Amanda Sefton (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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xp_logs2005-04-06 12:05 pm
xp_daytripper) wrote in xp_logs2005-04-06 12:05 pm
Entry tags:
Remy, Amanda - backdated.
Not long after arriving in Germany, Amanda gets an unexpected visit.
Midnight. The witching hour. Amanda snorted quietly to herself at the thought as she sat perched on a stump, watching the embers of the camp's fire. Some witch she was - what kind of woman of power would let life kick her around this way? All around her the camp was quiet, although she wasn't fooled. At least one person would be aware of where she was and what she was doing, but at least they were respecting her need for space.
The flickering campfire threw lines of yellow and red up the surrounding forest, a more mythic setting broken by the bright blue rubbish bin chained to a tree, and a yellow path marker. The modern day had been slowly narrowing the traditional gypsy way, making their caravans stuck in parks and fell lands; more and more in the cities as thieves and buskers.
Amanda pulled her jacket closer around her in the sudden chill, the wind causing the campfire to flicker. She almost screamed at the rasping sound right behind her ear, and the telltale noise of the inhalation on a cigarette.
"De problem wit' watching de fire is dat it just kills your nightvision, chere."
"Fuckin' smug bastard," she managed after a moment, cancelling the shielding spell she'd flung up automatically and waiting for her heart to decelerate. There was no malice in the tone, though, just a sort of wary pleasure. Like she was expecting something to happen to take this moment away from her. Or almost wanting it to.
"So, exciting times." Remy blew a smoke ring out over the fire and moved around to sit down. Amanda knew the camp had dogs around the site for protection, yet none of them made a sound. It was as if LeBeau had just ghosted in. "Yup, dis place a real shithole. Just like de other camps Remy been to."
"Yeah, well, apparently it's home." Amanda shrugged. "An' Rom's out of touch still. Not like I had a lot of choice; it was this or the X geezer usin' his giant brain t' track me down an' sendin' the leather brigade after me." She wrapped her arms around herself, a protective gesture. She didn't know why Remy was here, but she figured he'd start in on her soon enough. "What brings you here?"
"You." Remy said simply, drawing on his cigarette. "Otherwise, why de fuck else would I be in de middle of a damn forest in Germany at midnight?"
"I know that," she said, rolling her eyes a little. He must think she was really stupid or something. "Come t' check up on me, or is there somethin' I need t' know?"
"Thought I'd drop by, see the sights." Remy settled in beside her. "Get the story 'bout you from you first for a change."
"Not much t' say," she replied with a shrug. "Like I said in me email, Man... he found out an' told me t' leave. Figured it was best if I did. Besides, everyone was sayin' how sad it was that cunt was dead, how tragic it was Manuel had lost his dad." Bitterness laced her words, and she dug in her pockets for her cigarettes. She was rationing herself since she wasn't sure when she'd be able to get more, but she felt the need badly now.
Remy passed over the cigarettes without a word, lighting the tip of hers with his finger. "So, when are you coming back?"
"I'm..." Not was what she was going to say, but instead it came out as: "I'm not sure yet. Needed some time t' sort some stuff out in me head, away from all the shite that keeps happenin' at the school." Away from the pressure of everyone else's demands, their expectations. Away from the pure hatred she'd felt down the link.
Remy watched her for a long moment, saying nothing as he scrutinized her with those bizarre red and black eyes catching the firelight. Then he smiled and leaned back.
"Already trying to tell yourself 'dat's it', aren't you chere? De mansion, de people? Dat you not going to go back."
"Do you blame me?" she replied quietly, not looking at the man beside her, eyes fixed on the fire instead. "I tried t' do it their way, with the schoolin' an' the healin' an' tryin' t' be normal. Didn't work." Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion. "They're better off without me any way. No more trouble, least not my sort."
"Non, dat's not it. Bet de rest of them would nod dere heads, but Remy don't buy it." LeBeau pitched his butt into the fire and pulled out another cigarette. "If you de type to give up like dat, you would never have made it to de school in de first place. De fact is, 'manda, dat you a bastard right through."
Her eyes shot open at the term, from both shock and puzzlement, and Remy grinned around his cigarette. "Dat's right. Bastard. Get used to it. You don't like being beat, you don't like giving in, and Remy bet you crawl over your own guts to spit de devil in de eye. Dat's why you'll be back. 'Cause you know dat's your place."
"My place, is it? Must be a fuckin' masochist then." Amanda dragged heavily on her cigarette, trying to ignore the voice inside that was prodding her to do just as he said, to fight back, to show them what she was made of. "You want t' know why I left, Remy? Not just 'cause of Manuel, tho' that was plenty of reason. That place, the people... 's makin' me weak. A year ago, somethin' like this? You'd be right, I'd be standin' there an' throwin' whatever he said back in his bloody face. But now?" She shook her head in disgust, blowing out a long plume of smoke. "Least little thing an' I fall t' pieces. 'Least I didn't end up back on the junk again."
