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xp_logsMeggan brings Amanda tea. And something else. Everyone has limits, and Amanda hits hers. Features an appearance by Jubilee.
"Manda?" Meggan peeked around the door. Manda really didn't look well... and people wouldn't let her look AFTER her, it was so annoying. "Manda, I bringed you tea," she said hopefully, holding the mug around the door so it was visible. "Can I come in? Please?"
Amanda propped herself up on her elbow at the hesitant voice, looking blearily around. Fuck, she felt bloody awful, but at least the vomiting was easing off somewhat, thanks to the injection Moira had given her. Admittedly it let the shakes get a front seat, but she'd rather bundle herself up in a blanket than be camped out in the bathroom. "Hey, monkeygirl," she said, managing a weak smile, sitting up a bit straighter on the couch. "Come on in - I'm not that good company right now, is all."
"I miss you," Meggan said, trotting over and climbing up on the couch beside her. "I wish I could make you better. But I bringed tea! The nice kind you like." She offered Manda the mug, giving her a hopeful smile.
"'M sorry, squirt. But I'll get better soon." Or whenever Romany got the replacement charm to her, at least... She took the mug carefully in both hands, concentrating on controlling the trembling of her hands so she didn't spill. The scent wafting up was familiar and soothing - the calming herbal mix she'd developed herself. Only thing was, it was locked in her study, along with everything else. "You got me my special stuff? But how...?"
"Angelo let me in," Meggan explained proudly. "I didn't touch *anything* except the tea, I promise, but I know you like it so I went to get it for you." She touched her nose. "I sniffed it right out, I didn't even have to open anything to look for it."
"Well, aren't you a clever girl." Amanda's smile grew a little stronger, and she sipped at the tea, savouring the warmth. "Thank you, Meg. You an' Angelo both." Making an effort to focus, she looked at the little girl looking at her so anxiously. "You been a good girl for Kurt?"
"Yes! And I'm doing my schoolwork, an' I'm reading the book you gave me, an' I made you a drawing but I forgot to bring it." Meggan sighed. "It's got a monkey, and a dragon, and they're eating sandwiches."
"That's good. An' maybe you can bring it by later, yeah? Once I'm better." The tea was helping, but the shakes were getting worse, making it hard to hold onto the mug and not spill hot liquid over herself. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath, managing to put the mug down on the floor beside the couch. "'M sorry, love, I'll try a bit more in a little while." It was hard to bite down on the slight tremble in her voice, and the urge to burst into tears. She was so sick of this, sick of the need, the way her body was punishing her for something she didn't even do on purpose...
"Okay." Meggan cuddled up to her, hugging her gently through the blanket. "Wish I could make you better," she said sadly, patting Manda's cheek lightly. "I would if I could, I don't like Manda being sick..."
"You help just by bein' here," Amanda said. And it was true - there was something about having Meggan cuddling up to her that was making her feel better. The power of hugs, huh. She wrapped her arms tightly around Meggan, holding her close. "Soon as Rom gets that charm here, I'll be fine. Just need t' hold on 'til then." She was talking as much to herself as to Meg. "Next week. She promised."
Meggan cooed, nuzzling Manda's cheek gently. "Good. Want Manda to get better," she said seriously. "Week is.... seven sleeps. A long time." She sighed. "I help take care of you 'til then."
"You are..." The witch frowned a little. She did feel better, better than she had in days, and it wasn't just the tea or the hugs. "Wait, there's somethin' not right here..." Sitting up a little, she laid her hand on Meggan's shoulder to push her back slightly so she could get a good look at her...
...and her mutant power kicked into overdrive, hungrily latching onto what it had been demanding all these days. Mystical energy. There was power there for the taking, and that's what she needed to do, take it and she'd feel better, the cravings would stop, the shakes, the paranoia...
Meggan let out a surprised squeak. She'd made herself friendly to the power in the things in Manda's room, and some of it had leaked into her, the way 'lectricity did. It wasn't as tingly as 'lectricity, but it was hotter, so she liked it.
