xp_logs | Angelo and Amanda, Thursday morning (Reply)

She hunts him down to the stables, talks to him about Paige's departure, then sleep-spells him.

If there was ever a time Amanda was cursing her new 'earlier to bed' regime, it was now. As soon as she'd read Paige's post that morning, she'd grabbed her jacket and PDA, asked Marie-Ange to watch over Meggan for her for a couple of hours, and left the room practically at a run. The location spell had never been cast so quickly - Amanda barely paused, abruptly changing direction as it led her away from Angelo's room and down the main stairs.

The spell led her to the stables across slightly dewy grass sparkling in the sun. She hadn't been here since the fight with Paige. Softly, so as not to disturb the horses, she called out: "Ange? It's me."

He was sitting in one of the empty stalls, Joyita a warm heavy weight across his legs. Glancing up as he heard her, he answered quietly, "Hey, Amanda."

No sign of his cigarettes, at least. Then again, he wouldn't light up in the stables. Amanda felt a surge of relief - she'd been half-expecting him to have been burning himself again over this. She came and sat down beside him, not saying anything at first, her shoulder just brushing his. Eventually, she spoke: "You been out here all night?"

He half-shrugged. "Most of it. Went runnin' with the dog for a bit, but she got tired, so... here we are."

He seemed calm, but she could feel the tension running through him, and she reached over to touch the back of his hand. "Do you want me t' stay?" she asked softly, not wanting to make things worse, but knowing he needed someone now. What a bloody mess - she doubted very much Paige had gone off to Cambridge. Especially in the middle of the night like that.

He didn't relax, but didn't pull away from her either. "'f you want to." Joyita's tail thumped on the floor, though she didn't open her eyes.

"Ange," she said, still gently. "It's me. You don't have to..." she trailed off, not sure how to say it. Pretend? Be strong? "Did she say anythin', before she left?" she asked instead.

"Didn't even see her", came the simple answer. "She did leave me this, though." He produced a letter from his pocket, held it up for a moment, then put it away again without really showing her.

Amanda winced. She'd done similar, when she'd left, and she'd seen how much it had hurt people. But she also knew how'd she'd been feeling, to do it that way. "Is she... did she say anythin' 'bout comin' back?" she asked at length.

"Nope. I don't think she's plannin' on it."

He'd always been so much stronger than her. Or at least better at hiding what he felt. "I'm sorry," she said, slipping her fingers around his hand to grip it tightly. Joyita whined a little, nosing at their hands and then looking up at Angelo with a questioning look on her face. She could tell her master was in pain.

He reached out to stroke Joyita's head absently, almost smiling down at her. "I saw it comin', I think", he said quietly, thinking it over. "Didn't talk about it, tried not to think about it, but... yeah."

"Doesn't make it any easier, tho'," Amanda pointed out quietly. "You gunna be all right?"

Angelo sighed. "...Yeah. Always am, aren't I? We survive, we pick stuff up an' we go on."

"You're soundin' like her, you realise," Amanda said, turning slightly so she could look him in the face properly. "It's all right t' let yerself feel it. You told me that yerself, when Beth left. But for fuck's sake, Ange, don't lock it all up inside until it eats you up from the inside out. Not like Paige does."

That got her more of a response, at least: a sharp turn of the head, and then a long look before he spoke. "...I don't know, little sis. I'm probably gonna be okay, because like I said, I always am in the end. It's almost a relief, you know?"

"A relief?" Amanda hadn't considered that. "How?" Perhaps she was projecting her own reactions onto him, but when Beth had left, when she thought she'd lost Manuel... the pain had been so great it was almost like she couldn't breathe.

"'Cause I knew this was comin', sooner or later. Not Paige crackin' up, I mean... I've been wonderin' for awhile if we were really goin' to last. She wanted to be an X-Man, I don't, I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna stay livin' here..."

Amanda tried not to react to that last part. Angelo had every right to leave, to have a new life. "So you don't still love her, then?" she asked instead, sliding her hand from his. She felt a bit silly, trying to comfort someone who obviously didn't need it. Didn't need her.

He shot her a faintly exasperated look at the withdrawal, and took her hand back firmly. "I'm only goin' to New York, little sis, if I go anywhere at all. Not far. An' I never said I didn't still love her. I don't know what I feel about her now."

She didn't understand, but she wasn't going to argue. If he wasn't upset by this, then she should be glad. Even if to her love was something passionate, larger than life, marked by blazing rows and furious makings up - at least, that had been her experience with Manuel. Maybe sometimes love wasn't enough, didn't last, slipping away quietly with each little moment of distrust, each tiny rejection. "I want t' help," she said at last. "I just don't know how. Or if you need me to, at all."

He gave her a rueful, tired shadow of his old grin. "'ve been up all night tryin' to decide what t'do if she ever does come back, an' I'm no closer to it. All you have to do t'help is be here. An' I know you'll do that."

Amanda nodded. "Goes without sayin'." Looking more closely, she could see the tiredness underneath the normal greyness of his skin. "You look all in. If you want t' sleep any time, I can make sure no-one bugs you."

He laughed a little, then nodded. "Probably a good idea."

"'S my specialty, puttin' people t' sleep. Better 'n one of al Rashid's classes," she told him with a small grin.

That earned a half-grin. "You want to head back up to the house, then?"

"Only if you want to - I figure there's a lot of people wantin' t' know what's goin' on an' wantin' t' make sure you're okay an' the like. If you aren't up for runnin' the gauntlet, there's a couple of comfy spots out here." Her smile turned sad. "I've slept out here a few times, when I needed some space. Least, until..." She glanced at Nemesis, and hung her head, before rallying. This wasn't about her. "Either way I'll stay with you while you get some rest."

Angelo considered for a minute, then decided, "Out here's good, just for awhile. Tell 'em I'm okay an' I'll be in before too long."

She pulled her PDA out of her pocket. "Came all prepared, even. I'll post somethin' t' the journals
an' let 'em know." She considered Joyita. "Not the hayloft, then, with the puppy. But there's always a nice big pile of hay in one of the other empty stalls. An' I can make sure the horses're fed an' all - that's usually somethin' Paige does." She bit her lip, not liking how that sounded. Like she was trying to replace the other girl. No doubt that would be how she would see it. "Just until she comes back," she continued. Paige _would_ come back, that she was sure of - people had left before, yes, but the sudden departures? Never lasted long.

Angelo nodded. "Someone needs t'do it." He got up, carefully dislodging Joyita from his legs, and stretched as he looked for a suitable stall.

Amanda scrambled to her feet as well, and took advantage of the upright position to give Angelo a
sudden, fierce hug. "You know I'll always come back, don't you?" she murmured, wanting him to understand that she wouldn't abandon him the way Paige had.

He hugged her back without hesitation. "I know. You always have."

She could feel the weariness in him, the heaviness of his movements, the way he leaned on her slightly without even realising it. "Come on, you need t' get some rest," she said, tugging him towards the stall where the spare hay was piled.

He grinned ruefully and followed, Joyita sticking close by. "Point taken, little sis."