"Don't think dat's it either." Remy was looking reflectively across the fire. His infuriatingly level tone barely carried past their seats. "You didn't used to be strong, 'manda. You were fake tough; bullshit and attitude."
"All right, then, since you have all the bloody answers, you tell me what it is," she retorted, irritated. "You've obviously got somethin' you want me t' know from all this, just fuckin' stop beatin' 'bout the bush an' tell me."
"Remy think dat you need to stop coming up wit' answers dat you already know are wrong." Remy shook his head, pitching the finished cigarette into the fire. "Seen you beat yourself up for everything dat you know has nothing to do wit' you. Also seen others let you get away wit' it too. So, when are you coming back?"
"I already told you, I don't fuckin' well know!" Amanda said with real feeling, her voice rising a little before she lowered it again. The last thing she wanted was St Kurt bamfing in and looking concerned at her. She was as sick of that as she was of the shite the mansion heaped on her. "If it was up t' me, I wouldn't even be here. I just… I just want t' disappear for a while, work out what it is I want without anyone makin' demands on me."
"Now dat's de honest answer. Wondered how long it would take you to get dere." Remy grinned and lounged back, digging around for another cigarette. "Dat's also why Remy know dat you'll be back once you get your head together again. Too many roots, chere. Too many stakes."
"Wanker," Amanda muttered under her breath, taking a drag on the cigarette in her hand and trying to collect her thoughts. Remy always managed to do this to her. Make her think, make her face the truth beneath the pat answers she gave everyone. "I didn't mean to, y'know. Get attached. You've got no idea how much that scares the fuck out of me, Remy, that I've got roots somewhere."
"Know de feeling, chere. If you got no roots, den nothing can really hurt, can it?" Remy nodded. His own life was a tale of this, front to back. As Gambit, he had no one and had needed no one. Which left Remy trying to learn skills that everyone else seemed to already have.
"Too fuckin' right." Amanda exhaled smoke with a snort. "Like I said before, none of this would have touched me before. Fuck, I wouldn't take half the shite Manuel puts me through if I didn't…" She cut herself short. She could say many things to Remy that she wouldn't say to anyone else, but saying that she loved Manuel to him… it didn't feel right. She was almost afraid he'd laugh at her.
"But dat don't make you weak, 'manda. Much as I don't like some of de things dat Summers gets up to, you'd have to beat dat homme down and bury de bits under a rock before he'd stay down, 'cause he's fighting for something. Dat's dangerous, fighting someone dat's got something to fight for." Remy passed over the pack of cigarettes without a word.
She shook one out, hesitated, and then lit up using the fire spell. The gesture always reminded her of Pete, and while everyone else had forgotten what he meant to her, she hadn't. Speaking of ties… "So that's what I've got now? Somethin' t' fight for?" she asked, drawing smoke deeply into her lungs before exhaling through her nose. "What if I let 'em down, Remy? Already have, runnin' away like this. Leavin' Nate in the lurch." That memory made her wince.
"Den you let dem down. Dat's always going to be a risk, 'manda. But de only way to guarantee letting dem down is to run away." Remy blew another fat smoke ring out over the fire, a slight grin on his face. "Dat's de bitch of it."
She laughed then, a brief, almost harsh sound, but still a laugh. "Damned if I do an' damned if I don't, eh?" she said wryly. "Place drives me balmy, but it's the place I end up goin' back to." Glancing over at him finally, she gave him a small grin. "Still dunno when, but if you see Angie at any point, let her know I will be back eventually?"
"I can. Whenever de hell I get back. Got to make de lives of bastards all over Europe difficult for a little while longer." Remy took another look around. "First time I've been in a gypsy camp since dey put dat terrible curse on me."
Oh, this was going to be good. Obligingly, with a small roll of her eyes, Amanda asked the question: "What curse?"
"Dey removed Remy's soul. Turned me into a heartless monster dat killed all over Europe." Remy said with such seriousness that Amanda actually paused.
"Really?" She said incredulously.
"Non. Just something dat I saw on television last night." He grinned as she threw some leaves at him.
"You are such a smug git sometimes," she told him with an almost affectionate snort.
"As long as I can entertain myself." Remy got up and arranged his coat around himself. "Guess it time for my dramatic exit. Make sure to tell de folks 'bout de visit. Always good to have a reputation." Remy grinned and ducked into the woods, disappearing from the fire light. Amanda followed his exit, and looked back to see a brown paper bag sitting where he had been.
Cautiously, since with Remy's sense of humour you never knew what to expect, she opened the bag, and grinned despite herself. A carton of cigarettes and a decent sized bottle of vodka.
