Jamie and Kitty at the mall, Tuesday afternoon

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In which Jamie is the victim of a highly sneaky and devious plot aimed at his wardrobe, and Kitty bribes him into putting up with it. Afterward, they hit the food court, then go do the shopping Jamie originally thought they were there for.



Jamie was several inches taller and a good deal heavier than Kitty, which to the inexperienced eye might indicate he'd be better at elbowing his way through crowds than she was--not counting her power, of course. Somehow, though, he almost always found himself tailing along in her wake when they hit the mall, no matter how crowded the place might be. It was uncanny, was what it was. She zipped through a crowd like a little barracuda, except with a lot nicer butt, which was one reason Jamie didn't mind tailing along.

Even given the distracting powers of Kitty's wake, though, he wasn't quite oblivious enough not to notice that they'd turned right when he'd been expecting them to turn left. He took advantage of the empty space around a particularly-aggressive perfume demonstrator to catch up. "Uh, Kitty?" He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Notebooks and pencils and all that good stuff are back thataway." He craned his neck, and blinked. "Um. And by 'back thataway' I mean 'in an entirely different store.' Where are we?"

Kitty looked up and grinned, it had taken much longer for him to catch on than she'd expected. Either mall haze had gotten him or he'd been staring at her ass again. Or possibly both. "Um... Nordstroms," she said. "The mall. Back to school sale. We definitely talked about this."

"We talked about school supplies," Jamie said firmly. "Going to the mall for a sale on stuff for school, you said. I have mutant memory. You never said Nordstroms. Nordstroms is . . ." He looked around, then narrowed his eyes at her. "Nordstroms is clothes, you sneaky conniving sneaky person. Clothes are not school supplies!"

"Clothes are school supplies, especially when we're going to a new school and have new professors to impress and so on. Besides, if clothes are not school supplies, why do clothes shops have back-to-school sales?" Kitty was still moving through the shop as they talked, heading towards Menswear.

"Because clothing stores try to fool you into thinking clothes are school supplies when they're really not." Jamie eyed the racks surrounding them with an expression of great foreboding. "Besides, you're trying to use some crazy otherdimensional anti-logic there. If it's a new school with new professors who have never met us before, they can't possibly tell if we're wearing new clothes. They don't know what our regular clothes look like."

Kitty had already seen half a dozen shirts that Jamie would look totally hot in, but she hesitated before going diving into the racks looking for his size. First she had to convince him to put up with the whole thing. "Come on, Jamie, half of your shirts are all battered, I swear, and you need some new jeans. Slacks wouldn't go amiss, either..."

"I have slacks," Jamie said stubbornly. "And I have a whole bunch of shirts that are still good enough for school even using a higher standard of 'good enough for school' than I think is really called for. I have an entire dresser full of wearable clothes."

"Yeah, but you never wear them, so it's not like they counts. I want to find new, good clothes you'll wear. You look really good in nice clothes..." She pouted at him. "I could make it worthwhile..."

"I have nice clothes," Jamie grumped, but he shot Kitty a curious glance. "What kind of worthwhile?"

He was tempted... "An exchange. For every article of clothing you get that I chose, I'll get one that you chose. From any department."

"Oh, now, that's cheating. That's all catering to my vivid imagination and stuff." Almost--but not quite--against his will, Jamie found his eyes wandering over toward the lingerie racks a couple aisles away. "Um . . . so this 'any' department you speak of . . ."

Even if she hadn't been expecting him to glance that way, it wouldn't have been that hard to follow his eyes. "Includes that department, yes. Just think, you let me put you into a couple nice polos, maybe a button down, and some new, un-tattered t-shirts, and that's five, six new small, lacy things for me that you get to chose."

"That's completely and totally cheating. All . . . cheaty. And stuff." But, his traitor brain pointed out, it could be cheating that involved one of those black wispy . . . things, that he didn't know the name of but involved maybe half an ounce of very soft-looking material. As well as whatever else was over there. "So . . . un-tattered T-shirts, you say?"

Kitty grinned brightly. "Come on," she said, catching his hand. "Let's go find some things for you to try on, and then we will go find some things for me to try on."