Now Manda was somehow pulling the power out of her again, as if she'd made herself even more friendly to it inside than Meggan was. It was startling, and it didn't feel especially nice, but if Manda wanted it, Meggan was perfectly willing to share...
The rush was heady, intoxicating, and for a moment it blocked out everything, who she was, where she was, what the power source was. But then a memory surfaced, of a small girl and a rough, male hand pushing into her chest and yanking the power out of her. The memory brought focus, and Amanda realised she had soft fur under her hand, and a small trembling body in her arms and dear gods what was she doing?
With a muffled cry, Amanda yanked her hand back, somehow at the same time pushing Meggan back as she scrambled to her feet. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she burst out in a high, panicked voice. "Oh gods, Meg, I'm so sorry!"
Hugs were good, and sharing the sparkly energy was fine, but being pushed and landing on her butt prompted a wail and a few tears. She HATED being pushed, it was too much like being back in the sideshow, and she'd landed right on her tailbone and it hurt! "Owwww!" she howled, the little self-control she'd picked up deserting her when it came to real pain.
Jubilee clutched the handle of the door, carefully turning it as she juggled the popcorn and movies she had. "Right. Time for a Jean Claude Van...what the holy hell?"
She took in the scene, Meg crying on the floor, Amanda looking at her in shock, and not exactly above the weather. Not hesitating more then a second, she placed the popcorn and movies on the floor and knelt down beside Meggan, wrapping her arms around the little girl in comfort.
Amanda turned panicked, guilty eyes from Meggan to Jubilee, and then back to Meggan as Jubilee went to her. "I... I didn't mean... Oh fuck, I'm so sorry! I couldn't help it, she was just there, an' there was this power..." Her hand moved up to her mouth and she bit down on the knuckle, the enormity of it sinking in. "I've got t'... Take her t' Moira, make sure she's all right, I can't..." And with that she made a stumbling dash for the open door, heedless of anything else except getting away, getting clear. Before she hurt anyone else.
Just like last time.
Jubilee stared after Amanda for a second, thought process seriously derailed from what was going to be a fun night. Looking down at Meggan, she smiled reassuringly and picked her up. "It's okay, we'll just get you to Moira, hey?"
Then she could go find Amanda, and ask her a few questions, ones she expected answers to.
Fleeing the mansion, Amanda struggles with what she's done, and why. And just how she's going to fix things.
Later, much later, Amanda looked back and thought it was a miracle she hadn't had an accident. She couldn't remember any of the drive, so focussed was she on the need to escape, to flee from Meggan and the temptation she represented, the temptation she'd been too weak to resist. The disgust and anger she'd seen in Jubilee's face, which would no doubt be echoed by everyone once word got out, which she could see in her own face in glimpses caught in the rear-vision mirror. And well deserved the contempt was too - what kind of monster fed off an innocent child? Amanda knew the answer to that all too well; it seemed that Rack's lessons had stuck more than she realised. He'd be so proud of her. Like father like daughter.
The soft ticking of the car's cooling engine, the faint sounds of traffic on the edge of hearing, like the surf on the beach back ho-- back in Brighton, occasional voices calling out to each other... The familiar pulse of the city, finally sinking through her misery, soothing her far more than any tape of whale songs or wind chimes. Amanda raised her head from where she'd been resting her forehead against the steering wheel. Her fingers were cramped from the deathgrip she'd had on the wheel, the soft rubber of the grip marked by a series of small dents from nails bitten close to the quick. At some point the sun had started going down, casting long shadows across a well-known expanse of green lawn, and automatically she looked up to the second floor window in the red brick building on her left. But Strange's office was dark, the bookshelves glimpsed through the uncovered window disturbingly bare and empty. No help there, but she hadn't really expected it, had she? Habit had brought her here, instinct formed by a year and more of making the same trip. Nothing more than that.