"All the comforts of home," she murmured, before tucking the bag inside her jacket and finishing her cigarette with a silent thanks to the irritating bastard.
Midnight. The witching hour. Amanda snorted quietly to herself at the thought as she sat perched on a stump, watching the embers of the camp's fire. Some witch she was - what kind of woman of power would let life kick her around this way? All around her the camp was quiet, although she wasn't fooled. At least one person would be aware of where she was and what she was doing, but at least they were respecting her need for space.
The flickering campfire threw lines of yellow and red up the surrounding forest, a more mythic setting broken by the bright blue rubbish bin chained to a tree, and a yellow path marker. The modern day had been slowly narrowing the traditional gypsy way, making their caravans stuck in parks and fell lands; more and more in the cities as thieves and buskers.
Amanda pulled her jacket closer around her in the sudden chill, the wind causing the campfire to flicker. She almost screamed at the rasping sound right behind her ear, and the telltale noise of the inhalation on a cigarette.
"De problem wit' watching de fire is dat it just kills your nightvision, chere."
"Fuckin' smug bastard," she managed after a moment, cancelling the shielding spell she'd flung up automatically and waiting for her heart to decelerate. There was no malice in the tone, though, just a sort of wary pleasure. Like she was expecting something to happen to take this moment away from her. Or almost wanting it to.
"So, exciting times." Remy blew a smoke ring out over the fire and moved around to sit down. Amanda knew the camp had dogs around the site for protection, yet none of them made a sound. It was as if LeBeau had just ghosted in. "Yup, dis place a real shithole. Just like de other camps Remy been to."
"Yeah, well, apparently it's home." Amanda shrugged. "An' Rom's out of touch still. Not like I had a lot of choice; it was this or the X geezer usin' his giant brain t' track me down an' sendin' the leather brigade after me." She wrapped her arms around herself, a protective gesture. She didn't know why Remy was here, but she figured he'd start in on her soon enough. "What brings you here?"
"You." Remy said simply, drawing on his cigarette. "Otherwise, why de fuck else would I be in de middle of a damn forest in Germany at midnight?"
"I know that," she said, rolling her eyes a little. He must think she was really stupid or something. "Come t' check up on me, or is there somethin' I need t' know?"
"Thought I'd drop by, see the sights." Remy settled in beside her. "Get the story 'bout you from you first for a change."
"Not much t' say," she replied with a shrug. "Like I said in me email, Man... he found out an' told me t' leave. Figured it was best if I did. Besides, everyone was sayin' how sad it was that cunt was dead, how tragic it was Manuel had lost his dad." Bitterness laced her words, and she dug in her pockets for her cigarettes. She was rationing herself since she wasn't sure when she'd be able to get more, but she felt the need badly now.
Remy passed over the cigarettes without a word, lighting the tip of hers with his finger. "So, when are you coming back?"
"I'm..." Not was what she was going to say, but instead it came out as: "I'm not sure yet. Needed some time t' sort some stuff out in me head, away from all the shite that keeps happenin' at the school." Away from the pressure of everyone else's demands, their expectations. Away from the pure hatred she'd felt down the link.
Remy watched her for a long moment, saying nothing as he scrutinized her with those bizarre red and black eyes catching the firelight. Then he smiled and leaned back.
"Already trying to tell yourself 'dat's it', aren't you chere? De mansion, de people? Dat you not going to go back."
"Do you blame me?" she replied quietly, not looking at the man beside her, eyes fixed on the fire instead. "I tried t' do it their way, with the schoolin' an' the healin' an' tryin' t' be normal. Didn't work." Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion. "They're better off without me any way. No more trouble, least not my sort."
"Non, dat's not it. Bet de rest of them would nod dere heads, but Remy don't buy it." LeBeau pitched his butt into the fire and pulled out another cigarette. "If you de type to give up like dat, you would never have made it to de school in de first place. De fact is, 'manda, dat you a bastard right through."
Her eyes shot open at the term, from both shock and puzzlement, and Remy grinned around his cigarette. "Dat's right. Bastard. Get used to it. You don't like being beat, you don't like giving in, and Remy bet you crawl over your own guts to spit de devil in de eye. Dat's why you'll be back. 'Cause you know dat's your place."
"My place, is it? Must be a fuckin' masochist then." Amanda dragged heavily on her cigarette, trying to ignore the voice inside that was prodding her to do just as he said, to fight back, to show them what she was made of. "You want t' know why I left, Remy? Not just 'cause of Manuel, tho' that was plenty of reason. That place, the people... 's makin' me weak. A year ago, somethin' like this? You'd be right, I'd be standin' there an' throwin' whatever he said back in his bloody face. But now?" She shook her head in disgust, blowing out a long plume of smoke. "Least little thing an' I fall t' pieces. 'Least I didn't end up back on the junk again."
