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xp_logs2004-10-11 01:00 pm
x-foliate.livejournal.com) wrote in xp_logs2004-10-11 01:00 pm
Sam, Paige and a not-so-happy ending
Sam comes to see Paige, some time after this chat with Alison, to apologize. Paige is having none of it.
Sam had been meaning to find Paige ever since his discussion with Alison. It was nerve-wracking, the thought that Paige might not want to listen to him. But at the same time, he couldn't keep tiptoeing around his own sister. He'd been trying to keep an eye out for her the past few days, and he'd finally found her, sitting on one of the benches on the lawn, a few books stacked next to her. "Hey, Gee," he said quietly, walking up.
Paige inwardly groaned at the sound of her childhood pet name. Not today, not today, not today... she thought to herself, resisting all urges to pick up one of her heavier texts and lob it at him. The day had looked so nice after last nights rain and Paige had specifically come out here to get away from things that she could throw and people she could throw them at, good reason or no. And Sam? Well, Sam had more than a good reason. “Hello, Sam,” she managed to get out, finally, taking her time in marking her place in her book and looking up at him.
Sam sighed internally at the clipped, manner-of-fact tone of Paige's voice. He cast about for a few moments, trying to find some innocuous conversation-starter, but his brain couldn't seem to come up with one that didn't sound completely inane. "Ah'm sorry," he said simply.
“Mhm?” she hummed in answer, tilting her head to better look at him with a completely unaffected face. If he was really expecting her to throw herself at his feet and forgive him with just a sorry, he was sorely mistaken. Life was not like that commercial on television. Paige folded her hands in her lap quietly, almost expectantly.
Sam had known it wasn't going to be easy, but Paige definitely wasn't making it any easier on him. He ran a hand through his hair. "The things Ah said to you, they were completely uncalled for," he admitted. "Ah acted like a damfool, and Ah forgot that you were my sister and Ah love you." He tucked his thumbs in his belt loops, at a lack for anything to do with his hands.
Paige really had no desire to forgive him; the hurt from even his simple name-calling had balled so tight in a place in her that it had compressed over time into loathing. “And you came to this brilliant conclusion yesterday and thought you would notify me so I would start sending home letters to Ma about how wonderful you are again?” she asked in a cool tone.
Sam winced. The cool tone was the worst part of it, making it sound as though Paige had no interest in forgiving him whatsoever. "No, it's not like that, Paige...Ah...It's not somethin' Ah just came to yesterday. Ah've been realizin' it, and meanin' to talk to you about it. Ah just...didn't know how to say any of this." He waved a hand in frustration. "Because Ah had a hunch you'd still be angry at me. And what's more, Ah know Ah deserve it. But..." He sighed. "Ah just want to try and fix it, Gee. But Ah don't know how."
“You had a hunch? A hunch? Oh, gracious, I’m the genius but you clearly must be psychic,” Paige replied with a snap before drawing back, willing herself to calm. They were not playing role reversal today; she was the calm one. “The point is, some things just can’t be fixed with a simple, I’m sorry. It’s not like it was an accident, as if you ran over my dog by mistake, although, it sure feels like it. You’re my family, Sam, and you hurt me possibly more than you will ever know, whether it was your skewed idea of protecting me or not.”
Sam flinched at the ice in Paige's voice, the steady calm that she was clinging to. "Sorry," he said softly. "Bad choice of words." He shrugged. "But that's the point. Ah don't know what to say, Paige. Ah know Ah hurt you, and Ah'm sorry. Ah don't know what to do to fix this!" He was trying not to yell, but the amount of emotion involved was starting to get to him.
“Maybe. But are you sorry because what you said is untrue or because you don’t like it that I don’t wave to you in the halls anymore?” Paige questioned smoothly, unwilling to be drawn in to his raised voice. Her clasped hands had gone white, however, and there were pink spots on her cheeks from pent aggression.
"Ah said hurtful, untrue things about people you love," he admitted. "Ah judged them without even really gettiin' to know them, and that was wrong. Ah know that Ah owe them an apology too, and Ah plan on doin' that, if they'll let me."
Paige looked taken aback for a moment, even startled, her eyes going wide, before swallowing hard and looking away. “Well. I suppose that’s a start. Maybe you should get to work on them and I’ll… give it some thought,” she said, not a peace offering by any means, but not an outright brush off either.
Sam nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said softly. "Ah'll give it a try. Ah...Ah guess Ah should leave you to your readin' and such," he said, pausing for a moment before turning and slowly walking off.
