Jay, Terry & Kyle, Wednesday night

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

Jay and Terry have a new addiction: So You Think You Can Dance. They watch it, squee and drool over the men, and ponder developing an all-male revue at the school. And then Kyle has to open his big mouth and say something he'll regret. Or that he think he will. Kyle confuses himself, Jay is intruiged, and Terry finds it all endlessly hilarious.


"What Ah wouldn't give ta be able ta move like that," Jay purred, eyes transfixed on the TV. "Or ta get with a guy who can move like that. Can you imagine? Gives 'the horizontal tango' whole new meanin'."

Terry grinned. "That would definitely heat things up," she agreed, taking a drink from her water bottle and fanning herself playful. "Who knew that guys could make their hips move like that? I think I need an entire troupe of dancing men for myself. Or teach Bobby to dance like that, either way."

"I want a troupe!" Jay said, still staring at the way one of the dancers shook his hips and waved his arms, almost inviting the audience to jump him and do him on the spot. So You Think You Can Dance was Jay's new favorite TV show.

"Think we could get some of the fellas here ta make a troupe? We could do a 'So You Think You Can Dance Like a Mutant' or somethin'."

"Lots of them have taken Alison's dance classes," Terry said slowly, higher brain functions something of a struggle at the moment. "Bet we could talk them into it." She stared at the screen a while longer before announcing quite suddenly, "You know what this show needs? More blonds. They're all dark haired. It's discrimination against the fair haired, is what it is."

"You would so be mah best friend if you managed that," Jay teased. "They've got the two blond chicks, there. And they got rid of that other blond, the Siberian. But they do need a blond guy. Maybe bein' blond makes a fella not able ta dance? As far as Ah know, the extent of Sam's dancin' power is a ho-down."

Kyle was, in a word, confused. In two, very confused and beyond that, he was just too confused to string more than two words together. There was a perfectly good X-box, two varieties of Playstation, and Jay and Terry were watching people dance. Okay, the dude with the spiky hair was cool, but beyond that, he was just plain confused. Why would anyone sane watch this?

Not that the mansion was exactly full of sane people, he recalled.

From where he sprawled in one of the oversized armchairs, he peered over his Gameboy and stared at the television some more. "Man, you guys just... and you make fun of me for watching wrestling? Hello, Pot, Kettle?"

Jay raised an eyebrow at Kyle. He just Didn't Understand. Straight men, he mentally snorted. "These people are actually doin' stuff. Like, they gotta train for years ta be able ta move like that and follow directions. Wrestlers are just a bunch of guys on 'roids who pound the shit out of each other. That ain't enjoyable. This? Ya can admire them for their actual skill. And their bodies," he added, almost an afterthought.

Terry glanced over and laughed, "Wrestling is not nearly this attractive. And I've never seen a professional wrestler do that." She nodded at the screen. "Like Jay said, it's years of practice and a heck of a lot of talent."

"Dude, wrestlers train for years too. There's a whole bunch of schools, and they did a show like this too. "Kyle said, opting at the last second not to flip Jay the middle finger." And there's guys who aren't like, gross back acne muscle freaks on Smackdown."

"S'all bull," Jay maintained. "Ah like seein' big hunky men in Speedos gropin' each other as much as the next fella - more than the next fella, actually - but pro wrestlin' is just plain ole dumb. Ah could smash a chair over your head just as easily as that fella could, and Ah don't need no practicin' for it. Actually, Ah've already done that once, haven't Ah?"

Kyle snorted. "Uh, yeah. Not that it's all chair smashing, but you wouldn't know, cause you don't watch it." He watched the television for a few seconds and shook his head. "And like you said, the guys here could totally do this, so if we can wrestle and dance here, why are you watching this show?" He silently prayed for Jay and Terry to see reason, because the guy on the television whose hips were moving in a way that men's
hips were just not meant to move was really disturbing. Girls moved like that. Not dudes.

"Why do you watch wrestlin' if we can do that here too?" Jay retorted. "And besides, Terry ain't about ta let her boyfriend dance for me, so Ah gotta get where I can," he added, turning to stick his tongue out at Terry before his eyes glanced over and were glued to the screen again. "Not ta mention that we ain't go no one who looks like that here."

"I don't know if I can get my boyfriend to dance for me let alone you. Boys are so stupid about trying anything new." Terry smiled fondly then shook her head at the screen, "We've got men who are hotter. I'll bet Warren knows how to dance. It's a shame he was away at Law school so long."

Jay pulled his legs up so his knees were held close to his chest. He needed to adjust his position to make him more comfortable. "Ah bet you're right. Would it be bad of me ta ask him iffn he can dance and ta teach me how?" he asked, wearing a slightly dreamy expression.

"You are such a girl sometimes, Jay." Kyle snorted loudly and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like Mister Stuffy McSnob Pants would dance with you. Come on, he's hot, but he's also totally into Yana's dumbass brother. Besides, that's like, what taking up the entire room with feathers shedding everywhere.."

". . ."

That was Jay's reaction. It was about all he could manage in light of this particular revelation.

It took a couple of seconds for what Kyle had said to sink in then Terry's head slowly swiveled in his direction. She blinked a couple of times and started to say something then shook her head and changed her mind, choosing a different comment, "I think that Mr. Worthington would be used to dealing with excess feathers." Completely innocuous and not at all the prying question she'd initially set out to ask.

