leader. I do not think I could now, having known the chance of something else the Professor has offered me."

"So that's it, is it? The Prof's shown you a world where you can be a hero, an' that's what you want t' be?" Amanda asked, but without the usual sneer, just honest curiosity. "Sounds... lonely, in a way. All duty an' nothin' else."

"I would not put it in those terms, in either case", he answered quietly. "I wish to make a difference, where I can, rather than "being a hero". And I do not believe I ever said I planned to give my life to nothing but duty." He looked over at them now and his gaze lingered on Meggan, a little wistfully.

"I'm not always that good at words," Amanda said wryly, but not missing the glance. "Thing is tho', Kurt, you never really give the impression you want anythin' for yerself. It's always someone else, whether it's from duty, or wantin' t' make the world a better place, or even guilt for whatever. Like I said, it seems t' me a lonely way t' live, holdin' yerself back all the time." Although she was hardly one to advise someone about finding meaning in their lives through love. Look where it had gotten her.

He looked back at the fire, but he had listened and nodded at her words now. "...Perhaps. But I am not sure I... know how to do things any other way."

"Well, the first step's usually admittin' there's somethin' - or someone - you want," Amanda told him with a hint of a grin, teasing but not mocking. "That usually helps with the whole 'not holdin' back' thing."

He couldn't help a slight blush at that, blue skin darkening to purple, and looked more intently into the fire. "Well. Um. Yes."

Well, that was progress. And Amanda had to admit there was a certain amount of satisfaction in seeing the usually-serene Kurt so discomforted. She decided to make it a little easier on him, however much fun it would be to drag it out. "This someone... wouldn't happen t' be a red-haired, sort of bossy, medical type, would it?" Then she realised that covered all of the female doctors, and elaborated. "The human one without the Scots accent, I mean."

He glanced at her sideways, a little ruefully, and admitted, "...it might. Is it so obvious?"

"Not really," Amanda replied, then added, with a grin. "Unless you're completely blind an' deaf. There was that whole goin' out thing you two were doin', an' all the hand-holdin' in medlab..." She snickered a little as Kurt's blush deepened. "But I don't think she has a clue - Bartlet tends t' not focus on herself that much either."

Kurt hesitated, then asked tentatively, "Since you have seen this much... do you think it might be returned?"

Amanda considered this, resting her chin softly on the top of Meggan's head. "She doesn't dislike you," she said slowly. "An' I think she was interested for a while there, before you dropped the ball. Someone like Bartlet... you've got t' be decisive an' not waffle around. But she does think of you as a good friend, an' that's a good start, any way." She didn't mention there was definite competition there in the form of Hank McCoy - he was even more obvious than Kurt was. For an ex-copper, Madelyn was horribly unobservant.

He nodded slowly, and with a rueful grin admitted, "As you have probably guessed, I am... not used to this."

"Really?" Amanda opened her eyes wide in mock surprise, then snickered. "Look, Kurt, 'm not the best at all this emotional stuff, an' love's worst of all. 'S part of the reason why I came here, ain't it? But if it's important to you, then you can't hold back an' worry 'bout what might happen if you say somethin' - if you don't try, you'll never know." Meggan stirred in her arms again, and she lowered her voice. "Bartlet's the action sort - she has t' be, with what she does. So what you do an' what you say're important. If you want somethin' t' happen, you're gunna have t' take that first step, no matter how scary it is. Ask her out, not as a friend. Or fuck, I dunno, tell her how you feel. As much of a bitch as she can be, she won't laugh or nothin'."

Another nod, because he knew she was right - had known for a while, in fact, but acting on it was something else again. "Yes. I... will try."

Amanda chuckled. "What's that movie quote? 'There is no try, only do'. If you want this, Kurt, you're gunna have to go after it. Sittin' back an' waitin' gets you nothin' but a sore bum from all that sittin'." She was about to say more, but just then Meggan opened sleepy yellow eyes and reached up to pat her cheek enquiringly. "Looks like sleeping beauty's awake," she said, with a smile as Meggan wriggled into a more upright position - Amanda's legs were glad for the respite, since even though Meggan weighed far too little, after a while in the one place she tended to get heavy. "~Hungry, little one?~" she continued in Romany.

