xp_logs | Angelo and Amanda, late Sunday night

They meet up in the rec room on his return from LA and talk about his trip, events with Remy, and full disclosures, before coming to an agreement.

After he'd read the journals, Angelo's first priority was to make sure Amanda was okay. If she was with Manuel, she probably was or would be, but giving up on sleep for now, he went to check the usual places in case she wasn't, hoping she was still inside the house at least.

The flicker of the television and the low murmur of a man's voice caught his ear as he passed the rec room. Sure enough, there was Amanda, curled up on the couch with a cushion hugged to her front, one of her potions steaming in a mug on the coffee table in front of her - only Amanda's potions had quite that... odour. She'd obviously been in bed previously, since she was wearing one of Manuel's shirts and nothing else, but now she looked wide-awake, watching men in white outfits on a green pitch playing some sort of ball game and chewing absently on her thumbnail. It was the thumbnail that gave away her less-than-serene state - she only chewed on her nails when she was stressed.

Angelo wandered quietly into the room and settled on the couch beside her, leaving space between them but close enough, he hoped, to be comforting. "Hey."

She started a little, but didn't flinch. A definite improvement from the week before when all sudden moves had a tendency to make her cringe and/or magically protect herself. "Hey. Welcome back." She gave him a weak smile. "Get that business of yers sorted?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe. Nothin' more I can do, anyway."

"Good. Well, mostly good." On the TV, someone did something that resulted in a lot of shouting and her attention flicked back to the screen. "Oh come on, that was so LBW... Wankers," she groused, before reaching for the mug and half-turning on the couch so she could look at Angelo properly without twisting her neck. "Cricket. 'Bout the only English sport I can get over here. Doesn't hurt it's as borin' as all hell an' is almost as good as this stuff for calmin' me down." She indicated the mug.

Angelo blinked at the screen, having not understood anything of what was going on. "'Cept the parts where you yell at the screen for... whatever they did wrong?" he answered a little mischievously, before sobering. "How're you doin', anyway?"

"Bad call. Someone was out an' the umpire decided he wasn't," Amanda elaborated. She looked at the screen again - cricket was preferable to thinking about the mansion's newest resident - but Angelo had always been straight with her and would know when she was being evasive. "Wishin' I'd stayed in Istanbul another week," she admitted.

He nodded, knowing what she was talking about. "Not sure another week would've made much difference", he answered sadly. "Way I hear it, he's not goin' anywhere."

"Would've given me a chance t' catch me breath a bit better tho'," Amanda sighed. "Last week the bastard drove me into raving hysterics, an' this week he's been given sanctuary. Next week they'll probably open the books on what he's teachin'." The words were spoken a little bitterly, and Amanda covered it by taking a sip of the stuff in her mug, wrinkling her nose a little at the taste.

Angelo shrugged. "Not everybody ends up teachin'. Aurora isn't. Yet."

"Figure of speech. Just mean that by next week most'll have forgotten what he did, or decided t' forgive him for it, an' it's back t' happy families again, while I go back t' havin' fuckin' nightmares about what happened." This time the bitterness was more than a little. "Not t' mention Sarah has t' remember what he done in the tunnels every time she sees his face."

Angelo shrugged helplessly. "People've forgiven Nathan for what he did, too, an' Betsy - an' quite right too. From what I hear, Remy as he is now was no more responsible for what he did than they were. Doesn't mean I like him, but it'd make me a hypocrite to ask them to kick him out, an' not the others."

"I know." Clutching the cushion tighter to her chest, Amanda seemed to shrink into the depths of the couch. "'S just... you didn't see him that night, Ange. He was fuckin' insane. I've never been so scared of someone since..." She swallowed, looked away from him. "Since the bindin' spell."

Angelo flinched at the implication. "So that's why... I knew it had to be somethin' big, you wouldn't've freaked out like that over a minor thing, but if he reminded you of him..." He scooted a little closer, but didn't close the gap, holding out his arms. If she'd ever needed a hug, it was now. "C'mere."

Floating the mug back to the coffee table, Amanda bridged the gap between them, leaning into the hug with a whimper. Life certainly had a way of kicking her when it wanted to. "We were talkin', an' he just lost it. Called me a murderer, said they were teachin' me t' be a killer," she explained, somewhat muffled by the fact she had her face buried against his chest. "The next thing I know, he's grabbed me an' shoved me up against the wall, bashin' me head against it an' screamin' at me in German. It was so much like Rack, like how he'd get when the magic was on him, I... lost it a bit meself. Zapped him with the lightnin' spell, nearly blew the poor bastard across the room. Nearly killed him."

Angelo nodded, arms wrapped around her warmly. "Well, he said himself he thought it was this place that was turnin' him into a killer, 'fore he figured out different. Guess the rest was Gambit comin' out." An' if I could figure out how to get at a man who doesn't exist anymore, he'd be in a world of pain...

"It was him, it was Rack, all over again, an' I couldn't handle it," Amanda admitted. "An' I know this Gambit person ain't Remy, but... everytime I look at him, hear the name, I keep thinkin' bout that night. He messed me up more 'n anyone has for years, an' I just can't forget about it. Doesn't make the nightmares go away, for a start." She wouldn't cry, she told herself. She'd wasted enough tears over Le Beau, and she was damned if he was going to make a mess of her yet again.

