Alison and Nathan, Monday afternoon

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Alison finds Nathan coming out of his Hindi class looking a little the worse for wear - he's really not doing well with the whole concept of bedrest - and the two of them talk about Manuel, Doug, and what they are and aren't teaching the kids. Nathan is perhaps a little obsessed still with the conversation he and Cain had last night - and not at all happy about Alison's plan to play guinea pig for Manuel.



She'd slept a little bit thanks to Sam sending her off to bed the previous night, which was a good thing. She liked sleeping. Even if she had dreams of people shooting at the kids, which Betsy had mercifully stopped after a few moments. God, she was going to owe Betsy a lot. But the upside of it all was that she'd slept, had figured out what had been bothering her constantly about the soundscape around the mansion since Sunday and had hopefully returned the favor of a little peace of mind to a friend.

She stopped in mid step in the hallway, however, thoughts careening to a stop. It could not be. Surely her imagination was playing tricks on her. Because she hadn't just seen Nathan walk out of his class and stumble by her now, had she?

Nathan hadn't actually registered anything besides 'blonde, female' as he walked past Alison. He had Hindi verbs spinning through his head and he just wanted to go back to bed, dammit. Why hadn't he cancelled classes today? Oh, right. He was stupid.

This was confirmed for him a few seconds later. "You're stupid," Alison informed him pleasantly, catching up with no trouble at all. "Why aren't you in bed? Why are you teaching classes?" Well, that was because he was stupid, but it might be nice to hear him stay it himself.

"I like Hindi?" Nathan ventured, blinking at her but still heading in the direction of the stairs. "And you're stupid too," he sighed. "I hadn't told you that yet."

Huh. That was new. She followed him though, simply intent on making sure he was going to head up, oh say, towards his room. "Ok, I'm stupid too." Maybe he was raving from fever, she wondered idly, pondering stopping him to press a hand to his forehead and check his temperature.

Nathan made a face at her. "Don't think at me in that tone of voice," he scolded. "I know what you're doing. I think I've actually heard just about everything the last few days. Fever does funny things to the psi-shielding."

"Gee, like possibly mess with the concentration you need to keep it up even on an unconscious level?" she asked without an ounce of sarcasm in her voice. "And I'm just thinking you need sleep and should be in bed and not actually teaching class."

"I'm going to bed," Nathan said restlessly, heading for the stairs. "Where are you going? Off to let Manuel play with your emotions? Or is that tomorrow?"

Alison stopped dead in her tracks, mind going blank. Oh. That. "The sessions are being planned out," she answered woodenly. Of course - she knew how Nathan felt about Manuel, after all. She knew how many people felt about Manuel.

"Free piece of advice? Don't ever eat before your sessions. It'll just come back up afterwards." Nathan paused at the foot of the stairs, catching his breath, trying not to start coughing. "And don't do them on days where you have to sleep that night. Just in case."

Well - he was talking and not yelling. That had to be good,in some way she wasn't quite figuring out now, because the tone of his voice wasn't implying much of anything good at all. She crossed the distance rapidly, frowning a bit as he tried to catch his breath. Stupid. No, stupider. Maybe. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you." Neutral and all that, that was the way to go.

"Should I ask... why?" Nathan wheezed, climbing the stairs one at a time, holding on tightly to the railing. "Why... this is suddenly an option. Why it's worth it..."

"You can ask me any question you want, Nathan. And he asked me." Sure, she'd given him the actual opening to do so without thinking twice about it, because the way he'd been talking about it had made it a natural thing... but he'd actually asked and she couldn't back away from that. Even less so now, with everything that had happened over the weekend. "Put himself out on a limb and asked me for help with his training."

"He'll punish you for that, you know," Nathan said hoarsely. "Or try... him and his pride. Hates being the suppliant."

"Terms of the deal doesn't include any punishment." The words were automatic, not uncaring but certainly stating mere fact. She hadn't made Manuel beg, after all - they'd just worked things out to their mutual satisfaction. In a sense. "And the sessions will be monitored." Might as well get that out too - in fact, that was the most important bit of all, really.