"~Food good!~" the little girl chirped, glancing over at Kurt. He felt more sure of something, and that, she thought, was a good thing. She liked her people to be happy. It made her feel all warm. "~Kurt good too!~"

Kurt smiled over at her affectionately. "~Yes, little one. Kurt is good.~"

Kurt and Meggan watch the sunrise. Family fluff.



Passing the caravan where his mother, Amanda and Meggan were sleeping, on his usual dawn walk around the camp, Kurt paused. He was almost sure he'd just heard some small noise from inside - so he walked quietly over to check on them.

Meggan sat up as the caravan's small door opened, cowering back against the wooden wall... then she saw who it was and relaxed. Kurt wouldn't hurt her... he was a Monster, like her. Manda was still sleeping, so she wriggled out of the bunk very carefully, smiling tentatively at Kurt as she moved a little closer to the door. "~Hello,~" she whispered, in her tiny, still slightly rusty voice. "~Manda sleep.~"

Kurt smiled reassuringly back at her, moving further into the caravan. "~Good morning, Meggan. Could you not sleep?~"

"~Sleep. Wake now.~" Meggan glanced back to make sure Manda was still there then reached out to touch Kurt's arm, just to be sure he was still real. The long sleeves of the shirt she'd been given to sleep in hung over her hands, but she could feel his warm skin through the thin fabric. "~Kurt sleep?~"

He stayed still until she'd satisfied herself, not wanting to frighten her by moving too suddenly. "~I slept, yes. I usually wake early. Do you?~"

Meggan frowned, trying to work out how to explain. She'd never talked much before, nobody had wanted her to... now, suddenly, everyone was talking to her and it was hard to keep up. But she was determined to try. "~Light,~" she said, after a moment, pointing at the tiny window where a scrap of lightening sky showed. "~Light, wake.~"

Kurt nodded, smiling at her again to show he understood. ""~I see. Very sensible of you - I do the same. Or do you mean the light woke you?~"

"~Dark, sleep. Light, wake.~" She tucked her small paw into his broad-fingered hand. She liked his hands - they were reassuringly not-normal. He was a pretty colour, too... like the sky when the big light went away.

He squeezed her hand gently, smiling down at her. "~As it should be, little sister. Would you like to watch the sun rise?~"

"~Stay Manda,~" Meggan said, glancing back again at the sleeping form. She was afraid to take her eyes off Manda - except when she slept, and then she was in Manda's lap or curled up beside her, and even sleeping could feel to be sure she was there. Nobody had ever cared for her, the way Manda did, had ever made her feel loved and safe - she wasn't going to risk letting her disappear.

Kurt nodded. "~Of course. We can watch it from the door, perhaps?~"

Meggan nodded, following him over to the doorway and peeking out. The morning air smelled even better, here, than it had before... there was no garbage or dirt around to make it bad. This camp was MUCH cleaner than the old one. Looking up at the sky, she beamed. "~Colours~"

Kurt looked down at her with an affectionate smile. "~Yes, pretty colours. Had you seen it before?~"

"~Light, colours. Wake, see,~" she explained. It was frustrating, suddenly not knowing enough words. She had to learn more.

"~That is good. I am glad you were not always in the dark, where you were.~"

Meggan sat down on the step - making sure she could see Manda - and wrapped her thin arms around her knees. "~Cage outside,~" she explained softly. "~See light.~"

He sat beside her, giving her a comforting sideways hug. "~You will never see the cage again~", he told her quietly. "~If the Grgics had given it to me, I would have burned it.~"

Meggan nodded, leaning against him. He was nice and warm. "~Gone,~" she said, both sad and happy about that. Her cage had been smelly and cold and uncomfortable, but it had been a place of relative safety. She'd always been taken out of it, if she was going to be punished or something. Now it was gone, and so was the meager protection it had given her. But she had Manda now, she remembered, brightening a bit. Manda protected her. And gave her food, lots of it.

"~Gone, yes~", he agreed. "~You are safe now.~"

She sighed, snuggling against him a little as they watched the sunrise. "~Safe,~" she said softly. It was her favourite of the new words she'd learned from Manda.