Sunday

[x-piotr.livejournal.com]

On their trip to the city, Piotr and Sam go to see a movie. Afterwards Piotr asks Sam for a favor. Takes place on Sunday evening.

(note: They had intended to see The Matrix: Reloaded, but Lucy and I sent them to Down With Love instead. They claim everything else was sold out, we have our doubts. ;) )


Piotr is idly chewing on his pop straw and watching people leave the theater as the credits roll. He liked the movie, though he doesn't remember half of it because he can't stop thinking about.. things. He turns his head to look over at Sam. "Did you like the movie?"

Sam is staring at the screen, even though it's just the credits rolling, licking the last traces of popcorn butter from his thumb. He turns his head towards Piotr at the sound of his voice, jerked out of his thoughts. "Huh? Oh! Yeah! I thought it was great. I dunno...I like silly movies like that. Romantic comedies."

Piotr smiles a bit, and turns in his seat to ignore the credits and crowd to talk to Sam. "Me, too.. I think. I guess... I mean, that is how it is supposed to be, yes? A boy and a girl in love... they would not make a movie about a boy and a boy, right?"

"I." Sam blinks, nonplussed by Piotr's innocent question. "I don't know. I've never. Seen one, m'self. There might be some, though. Not sure that many people would, um, want to go see 'em."

Piotr frowns, looking unsure and embarrassed. "Is it okay if a boy likes a boy like how a boy likes a girl in that movie? I do not... know anyone or.. I just never..." he trails off, not wanting to sound any stupider than he already does.

Sam's eyes widen, and he takes a shivery breath. He is NOT the person to be asking about this, and he's getting a little nervous. He wonders for a panicked second whether maybe Piotr can read his thoughts, but the feeling passes and he tries to answer. "I don't know, Piotr. I guess so. But I don't know anyone like that either, and I don't think I'm really the best person to ask, 'cause I. Well, I mean, sometimes I...um. Nevermind."

Piotr chews on the inside of his mouth, noticing Sam's nervousness, but not really understanding why. He worries, thinking that people must really find this subject weird, or wrong. He takes a deep breath, wishing he could avoid talking about this completely.. but he has to know, and he's comfortable around Sam. "Sam.. we are good friends, right? I can... tell you things I would not tell everybody?"

He sits up straight in his seat, and runs a hand through his hair, looking at Piotr with darkened eyes. He figures he must know what Piotr's about to say, and the thoughts race in his head, thousands at a time. He can feel his face getting hot "Of course you can."

Piotr glances down at his pop and takes another deep breath... inhale.. exhale. Steeling his resolve, he looks back to Sam. "Um.. the other night.. I... had a dream. One of the dream kinds I would have about a girl. But it was a boy, and now I can't not think about it, and I do not know if... I think I like... well, I do not know what to do. I want to know if I really like boys, because I do not know why I would be thinking about it so much if I did not..."

Sam swallows thickly, and bites his bottom lip. His breaths are shallow, and he wonders just what, exactly, he's gotten into here. He refuses to acknowledge that part of him that brightens at the thought of Piotr talking to him about this, of all things, and what exactly that would mean. "Well that sounds like a natural question to have in that. Situation. Maybe you can like both girls and boys. How would you know?"

He nods a bit. "Yes, I want to know. I was hoping.. because we are friends, for you to help me. I had a girlfriend in Russia, and I kissed her and it felt good.. it did not feel wrong. So.. I was.. I thought.. maybe if I kiss a boy I will know if it feels good or bad. You and me are friends, so if I kiss you.. just once.. I would know, and your feelings would not be hurt.. and you would not think I was bad..." he looks hopeful, and just a little desperate.

Sam is silent for a long moment, realizing just how much he's wanted something like this, but has been too afraid to go after it himself. He presses his lips together in a straight line and nods with conviction. "I'd like to know how it feels too, I think. I kind of. Wanted to, for a while. So yeah, I'd like to.." his voice catches, "to kiss you."

Piotr looks relieved, and then when he realizes what Sam said, he cocks his head. "You like boys too maybe?" His eyes widen just a bit.

Sam nods, telling himself as much as he's telling Piotr, confirming it for the first time. "Yeah. Maybe." He looks around the theater, and sees that it's blessedly deserted.

Piotr doesn't know what to make of that, and puts a hand on Sam's shoulder. He leans closer, eyes half shut, and whispers, "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Sam leans forward as well, and lets his eyelids flutter closed. He breathes in sharply through his nose as their lips meet, and something tightens in his chest. He doesn't think or calculate, just feels Piotr...and isn't afraid.