Nodding in response, Paige picked up her book, laying it open in her lap again. She listened hard until she could no longer hear his retreating footsteps, staring fixedly at words that she could not see.
Sam had been meaning to find Paige ever since his discussion with Alison. It was nerve-wracking, the thought that Paige might not want to listen to him. But at the same time, he couldn't keep tiptoeing around his own sister. He'd been trying to keep an eye out for her the past few days, and he'd finally found her, sitting on one of the benches on the lawn, a few books stacked next to her. "Hey, Gee," he said quietly, walking up.
Paige inwardly groaned at the sound of her childhood pet name. Not today, not today, not today... she thought to herself, resisting all urges to pick up one of her heavier texts and lob it at him. The day had looked so nice after last nights rain and Paige had specifically come out here to get away from things that she could throw and people she could throw them at, good reason or no. And Sam? Well, Sam had more than a good reason. “Hello, Sam,” she managed to get out, finally, taking her time in marking her place in her book and looking up at him.
Sam sighed internally at the clipped, manner-of-fact tone of Paige's voice. He cast about for a few moments, trying to find some innocuous conversation-starter, but his brain couldn't seem to come up with one that didn't sound completely inane. "Ah'm sorry," he said simply.
“Mhm?” she hummed in answer, tilting her head to better look at him with a completely unaffected face. If he was really expecting her to throw herself at his feet and forgive him with just a sorry, he was sorely mistaken. Life was not like that commercial on television. Paige folded her hands in her lap quietly, almost expectantly.
Sam had known it wasn't going to be easy, but Paige definitely wasn't making it any easier on him. He ran a hand through his hair. "The things Ah said to you, they were completely uncalled for," he admitted. "Ah acted like a damfool, and Ah forgot that you were my sister and Ah love you." He tucked his thumbs in his belt loops, at a lack for anything to do with his hands.
Paige really had no desire to forgive him; the hurt from even his simple name-calling had balled so tight in a place in her that it had compressed over time into loathing. “And you came to this brilliant conclusion yesterday and thought you would notify me so I would start sending home letters to Ma about how wonderful you are again?” she asked in a cool tone.
Sam winced. The cool tone was the worst part of it, making it sound as though Paige had no interest in forgiving him whatsoever. "No, it's not like that, Paige...Ah...It's not somethin' Ah just came to yesterday. Ah've been realizin' it, and meanin' to talk to you about it. Ah just...didn't know how to say any of this." He waved a hand in frustration. "Because Ah had a hunch you'd still be angry at me. And what's more, Ah know Ah deserve it. But..." He sighed. "Ah just want to try and fix it, Gee. But Ah don't know how."
“You had a hunch? A hunch? Oh, gracious, I’m the genius but you clearly must be psychic,” Paige replied with a snap before drawing back, willing herself to calm. They were not playing role reversal today; she was the calm one. “The point is, some things just can’t be fixed with a simple, I’m sorry. It’s not like it was an accident, as if you ran over my dog by mistake, although, it sure feels like it. You’re my family, Sam, and you hurt me possibly more than you will ever know, whether it was your skewed idea of protecting me or not.”
Sam flinched at the ice in Paige's voice, the steady calm that she was clinging to. "Sorry," he said softly. "Bad choice of words." He shrugged. "But that's the point. Ah don't know what to say, Paige. Ah know Ah hurt you, and Ah'm sorry. Ah don't know what to do to fix this!" He was trying not to yell, but the amount of emotion involved was starting to get to him.
“Maybe. But are you sorry because what you said is untrue or because you don’t like it that I don’t wave to you in the halls anymore?” Paige questioned smoothly, unwilling to be drawn in to his raised voice. Her clasped hands had gone white, however, and there were pink spots on her cheeks from pent aggression.
"Ah said hurtful, untrue things about people you love," he admitted. "Ah judged them without even really gettiin' to know them, and that was wrong. Ah know that Ah owe them an apology too, and Ah plan on doin' that, if they'll let me."
Paige looked taken aback for a moment, even startled, her eyes going wide, before swallowing hard and looking away. “Well. I suppose that’s a start. Maybe you should get to work on them and I’ll… give it some thought,” she said, not a peace offering by any means, but not an outright brush off either.
Sam nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said softly. "Ah'll give it a try. Ah...Ah guess Ah should leave you to your readin' and such," he said, pausing for a moment before turning and slowly walking off.
Nodding in response, Paige picked up her book, laying it open in her lap again. She listened hard until she could no longer hear his retreating footsteps, staring fixedly at words that she could not see.
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