Logs [Terry/Alison, Alison/Cain] A walk by the lake...

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

Alison decides to head out for a walk outside on her own, and someone who has over time become part of the soundscape Alison is used to hearing and doesn't pay any notice to decides to follow for a bit.

Today meant going outside. In fact, Alison decided, it even meant going all the way to the lake, and entirely on her own, because there was no earthly reason for her not to do so, if she wanted to. Convincing Haroun had been something else and though he'd bowed down to her wish to go gracefully, she had the feeling he wasn't all that happy about it. Still, the starting point was her room and that was good - the fact which had made the decision to go out a little bit easier however (or so she told herself) was that the sky was grey and overcast and the weather a bit cooler than usual.

She could even wear long sleeves. It was unlikely that many people would be running about outside. Which meant, going out and pushing herself to do so was a good thing. In her estimate, anyway.

Terry still hadn't got an answer from Alison about her question and the tone of the email bothered her anyway. But rather than bothering Alison, Terry decided just to do a little reconnaissance on her own. She'd been listening to conversation in the last couple of days. Noticed the subdued atmosphere. And with lessons cancelled, her birthday gift for Alison remained where it was. Still, it was more chance than design that put Terry in the hallway as Alison crept out of her room. Curiosity had Terry following, hoping for a clue about Alison's behavior.

Walking down the stairs was easily done, or so Alison told herself, pretending she hadn't been counting each step as she went along, because of course that wasn't necessary and who did that anyway. The second floor was hit, the landing resulting in three strides, all that was needed to hit the next flight of stairs, Alison's hand shushing over the railing reassuringly.

She was moving with a purpose. Like she was on a mission. But not with her usual confidence and that made Terry frown. The oddly deliberate strides conflicted with the light touches on the rail, like Alison was afraid it would dissolve away from her. Terry paused at the landing to watch Alison as she went down the next flight of stairs then followed on silent feet.

The railing was touched with even deliberation once more, every few steps, as Alison headed for the first floor. The end of the railing slid off towards the hallway and Alison's hand lingered upon it as she took the last few steps before heading into the hallway on her own - and then she paused, eyeing the front door contemplatively, then the kitchen.

Getting a snack would be nice. But it would, also, be a way to stall from actually going outside.

And that Alison wasn't sure she wanted to allow herself, just now. So instead, she turned to look at the main door once more and after taking a small breath, resumed the same, steady walk in that direction, hands curling up from under the fabric of the long sleeved shirt she was wearing to tug at the hems, lightly.

Terry frowned again, concern in her blue eyes. Pulling a lock of hair in front of her, she nibbled on the end as she watched Alison walk to the front door and take another bracing breath. She didn't follow her teacher as she went outside, just sat down on the bench by the door and pondered what could be going on.

~*~

A walk to the lake, of course, means you meet up with someone eventually. Even when the sky is overcast instead of sunny and bright. The company is welcome at first and Alison finds out a few more things she hadn't quite absorbed yet about what happened to her. That's what happens when you were the one who was unconscious the entire time during a crisis.

It was one of those cooler days of summer, the wind actually cool and not entirely unpleasant. Staring out ahead over the water and at the reflection of the grey skies overhead refusing to let any sunlight through at all. It suited Alison's mood wonderfully, really, and she hugged herself a bit more, hands tugging at the hems of the sleeves of the light cotton shirt she was wearing, the dark shade of grey matching the weather perfectly.

Cain came up behind Alison, taking care to step on a number of dry branches on the ground so he wouldn't startle her. Folding his arms, he looked out over her head at the lake, idly noticing their reflections in the small waves.

"You know," he said after a moment, "when it comes to magic spells bringing you back from the dead for your birthday, I did it first. Just for the record, y'know."

She'd known who was walking by, had felt a strong pang of gratefulness that those who knew were always so careful to be loud in one way or another when approaching her, even as it sparked a flash of irritation. But Cain's words produced a startled, short lived laugh, Alison turning to offer him a small smile over her shoulder. "Well-" and with a slow blink, she stopped as of the first word, smile fading. "...back from the dead?"