"Don't think dat's it either." Remy was looking reflectively across the fire. His infuriatingly level tone barely carried past their seats. "You didn't used to be strong, 'manda. You were fake tough; bullshit and attitude."
"All right, then, since you have all the bloody answers, you tell me what it is," she retorted, irritated. "You've obviously got somethin' you want me t' know from all this, just fuckin' stop beatin' 'bout the bush an' tell me."
"Remy think dat you need to stop coming up wit' answers dat you already know are wrong." Remy shook his head, pitching the finished cigarette into the fire. "Seen you beat yourself up for everything dat you know has nothing to do wit' you. Also seen others let you get away wit' it too. So, when are you coming back?"
"I already told you, I don't fuckin' well know!" Amanda said with real feeling, her voice rising a little before she lowered it again. The last thing she wanted was St Kurt bamfing in and looking concerned at her. She was as sick of that as she was of the shite the mansion heaped on her. "If it was up t' me, I wouldn't even be here. I just… I just want t' disappear for a while, work out what it is I want without anyone makin' demands on me."
"Now dat's de honest answer. Wondered how long it would take you to get dere." Remy grinned and lounged back, digging around for another cigarette. "Dat's also why Remy know dat you'll be back once you get your head together again. Too many roots, chere. Too many stakes."
"Wanker," Amanda muttered under her breath, taking a drag on the cigarette in her hand and trying to collect her thoughts. Remy always managed to do this to her. Make her think, make her face the truth beneath the pat answers she gave everyone. "I didn't mean to, y'know. Get attached. You've got no idea how much that scares the fuck out of me, Remy, that I've got roots somewhere."
"Know de feeling, chere. If you got no roots, den nothing can really hurt, can it?" Remy nodded. His own life was a tale of this, front to back. As Gambit, he had no one and had needed no one. Which left Remy trying to learn skills that everyone else seemed to already have.
"Too fuckin' right." Amanda exhaled smoke with a snort. "Like I said before, none of this would have touched me before. Fuck, I wouldn't take half the shite Manuel puts me through if I didn't…" She cut herself short. She could say many things to Remy that she wouldn't say to anyone else, but saying that she loved Manuel to him… it didn't feel right. She was almost afraid he'd laugh at her.
"But dat don't make you weak, 'manda. Much as I don't like some of de things dat Summers gets up to, you'd have to beat dat homme down and bury de bits under a rock before he'd stay down, 'cause he's fighting for something. Dat's dangerous, fighting someone dat's got something to fight for." Remy passed over the pack of cigarettes without a word.
She shook one out, hesitated, and then lit up using the fire spell. The gesture always reminded her of Pete, and while everyone else had forgotten what he meant to her, she hadn't. Speaking of ties… "So that's what I've got now? Somethin' t' fight for?" she asked, drawing smoke deeply into her lungs before exhaling through her nose. "What if I let 'em down, Remy? Already have, runnin' away like this. Leavin' Nate in the lurch." That memory made her wince.
"Den you let dem down. Dat's always going to be a risk, 'manda. But de only way to guarantee letting dem down is to run away." Remy blew another fat smoke ring out over the fire, a slight grin on his face. "Dat's de bitch of it."
She laughed then, a brief, almost harsh sound, but still a laugh. "Damned if I do an' damned if I don't, eh?" she said wryly. "Place drives me balmy, but it's the place I end up goin' back to." Glancing over at him finally, she gave him a small grin. "Still dunno when, but if you see Angie at any point, let her know I will be back eventually?"
"I can. Whenever de hell I get back. Got to make de lives of bastards all over Europe difficult for a little while longer." Remy took another look around. "First time I've been in a gypsy camp since dey put dat terrible curse on me."
Oh, this was going to be good. Obligingly, with a small roll of her eyes, Amanda asked the question: "What curse?"
"Dey removed Remy's soul. Turned me into a heartless monster dat killed all over Europe." Remy said with such seriousness that Amanda actually paused.
"Really?" She said incredulously.
"Non. Just something dat I saw on television last night." He grinned as she threw some leaves at him.
"You are such a smug git sometimes," she told him with an almost affectionate snort.
"As long as I can entertain myself." Remy got up and arranged his coat around himself. "Guess it time for my dramatic exit. Make sure to tell de folks 'bout de visit. Always good to have a reputation." Remy grinned and ducked into the woods, disappearing from the fire light. Amanda followed his exit, and looked back to see a brown paper bag sitting where he had been.
Cautiously, since with Remy's sense of humour you never knew what to expect, she opened the bag, and grinned despite herself. A carton of cigarettes and a decent sized bottle of vodka.
"All the comforts of home," she murmured, before tucking the bag inside her jacket and finishing her cigarette with a silent thanks to the irritating bastard.
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Excellent log, guys. :D