xp_logs | Jay & Jean, Thursday (Reply)

Set some time after Forge and Jay discuss Tommy over e-mail and right before Jetstream and the other X-Men return from their mission. Jay begs Jean to let him see Tommy. No, not to kill him. Jean relents, and Jay has an epiphany of sorts.

It was odd enough to see Jay wearing a shirt during the summer. It was mind-boggling to see that it was a long-sleeved shirt. But he wanted - no, had - to be covered up for where he was going. Baring any part of himself would be Bad.

He made much more sound than he usually did, coming down the stairs to the infirmary. That's because he was wearing his boots, while he normally preferred to go barefoot or in sandals. As he reached the bottom step, he turned to make his way to the rooms reserved for critical cases. He found himself biting his lip and clenching his hands tightly into fists. The boy was radiating unease, fear, anxiety, and not a little bit of anger, hatred, and vengeance.

Ever since Terry's outburst that morning, the tone of the school had become one of shock, anger and suspicion, and Jean had been fighting all day to keep her mind in her own head. She'd been succeeding, too, as Charles had noticed earlier, but the presence entering the medlab was too close and too intense to block out. Stepping into the hallway between Jay and his destination, Jean eyed him warily, well aware that, just like Bobby and Doug and Angelo, this was one student who really shouldn't be down here just now. "Good evening, Jay. What can I do for you?"

Jay bit back a snarky 'read my mind, you know exactly what I want' reply, and took a breath before he said anything. "Ah need to see him," he said simply. He had no delusions that Jean knew exactly whom he was talking about.

"No visitors are allowed, Jay," Jean said, her voice firm. She'd caught his repressed thought, but only because it was directed at him, his mind being too chaotic to get much more than a general impression of his thoughts.

"You can tie me up and keep me all the way away from him, but Ah need ta see him. Hell, set up a video camera and let me see. Please," he implored.

"Why?" she asked simply, honestly wanting an answer. Jean couldn't tell what was driving this, what had brought him down here in such uncharacteristic getup, so obviously distraught. Jay had been hurt the worst of all of the children who had run into the Friends of Humanity, but what little she knew of that attack didn't explain this... intensity.

"Ah just . . ." Want to see if the person lying unconscious across the hall is really the person who nearly tried to kill him? "S'personal. Just, please Dr. Grey."

"The fact that it's so personal is what has me worried, Jay. And not about him," she clarified. Jean knew that some of the students were very upset that their doctors were taking care of a junior Friend of Humanity (ex or otherwise) but, while her oath and his need meant Jean would give Tommy the best care she could, he was by no means her only concern. "Can you talk to me about it?"

"Not really," he said automatically. "You ain't got nuthin' ta worry 'bout me. Ah'm fine. Ah just need ta do this."

"That's not going to cut it, Jay. For one thing, worrying about you all is my job..." Jean considered the boy in front of her, then reached out for Charles' mind, wanting to know what he thought. She really didn't think letting Jay see Tommy would be a good idea, and didn't like the precedent it would set, but Charles would have a better chance at seeing through the confusion in his mind to know if he needed this.

And he did. Not so he could plan how to sneak into the medlab and murder the boy, and not so he could point and laugh. He just needed to see Tommy's unconscious and broken form for himself. He needed to know that this was real, tangible, and not just some dream.

#I think it would be for the best, Jean,# came the soft reply and Jean nodded, bowing to Charles' superior understanding. "All right, Jay," she said, not worrying what he would think about her sudden change in opinion. Either he would realize that she'd spoken with Charles or he wouldn't. "You can't go in, but I can let you see him."

Jean led the way down the hall, opening the door at the end, stepping aside so he could see. In order to facilitate getting to him quickly if they needed, there was nothing at all between the doorway and Tommy's bed. There he lay in his battered glory, leg and arm both casted, the bindings around his ribs showing up a lumpy mass under the sheet. His nose had clearly been broken and reset, and every inch of exposed skin was covered with bruises and minor cuts.

Jay thought nothing of the sudden change of heart. He followed Jean to Tommy's room and entered the open doorway, but didn't walk into the room. He simply stood there, eyes fixed on the barely recognizable mass lying on the bed.

His heart began to beat faster, and he wanted to step inside, to get a closer look at the young man who'd made his life a crusade against the very thing he was. But he found that he couldn't. Not because anyone was stopping him, but because he knew that if he got any closer, he'd do exactly what Forge had considered doing.

Jean watched Jay closely, not at all sure where his thoughts had gone. She could feel him stopping himself from... something, but whatever it was, he was so strongly against it that his mind was locking it away from himself. She trusted Charles implicitly, and if he felt that this was what would be best for Jay then she would simply wait and observe.

Forge was right, Jay realized. While Tommy may deserve to die, it wasn't his place to make it happen. No, Tommy's punishment would be that he'd have to live with himself. His entire life had been built against the evils of mutation. And lo and behold, now he was one. There is no hatred stronger than self-loathing. Jay knew that, and Tommy would soon learn that, too. And he'd be cursed to live with it the rest of his life.

"Sucks to be you," he muttered.

And this was improvement. Jean could feel that. They really and truly had opened a Pandora's Box of emotions by bringing this boy in through their gates. But before she could go any farther with the thought a persistent beeping filled the room. Pulling her pager off her belt, Jean glanced down at it and then said in a strangled voice, "Time to go now, Jay..."

"Wha?" Jay took a step back and turned to face Jean. "Huh? Now? But . . ." But Jean was wearing the doctor face. Something was up, and the doctors were probably getting ready to pull the "everybody get the hell out of the medlab NOW" thing. "'Kay. Uh, thanks," he said awkwardly before turning heel and quickly rushing out of the infirmary.

Jean spared a thought to try and remember afterwards to suggest Charles talk with Jay about whatever this had all been about, if he wasn't already planning on it, and then the door to Tommy's room was firmly closed and Jean was heading down the hall full tilt.