Piotr's eyes close as his lips press against Sam's in a surprisingly soft and nice kiss. He relaxes, trying to enjoy the feeling while it lasts. Hand shifting from Sam's shoulder to his neck, he deepens the kiss, taking full advantage of this chance.

Sam lets his hands wander to Piotr's waist over the arm separating the seats and takes deep breaths, inhaling Piotr's distinctly fresh and slightly metallic scent. Listening to the other man's soft sounds, he slides a hand from around Piotr's waist up his back. Sam opens his lips, tasting, wanting to satisfy all of his senses.

Piotr almost feels like he could lose himself in the kiss, and the warmth of Sam's hand on his back, the fringe of hair under his fingers. But he knows he can't take this any further, because then it would start to mean Something.. and this isn't who he thinks he wants it to mean Something with. Just as the kiss starts to intensify, Piotr slowly pulls back and opens his eyes. His cheeks are flushed, and he can't think of a thing to say.

Sam is startled as Piotr pulls back, a little confused, but high on this feeling he didn't even really know he could feel. The words come, but very slowly. "Well..." he says, his voice low and quiet, feeling the heat in his face, "I guess that gives me an answer."

Piotr nods a bit, trying to grasp at all the thoughts running through his head. "Me too... it did not feel bad. ...Um.. thanks Sam... "he smiles, trying not to look as troubled as he feels."

Sam furrows his brow, and knots his hands across his knee. "You're welcome, Piotr." He pauses, collecting this thoughts. "Was that...the only time that will ever happen?"

Piotr looks over as a cleaning crew comes into the theater, then back to Sam. "I think so. I just wanted to know if it would feel good... I would not need to again. Okay?" He sounds a bit worried, and wonders if Sam feels uncomfortable. He stands up. "We better go..."

