xp_logs | Nathan and Amanda, Nathan and Meggan, Sunday afternoon (Reply)

Amanda finally tracks Nathan down, out by the lake, to talk to him about an independent study project and helping with Meggan's language problems. He's willing to pitch in with the latter, and has a few good ideas for the former. Eventually the conversation comes around to why Nathan's been so distracted lately, and he tells her about Saul.

This was getting annoying, Amanda decided. Nate had apparently acquired a disappearing act to go with the increasing distraction, and she wanted to talk to him about that independent study project. And the location spell had been a disaster - the little green firefly of light had spun in the air a bit before exploding into sparks, which hadn't been particularly helpful. Chalk another one up as an object lesson in the relationship between emotional stability and magic. Finally, however, she spotted a familiar large shape down by the lake, apparently working whatever it was off on the water, judging by the shapes he was generating with his TK. She watched him for a while, enjoying the sun on her shoulders - she'd definitely been spending too much time inside, and Meggan was spending the afternoon with Kurt, so she could enjoy it without rushing.

He was trying Askani pattern-work with streams of water, as a test of control. The point was to keep the stream intact at all points down its length, no matter how many twists and turns and spirals he worked into it. It wasn't as much of a challenge as it should have been. So he was doing three at once.

Nathan sensed Amanda approaching and bit his lip, not turning away from the lake. I really should have gone looking for her yesterday... The passive impression he was getting from her thoughts was unsettled, in the way that usually meant mildly irked.

Well, one of them had to say something, even if Amanda was beginning to get the impression Nathan was... well, not avoiding her exactly. But definitely distracted and worried about something and not telling her, which was his right of course, but still... "Pretty," she said at last, nodding at the patterns of water. "What do these ones mean?" She knew the Askani had patterns for all sorts of things - Manuel had bitched about some of what Nathan had been trying to teach him.

"Not a thing," he said as cheerfully as he could. She gave him a dubious look and he gave her a quick smile as she came up beside him. "No, really. They're just practice patterns. They're overly complicated for the specific purpose of being hard to do this with." His gaze moved back to the pillars of twisting water, and he shrugged, letting them slide back into the lake - not too abruptly, or he'd wind up splashing both himself and Amanda. "I'm not having much trouble with them, though."

"What, not even a little meaning? Thought they could do everythin' with patterns, even cure the common cold." Amanda's tone was teasing, although she was still perturbed at the slightly off note to Nathan's cheery tone. "An' don't say that too loud, they'll give you harder homework t' do next time."

Askani chuckled softly at the back of his mind, and Nathan deliberately made a face at Amanda. "She heard you. Thanks so much," he bantered, half-turning to lean back against the railing of the dock. "So. Given some thought to what you might want to do for that independent study project?" he asked briskly.

She mimicked his position, leaning back against the rail and tipping her face up towards the sun, closing her eyes. "Well, there was that idea t' see just what the real story is behind the Burnin' Times," she said, "But 'm thinkin' that might be a bit too much. I'd like t' do somethin' with the languages..." She trailed off a little awkwardly - she hoped Nathan wouldn't take her decision to drop the language study personally, given he was the teacher for most of them. Then again, she might not be dropping them if he'd been the Arabic teacher.

"I, um, may have incidentally put together something of a reading list for you on the former," Nathan said, his smile a bit wry. It had been something to distract himself with a few days ago, for an hour or so. "It might be simpler, in terms of an independent study project for history, to do that. But if you wanted to do something with the languages... I had an idea for that, too. Meggan likes fairy tales, myths, things like that, right?" He was sure she'd said something about that. "You could translate something out of Arabic or Mandarin for her."

Amanda's eyes lit up at the latter. Something with the languages that Meggan would enjoy too. "I like the sound of the translatin'," she said. "Some of the readin' you were gettin' us t' do in Mandarin, those kid's stories an' the like? I liked them meself, an' they'd be what Meggan'd enjoy." Her grin turn mischievous. "An' I wouldn't mind that readin' list as well - somethin' t' keep in mind when things settle down some." There was only a small note of cynicism in her tone - seeing her schedule down in black and white, and getting feedback had made things somehow more manageable. Not to mention the help she was getting from Shan.