Kyle wasn't totally ignorant of what a long stare meant from Jay. He just couldn't recall what he'd said to get that reaction. Especially since Terry didn't seem to be bothered. "What?" He scratched his head confusedly. "Did I say something stupid?" He asked. "I didn't...did I totally just be a bigot or something, because if I did, I didn't mean to. Are feathers offensive? Is this some feather boa thing, because dude, I totally know that gay doesn't mean cross dressing."

"That's not..." Terry started giggling and looked away from him to check out Jay's reaction. Whatever she saw there made her laugh harder and she stood up, "I, uh... be right back." She darted away, snickering into her hand.

"Wait, Terry!" Jay protested, flailing his arms in the air as if to summon her back. But she was out of reach, and Jay suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Usually, such a comment from someone wouldn't garner such a reaction. But this was Kyle, and he had no internal speech control, so he meant everything he said. So if he'd meant what he'd said . . . well then. "Dang."

"But!" Kyle looked around the room. "What the hell?" He stared at Jay in confusion. "What, does Terry have some wacky thing for him? I didn't totally just piss her off, did I?" God, that'd suck if he did, he thought. Terry had yell powers, and that was going to hurt a lot. A whole lot. Maybe Forge had ear plugs he could use...

"No. That's the sound of an Irish lass gigglin' her ass off," Jay replied, finally turning to look at Kyle. Huh. He kind of looked like River Phoenix, but with pointy ears and fangs. And hairier. But he didn't need to think about that. "Um, do ya really not pay attention to what you say?"

Kyle frowned. "I said that Warren was totally into Yana's brother? Why is that funny?" He remembered very clearly. He'd called him Mister McSnooty pants, and made a joke about feathers. "What? Is he not into Yana's brother? Did I miss something? He still smells like he's sleeping with Piotr."

Oh boy. "You also said that Warren's hot. Which, well, Ah'm in total agreement, because he is. But dude. Didn't know you felt that way, too."

Kyle raised a finger to make a retort, and made a small, very confused noise. Then he put his hand down and shook his head, and then made the noise again. "I did what the huh I said what?"

From the suite's kitchen where Terry had retreated a new gale of laughter erupted then muffled like she'd clapped her hand over her mouth, which of course she had. Footsteps made it clear that she dashed away again.

It was funny, Jay had to admit, and Terry's laughter certainly didn't help him keep his WTF? expression. "Um, yeah, you did." Jay cocked his head, and then smirked. "So who else is hot, mah new homo friend?"

"Now wait just a damn minute!" Kyle said, half growling. "One, I'm not a homo. Two, you said that it was rude to call gay people homos, so what gives? This is some gay ... conspiracy thing?" He paused and actually bothered to think and try to remember if he'd said that Warren was or was not hot. Thinking about it did inexplicable things to his pants.
Very distressing, very unexplainable things.

"And three, I can't be gay." He waved a clawed hand at the television. "I like football!" There was a pause. "And breasts! I like breasts! And other girl parts!"

"Terry!" Jay called. "Wouldja like ta come back and explain ta this moron here about the stupidity of a gender binary system for sexual orientation and identity?" He rolled his eyes and turned back to Kyle. "Do ya think that Warren's hot?" he asked, seeking clarification.

Kyle stared blankly at Jay. "A gender binar... what?" Jay didn't make a lick of sense most of the time, and certainly not now.

He shifted around in the arm chair to look at Jay, and frowned. "I don't know He's..." Now he had a real problem. Lie, because he dimly recalled saying Warren was indeed hot, and in truth, there was something about him that was just fascinating to watch, or admit it. After a long time of scrunching up his face and trying to actually think about what he said before he said it, he let out a sullen grunt. "I guess…"

Terry poked her head out of the kitchen, munching on some chips that she'd liberated from the cabinets. "I think girls are pretty too?" she volunteered after a moment. "Haven't you taken Health yet, Kyle? Most people aren't one or the other. There's a..." she waved her hand, "continuum thing."

As tempting as it was to continue to taunt Kyle, Jay decided against it. Conversations like this are tough enough, Jay knew very well, and he'd be a hypocrite to make it any worse for Kyle. "Dude, it ain't no thing iffn ya think so. S'not like you're goin' ta Hell or anythin', despite what a bunch of old men who haven't gotten laid in fifty years might say."

"What? A ... That's a Star Trek thing! I know that! That's not a sex thing!" Kyle protested. "There is no sex continuum! If there was, everyone would be having a lot of sex and that'd be good."

He was pretty sure Terry and Jay were just making fun of him anyway. "I still didn't find any of those guys on that dancing show hot. Cause they're... I dunno. Not hot. Not ... whatever. Whatever other words people use to describe not hot guys. They're that. Not hot."

"Go ask one of the docs about Kinsey," Jay suggested. "That'll explain everythin'. There ain't no law sayin' someone can't like gals and fellas at the same time. And obviously, you're no queer iffn ya don't think that's sexy," he said, pointing at one of the solo dancers who was moving his body in ways that made Jay think that the dancer was a mutant with super enhanced flexibility.

Kyle shrugged. "On a girl, maybe. On a guy?" He snorted. "Anything I think I could do, is automatically not hot on a guy."

"So. Flyin' is hot, then?" Jay taunted. "Usin' wings? It's somethin' Warren can do that you can't, after all."

"Wings are definitely hot." Terry piped up, emerging the rest of the way from the kitchen. "Guys or girls, wings are extra sexy. Like blond hair."

"So if Ah bleach mah hair, then, I'll be double sexy and even you'll have ta admit Ah'm prettier'n you?" Jay turned to ask Terry. "Ah dunno. What d'you think, