Amanda, Manuel - Saturday morning
Aug. 13th, 2005 08:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsBreakfast, a lot of talk, and a deal. No sex. *blinks* Wait, did I just write that properly?
A full day and a half and no reply to her last email to Manuel. Well, not one in words, just a confused trickle of feelings down the link, a jumble of realisation and shock and sadness, the last building up to such a point that she was starting to get worried. Especially since she'd been expecting a different reaction to her comments about his father. The last thing she'd wanted to do was plunge him into a major funk. So, come Saturday morning and still no reply, she'd loaded up a tray with breakfast (bagels, toasted and wrapped to keep them warm, fruit, grapefruit juice and some of the good coffee) and carried it to his room. If he was feeling bad, he wouldn't have eaten, and even if there wasn't going to be any talking, she could at least make sure he wasn't going to starve to death.
Besides, she'd meant what she said about wanting to fix things together. He meant too much to her to just let things hang like this.
Balancing the trap awkwardly on her hip, she tapped softly on his door. "Manny?" she called, slipping into the old nickname she hadn't used since last November. "I've got some breakfast for you, if you're hungry."
A long pause, then a quiet "Come in." through the door. Inside his room, he was laying on his bed, fully-dressed, staring at the ceiling. Somewhere, he'd managed to scrounge up a Sex Pistols T-shirt, and that and a pair of comfortably faded jeans constituted his dress for the day. Well, those and a pair of shades. "Is that food I smell?" he asked, as his stomach rumbled loudly. "I think I forgot to eat again."
She smiled despite the situation at the sight of the t-shirt. The 'God Save The Queen' classic. "It's food," she confirmed, nudging the door closed behind her with her foot and then pausing, unsure of what to do next, particularly with her hands full of tray. "You tend t' forget about stuff like that when you're... thinking, so I thought I'd bring something up. It's the least I could do." Her tone was conciliatory, but not pleading - she wasn't going to spoil the ground they'd covered by being weak and taking the blame again. Well, no more than she actually was due. "I like your shirt." She was softening the South London accent a tad too - gestures were important.
"I thought you would. I bought it while thinking of you." he said with a smile, then sat up to properly eat the food. "Been doing a lot of that lately - thinking, not buying T-shirts." he said, looking at Amanda. She looked good, all things considered. He felt the usual rush of want, but fought it fiercely until it subsided back into the mental noise. "I am not a very good boyfriend, am I." he stated. "And whatever you brought smells delicious. Share it with me?" he asked.
"Well, considering I haven't eaten yet, I was hopin' you'd ask that," she said with an answering smile, coming over and sitting down on the bed, the tray between them. The smile faded, however, as she took in what he'd said about himself. "Sometimes you aren't," she said at last. "But you try, an' I don't always give you enough credit for that. An' I'm not the best girlfriend, either - I let everythin' else get in the way sometimes."
Manuel smiled at Amanda, and only his excellent breeding and sense of decorum kept him from lunging for the grapefuit juice. He _loved_ the stuff, as Amanda well-knew, and he hadn't given himself any in weeks. He poured himself a tall glass and drank half of it in one smooth swallow. "It seems that our learning experiences usually consist of me pissing you off so very badly." he said sadly. "And I don't know why that is."
"I was hoping you would, since I don't have a clue," she said, a little sadly. "For someone who can feel other people's emotions, you don't tend t' pay a lot of attention to what you pick up. It's not even that you say one thing that pisses me off - that happens. But you keep at me, even when you know it's makin' me feel bad and I don't know why you'd want t' do that. Unless you want me t' feel shitty." The accent was creeping back in, and she took a calming breath. They could do this. "If I didn't love you so much, it wouldn't matter, some of the stuff you say. But I want to be with you, an' if you don't even like me, well, there's not a lot left to build things on. We can't keep saving each other's lives - if anything, people'll start making plastic bubble jokes about us an' not Nate." It was a small joke, but it was an attempt.
"I've been taught not to." he said with gritted teeth before he forced himself to relax. "It constitutes a violation of mental sovereignty, and thus I mustn't act on what I see." he said tiredly, as if he'd heard it a thousand times before. "And I'm just as human as you are. I'm still trying to get a grip on what constitutes correct response to being wronged in some way." he sighed. "Now I just constrain my responses to the purely verbal, and people _still_ get hurt. And I can't just keep bottling it all up inside."