"Charles?" Nathan stopped, blinking at the empty air in front of him. "No, he wouldn't let Charles do it..." He turned slowly, regarding her with disbelief. "Betsy. You asked Betsy."

Of course she'd asked Betsy. Who else was there? "She and I mind-linked." Which meant Betsy would have known anyway. Alison took a shallow breath, steadying herself. "It was her choice - I hardly blackmailed her on it. There are others I could have asked, otherwise."

Betsy had been willing to... oh, that was it. He really didn't want to think about this anymore. Nathan turned his attention to climbing the stairs, trying not to wheeze too loudly. This damned flu would just not let go. "Best... of luck... to the two of you. Going... to need it."

Well. At least he hadn't yelled. Then again, he was hardly in any condition to do so. Without a word she caught up - again - and slipped an arm under his. Alison wasn't going to bring up the subject herself, but she'd be damned if she just watched while he flopped his way up the stairs while trying to get some rest.

Nathan had never made a habit of letting his pride get in the way, and he leaned on her as they continued up the stairs. "I'm fine," he said wearily. "No fever or anything today. I'm just tired..."

Alison relaxed a bit at that, bracing herself as he leaned while carefully guiding them both up the steps. "Then you get sleep. Considered canceling tomorrow's classes? Or at least the morning ones?" She could always email Moira about it if nothing else, if he decided to be stupid some more.

"Classes," Nathan murmured, thinking of some of the stuff Cain had said last night. "You ever wonder if we're teaching them what we need to learn, Ali? What they really need...?"

"I wonder more about whether they listen or not, more than anything else," she replied, a touch acidly. And then sighed, pausing a moment in their progress so Nathan could rest a bit. "We can't force them to listen or learn, or do the smart thing, Nathan. They have to figure that out on their own. We give them the tools - it's up to them to use those tools." There was a reason she'd quit the counseling gig.

Nathan leaned back against the wall, catching his breath. "But what if the tools we're teaching them aren't what they need? What if we're..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Look at Doug," he said after a moment, more softly. "What did we teach him?"

"Ever since he's come here?" She shook her head a bit, leaning on the opposite wall to face him. "He's grown a lot since he got here. Gained more confidence, believes in himself that much more." The sniper had been her fault, that something thrown into the equation Alison herself was responsible for. "What he did? Was stupid - but it showed something else too at the same time and you know it. And when you look at it all, he's still a teenager, Nathan. He's still learning." She gave him a wry look. "Just like I am and just like you are, old man."

"But would he have done it if he'd been somewhere else? A different school, where his teachers and role models don't risk their lives on a regular basis..." Nathan blinked, rubbing his eyes. "I heard someone on Saturday night... 'What are we doing to these kids?' over and over. I don't know who it was, but it's a good question..."

"He'd be a mutant no matter which school he want to, Nathan." How had she ended up being the one to argue this point? "And bigotry and racism would still get to him - in an environment where he wouldn't even be able to know he'd have the support of his peers for some random twist of genetics." Alison shrugged, shaking her head. "We're not forcing them to stay at the same time, y'know? And you are way too tired to be trying to sort that out now. I know, I tried that while not sleeping for a night and it didn't work much either. C'mon."

"I don't know," Nathan muttered, leaning on her again as they started back up the stairs. "I've been thinking... and I just don't know, Alison. I need to talk to him, when he gets out of the medlab. Try and figure out what did go wrong with his thinking..." He gave a faint, breathless laugh. "Strange, you know... motivations, how complicated they are..."

"Don't try to look too deep into things." Alison sighed, wistfully wishing she'd figured out a way to deal with the sniper ages ago, instead of just hiding out from him. "Sleep first. You can talk to him after he gets out of the medlab."

Nathan shook his head. "Support," he muttered. "Not enough support. Too much support. I'm starting to wonder if there should be more lake-throwing and less hugging around here..."