"I can help you with either, so it's up to you. I thought the translation might appeal, though, given that it would be for Meggan too." And if she turned out to have a flair for it, as he suspected she would - he'd taught her languages for long enough at this point - that might be another option for her. "And the children's stories were precisely what I was thinking about - like those folk tales we looked at back in the fall?"

She nodded. "Yeah, that's exactly it - she likes the talkin' animal stories, like Aesop an' Brer Rabbit an' the like, an' I didn't really want t' give her too much in the way of fairy tales. I don't want her thinkin' magic's a good idea - bad enough that I do it. 'S not somethin' I'd want anyone t' get mixed up with, let alone a kid. Not if there's a choice."

"We'll make sure we don't give her any of the gruesome ones, either." Nathan glanced back out at the lake, blinking a little at the brightness of the reflected sunlight. "Now, what else was I supposed to be... oh! The vocabulary download." He looked back at Amanda, mustering another slightly too chipper smile. "Talked to Charles. I think he's looking at it as good practice for me... but don't worry, I know exactly how to do it. Whenever you and Meggan have some time, it should only take a few minutes."

Again with the smile... "No gruesome ones, right." Amanda shrugged a little and nodded. "The Prof knows this stuff best, an' Meg trusts you. An' if it'll help her catch up..."

"It should," Nathan said encouragingly. "Think of it this way - she knows how to build sentences, now, she just needs to have more of the raw material at hand to do that."

Amanda gave him a wry smile. "I trust you," she said. "I'd rather she got t' do this in her own time, but one of the things I was thinkin' of was when she was missin', was what if she was just lost, an' tryin' t' tell people who she was an' where she lived, an' she couldn't make herself understood? Things happen too much in this place t' take the chance. An' it's buggin' her, not bein' able t' talk proper - you can see her gettin' frustrated. So, we go the shortcut."

"Consider it a justified shortcut," he suggested gently. "There's safety, and there's her own frustration. And I'll be careful doing it. Charles and I do a lot of focusing on communication-related techniques because that's what I'm most comfortable doing with my telepathy."

"I know you will. Just after what happened with Manuel... you'll explain to her what you're doin', right? I will as well, but make sure she knows you aren't doin' anythin' bad?" Amanda stopped suddenly and shook her head with a snort. "Fuck, listen to me - 'm soundin' like one of those bloody worry wart parents. Don't worry 'bout me, Nate - I know you an' the Prof have things under control."

"Hey, if there's one thing you can count on, it's that given reason, I talk entirely too much," Nathan said with a perfectly straight face. "Not to worry. If she's not doing the Meggan-equivalent of 'ooh, nifty!' by the time I'm done, you can kick my ass."

She snickered at that. "Nah, yer ego'd never recover if I did that."

"Too kind. But it's gotten enough of a beating these days, really, so I do appreciate it," Nathan said a bit ruefully, his gaze moving back to the lake. Nice, peaceful water. He was tempted to go for a swim; it was damned hot out here.

That got a raised eyebrow in response. "How come?" she asked, before realising that she was probably being nosy. "'S not like you've been back in medlab lately, or gone off the deep end from not sleepin'. Unless you're still a bit pissed off about that French toast thing? I didn't mean t' embarrass you - don't think before typin', sometimes, an' I thought it was sort of funny, in a weird 'Nate never does this' kind of way."

"Eh, it's not the French toast thing," Nathan said somewhat restlessly. "Just... stuff." It struck him that it was the same word he'd used to Haroun back on Friday, and he made a face. "I'm getting therapy from a couple of different directions lately and it's wearing on me," he said abruptly. "Having trouble with hand-to-hand, now that I'm getting back into training."

"Oh." Amanda wanted to ask what stuff, but she didn't want to push, not when he was obviously talking about it to people who weren't her, and not particularly happy about it. "'S not... you said somethin' 'bout somethin' not-bad happenin', in that email?" she asked awkwardly. This being polite, respecting boundaries... it was bloody hard. "You dont' have t' say if you don't want to, 'm probably just bein' nosy an' you've got enough people in yer face, by the sounds of it," she finished almost as abruptly as he had.

"Yeah," Nathan said, more wryly, "that's something else entirely." 'Something' that still hadn't emailed him back. Frustration, hurt, confusion - it all passed across his face before he could bring his expression back to neutral, and he gave her a helpless look, noticing the intent way she was looking at him. The not-quite-suppressed worry. "You're going to fall in the lake when you hear this," he said, striving for a humorous tone. "You really are."

"If it'll help, I can do that," she replied, cracking a small smile. "But Nate... you don't have t' say, not if you don't want to. Fuck knows I know 'bout wanting t' sort things out before sayin' anythin', an' people stickin' their noses in too much. Mind you, most of the time it was probably needed." She sighed with frustration at not finding the words she wanted to say without it sounding passive-aggressive or accusatory. "You want t' tell me, tell me. If you don't... that's okay too. You're a grown up, you don't need a kid like me babysittin' you."

He really ought to tell her. The similarities between their two situations... just a little too much for it not to come as a shock to her, when she finally heard. And he'd rather she heard it from him.

"I met my father last weekend," he said finally. Opting for the direct approach.

The flippant response died on her lips and she went completely still. He'd told her about his childhood, she knew what his father had done... For really the first time since the conversation started she looked into his face, saw the confusion there. "You... how did he find you?" she asked at last, since it must have been that way. No way would Nathan have looked for that bastard - it would have been like her chasing down Rack for a chat.

"He didn't, actually. The taskforce... the people who helped us take out Mistra, from the government. Well, their end of the work isn't quite done yet," Nathan said, floundering a little. "They're trying to find the families of the operatives who survived, not just the kids. It's a little harder, with more time having passed and all, but they've had a lot of luck. We recovered a lot of information from the mission. They... used some of that to find my father, and set it up so that I could talk to him without him knowing where I was or what I was doing."

"But why would you want to?" The question came out before she could stop it. "The stuff he did... I would've thought you'd keep away, unless you wanted to..." Now she gave him a worried look. "You aren't gunna track him down so you can get him back, are you? Like Pete with his dad?"

"No!" Nathan said, a bit more forcefully than he'd intended, and immediately gave her a contrite look. "Sorry, didn't mean to roar at you. But no... nothing like that. It's... complicated," he said, hesitating again. "Remember I said you'd fall in the lake?" She nodded. "Well, I said that because... well, what I remember about my childhood might not be what actually happened." He mustered an uncertain smile. "Deja vu, no?"

She'd jumped at the force of his first word, but the rest floored her. "It's not?" she asked faintly. "You mean like... But..." Words weren't coming, so instead she suddenly moved forward and hugged him, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. "We have t' stop this whole copyin' each other's lives things," she said at last, voice a bit muffled. "'S gettin' too fuckin' weird."

"You think?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light. The spontaneous hug was... touching, to put it mildly, and he hugged her back, a sigh slipping out. "I don't know if I ever told you just how little of my life in Alaska I do remember. I have these huge memory gaps, and Saul... my father doesn't remember things the way I do at all. But there are details he told me, people and places... they match, and it's making me wonder if what little I do remember is real or not." He shook his head. "The gaps are blocks," he said, striving for a more even tone. "Charles is pretty sure about that, but he doesn't want to try smashing through. It might... be something Mistra did. Trying to convince me that I had no home, no family I'd want to go back to. It's hard to tell, with the conditioning gone, whether it's damage they did, or whether I just... invented it all." His voice failed a little on those last words. He was still having trouble with that concept.

She caught the way his voice faltered - it was impossible not to. Not pulling away, she took a deep breath, and then spoke, her voice so quiet it was barely audible. "I knew Rack was a liar. Everythin' he said, everythin' he did... he only used the truth when it could hurt. That story 'bout my family sellin' me..." Here she paused, and took another deep breath. "Part of me knew it was another lie. But I had t' believe it, 'cause it was the only way I could cope. If I thought of what I'd lost..." She couldn't finish the sentence, but an image flashed clearly in her mind, eight years old and goading Rack into beating her, hoping that this time he'd take it too far. "Just... make sure? Who's tellin' the truth? Yer dad, he's got as much reason t' lie t' you as Rack did t' me."

"I've got a lot of people helping me out with the whole making sure side of things," Nathan said, trying to reassure her. "Even if I was trying to make any snap decisions, no one's about to let me," he tried to joke, although the humor fell a little flat. The image he caught in her mind hurt to see, and he sighed, hugging her a little more tightly. "And like I said, I met him. Everything I sensed from him... it all felt very real, Amanda."

"Well, you'd know, bein' the mind reader an' all." Her attempt at humour wasn't much better than his. Pulling back enough so she could look up and see his face, she added: "What was he like? Yer dad?"

"Different than I expected." The laugh that came out was a bit odd-sounding. "Okay, so that's kind of a redundant statement, all things considered. Uhh... big. My height, and he looked to be in awfully good shape for someone his age. I... really kind of take after him, too."

That wasn't exactly what Amanda had meant, but who was she to push? She'd barely talked to Nathan about her family before she'd met them. "Were you... I remember meetin' Margali an' the rest, I was scared t' death, even after I had all the proof t' say Rack had lied. I was angry for so long, it was hard t' let go. An' I wanted... well, I wasn't sure what I wanted, really. But it was important that they... liked me, I s'pose. Which sounds pretty pathetic, but there you go." It was easier to talk in terms of what she'd felt and thought, since Nathan was obviously struggling still with his. Quid pro quo, perhaps.

"I... don't know," Nathan said uncertainly. "I'm still not sure why I reacted the way I did, or what exactly I was feeling... he took me so off-guard. Like he was a different person completely, except he looked the same..." He was still trying to wrap his mind around that. The cognitive dissonance, for lack of a better term.

"Do you want t' see him again?" Amanda asked gently, moving so she was leaning against the rail next to him instead.

Nathan didn't answer for a moment, and didn't meet her eyes when he did. "More than... just about anything," he said very quietly, at last. "Only I'm not sure if he wants to see me again anymore." He tried to shrug. "Suppose I can't really blame him if that's what he's decided," he said. "If this is all the way he says it is, it's got to be a hell of a shock to be faced by your long-lost son telling you that he remembers you as an abusive monster. And my mother..." He stopped, bit his lip. "My mother died ten years ago," he went on, somewhat heavily. "I get the sense it really hit him hard. And I know how hard it is to open yourself back up, after you lose someone..."

"If he's not... It's probably come as much of a shock t' him as it did t' you," Amanda suggested hesitantly. She lay her hand on his arm, an attempt at comfort. "Yer mum, my dad... This whole similarity thing's gettin' a bit creepy, Nate." It was meant to be a joke. "If yer dad's anythin' like you, he won't stay away forever. Too stubborn t' run away."

"It's only been a few days since I emailed him. I might be jumping to conclusions," Nathan said. He really hoped he was jumping to conclusions. The idea of this... possibility being held out to him and then snatched away again was doing very bad things to his state of mind. He laid a hand over hers, trying to smile. "You managed to stay out of the lake, though."

"Close call for a minute there," she told him with a grin. "But if it'd make you feel better, I could always manage it for you." She looked at the water, cool and inviting under the hot sun. "In fact, I wouldn't say no, just have t' dump me phone an' me shoes."

"I'm tempted too," Nathan said. "Actually, why don't we--" The aforementioned phone suddenly trilled and he blinked at her.

"Bollocks." Amanda dug the phone out of her jeans pocket and pressed the button. "Hey, Kurt, what's... She's where? Is she all right?" Her tone sharpened abruptly, as did her features, although as Kurt continued to speak, a certain amount of relief crossed her face. "I'll be right there. No need t' 'port - stay with her, yeah? She hates the smell of medlab." Another pause, and a slightly wry smile crossed her face. "She's not hurt, an' that's the main thing. 'S all right, Kurt, 'm learnin' you can't watch 'em every second. See you in a tick." Switching the phone off, she looked up at Kurt. "Meg's in the medlab gettin' checked up - apparently she decided t' show Kurt a new trick involvin' a power socket an' a fork. She's all right - Kurt said somethin' 'bout her powers. But I need t' get down there."

"Well, shit," Nathan said, somewhat incredulously. He fell in beside her as she started back towards the mansion. "Now I'm having flashbacks. You wouldn't believe the things Tyler used to do with his Hot Wheels..."

Shortly after Amanda's summoned back to the mansion to deal with the aftermath of this log, Nathan gives Meggan her vocabulary download. All goes very well. Telepathically speaking, he's come a long way.

Meggan had left Moira calming Manda down - for some reason, the fork thing had her quite upset - and trotted into Moira's office, where Nate was already waiting. He was going to give her words, Moira had explained, so she would be able to explain what she'd done. "Hi, Nate!" she said happily, going over to give him a hug. "I ate energy-stuff. Kurt an' Moira an' Manda got all scared."