No help here, none at the school... Even their little group of three was gone, Charlie leaving her in the most permanent way possible, Forge dropping her like a hot potato. Nothing left but waiting for the next person to give up on her, to have more important things to do; Pete and his revenge, Nathan and his father and the Pack, he and Moira and the baby. Domino and her quest. Even Angelo with his new job. And Manuel didn't understand, never did, even after she'd tried to explain, poured her very soul into that crystal for him... in the end he always made it about him, his needs, his feelings, his hurt pride. Bastard.
Anger welled up, sudden and strong, and he she welcomed it. Anything to stop the spiral into depression again - that was led to rooftops and stupid melodrama, and she was as tired of that as she was of needing help all the time. Of feeling helpless, a victim. She'd been trying so hard to be strong, to do things their way, to be a normal, happy girl, but she'd been set up to fail from the start, with weakness locked into her body's chemical balance. As along as she had that weakness, that flaw, she'd never be strong, never be independent, always needing. And it wasn't fair - she hadn't asked for this, hadn't wanted it. But she'd been punished for it all the same - every time she got close to real power the addiction kicked in. No wonder Strange hadn't wanted her to be cured, no wonder Rom was taking her sweet time getting her another amulet. They were afraid of her, the same way the people at the school were, using the addiction to keep her small, safe, controllable.
And yay, here came the paranoia again.
Amanda wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, struggling to breathe through a clogged and running nose. Gah. Hysterics were always more glamorous on TV. She glanced around the car's interior for a tissue or a napkin, and finding none, started groping through her pockets. What with the overload nosebleeds, there was bound to be one here, somewhere...
In her back pocket, her fingers touched paper, stiff and smooth - a business card. Frowning, Amanda pulled it out, not needing to hold it up to the fading light to see the rune embossed in fold on a matt black surface. Selene's card was curiously uncrumpled for something that had been in her pocket for a month, but Amanda wasn't registering that. She was remembering a not-quite-conversation in Central Park, and an offer.
An offer of help.
Small and controllable.. Those had been Selene's words, and she'd been right, hadn't she? As long as she was hooked on her mutation, that was all she ever could be, all they'd ever let her be. Regardless of the talk of being the best she could and making the most of her gifts. But Selene was evil, she'd used Alex and Manuel both, what help could she be? She couldn't be trusted, none of the Hellfire Club could be. Once again Amanda's hand twitched, intending to crush the card in her hand and toss it away, and once again she found herself stopping, this time as another thought entered her head.
The Hellfire Club couldn't be trusted. But Pete had still made a deal with them, hadn't he?
She had to be insane to be even considering this. Already she could picture the reaction should anyone find out, Nate, Moira, Alison... Remy. But none of them could help her, not the way she needed help, and she needed to stop this now, before anyone else got hurt. Before she hurt Meggan again. And wasn't it about doing whatever it took? When she'd gotten Manuel and herself away from Selene last November, she'd done something that went beyond the limits of what was allowable... and she'd been told she'd done what she had to do. The same with Alison, and Cain... Wasn't this the same? To stop herself from hurting anyone else when it was clear she couldn't do it any other way, to protect the ones she cared for... there'd be a price, Selene wouldn't give her help without something in return, but if she was careful, approached it the way Pete might, well then, wouldn't the benefit outweigh the cost?
The memory of Manuel screaming in her head made her flinch away from where that thought was leading, but it was followed almost immediately by the memory of him threatening to use his powers to pull the truth of his father's death from her, and the emails they'd recently exchanged. How wrong he'd gotten it, almost on purpose, like he'd wanted the excuse to mess with her emotions, to bind her all the more tightly to him. Like she hadn't already given him anything he wanted. But that was a de la Rocha for you, always wanting more, having to have the upper hand in everything, and no matter what Manuel called himself now, he was still a de la Rocha, still what his father had made him. He'd be no help to her unless it was only on his terms, and she didn't owe him a bloody thing, not now.
So, that was the question of Manuel. Alison was already drifting away, unreachable. Moira and Nate... well, if she could look after herself better, they'd be happier, wouldn't they? Especially now with Rachel to look after - they didn't have time to be chasing after her, rescuing her from herself. Her friends barely acknowledged the magic these days, since McCoy's post about not asking her for spells, what would they care how she did things as long as she wasn't blowing things up and turning people green? Meggan only wanted her Manda well and happy, and she couldn't be that with the addiction. Angelo would probably think along the same lines, understand that sometimes you have to skate the edge of things, risk much to gain all.
Which left Remy.
Amanda winced a little. Justify it all she liked, the fact Remy would be furious with her was a pretty good indication that this wasn't a good idea. But honestly what else could she do? Let Tante take the magic from her, leave her powerless and defenceless? Odds on something would come after her or Meggan the second she couldn't stop it, and she was buggered if she was going to turn herself into the mansion's resident damsel in distress. Not with the life she led, the way things had a habit of happening. Maybe that was what Remy wanted of her, someone to rescue so he could redeem himself all the more, especially now Lorna was gone. But he wasn't there all the time, none of them were, and none of them could be, and all through her life the magic had been the one constant, the thing that had kept her alive, kept her safe, kept her going. She'd never been without it, and it made her what she was. Made her useful, made her special.
Light glinted off the gold embossed on the card, the setting sun catching the rune. All she had to do was invoke it, and make the deal. She had enough power from Meggan to do that. Not much more, so if Selene wanted she could do whatever she wanted to her. But that was the risk, wasn't it? You didn't get anything in this world if you sat back and waited for it to be handed to you, which was what she'd been doing. She could rant and rail about the injustice of the addiction, curl up in a ball of self-loathing and misery over what she'd done to Meg, or she could do something about it. Finally.
The air was still warm and slightly gritty as she opened the car door and stepped out, but Amanda drank it in, closing her eyes briefly to savour that almost-subliminal sensation that was a bustling, busy, alive city. It wasn't home, but it felt good. Felt familiar. Street lights were coming on across the darkening campus, the last few students heading home, and over behind the Chemistry building a crescent moon was visible. A new moon, all edges and possibilities. An omen, maybe. Amanda shook her head, banishing thought of the school, the stab of resentment that she'd been driven to this point. No blaming anyone else. What she did now, she did on her own.
Holding the business card in both hands to stop the shaking, Amanda took a deep breath.
And made a choice.
"Manda?" Meggan peeked around the door. Manda really didn't look well... and people wouldn't let her look AFTER her, it was so annoying. "Manda, I bringed you tea," she said hopefully, holding the mug around the door so it was visible. "Can I come in? Please?"
Amanda propped herself up on her elbow at the hesitant voice, looking blearily around. Fuck, she felt bloody awful, but at least the vomiting was easing off somewhat, thanks to the injection Moira had given her. Admittedly it let the shakes get a front seat, but she'd rather bundle herself up in a blanket than be camped out in the bathroom. "Hey, monkeygirl," she said, managing a weak smile, sitting up a bit straighter on the couch. "Come on in - I'm not that good company right now, is all."
"I miss you," Meggan said, trotting over and climbing up on the couch beside her. "I wish I could make you better. But I bringed tea! The nice kind you like." She offered Manda the mug, giving her a hopeful smile.
"'M sorry, squirt. But I'll get better soon." Or whenever Romany got the replacement charm to her, at least... She took the mug carefully in both hands, concentrating on controlling the trembling of her hands so she didn't spill. The scent wafting up was familiar and soothing - the calming herbal mix she'd developed herself. Only thing was, it was locked in her study, along with everything else. "You got me my special stuff? But how...?"
"Angelo let me in," Meggan explained proudly. "I didn't touch *anything* except the tea, I promise, but I know you like it so I went to get it for you." She touched her nose. "I sniffed it right out, I didn't even have to open anything to look for it."
"Well, aren't you a clever girl." Amanda's smile grew a little stronger, and she sipped at the tea, savouring the warmth. "Thank you, Meg. You an' Angelo both." Making an effort to focus, she looked at the little girl looking at her so anxiously. "You been a good girl for Kurt?"
"Yes! And I'm doing my schoolwork, an' I'm reading the book you gave me, an' I made you a drawing but I forgot to bring it." Meggan sighed. "It's got a monkey, and a dragon, and they're eating sandwiches."
"That's good. An' maybe you can bring it by later, yeah? Once I'm better." The tea was helping, but the shakes were getting worse, making it hard to hold onto the mug and not spill hot liquid over herself. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath, managing to put the mug down on the floor beside the couch. "'M sorry, love, I'll try a bit more in a little while." It was hard to bite down on the slight tremble in her voice, and the urge to burst into tears. She was so sick of this, sick of the need, the way her body was punishing her for something she didn't even do on purpose...
"Okay." Meggan cuddled up to her, hugging her gently through the blanket. "Wish I could make you better," she said sadly, patting Manda's cheek lightly. "I would if I could, I don't like Manda being sick..."
"You help just by bein' here," Amanda said. And it was true - there was something about having Meggan cuddling up to her that was making her feel better. The power of hugs, huh. She wrapped her arms tightly around Meggan, holding her close. "Soon as Rom gets that charm here, I'll be fine. Just need t' hold on 'til then." She was talking as much to herself as to Meg. "Next week. She promised."
Meggan cooed, nuzzling Manda's cheek gently. "Good. Want Manda to get better," she said seriously. "Week is.... seven sleeps. A long time." She sighed. "I help take care of you 'til then."
"You are..." The witch frowned a little. She did feel better, better than she had in days, and it wasn't just the tea or the hugs. "Wait, there's somethin' not right here..." Sitting up a little, she laid her hand on Meggan's shoulder to push her back slightly so she could get a good look at her...
...and her mutant power kicked into overdrive, hungrily latching onto what it had been demanding all these days. Mystical energy. There was power there for the taking, and that's what she needed to do, take it and she'd feel better, the cravings would stop, the shakes, the paranoia...
Meggan let out a surprised squeak. She'd made herself friendly to the power in the things in Manda's room, and some of it had leaked into her, the way 'lectricity did. It wasn't as tingly as 'lectricity, but it was hotter, so she liked it.
Now Manda was somehow pulling the power out of her again, as if she'd made herself even more friendly to it inside than Meggan was. It was startling, and it didn't feel especially nice, but if Manda wanted it, Meggan was perfectly willing to share...
The rush was heady, intoxicating, and for a moment it blocked out everything, who she was, where she was, what the power source was. But then a memory surfaced, of a small girl and a rough, male hand pushing into her chest and yanking the power out of her. The memory brought focus, and Amanda realised she had soft fur under her hand, and a small trembling body in her arms and dear gods what was she doing?
With a muffled cry, Amanda yanked her hand back, somehow at the same time pushing Meggan back as she scrambled to her feet. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she burst out in a high, panicked voice. "Oh gods, Meg, I'm so sorry!"
Hugs were good, and sharing the sparkly energy was fine, but being pushed and landing on her butt prompted a wail and a few tears. She HATED being pushed, it was too much like being back in the sideshow, and she'd landed right on her tailbone and it hurt! "Owwww!" she howled, the little self-control she'd picked up deserting her when it came to real pain.
Jubilee clutched the handle of the door, carefully turning it as she juggled the popcorn and movies she had. "Right. Time for a Jean Claude Van...what the holy hell?"
She took in the scene, Meg crying on the floor, Amanda looking at her in shock, and not exactly above the weather. Not hesitating more then a second, she placed the popcorn and movies on the floor and knelt down beside Meggan, wrapping her arms around the little girl in comfort.
Amanda turned panicked, guilty eyes from Meggan to Jubilee, and then back to Meggan as Jubilee went to her. "I... I didn't mean... Oh fuck, I'm so sorry! I couldn't help it, she was just there, an' there was this power..." Her hand moved up to her mouth and she bit down on the knuckle, the enormity of it sinking in. "I've got t'... Take her t' Moira, make sure she's all right, I can't..." And with that she made a stumbling dash for the open door, heedless of anything else except getting away, getting clear. Before she hurt anyone else.
Just like last time.
Jubilee stared after Amanda for a second, thought process seriously derailed from what was going to be a fun night. Looking down at Meggan, she smiled reassuringly and picked her up. "It's okay, we'll just get you to Moira, hey?"