"Fair enough." Jamie tugged on her hand, and grinned when she turned back. "But when it comes time to renew my guy license, and the review board comes by asking questions about this little outing, I'm gonna need you to testify that you used your devious feminine wiles to get me to set foot in the changing room. They can get very tetchy about this kind of thing."

"If the review board is questioning the lengths you go to to get your girlfriend into assorted lingerie, I think their guy license needs to be reviewed."

Jamie laughed. "Okay, yeah, that's a definite point."

--

Cheese fries. There was something about cheese fries and the mall food court. She knew they were terrible for her, that it wasn't even real cheese, and that Stevie would have a coniption if she knew Kitty was eating them, but she couldn't help it. Trips to the food court meant there must be cheese fries. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked Jamie as he came back with his own tray, gesturing to the bags that were piled under the table.

"It could've been worse," Jamie allowed, taking a thoughtfull pull on his chocolate shake. "Am definitely looking forward to a closer look at some of the stuff you bought. But I still don't think it was necessary to try on three times as many things as I ended up getting." He shot her a mock-severe look. "And none of my professors are ever going to need to be impressed by my boxers."

"It was totally necessary. How will you know if it fits right and looks good if you don't try it on? And the boxers were decidedly not for impressing your professors, but fair is fair, and you were getting to chose underwear for me..." Besides, silk. There didn't need to be another reason for the boxers, that covered it.

"By looking at what it looks like on the hanger and picking a size that will definitely fit, duh." Jamie grinned and unashamedly stole a cheese fry. "But I concede on the boxers. They feel like they're gonna be really comfy, and like you said, I got to pick underwear for you. And speaking of which," he added, shamelessly pushing the soulful-puppy eyes, "can I see that little white thing with the transparent robe-ey bit again soon?"

"Such a boy, Jamie. Different cuts fit differently and don't look right, and things always look different on the hanger than on actual people. Psh." She grinned at him. "And I think that can be arranged, yes."

"Whee. I like the transparent robe-ey bit." Jamie nudged her calf with his toe under the table. "And I thought you liked that I was a boy. Have to take the strange and incomprehensible with the good, you know."

"Hey, wasn't actually complaining. More... commenting. And yes, very fond of the fact that you're a boy. It's a good thing. Particularly when combined with the fact that you like the transparent robey-ey bit." If he was allowed to steal her cheese fries, she was fully allowed to steal his milkshake, and everyone knows food you steal has less calories than food you buy.

"Mm. I'm surprised they have that just out where anybody can see. That whole outfit looks like it should come in a plain brown wrapper or something." He chuckled. "And it's good evidence for your whole 'looks better on an actual person' theory there."

"Hah! Vindicated, that's what I have been. Vindicated. With evidence and everything. And, interestingly enough, most lingerie departments are like that, with everything out where you can browse, just like in all the other departments. It's just most guys won't go in there with out a chaperone, for fear of being stared at."

Jamie raised a finger warningly. "Vindicated only in the case of interestingly skimpy underwear. I still maintain that shirts can just be bought in extra-large." He snickered. "But yeah, I definitely would've avoided the lingerie department if you hadn't been my excuse. The staring is a justified fear. I got a couple funny looks while you were off in the changing room and I was unattended."

"No no no no," Kitty said, shaking her head emphatically. "The shoulders are far to nice to just wear extra-large t-shirts all the time. You have shoulder which call for, you know, nice shirts and proper tailoring at least occasionally. And the awkward could have been worse. I'm always amused when I spot men in Vicky's, standing around, trying not to meet anyone's eyes while their girlfriends or whatever are trying stuff on, and occasionally shooting each other hesitant 'yeah, this is weirdlooks across the bright pink room." She giggled. "Soooo funny."

Jamie stole another fry. "You know what I think it is, I think it's the dolls. You girls get all conditioned at an early age to dress things up and you never lose the habit. And there wouldn't be nearly as many weird looks if there were just less pink in that store. They do that on purpose, I bet."

"I'm pretty sure they do, yes. Personally, I think the pink is over the top, myself. But I never really did the Barbie thing when I was young. Or, not much, and only in rather, um, non-traditional ways." She shrugged, taking another fry. "Although maybe that puts a hole in your theory, as I'm still fond of getting you to dress up, even without a doll heavy childhood."