"Tough love, huh?" Alison paused as they reached the top of the steps, giving him another brief break, before heading down the hallway towards his room. "You talk to those who come to you, Nathan. You keep an eye out on the rest if and when you can. We can't do it all - already learned that the hard way." Several times, at that. "And you stop spraining your brain. That'll help with everything else, actually."

"Right. Because how do we expect them to know their limits when we're too proud to know ours..." Nathan took as deep a breath as he could. "You're going to have a terrible time with Manuel," he said hoarsely. "Even if it goes well."

"I know," she answered lowly. She wasn't expecting anything at all to be easy where Manuel was involved. Or for the sessions to be pleasant - she knew better than that, considering what they'd already discussed. "But if nothing else my doing this gives Charles more room to do his own thing. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just vastly overestimating what I can actually do in all of this and it won't change anything at all. Even if I am just aiming to help with his training, and nothing more."

"I lied to her," Nathan said, his voice barely audible. Alison glanced at him. "To Amanda. Told her I was beginning to see him as a lost cause, to not care... that's what I've been trying to convince myself. Not the truth."

"I see," Alison murmured back as they slowly walked down the hallway. She wondered if that had been before or after Amanda had come to talk to her, during the weekend. "What are you really thinking, then?"

"That it doesn't matter, whether I still care or not. I can't help him." Nathan shrugged with one shoulder. "Maybe you can. I hope so, but I don't have a lot of hope one way or the other. The desire for power will get him in the end."

"Help him?" She knew he meant the larger picture, in a 'saving Manuel from himself' way. "I don't know. I'm just helping him train, Nathan. I don't think I'm the person to help Manuel. Not the way you mean." It all came down to choices, after all. "If it makes any sense, I think only Manuel can do that for himself."

"Give him the tools, leave it up to him to use them?" Nathan's laugh turned into another coughing fit. "I'm sorry," he wheezed finally when he caught his breath. "Not mocking you, really... worried. Confused. Not my place to be either, but like I said, can't shut it off."

"There's a responsibility in what I'll be doing. I know that," she said softly. Oh heavens, she knew. "But he'd be practicing one way or another. Charles agreed with me it was best a staff member participated in this." And he'd asked her - she'd given him the opening, without really thinking of it, but she had and he'd taken her up on it.

"He won't limit it to you." Why he was so sure of that, he didn't know, but he was. "Saw that, in the library on Friday... he'll practice wherever and whenever he can. He's so afraid of not learning..."

"I know." She was saying that a lot these days, even though she was more inclined to believe she really didn't know all that much after all. "He told me." Well, he had about the other students at least. "And it's all the more reason for me to make sure he does learn. We've got two sessions a week planned, for now." She was considering upping that, depending on how she was able to handle it. Maybe.

He was going to be sick, really. Stopping in front of his door, he gave Alison a bleak, pained look, part of him wanting to shake her to within an inch of her life, part of him wanting nothing more than to run from the knowledge that she was doing this. "And he likes to think he's got no power," he murmured, his voice breaking. Ah, well. Blame it on the flu. "I care... entirely too much about the little bastard, still. But there are days I wish to hell I'd never met him."

The look tore through her. This entire conversation was killing her bit by bit because it seemed to be draining him entirely, and she dreaded having to explain herself to Lorna because she knew there would be no valid explanation. "I don't care either way," she sighed, making sure he could at least prop himself up in the doorway before letting go. "I don't think I can if I'm going to do this. Not caring will be the best way to go." Be it caring in a good or bad way, to be specific. She desperately wanted to ask him if she could talk to him, or at least come to see him when it got to its worse - but firmly crushed the idea on the spot. If even this much talk was affecting him so, she wasn't sure she wanted to push things any further for him. "You need to go rest now."

"Braver woman than I am," Nathan said with a ghost of a smile, opening the door. There was more there she wasn't saying - he could sense it - but he was too tired to push it just now. Later. Definitely later. "But then, I knew that already."