"Oh yeah," Cain said matter-of-factly. "We got you into the hospital and you flatlined. Clarice grabbed Amanda and fixed you all up. You're looking a sight better than when we carried you out of there, got to admit. I've seen guys ripped up by booby traps and land mines had less damage." He paused, smile freezing on his face. "Uh, they told you all about that, right? The docs, I mean."

"...flatlined!?!" Gaping at him, eyes wide, Alison wildly tried to remember what Jean had told her that night when she'd woken up still thinking herself under Ryker's Island, mouth working soundlessly. "Told me Sabertooth had nabbed me. I ever remember some of that," she shuddered at this, voice hitting a high pitch for a moment, though she went on, "and she told me about the scars and she said it had been bad and-" there had been more, but much of it Alison didn't remember though there had been something about a healing and maybe going to see Jean or Scott again wouldn't be a bad idea and "...flatlined?" Not thinking about the rest he'd said of her condition upon their arrival would do, for now.

"Did I stutter?" Cain said sharply, then stopped, ashamed of his outburst. "Hey, sorry. Probably ain't easy for you to try and remember. I forget sometimes that not everyone's had forty years to get over stuff. But yeah, he grabbed you. Took you down into the sewers under Ryker's, tortured you pretty bad. Stuff I ain't seen since the war. Nate found you... with Chuck's help," Cain admitted through clenched teeth. "Went in with him and Summers, beat the badguy to shit, got you out. He, uh... he got away." Cain looked crestfallen having to admit that he'd lost track of Creed.

Closing her eyes tightly shut at the images those words conjured, Alison tried to dispel the mental images that obligingly rose to remind her of more details as to what had happened. Obviously, closed eyes weren't helping and instead she decided investigating the grass was better, all the while determined not to give in to the very firm urge to throw up. It wasn't working very well and the cold sweat breaking out heralded a few very unpleasant moments to come.

"So..." Cain continued, noticing Alison's unease and trying to think of how to change the subject, "Haroun tells me you did a number on your bathroom. Bad hair day, or just that time of the month?"

A hand clapped to her mouth at that and finally, Alison laughed, weakly so but a laugh nonetheless. "You are such a doofus." Shoulders shaking a bit, Alison looked at him, eyes a touch bright, shaking her head. At least the nausea seemed to be beating a hasty retreat, now. "I lost it." And oh, how she hated saying that. "But I think claiming an intense need to redecorate for the masses' general information will do nicely."

"I think the current public explanation is a horrible disco ball accident," Cain said with a smile, placing a hand lightly on Alison's shoulder. "Regardless, y'might want to take a bit of time off, clear your head a bit? I know you look like you're holding it together, but..." Cain left the rest of the sentence unsaid, hanging in the air.

She saw the move as he started, knew what to anticipate and didn't even twitch as he rested his hand on her shoulder. "I'm off team duties." That stung, still, oh so much, but even she had to admit there was absolutely no way she could do that at the moment. "...took a week off teaching Terry, too. Haroun hasn't let me go back on it yet, too." She looked back over the lake at that, hugging herself absently once more.

"There's only so tough you can be," Cain said, sliding down into a sitting position, which only put Alison's head slightly above his. "And it's only natural for you to ride the sidelines a bit. Don't mean you're weak, don't mean you're helpless."

"it feels that way." And her voice was neither calm nor pretty as she made the admission; one both Charles and Haroun had managed to get out of her already, in the past few days. She gave in and took a small step to the side, leaning against Cain's shoulder. Forcing herself to, kicking down the 'stand up on your own instincts' as best she could. Maybe if she did that often enough it wouldn’t be a fight to do so, later on.

"Besides," he said jovially, patting Alison on the knee. "You're alive at the end of the day. Chalk it up as a win. Worked for me when I was laid up like an invalid all winter. Least you're up and walking."