"I'm not sayin' bottle it up, just... you made yer point, yeah? I felt awful 'bout what happened, I said I was sorry and I tried to fix things. And that wasn't enough for you. You had t' keep at me until I felt horrible 'bout myself, an' in public too. You couldn't even respect my feelings enough t' email me an' tell me you were angry with me, or come find me. You backed me into a corner until I had to have a go at you, not if I didn't want people thinking I was some bloody doormat for people to wipe their feet on. I'm still trying to change people's minds after McCoy's little effort at 'helping'." Amanda flailed a little, trying to get her point across, and not sure she was. "The normal way of reacting to someone who fucks up? They apologise and offer to make up, you accept it, you both move on. Look at the journals - you didn't see anyone else hounding me about what I'd done after I'd explained what happened and offered t' make things right."
"No, I don't think that I did make my point, and by the time I made it, you were firmly into the Land of the Offended." he said with a sigh. "My test was very important. A great deal of my grade resides on how well I do on it. The last thing I wanted to do was confront you. If I had faced you eye-to-eye, things would have likely been much worse. This way, I could cool off a bit, think more. It helped, some."
"I'd already said I was sorry and that it was an accident. I found out a way to get rid of the green off your skin, and suggested a way t' get it out of your hair. What else did you want me to do?" With an effort she kept the accusatory tone out of her voice - she really wanted to know.
"I know that." he said, taking a bagel and munching on it. "I wanted satisfaction. It's an instinct left over from my old life - one I have not yet successfully exorcized." he said sadly. "I was angry. About the test, about all my hard work going down the tubes, all of it."
"Did it? Fuck up your test? I didn't mean for it to happen - fuck, I didn't even know you were there until the swearing when I opened the door. You picked a hell of a day t' start turn up on the doorstep." She nibbled pensively at a piece of sliced apple, not really hungry any more.
Manuel smiled thinly. "I wanted to see if you wanted to go get lunch. In town." he said sadly. "Since I do not see you often anymore, I thought it would be a nice surprise. More the fool I."
"More of our craptastic luck. Happens every bloody time we try an' do something nice, I swear." She reached over and poked him gently in the bicep. "An' you didn't answer my question - did I fuck up the test for you? How'd you go?"
"I think I pulled it out. I'll know on Monday, hopefully." he said with another sigh. "It was one of the hardest tests I've ever had to take that didn't involve my power." he said. "And it is a goodly chunk of my grade."
"An' fighting with me the night before probably didn't help. I'm really sorry, love. If there's anything I can do..." Amanda's shoulders slumped. She knew how important this course was to him, and she'd been selfish. The very same thing she'd accused him of. "If it didn't mean my head explodin', sometimes I think it'd be better if I just gave up the magic altogether."
"Tell you what. You sacrifice your magic on the same altar as I sacrifice my empathic abilities, and we'll run off to Barbados to live non-powered lives on the beach, OK?" he said with a small smile.
"Sounds tempting." She returned the smile, and reached for another slice of apple before they went brown, eating it thoughtfully. "So, what do we do now? Besides run away to Barbados? We've both had our say an' said sorry, but there's still nothing to stop it happenin' again. An' I'm tired of all these dramas, Manny. I just want t' try an' have a normal relationship, without having to do this all the time."
"Very tempting." he said, grabbing for another apple. "Extremely unlikely, but tempting. And for all I know, maybe this _is_ normal. That it's in how you deal with the little ups and downs, rather than preventing them in the first place. I don't know."
"Maybe." Amanda shrugged. "Tell you what. We make a deal - if I piss you off, you email me an' tell me exactly what and why and all the rest of it. And I promise to not fly off the handle and listen to what you have to say. And same applies the other way. We seem t' be better at sorting this stuff out with email an' I know I'd rather not have you angry at me in front of everyone else." She stuck out her hand for him to shake. "Deal?"
Manuel took her hand, shook it solemnly, and then on a whim kissed the back of it. "Since I never did get the chance to take you out ... would you like to go get something to eat later today? Say, lunch at the Thai place?" he asked with a smile. "Or maybe chili dogs from a cart in the city?"
She blushed faintly at the gesture, oddly touched. "Well, this pool party's on in the afternoon, but until then, me whole morning's free." Something she was still getting used to - there was a part of her brain insisting she was missing Strange's class. "I'm all yours."