"I guess we had," he sighs deeply and stands, wondering if anything will ever really be the same between them.

~~~


Later that night, after Piotr and Sam return, Piotr looks for Alison seeking advice.



Piotr can't figure out why he doesn't exactly feel good about what happened earlier with Sam, and has been looking around the Mansion for Alison. Currently he steps into the library and looks around, hoping she's having a late night read or something.

Alison looks up from the shelves - she'd wandered in earlier to search for information on lap harps to be able to purchase something appropriate for Terry, as a surprise. "Piotr?" She frowns as she sees the look on his face, emotions clear for anyone to see. "Are you all right?" she asks, forgetting about harps and walking towards him with a concerned look on her face.

Piotr smiles weakly, and crosses the room to meet her. "I have been looking for you..." he doesn't answer her question, his smile fading. He looks around the library, noting it's emptiness, and sits down on the edge of a table. "How are you?" he asks.

"I'm ok," she answers, leaning on a nearby table to face him, noting that he didn't answer her question. "Better than before, really. Had a good talk last night - helped more than I thought really." Her lips curve into a half-smile at the thought, but it fades quickly and she looks at him inquiringly. "Something's bothering you," she states calmly.

He looks troubled at this, his frown deepening. "I did not know you felt bad before... I guess there are too many things about people that I do not see. ...Something is bothering me, I think I made a big mistake." He fiddles with a belt loop on his jeans, having second thoughts about telling her.

Alison chuckles quietly, and walks over to sit on the table next to him. "I'm an actress, Piotr. Wasn't the biggest part of my career, but it still applies. Sometimes I hide things even from me. I guess it's a good thing I don't mind leaning on people when I figure out I'm feeling lousy, or else it'd be quite a pickle I'd be in. I'm pretty good at hiding stuff." She smiles reassuringly at him, noting that he relaxes slightly as she's talking and decides to wait a bit before asking him again what is bothering him.

He looks back up at her, smiling a bit sheepishly. "How would you fit in a pickle?"

She smiles and pats his arm comfortingly. "It's an expression. It means being in a bad situation. Kind of how like pickles are stuck in the sour liquid in the jar." She wrinkles her nose, not being fond of pickles herself, then leans on his arm slightly. "So. What pickle are you in, Piotr?"

"Oh... I understand now." He covers her hand on his arm with one of his own larger ones and looks down at their hands as he replies, "My pickle is that I kissed Sam. And I think it was a mistake. .. I am.. so stupid..." His grip on her hand tightens.

"You-" Alison blinks and stares at his hand over hers, keeping a firm grip on it only from pure reflex as a wash of emotions run over her. And stopped breathing again. "... kissed Sam." Oh no. No no no. This is not bothering. Oh hell. It is. I think I'm jealous. Fuck. She looks up at Piotr cautiously, hiding her emotions carefully from him, letting nothing but quiet concern for him show through. "Why do you think that was a mistake, Piotr? I mean..." she forges on recklessly, ignoring the tightening sensation in her chest. "If you both.. wanted that?"

Piotr looks a little relieved that she doesn't seem too weirded out by it, but still troubled. "It was me... I wanted.. well, wait.. I guess I should tell you. I had a dream.. not really a dream.. these thoughts about... someone. A boy, and I could not make them go away. And they scared me, they still kind of scare me, because I have never thought of a boy.." he pauses, struggling through the explanation and putting a hand to his forehead, as if that will help him find what he wants to say, "No, not a boy.. a man. I have never thought of a man.. uh.. to want to.. kiss him and... touch him..."

He pauses again, blushing with embarrassment, and continues. "I was with Sam, and I had a thought... uh, an idea. And I thought because we are friends maybe he would let me kiss him. Because all I kept wondering was do I want to kiss a man really? And he said it was okay.. so I kissed him. It was nice, but.. Sam was acting kind of... not the same. And now that I am thinking about it more I know that it was very... that word, I was only thinking about me. And it must have bothered Sam, and I do not know what to do, Alison..." he finally stops, and looks at her with a sad and hopeful expression, hoping she can help make this better.

Alison blinks at him for a few seconds. 'He said it was okay.' She shakes herself out of her daze, ignoring the sinking sensation at the bottom of her stomach at his look of mingled hope and sadness Piotr is giving her. "Selfish is the word you were looking for, Piotr," she says carefully, threading an arm through is - as much for his comfort as for her own at this point. "But I think you were just more afraid and confused than anything else. Sometimes it's hard to see much of anything else when we're feeling that way," she murmurs, letting out a sharp exhalation of breath before continuing. "Does Sam know it was just curiosity, and nothing more?" Big assumption there girl. Really big assumption. What if it was something more? Guess you find out soon.

Piotr tries the word out, "Selfish..." He leans on Alison a bit, and his words tumble from his mouth, "I told him I just want to know how it is to kiss a man. I think.. I mean, I do not think he thought it was more. He telled me something, but he might not want anyone to know so I will not say... but, I am scared he does not want to be friends anymore. And I liked the kiss and I am scared because I am supposed to like girls.. women. For wife and kids, you know?"

"Not everyone gets married and has children, Piotr," she says gently. "There are some who never marry and have children. And sometimes people who do get married chose not to have children at all. It's not something you have to do." She sighs, wondering how in the world one explains to a complete innocent that there's nothing wrong with being gay. "And you don't have to just like girls either," she adds, keeping it simple - mostly because she has no clue what else to say really. "I had a lot of friends in the music business who preferred their own gender you know. Or both sometimes. It didn't make them bad people for it - it doesn't make them who they are, you know. Trust me."

She pauses then, brows knitting in worry, and gives him a serious look. "It doesn't mean everyone sees it that way though - if you decide to be open about it - and Piotr, I don't think you'd be too good at hiding things... odds are you'll have some people saying some pretty nasty things about you. Or your loved ones. It's not fair by any length of the imagination, but it'll happen."

Piotr's mouth opens as if he were going to say something, but he just sits there, looking devastated and confused. After a very long silence, he finally manages, "I think I will just not tell anyone, and try to forget it. You will not tell, right?" He gives her a pleading look.

She nods at him, having a rather good idea of why he's asking her this. "If that's what you want, sweetie," she smiles sadly, wishing things could be simpler, wishing she weren't feeling more and more jealous of him for kissing Sam. "But I don't think it'll just go away like that. If you ever need to talk about it some more, or just lean a bit, I'll be here," she offers, figuring trying to deny this won't be easy for him in the least but she's certainly not the one to tell him what to do on this matter. "Piotr," she continues, feeling briefly as though the room were airless, "you may want to... give Sam a bit of time to sort himself out. Might have been pretty confusing for him too, really. And if he doesn't go back to normal around you - talk to him about it."

Piotr nods, and slides off the table. He lets go of her arm, "Thank you, Alison... I am going to go to bed now... Good night." His voice sounds how his expression looks, blank. He touches her hair for a moment, before starting to walk away.

"Good night," Alison manages to smile at him as he leaves, waiting until the door closes behind him to groan in misery and let her head hang. After a moment, she runs her hands through her hair, drawing in a ragged breath before raising her head again.

"Oh boy," she mutters quietly, giving up on sorting out her feelings for the moment beyond simply acknowledging them. "I'm in trouble."