xp_logs | Nathan and Amanda, Monday night (Reply)

With Nathan's help, Amanda experiments with meditation to see if it helps with her withdrawal symptoms.

Knowing it was just the withdrawals making her irritable and moody really didn't help, Amanda reflected as she paced up and down the sun room, waiting for Nathan. Rachel must be fussing, she told herself, he wasn't being late on purpose, and he wasn't shirty at her, no matter how short his emails sounded these days. Only it was so easy to just fall into the reacting, believing the worst... She rubbed unconsciously at her arms, covered now by a layer of gauze and a long-sleeved cotton shirt, and didn't even notice the sting of the scratches underneath.

"Sorry," Nathan said quietly as he came through the door. "Rachel started shrieking as soon as I took her out of the nursery - took us a while to get her settled once she was downstairs."

See? she told herself rather pointedly. "'S fine," she replied, perhaps a little more curtly than she intended, but her skin was crawling and she could sit still and it was driving her balmy. "'M sorry, 'bout the beatin' meself up, 's just..." She waved her hands helplessly and made a low noise of frustration.

Nathan shook his head. "There's no need to apologize. You just have to try and keep that to a minimum - it really isn't going to help you, you know." He eyed her for a moment, deciding that no, physical contact would not be such a good thing, and offered her a faint smile instead as he lowered himself into a cross-legged position. "Sit down? We'll see what we can do, here..."

Problem was there was only one thing that would help, and she was just going to have to wait for that. She plopped down in front of him, mirroring the cross-legged position although one of her feet waggled nervously underneath her leg and her fingers worried at a rip in her jeans. "So, the Askani got a pattern for jonesing?" she asked, joking lamely.

"We're just going to try something basic," Nathan said gently, turning his hands over so that they were palms-up. "I know you said no powers, but I need to show you the pattern... is that all right?"

Amanda eyed him cautiously, but nodded. "I meant it," she said firmly. "No usin' yer telepathy t' take away the cravings, Nate. Bad enough I've got one habit t' manage, don't want t' get hooked on you an' all." Or Manuel, for that matter, unless she already was.

Nathan took a deep breath, then let it out - and let it pass. He reached out and touched her mind, just lightly enough to be able to project the image of a basic spiral-locked meditation pattern. Just about the simplest the Askani had to offer. #See it?#

Hiding her wince - she was stomping all over everyone, yay - Amanda closed her eyes and concentrated on the pattern floating in her mind's eye as best she could with her thoughts chasing each other like mice in a wheel. Only not Marie-Ange's mice, since they were too fat and lazy to run any way and was Doug still feeding them too much? Which led to thoughts of how she hadn't been able to eat much the last day and how she couldn't afford to... Belatedly she realised she'd completely lost the point and wrenched her attention back to Nathan's pattern, patiently waiting there. "Got it. Sort of," she replied, eyes screwed tightly shut as she concentrated on it.

#Try and slow your breathing down.# Nathan shifted the coloring of the pattern, letting blue thread through the silver and trace the spirals. Get her mental 'eye' following it... #Just focus on the pattern. Nothing else.#

Easier said than done, but she tried, focusing on her breath, using everything Romany and Strange had taught her as well about meditating. The silver thread helped, giving her something to concentrate on, and gradually the noise in her head subsided. The twitching didn't, but that was as much an autonomous nervous system reaction as anything else. #I hate this,# came the unbidden thought. #Being such a bitch.#

#It doesn't matter. The people who love you take the bad and the good,# Nathan sent gently, then continued projecting the pattern.

#I hope so.# Amanda dutifully applied herself to the pattern, not wanting to follow that particular line of thought. It had been disproved a little too often for her liking lately, at least when it came to a certain empath boyfriend.