Manuel grinned at that, and then shook his head slightly. "As tempting as that offer is, I think we should not quite tumble back into bed." he said wryly. "I know, this is a shocking development from me. Rest assured, you're just as hot as you always have been."
Amanda was surprised, but oddly pleased too. It seemed like some of her words had sunk in. Perhaps it was time they learned to be friends as well as lovers. "All right, then," she said with a decisive air. "How about we finish breakfast and then we go into town? I'm pretty sure we can find something t' do that doesn't involve ripping each other's clothes off." Then a brief, mischievous grin appeared. "Least for a while. You're very sexy when you're bein' sweet."
"And you make it so difficult to be good." he said with an air-kiss. "You want me to just wear this, or shall I change? Closet's yours, you pick." he said, a rare gift indeed from him.
"As much as I like that shirt, maybe something a bit nicer?" she suggested, giving him a long, considering look. She herself was wearing one of the Egyptian cotton shirts he'd gotten for her, in a shade of blue that matched her eyes, and a pair of jeans that a) were clean and b) had no holes, rips or tears in them whatsoever. "Since we might end up somewhere decent." Again the mischievous look. "Can't have you embarrassing me."
"No, that would clearly be a crime. I know! Maybe I'll wear the ratty stuff and you clean up and I'll embarrass you!" But he grinned to let her know it was a joke. "No, I think I know just the thing." He got up, moved over to his closet, and pulled out the black silk button-down from their last trip out clubbing. "This one and a pair of jeans?" he suggested. "Classy, but the jeans bring it down to earth a notch or four."
Amanda made a rude noise at him for the joke, and nodded at the choice. "Should be nice an' cool too - 's gunna be bloody hot out there," she observed with a slight sigh. She was just about at the point of summer where a kidnapping to Asgard would be welcome. Grabbing a bagel, she slid off the bed as well, pausing to give Manuel a hug, one-armed so as to avoid smearing bagel on him. "I'll go an' get some shoes on an' grab my wallet an' stuff so you can get changed unmolested, yeah? I'll be back in ten."
"Damn." he said with a melodramatic sigh. "My mornings just aren't the same with a good Amanda-molesting." he laughed. "Go on, git! I'll be ready in a few." For good measure, he swatted at her butt playfully.
A full day and a half and no reply to her last email to Manuel. Well, not one in words, just a confused trickle of feelings down the link, a jumble of realisation and shock and sadness, the last building up to such a point that she was starting to get worried. Especially since she'd been expecting a different reaction to her comments about his father. The last thing she'd wanted to do was plunge him into a major funk. So, come Saturday morning and still no reply, she'd loaded up a tray with breakfast (bagels, toasted and wrapped to keep them warm, fruit, grapefruit juice and some of the good coffee) and carried it to his room. If he was feeling bad, he wouldn't have eaten, and even if there wasn't going to be any talking, she could at least make sure he wasn't going to starve to death.
Besides, she'd meant what she said about wanting to fix things together. He meant too much to her to just let things hang like this.
Balancing the trap awkwardly on her hip, she tapped softly on his door. "Manny?" she called, slipping into the old nickname she hadn't used since last November. "I've got some breakfast for you, if you're hungry."
A long pause, then a quiet "Come in." through the door. Inside his room, he was laying on his bed, fully-dressed, staring at the ceiling. Somewhere, he'd managed to scrounge up a Sex Pistols T-shirt, and that and a pair of comfortably faded jeans constituted his dress for the day. Well, those and a pair of shades. "Is that food I smell?" he asked, as his stomach rumbled loudly. "I think I forgot to eat again."
She smiled despite the situation at the sight of the t-shirt. The 'God Save The Queen' classic. "It's food," she confirmed, nudging the door closed behind her with her foot and then pausing, unsure of what to do next, particularly with her hands full of tray. "You tend t' forget about stuff like that when you're... thinking, so I thought I'd bring something up. It's the least I could do." Her tone was conciliatory, but not pleading - she wasn't going to spoil the ground they'd covered by being weak and taking the blame again. Well, no more than she actually was due. "I like your shirt." She was softening the South London accent a tad too - gestures were important.