"He's not livin' in the house", Angelo reminded her. "Marko'll keep an eye on him, you can be sure of that. An' you can stay away from him."

"Tell that t' the dreams," she sighed. "Had t' get up so I wouldn't keep Manny awake. He's done enough for me with all this."

"The dreams will pass", Angelo told her almost confidently. "Haven't they always before?"

"They've never been this bad before," Amanda admitted. "'S like he disturbed somethin' in me head. Broke the lock on the boxes I keep the worst stuff in, an' now I can't put it back." Shifting slightly so she could stretch out and use Angelo as a pillow, she went on. "'S why I went a little bit mental over this 'Yana business. All that in me head again, an' then demons on the lawn? Not the best timin' in the world."

Angelo had no objections to being a pillow, shifting himself to provide the most comfortable position for her. "It's been a lot to handle, an' no recovery time. A few hours was never goin' to be enough. But maybe... maybe this might not be a bad thing. If the locks are broken, maybe you can let the worst stuff out an' it'll go away, with time an' work?"

"Maybe." Amanda was quiet for a long time, soothed by the close contact and Angelo gently stroking her shoudler. "'S weird. I want t' get rid of all that, make a clean break of it, but 's like there's part of me that can't move on. Like it'd be disloyal or somethin'. Rack was a psychotic bastard, but he was the only family I had as a kid. You have to have somethin', I s'pose. Even a dog'll lick the hand of a bad master if there's no-one else."

Angelo nodded. "Yeah, I know. But you've got somethin' better than he could ever've been, here an' now. In time, maybe the break'll happen naturally."

"That's the balmy part," Amanda told him, wrinkling her nose up with disgust at herself. "All this, an' I still can't let go. 'S like there's part of me that's always gunna be a little kid, tryin' t' please Daddy so he don't belt her." She levitated the mug back over to herself so she didn't have to move, and took a few sips before speaking again. "Did it help, goin' back? Help settle some of yer own ghosts?"

He nodded. "Some, yeah, I think so. Got to face up to the boys an' walk away from them, an' visit a couple of graves to say goodbye. Don't think I'll be goin' back... an' I've been thinkin' about that full disclosure thing some more."

"Yer gunna do it, then?" she asked, squirming slightly sideways so she could look at his face. "'Cause if you do, I will. I meant that. Safety in numbers an' all. 'Sides, if it helps people understand why this whole Queen of the Demons thing scares me so much, they might pay attention t' me instead of bein' fooled by the outside package."

"I think I will", he answered seriously. "Probably take me a few days to get it all together an' written up, but I will. Better to get it all out in the open, so it can't ever be used as a weapon. Want to post them at the same time, then, when we're both ready?"

She nodded. "Hit 'em at the same time. An' yer right - if it's out in the open, people can't accuse us of double standards." She chuckled a little wryly. "You know nothin'll come of it, right? We do this big gesture, an' people'll just nod an' say "all right then", an' that'll be it."

"That's about the best outcome we could hope for", he told her with a wry smile. "At least no one can say we kept secrets - an' like I said, can't be used as a weapon if everybody knows. Especially if they know an' don't care."

"Mmm." Amanda made an agreeing noise, sipping at her brew some more and watching the cricket team go about the complicated task of breaking for tea. Finally the combination of those two, plus the comfort of Angelo's arm around her, was working. The clamour in her head was dying down, enough to let her sleep, at least. "How much detail you goin' into? The whole part of livin' on the streets, or just how you got there?" she asked, obviously thinking of how much to say herself. She doubted her stints as a street prostitute were security concerns, but if Angelo was going to tell all, she could do nothing less.

Angelo thought about that carefully, working it out for himself as he spoke. "Well, they know the basics of that already, an' I don't think anyone wants or needs to know details. I'll probably mention it, along with all the rest. How I came to be on the streets, I've talked about before, but there's people who've arrived here since an' won't know. An' there's the older stuff, too."

She nodded slightly. "Fair enough. Tho' I tell you, the idea of writin' all that down? Yuck. 'S gunna take ages." Her chuckle showed she was joking about that. "I s'pose what I'm really worried about is that someone will take it as us playin' the whole 'who had the worst childhood' game, an' havin' a go. Like Paul's crazy sister." Amanda grimaced. "All right, I know she's mad an' all, but that really pissed me off. Wasn't what I meant at all."

Angelo shrugged. "If they do, they do. The ones who matter'll get what it's really about - an' things were runnin' hot when all that was goin' on. We time it right an' say we're not lookin' for pity, everybody should be a lot calmer about stuff."

"If they care at all," Amanda said sleepily. She finished off the potion, and reluctantly pulled herself upright. "If I stay there, I'll end up fallin' asleep on you, an' that could get a bit awkward in the mornin'." She leaned over, gave him a chaste peck on the cheek. "Thanks. I feel better for talkin'. Come by me room after class tomorrow? I've still got yer present t' give you."

"If they care at all", he echoed, before pushing himself to his feet in turn, grinning at her. "How could I refuse that? Don't s'pose you'll tell me what it is?"

"That'd spoil the surprise," Amanda told him cheekily, holding out her hand to be pulled up off the couch. "Night, big brother. See you tomorrow."

He obliged, pulling her up and onto her feet. "Night, Amanda. Sleep well."

"I will now."

Angelo and Amanda, late Sunday night

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