A short laugh answered that, Alison shifting uneasily. "Yeah. Yeah, I am. Up and walking." And tomorrow, jogging she decided. It was about time she started to do more than just walk and stand up. "Thank you." The words were almost a surprise to her, until she realized she hadn't' said them to everyone yet. Ought to, at that. She had emails to send, once she got back to the mansion.

Cain just shrugged dismissively at the thanks, slightly uncomfortable. "It's what you do. A teammate - a friend - needs you? You go. You'd've done the same if it were me in that situation, or 'Ro, or Nate, or Summers... well, maybe not Summers."

She punched him in the shoulder, solidly so, unafraid of harming him. "Yes, Scott too! And would I have been all that effective against him? Wasn't this weekend, was I?" The words slipped out unbidden and bitter, and Alison signed in the aftermath of that, closing her eyes.

"Coulda been," Cain said seriously, "but not when he got the drop on you. That's all it was, control of the situation. I mean, look at me," he thumped his chest. "Ain't nothing on this planet that can hurt me, physical-like. But someone like Nate or Chuck gets the drop on me, turns my brain into jello? Coulda been me. Ain't a one of us without our weaknesses that someone's gonna learn about and take advantage of. Knock Summers' glasses off. Throw Jean in the water. Leave Nate by himself without a helmet for ten minutes." Cain smiled, then patted Alison on the knee again.

"Yeah." There was no arguing with plain common sense that was, well, that solid, really. "I guess not." Finally, she slumped a bit, the stiffness which had been keeping her straight-backed since she'd leaned on him started to fade. "There's just always something bigger and nastier out there, really. Doesn't matter how it gets you."

Cain paused for a while before drawing one hand back and shoving Alison lightly, not enough to send her moving, but enough to get her attention. "So what?" he asked, a slight edge creeping into his voice. "You about to stand there and gimme the big speech about how it's all futile in the end? Shit, you don't believe that. You and I had a pretty good shouting match about nine months ago about that, if you forgot already. You get knocked down, you get up, check yourself, and get back on the damn horse."

Rolling up to his feet, Cain paced back and forth along the edge of the lake. "I ain't gonna lie to you," he said, "that was some messed up shit we pulled you out of. But a while back I remember Nate on a stretcher with a broken back, and he's still fighting the fight. Ramsey got shot in the chest - a teenaged KID - and he's willing to put on the outfit and fight the fight. Jean damn well DIED, and she was out there with us bringing you in." He stopped pacing and turned to face Alison.

"You want to feel confused? Fine. You went through shit, you've earned it. But you start sounding like you're giving up, and I swear, you're gonna find out how well you can swim because I will not hesitate to chuck you out into this lake, missy."

Stunned, Alison stared at him for a moment, unable to believe what he was saying, or the conclusion he'd jumped to. "You think I'd give up?" Fury, fueled by the ever present anger which had inhabited her since she'd woken up, welled up bright and clear and comforting. "You think I'd just roll over and play dead?" Disbelief warred with disgust at the mere notion of such a thing, overwhelming the hurt neatly, and she took a step back, then another - too angry to say anything more or even to think straight, other than knowing leaving was possibly the only thing she could afford to do right now. "You are a self-righteous bastard at times, Cain. Go find someone else to patronize. I'm not up for it."

"You DID roll over and die!" Cain shouted, squaring his shoulders. "Not because you were incompetent, not because you were sloppy, but just because one of those bastards out there got you. Maybe this is a wakeup call to what I was trying to get through your head those months ago. Was it your fault you got nabbed? No. Was it your fault you couldn't fight a guy like that in his own element? No. Is it your fault if it happens again?"

Cain just folded his arms at that. "Be pissed off at me if you gotta be pissed at someone. Long as you stay alive, I call it a fair trade."

"But I didn't give up!" She kept her voice low as she whirled around, furious but not enough to loose track of the fact that had anyone been nearby or had they been closer to the mansion, they would have been overheard. "Not once. I never! Gave! Up!"

The anger was choking her at that point, though, the glimmers of light trying to take shape in response around her only egging it on. Locking down on any power manifestation, determined not to let the slightest glow through, Alison turned around to stalk back to the mansion.