"I thought you would. I bought it while thinking of you." he said with a smile, then sat up to properly eat the food. "Been doing a lot of that lately - thinking, not buying T-shirts." he said, looking at Amanda. She looked good, all things considered. He felt the usual rush of want, but fought it fiercely until it subsided back into the mental noise. "I am not a very good boyfriend, am I." he stated. "And whatever you brought smells delicious. Share it with me?" he asked.
"Well, considering I haven't eaten yet, I was hopin' you'd ask that," she said with an answering smile, coming over and sitting down on the bed, the tray between them. The smile faded, however, as she took in what he'd said about himself. "Sometimes you aren't," she said at last. "But you try, an' I don't always give you enough credit for that. An' I'm not the best girlfriend, either - I let everythin' else get in the way sometimes."
Manuel smiled at Amanda, and only his excellent breeding and sense of decorum kept him from lunging for the grapefuit juice. He _loved_ the stuff, as Amanda well-knew, and he hadn't given himself any in weeks. He poured himself a tall glass and drank half of it in one smooth swallow. "It seems that our learning experiences usually consist of me pissing you off so very badly." he said sadly. "And I don't know why that is."
"I was hoping you would, since I don't have a clue," she said, a little sadly. "For someone who can feel other people's emotions, you don't tend t' pay a lot of attention to what you pick up. It's not even that you say one thing that pisses me off - that happens. But you keep at me, even when you know it's makin' me feel bad and I don't know why you'd want t' do that. Unless you want me t' feel shitty." The accent was creeping back in, and she took a calming breath. They could do this. "If I didn't love you so much, it wouldn't matter, some of the stuff you say. But I want to be with you, an' if you don't even like me, well, there's not a lot left to build things on. We can't keep saving each other's lives - if anything, people'll start making plastic bubble jokes about us an' not Nate." It was a small joke, but it was an attempt.
"I've been taught not to." he said with gritted teeth before he forced himself to relax. "It constitutes a violation of mental sovereignty, and thus I mustn't act on what I see." he said tiredly, as if he'd heard it a thousand times before. "And I'm just as human as you are. I'm still trying to get a grip on what constitutes correct response to being wronged in some way." he sighed. "Now I just constrain my responses to the purely verbal, and people _still_ get hurt. And I can't just keep bottling it all up inside."
"I'm not sayin' bottle it up, just... you made yer point, yeah? I felt awful 'bout what happened, I said I was sorry and I tried to fix things. And that wasn't enough for you. You had t' keep at me until I felt horrible 'bout myself, an' in public too. You couldn't even respect my feelings enough t' email me an' tell me you were angry with me, or come find me. You backed me into a corner until I had to have a go at you, not if I didn't want people thinking I was some bloody doormat for people to wipe their feet on. I'm still trying to change people's minds after McCoy's little effort at 'helping'." Amanda flailed a little, trying to get her point across, and not sure she was. "The normal way of reacting to someone who fucks up? They apologise and offer to make up, you accept it, you both move on. Look at the journals - you didn't see anyone else hounding me about what I'd done after I'd explained what happened and offered t' make things right."
"No, I don't think that I did make my point, and by the time I made it, you were firmly into the Land of the Offended." he said with a sigh. "My test was very important. A great deal of my grade resides on how well I do on it. The last thing I wanted to do was confront you. If I had faced you eye-to-eye, things would have likely been much worse. This way, I could cool off a bit, think more. It helped, some."
"I'd already said I was sorry and that it was an accident. I found out a way to get rid of the green off your skin, and suggested a way t' get it out of your hair. What else did you want me to do?" With an effort she kept the accusatory tone out of her voice - she really wanted to know.
"I know that." he said, taking a bagel and munching on it. "I wanted satisfaction. It's an instinct left over from my old life - one I have not yet successfully exorcized." he said sadly. "I was angry. About the test, about all my hard work going down the tubes, all of it."
"Did it? Fuck up your test? I didn't mean for it to happen - fuck, I didn't even know you were there until the swearing when I opened the door. You picked a hell of a day t' start turn up on the doorstep." She nibbled pensively at a piece of sliced apple, not really hungry any more.
Manuel smiled thinly. "I wanted to see if you wanted to go get lunch. In town." he said sadly. "Since I do not see you often anymore, I thought it would be a nice surprise. More the fool I."
"More of our craptastic luck. Happens every bloody time we try an' do something nice, I swear." She reached over and poked him gently in the bicep. "An' you didn't answer my question - did I fuck up the test for you? How'd you go?"