Then she could go find Amanda, and ask her a few questions, ones she expected answers to.
Fleeing the mansion, Amanda struggles with what she's done, and why. And just how she's going to fix things.
Later, much later, Amanda looked back and thought it was a miracle she hadn't had an accident. She couldn't remember any of the drive, so focussed was she on the need to escape, to flee from Meggan and the temptation she represented, the temptation she'd been too weak to resist. The disgust and anger she'd seen in Jubilee's face, which would no doubt be echoed by everyone once word got out, which she could see in her own face in glimpses caught in the rear-vision mirror. And well deserved the contempt was too - what kind of monster fed off an innocent child? Amanda knew the answer to that all too well; it seemed that Rack's lessons had stuck more than she realised. He'd be so proud of her. Like father like daughter.
The soft ticking of the car's cooling engine, the faint sounds of traffic on the edge of hearing, like the surf on the beach back ho-- back in Brighton, occasional voices calling out to each other... The familiar pulse of the city, finally sinking through her misery, soothing her far more than any tape of whale songs or wind chimes. Amanda raised her head from where she'd been resting her forehead against the steering wheel. Her fingers were cramped from the deathgrip she'd had on the wheel, the soft rubber of the grip marked by a series of small dents from nails bitten close to the quick. At some point the sun had started going down, casting long shadows across a well-known expanse of green lawn, and automatically she looked up to the second floor window in the red brick building on her left. But Strange's office was dark, the bookshelves glimpsed through the uncovered window disturbingly bare and empty. No help there, but she hadn't really expected it, had she? Habit had brought her here, instinct formed by a year and more of making the same trip. Nothing more than that.
No help here, none at the school... Even their little group of three was gone, Charlie leaving her in the most permanent way possible, Forge dropping her like a hot potato. Nothing left but waiting for the next person to give up on her, to have more important things to do; Pete and his revenge, Nathan and his father and the Pack, he and Moira and the baby. Domino and her quest. Even Angelo with his new job. And Manuel didn't understand, never did, even after she'd tried to explain, poured her very soul into that crystal for him... in the end he always made it about him, his needs, his feelings, his hurt pride. Bastard.
Anger welled up, sudden and strong, and he she welcomed it. Anything to stop the spiral into depression again - that was led to rooftops and stupid melodrama, and she was as tired of that as she was of needing help all the time. Of feeling helpless, a victim. She'd been trying so hard to be strong, to do things their way, to be a normal, happy girl, but she'd been set up to fail from the start, with weakness locked into her body's chemical balance. As along as she had that weakness, that flaw, she'd never be strong, never be independent, always needing. And it wasn't fair - she hadn't asked for this, hadn't wanted it. But she'd been punished for it all the same - every time she got close to real power the addiction kicked in. No wonder Strange hadn't wanted her to be cured, no wonder Rom was taking her sweet time getting her another amulet. They were afraid of her, the same way the people at the school were, using the addiction to keep her small, safe, controllable.
And yay, here came the paranoia again.
Amanda wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, struggling to breathe through a clogged and running nose. Gah. Hysterics were always more glamorous on TV. She glanced around the car's interior for a tissue or a napkin, and finding none, started groping through her pockets. What with the overload nosebleeds, there was bound to be one here, somewhere...
In her back pocket, her fingers touched paper, stiff and smooth - a business card. Frowning, Amanda pulled it out, not needing to hold it up to the fading light to see the rune embossed in fold on a matt black surface. Selene's card was curiously uncrumpled for something that had been in her pocket for a month, but Amanda wasn't registering that. She was remembering a not-quite-conversation in Central Park, and an offer.
An offer of help.
Small and controllable.. Those had been Selene's words, and she'd been right, hadn't she? As long as she was hooked on her mutation, that was all she ever could be, all they'd ever let her be. Regardless of the talk of being the best she could and making the most of her gifts. But Selene was evil, she'd used Alex and Manuel both, what help could she be? She couldn't be trusted, none of the Hellfire Club could be. Once again Amanda's hand twitched, intending to crush the card in her hand and toss it away, and once again she found herself stopping, this time as another thought entered her head.
