xp_logs | Backdated: Nate and Betsy, Sunday night.

After the brain break, Betsy and Nate have a conversation, sort of. Except without the words. Mostly.

His shields and his balance were both back in working order, so Nathan felt relatively safe in venturing outside the suite. He had a few
books to retrieve from his office - there hadn't been enough interest in the African history course to warrant holding a formal class, but a few people had come to him wanting to do independent study projects, and he needed to make up reading lists for them.

Betsy watched as Nate walked passed her, a little preoccupied. She bent her head, trying to hide her smile and then slowly started walking behind him. Still a few feet away, Betsy placed her hands coyly behind her back, her boots falling lightly on the floor. ~Are you aware that playing with the wires inside your noggin without supervision is a bad thing. Tends to get things a bit crossed and lead to an overall nasty headache.~ She came up beside him now. ~And not to mention leave a psychic backlash that tends to make the other psis cranky. You're lucky Emma is out of town, you know.~

Nathan raised an eyebrow, but couldn't help a faint smile. #Actually, that's a pity. Her getting tetchy at me might have been entertaining,# he sent back, his mental voice clear and steady. #Although I apologize if I caused you any discomfort.#

Placing a hand on his forearm, Betsy shook her head at him. ~You didn't. I'm use to the sudden and abrupt snapping sound your mind tends to make. So there's no need to apologize. I merely....noticed.~

#Call it an experiment I won't be repeating. Charles was rather vehement about that, actually,# Nathan sent back wryly as they continued down the hall. #We won't mention Moira's reaction. And to top it all off, it didn't even work.#

~What was it exactly you were trying to pull?~ Betsy sent, letting her unease at the attempt be known. ~Experiment sounds a bit dangerous.~

#Memory blocks,# Nathan sent with a sigh. #Trying to break them down and see if I can't remember a little more of the first twelve years of
my life. I tried to do it the fast and sloppy way and shouldn't have.#

Betsy let out a whistle. There was the distinct hint of awe, emanating from her. "Right, that would do it...." She turned away before bringing herself to look at him. "Did you really try it? I mean, on your own? Are you mad? No, don't answer that. Nate, it's a
wonder your brain isn't an overcooked plate of pasta."

Nathan laughed, almost despite himself. "Okay, I know I was stupid, all right?" he said, aloud as well. "And that mental image is going to
linger, thank you very much..."

"It's the least I can do." Betsy said, laughing at him now. "But thanks to you, I can never look at italian the same way again." She
wrapped her arm around his, following his lead. "So, any particular reason you were travelling to places better left undisturbed."

"What, the gossip hasn't reached you yet?" Nathan murmured. There weren't many minds abroad in the halls, but he wasn't up for dealing
with eavesdroppers. "I've met my father and he claims my childhood was not at all as I remember."

"Gossip aside. There are other reasons I've been keeping to myself. At the moment, I'm thinking I shouldn't have rushed things." Betsy
tightened her hold on his arm. "So, what shall you be doing about this, besides deconstructing Nate."

"I have a veritable horde of people checking facts and details for me, to try and verify his side of things," Nathan said, then offered her a wry smile. "You'd think they were feeling protective or something. Well, except Jake, who's doing it for cookies - I think."

~But, you are still concerned.~ Betsy sent quietly. ~Why?~

#Because I'm having to come to terms with the idea that I may never been able to verify it all from my own memories. I may never get past
those blocks, or figure out why I seem to have invented, or warped, the memories I do have. And I hate having to rely on answers from
outside...# Nathan trailed off, shaking his head a little. #And I want to believe so badly.#

"But your instincts are telling you otherwise," Betsy completed the thought. They turned the corridor and headed for the main staircase.
"I don't know what to tell you. Nothing I can say will make any difference." ~But don't underestimate the very thing that has kept
you alive all these years, my friend. Father or not, if you don't feel comfortable, there's a reason."~

#It's one of the costs of this,# Nathan sent back a big enigmatically. #You learn to trust and inevitably you're... more inclined to trust. I'm not sure the bruises aren't worth it, in the end.# He let out an audible sigh. #I've been trying very hard not to live like I'm waiting for the next person to come along to kick me. Trying to get away from the attack-dog mentality and all.#

~I still prefer a respectable pitbull over a standard poodle, any day.~ Betsy said, squeezing his arm again for reinforcement. ~But, then again, we both know, I'm a poor judge of character. Perhaps, we should look at it from another angle? Can't you simply give him a friendly scan? I'm sure if you feel uncomfortable with doing as such, I wouldn't be opposed to taking a look around. ~

"Everything I was sensing from him..." Nathan shrugged uneasily. "I didn't go digging, but I'm trying not to do that." He didn't elaborate
on that. Betsy knew his issues with active use of his telepathy, and as much as he was gradually overcoming the psychological inhibition,
it still reared its head at awkward moments.

"Well, I don't have any qualms about doing -just- that." Betsy affirmed. "I don't mind doing some of the nasty work, if it means making you feel a bit at ease. So, you need only think the word and I'll disappear for a few days."

"I..." He paused helplessly, then laid a hand on her arm. "I appreciate it," he said, his voice steadier, but more quiet as well.
"But no. I don't know why not," he went on, an edge of frustration in his voice, "but I'm not ready to do that. Or have anyone else do it."
He tried to smile. "Pretty perverse, no? Here I have a way that I could answer all my questions, and yet I'm not..." He bit his lip,
shaking his head a little. "I don't want to find out--" No, not saying that aloud, either.

"Well, if there's nothing to find out, then you wouldn't have to hear about it, per se." She gave him a strong, fixed gaze, enforcing her point.. "A simple cursory glance. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's considered it and perhaps, it's already been done on your behalf. But, there's no need to be lameduck about this matter."

Nathan grimaced. "I don't want anyone doing that," he muttered. "Slippery slope. And there are ways to make sure without it. Madelyn's
checking into things for me... so is Jake."

"Right," Betsy said tersely. They both knew that conventional matters couldn't cover all areas, but there was no need to push the point. "You'll let me know if you need me for anything, besides brute force, then." She said the last bit with a tight smile. "I'll be here, if you do have need of me."

Nathan took a deep breath, then amanged a slightly steadier smile. "I know you are." A helpless laugh slipped out. "I know you all are. Even if I seem like an ungrateful lout about it."

"You're not ungrateful," Betsy repeated. "At times, an absolute pain in the arse," she said, lightly shoving him with her shoulder. "But, we wouldn't know what to do without you. We'll manage through this like all things. With grace and dignity, I'm sure."