"I think I pulled it out. I'll know on Monday, hopefully." he said with another sigh. "It was one of the hardest tests I've ever had to take that didn't involve my power." he said. "And it is a goodly chunk of my grade."
"An' fighting with me the night before probably didn't help. I'm really sorry, love. If there's anything I can do..." Amanda's shoulders slumped. She knew how important this course was to him, and she'd been selfish. The very same thing she'd accused him of. "If it didn't mean my head explodin', sometimes I think it'd be better if I just gave up the magic altogether."
"Tell you what. You sacrifice your magic on the same altar as I sacrifice my empathic abilities, and we'll run off to Barbados to live non-powered lives on the beach, OK?" he said with a small smile.
"Sounds tempting." She returned the smile, and reached for another slice of apple before they went brown, eating it thoughtfully. "So, what do we do now? Besides run away to Barbados? We've both had our say an' said sorry, but there's still nothing to stop it happenin' again. An' I'm tired of all these dramas, Manny. I just want t' try an' have a normal relationship, without having to do this all the time."
"Very tempting." he said, grabbing for another apple. "Extremely unlikely, but tempting. And for all I know, maybe this _is_ normal. That it's in how you deal with the little ups and downs, rather than preventing them in the first place. I don't know."
"Maybe." Amanda shrugged. "Tell you what. We make a deal - if I piss you off, you email me an' tell me exactly what and why and all the rest of it. And I promise to not fly off the handle and listen to what you have to say. And same applies the other way. We seem t' be better at sorting this stuff out with email an' I know I'd rather not have you angry at me in front of everyone else." She stuck out her hand for him to shake. "Deal?"
Manuel took her hand, shook it solemnly, and then on a whim kissed the back of it. "Since I never did get the chance to take you out ... would you like to go get something to eat later today? Say, lunch at the Thai place?" he asked with a smile. "Or maybe chili dogs from a cart in the city?"
She blushed faintly at the gesture, oddly touched. "Well, this pool party's on in the afternoon, but until then, me whole morning's free." Something she was still getting used to - there was a part of her brain insisting she was missing Strange's class. "I'm all yours."
Manuel grinned at that, and then shook his head slightly. "As tempting as that offer is, I think we should not quite tumble back into bed." he said wryly. "I know, this is a shocking development from me. Rest assured, you're just as hot as you always have been."
Amanda was surprised, but oddly pleased too. It seemed like some of her words had sunk in. Perhaps it was time they learned to be friends as well as lovers. "All right, then," she said with a decisive air. "How about we finish breakfast and then we go into town? I'm pretty sure we can find something t' do that doesn't involve ripping each other's clothes off." Then a brief, mischievous grin appeared. "Least for a while. You're very sexy when you're bein' sweet."
"And you make it so difficult to be good." he said with an air-kiss. "You want me to just wear this, or shall I change? Closet's yours, you pick." he said, a rare gift indeed from him.
"As much as I like that shirt, maybe something a bit nicer?" she suggested, giving him a long, considering look. She herself was wearing one of the Egyptian cotton shirts he'd gotten for her, in a shade of blue that matched her eyes, and a pair of jeans that a) were clean and b) had no holes, rips or tears in them whatsoever. "Since we might end up somewhere decent." Again the mischievous look. "Can't have you embarrassing me."
"No, that would clearly be a crime. I know! Maybe I'll wear the ratty stuff and you clean up and I'll embarrass you!" But he grinned to let her know it was a joke. "No, I think I know just the thing." He got up, moved over to his closet, and pulled out the black silk button-down from their last trip out clubbing. "This one and a pair of jeans?" he suggested. "Classy, but the jeans bring it down to earth a notch or four."
Amanda made a rude noise at him for the joke, and nodded at the choice. "Should be nice an' cool too - 's gunna be bloody hot out there," she observed with a slight sigh. She was just about at the point of summer where a kidnapping to Asgard would be welcome. Grabbing a bagel, she slid off the bed as well, pausing to give Manuel a hug, one-armed so as to avoid smearing bagel on him. "I'll go an' get some shoes on an' grab my wallet an' stuff so you can get changed unmolested, yeah? I'll be back in ten."
"Damn." he said with a melodramatic sigh. "My mornings just aren't the same with a good Amanda-molesting." he laughed. "Go on, git! I'll be ready in a few." For good measure, he swatted at her butt playfully.
