xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan, Sunday afternoon

Angelo runs into Nathan in the hall and is delighted to see the cast is gone. He wants to know when Nathan will be up to more sparring, which leads to a lengthy philosophical discussion about what and why Angelo wants to learn from him. Nathan's insomnia also comes up.

Leaning a bit more heavily on the cane than he liked - his leg was still a little sore from the session with Alison last night - Nathan limped down the hall with some vague idea of going to the library and starting to catalogue what was here and could be used in the international relations course, now that he had a textbook. He sensed someone approaching from around the next corner and smiled as he identified the presence as Angelo.

Angelo rounded the corner and grinned on seeing him. "Hey, Nathan." Glancing down, he blinked slightly. "When'd the cast come off?"

"Yesterday morning," Nathan said happily. "Moira decided that she was sick of hearing me whine."

Angelo chuckled, falling into step beside Nathan as the older man continued along the corridor. "Your leg's almost fixed, then?"

"Getting there," Nathan said. "I'm probably going to be limping for a while yet, but at least now I can focus on getting back into shape."

Angelo grinned, a little wickedly. "That mean you're up for some sparrin'?"

Nathan snorted, thinking of last night. "Maybe not just yet. I need to be moving a little better before I can realistically teach anyone anything."

Angelo nodded. "Yeah, I guess. You got any idea when you'll be up to it?"

"We could try in a couple of days," Nathan said. "Not meaning any offense, Angelo, but I don't really need to be at my best to spar with you." He winked to soften the words. "Once I'm sure this leg's not going to give out the second I move too fast, we can give it a go."

Angelo shot him a mock glare. "Just 'cause your best is way above anythin' I ever needed to be taught. But, sure. Let me know when you're ready."

"We need to talk about what we're trying to accomplish before we get too far into it," Nathan said more seriously, thinking about some of what he and Alison had discussed last night. "What do you want to get out of practicing with me? I know back when we started this, I told you to come see me whenever you were getting too frustrated, but I hope I made it clear that I want you to take this seriously, too."

"I wanna keep up my practice", Angelo answered honestly. "An' maybe I don't need to, here, but I might not be here forever an' without knowin' what comes next, I don't wanna let myself get out of shape."

"Why?" Nathan asked directly, hoping Angelo would realize this was as much a test as the practice session where he'd drawn him out to get a good look at his technique. "And you see it as just a matter of practice? Maintaining the level you're currently at?"

"Maintainin', and gettin' better if I can. As for why... well. What I said. Want to be sure I'll have the skills still if this all falls through. Not that I think it's goin' to, but... it's not a good idea to take stuff for granted."

Nathan shook his head a little, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Angelo," he said, "given enough time, I could teach you everything I know. But I'm not sure I'm comfortable with teaching you even part of what I know unless you have at least a potentially good reason to learn it. I have no intention of turning you into a good little killer, only to have you wind up putting your new skills to use back on the street." He snorted softly. "I'm not telling you 'no'. I'm telling you I want you to think... to make plans."

Angelo considered that. "Workin' on it. If everythin' goes well, I might not end up anywhere close to even needin' that. College's an option now, like it never was before - not sure I want t'go, of course, but I could. An' believe me, goin' back there isn't my idea of the best end to things."

Rather neat avoidance of the question, all in all, Nathan reflected. "So you and I stick entirely to self-defense, then," he said very deliberately. "Things you can do to buy yourself a chance to get physically out of the situation."

Angelo sighed, then answered more honestly and fully. "Nathan... I was a "good little killer" at fourteen years old. Didn't like it much. But the point is, if that was where I was gonna end up, I've got what I need for that path already - I can shoot, for one thing. So if you wanna stick to self-defense, that's fine. Your call."

"You're not as good a killer as you think you are," Nathan said bluntly. "For the simple fact that you regret it." He thought for a moment. "You were bothered by enjoying yourself while you were fighting Jamie's twins. Regret and battle-joy. If you go back to that path, one or the other will wind up getting you killed."

"I regret it afterwards", Angelo pointed out. "When it has to be done, it has to be done. Never said I regretted killin' Jamie's twins - they were a threat, an'I'd've knocked 'em out if I could, but that killed 'em too."

"That's not what I meant by regret," Nathan said a bit distantly, and then shook his head. "Never mind. We'll stick to strictly defensive stuff until you give me a reason to teach you anything else."

"So what did you mean?" Angelo asked quietly. "Look. I'm tryin' not to be what I was. ''ve changed a lot, but if... I don't wanna go back. Might need help makin' sure it sticks, if things go wrong."

"To make sure what sticks, Angelo?" Nathan asked crisply as they reached the library door. He went in and sat down at one of the computers, leaving it to Angelo to folllow or not.

Angelo did follow him in, wanting to answer. "Changin'. An' I know, Samson says an' Marie too, that I'm only seventeen an' I might've changed anyway, big reason or no reason, but... I wanna be sure as I can I won't go back to what I was... if I lost what I got here. If somethin' happened, an' I did end up back down there."

Hypocrite, Nathan's conscience accused him. Angelo might have different reasons to be afraid, but the fear was the same as his own. "And you think that learning from me's going to help you do that?" he asked quietly, his tone non-judgemental.

Angelo shrugged helplessly. "I think it might", he answered simply. "Worth a try, anyway."

Nathan took a deep breath, calling up the catalogue of the library's holdings. "When you can tell me why," he said, almost gently, "I'll teach you at least part of what you want to know. Until then, though, we stick to self-defense."

Angelo nodded, accepting it, as he settled into a nearby chair. "Fair enough." He hesitated, before continuing almost lightly, "So, what'd you do to upset Askani this time?"

Nathan blinked, then ahhed. "Talked back to her," he said wryly, starting a broad search for poli-sci and modern history books. "It was less dramatic than I made it sound. Just an argument."

"Did she give you nightmares, in the end?"

"She may have," Nathan said with a humorless smile, "but I drugged myself well enough that I didn't remember them, if they happened."

Angelo blinked. "You... drugged yourself? Willingly?"

Nathan laughed aloud, honestly tickled. "Pick your jaw up off the floor, kid," he scoffed lightly. "It was drug myself or not sleep at all. I can be reasonable."

Angelo looked at him sceptically. "This, from the guy who's refused to drug himself against serious pain."

"I'm turning over a new leaf?" Nathan suggested.

Angelo laughed. "Good to hear it, I guess. Long as it wasn't just a fluke."

"Not a fluke. Just hope it doesn't have to become a habit."

Angelo nodded. "Amen to that. She did say she'd try not t'hurt you anymore..."

Nathan snorted. "I'd hate to think of how she'd treat me if she didn't like me."

Angelo laughed a little. "Yeah. She's kinda scary, an' I've only met her once when she was tryin' to be nice."

Nathan tilted his head, turning his attention inward for a moment. "And she's finding this very amusing." He snorted, waving a hand at Angelo. "Go, go. Find fresh air. Too nice a day to be sitting in the library."

Angelo rolled his eyes, but got up obediently. "Okay, okay. Goin'."

"Good," Nathan said, feeling oddly mirthful as he turned back to the computer. "Would've hated to have had to whap you with my cane."