The Hellfire Club couldn't be trusted. But Pete had still made a deal with them, hadn't he?
She had to be insane to be even considering this. Already she could picture the reaction should anyone find out, Nate, Moira, Alison... Remy. But none of them could help her, not the way she needed help, and she needed to stop this now, before anyone else got hurt. Before she hurt Meggan again. And wasn't it about doing whatever it took? When she'd gotten Manuel and herself away from Selene last November, she'd done something that went beyond the limits of what was allowable... and she'd been told she'd done what she had to do. The same with Alison, and Cain... Wasn't this the same? To stop herself from hurting anyone else when it was clear she couldn't do it any other way, to protect the ones she cared for... there'd be a price, Selene wouldn't give her help without something in return, but if she was careful, approached it the way Pete might, well then, wouldn't the benefit outweigh the cost?
The memory of Manuel screaming in her head made her flinch away from where that thought was leading, but it was followed almost immediately by the memory of him threatening to use his powers to pull the truth of his father's death from her, and the emails they'd recently exchanged. How wrong he'd gotten it, almost on purpose, like he'd wanted the excuse to mess with her emotions, to bind her all the more tightly to him. Like she hadn't already given him anything he wanted. But that was a de la Rocha for you, always wanting more, having to have the upper hand in everything, and no matter what Manuel called himself now, he was still a de la Rocha, still what his father had made him. He'd be no help to her unless it was only on his terms, and she didn't owe him a bloody thing, not now.
So, that was the question of Manuel. Alison was already drifting away, unreachable. Moira and Nate... well, if she could look after herself better, they'd be happier, wouldn't they? Especially now with Rachel to look after - they didn't have time to be chasing after her, rescuing her from herself. Her friends barely acknowledged the magic these days, since McCoy's post about not asking her for spells, what would they care how she did things as long as she wasn't blowing things up and turning people green? Meggan only wanted her Manda well and happy, and she couldn't be that with the addiction. Angelo would probably think along the same lines, understand that sometimes you have to skate the edge of things, risk much to gain all.
Which left Remy.
Amanda winced a little. Justify it all she liked, the fact Remy would be furious with her was a pretty good indication that this wasn't a good idea. But honestly what else could she do? Let Tante take the magic from her, leave her powerless and defenceless? Odds on something would come after her or Meggan the second she couldn't stop it, and she was buggered if she was going to turn herself into the mansion's resident damsel in distress. Not with the life she led, the way things had a habit of happening. Maybe that was what Remy wanted of her, someone to rescue so he could redeem himself all the more, especially now Lorna was gone. But he wasn't there all the time, none of them were, and none of them could be, and all through her life the magic had been the one constant, the thing that had kept her alive, kept her safe, kept her going. She'd never been without it, and it made her what she was. Made her useful, made her special.
Light glinted off the gold embossed on the card, the setting sun catching the rune. All she had to do was invoke it, and make the deal. She had enough power from Meggan to do that. Not much more, so if Selene wanted she could do whatever she wanted to her. But that was the risk, wasn't it? You didn't get anything in this world if you sat back and waited for it to be handed to you, which was what she'd been doing. She could rant and rail about the injustice of the addiction, curl up in a ball of self-loathing and misery over what she'd done to Meg, or she could do something about it. Finally.
The air was still warm and slightly gritty as she opened the car door and stepped out, but Amanda drank it in, closing her eyes briefly to savour that almost-subliminal sensation that was a bustling, busy, alive city. It wasn't home, but it felt good. Felt familiar. Street lights were coming on across the darkening campus, the last few students heading home, and over behind the Chemistry building a crescent moon was visible. A new moon, all edges and possibilities. An omen, maybe. Amanda shook her head, banishing thought of the school, the stab of resentment that she'd been driven to this point. No blaming anyone else. What she did now, she did on her own.
Holding the business card in both hands to stop the shaking, Amanda took a deep breath.
And made a choice.