"They're not used to kids your age doing things like that," Nathan said, smiling at her and patting the spot on the couch beside him. "Usually that's a bad thing. Except when the kid's special, like you."

Meggan climbed up on the couch beside him. "Moira says you gonna put words in my head," she said, with interest. "How? Like when you show me pictures of Manda?"

"Like that, but it might feel... different," Nathan said, trying to think of a way to explain it. "It won't hurt, don't worry, but your head might feel... crowded, for a little while."

Meggan nodded, snuggling against his side and resting her head on his shoulder. "Lots of room," she told him. There were so MANY things to know here, and she'd learned lots and her head didn't feel at all full yet. "Now?"

"Now's good," Nathan said, reaching out and taking her delicate hands in his. "Turn around so we're facing each other," he suggested, and the two of them shifted around on the couch. "Now, just look me in the eyes..."

Meggan looked into his eyes obediently... and then they were someplace else. It looked a lot like the room she shared with Manda, but it was kind of blurry and indistinct around the edges, and through the door and the window she could see a lot of pretty-coloured blurs. The ceiling seemed to be made of pink clouds, which was pretty. "Where this?" she asked, reaching out to touch the duplicate of her Teddy.

"It's your mind, Meggan. It's very... pink," Nathan said with a fond smile, looking up at the ceiling and then down at her. "You like pink?"

"Pink favourite colour," she explained. "Is pretty! Like my pink dress for wedding. You said that pretty." She reached over to take his hand. "My mind look like my room. But no Manda in it. We put words in here?"

"We do. And you were very pretty at the wedding." Nathan picked a spot on the floor and stared hard at it. Light emerged from the floor in blue and gold spiraling tendrils, like some sort of glowing plant sprouting from a dropped seed.

Meggan reached over to touch it, giggling as the light spilled around her fingers. "Pretty!" she said admiringly.

"Why, thank you," Nathan said. "That's actually my mind, Meggan - or a part of it."

Meggan touched it lightly. "It shiny," she said, smiling. "Shiny pretty." She frowned a little. "Don't see words."

"We need to make a structure... a skeleton for the words, before they come," Nathan said as the light grew, spiraling around them in dizzying curves, spreading out to fill the whole room. "You wouldn't want them to all be floating around in here with nowhere to go, would you?" he teased gently.

Meggan shook her head. "Messy." She thought about it, and pointed to the mental duplicate of the milk-crate that was her toybox. "Put in a box, like toys? To be tidy?"

"Hmm. Maybe. Once they're all here," Nathan said, and concentrated on the psi-structure. It looked like nothing so much as a giant glowing tree, now. "Are you ready?"

Meggan nodded, taking his hand. "Ready," she agreed. "Time for words!"

Nathan closed his eyes - or the minscape equivalent of his eyes, and threw all his concentration into letting the body of knowledge flow upwards, through the psi-structure and into Meggan's mind. He kept the pace carefully regulated, wanting to make it as gentle a process as possible. Dimly, he was aware of Charles 'watching', and was grateful.

Meggan felt it before she saw it, closing her eyes and smiling at the almost tickly feeling. It felt like water flowing into her, the tickly pressure she felt when she put her hand in the bath while it was filling, and felt the water from the tap from inside the water that was already there.

It took surprisingly little time, when it came right down to it. Even keeping the flow of the download to a gentle stream, it was done in a few minutes, and Nathan withdrew carefully from Meggan's mind, opening his eyes and smiling down at the little girl.

"There. How do you feel?"

Meggan thought about it. "Sloshy," she decided. Her mind did feel - not full, exactly, but fuller. "All done now?" She could sort of feel the words in there, although they weren't exactly HER words, yet... she'd have to use them first.

"All done." He had a bit of a headache, but nothing more than his body's recognition that yes, he'd just done some fairly significant telepathic work there. Nathan smiled again as he sensed Charles register his pleased approval and then withdraw. "I think you'll find the words coming, now, when you talk."

Meggan nodded. "I can feel them in mine... my... head," she agreed. "Got to practice, I think." They were there, but she had to get used to using them.

"Time," Nathan told her. "They'll come more easily the more you do practice."

Meggan nodded. "Like everything," she said ruefully. "The more you do, the better you is." She'd learned ALL about practicing.