"Curses. Perfectly good theory down the drain." Jamie reappropriated his shake and raised his eyebrows at Kitty. "And what do you mean non-traditional? Did you slingshot 'em or something? I always wanted to try slingshotting a Barbie, but I didn't have any little sisters."

Kitty blushed and stared down at the fries. "Well, you see, the non-biodegradable nature of plastic rather reminded me of, you know, embalmbing. And at least one of the Barbies came with, you know, a little plastic cat. Plus, I mean, at that size, the difference between linnen and paper towels isn't that big... Um... But I never made, you know, a pyramid to scale."

Jamie laughed and leaned across the table to kiss her. "You are way too cute and always have been. I would've liked to see that."

Kitty leaned into his kiss with a smile. "Hey, I'd have liked for you to see that. Would have done wonders for me, I think, to know a kid who thought that was cool instead of really weird."

"Heck, I'd've helped you build the pyramid. 'Course, it would've ended up being a hyperspace-capable pyramid with death rays and proton torpedo launchers, because all my Lego projects ended up optimized for intergalactic domination, but I think the principle holds." Jamie stole another fry as he pulled back. "I always did like really weird."

"Which explains why we get on, yes. And if you keep this up I'm not going to have any fries left." She pouted at him. "My fries. Mine!"

Jamie laughed. "I'm just saving you from the wrath of Stevie if she uses her ballet-teacher powers to find out what you've been eating. I mean, it's my duty as the boyfriend to help keep you out of trouble, isn't it? Besides, you've been drinking my shake."

"Only in retaliation," Kitty argued. "You definitely started the theft. Not that I don't appreciate your throwing yourself valiantly in the way of the cheesy-coated threat to my hips, but you're taking all the really cheesy ones." Kitty pouted slightly at him.

"Speaking of nonbiodegradable. But fine, fine, here you go. Never let it be said that I don't spoil you outrageously." Jamie swabbed the half-a-fry he still had in his hand around in the cheese puddles in the bottom of the container and offered it to her.

"Would definitely not allow such things to be said," Kitty said, wrinkling her nose at him before taking the fry. "After all, I'm too good at making you spoil me for anyone to really believe such a statement anyway."

"Don't think I haven't noticed. I just spent the whole day letting you dress me up, and that's about as spoiling . . . ing . . . as it gets." He grinned. "But you are also good at compensation so I don't mind. Too much. There's still my guy license to think about."

The dish of fries was empty of all but the really sad little dried bits of fake cheese that always made you feel really bad about what you'd just finished eating, and that meant it was definitely time to go. "Think your guy license can stand up to a little more shopping if it's actually for, you know, note books and pens and stuff?"

Jamie swirled the straw around in the last eighth-of-an-inch of melted shake that he still liked to slurp when not in public. "You mean the shopping I actually thought we were here for before you sneakily tricked me into stepping inside Nordstroms and then shamelessly bribed me into buying clothes?" He arched an eyebrow at her and grinned. "Yeah, I think I'll find a way to manage."

"You were in mall-haze. I totally didn't trick you into Nordstroms, you just followed me." Kitty stood up and dumped their trash before grabbing one of the bags. "Come one, let's get out of the food court before I am overcome with an inexplicable need for dippin' dots or something."

"You didn't give me proper warning of our change of destination. That counts." Jamie grabbed the rest of the bags. "And that would be a totally explicable need. Those things are tasty."

"No, that's not tricking you, that's mearly taking advantage of your distraction. I am, after all, highly stealthy. And you're just looking for another excuse to protect me from Stevie's wrath and steal my ice cream. But maybe on the way out? Or, ooooh, smoothie."

"Smoothies are made out of fruit . . . well, partly fruit," Jamie pointed out helpfully. "They're arguably healthy. And the sooner we buy notebooks, the sooner I can let you ogle Texas Instruments' latest showroom model, the sooner we can return to the potential health benefits of smoothies."

"Oh yes, definitely after the shopping," Kitty agreed, heading out of the food court and down the mall.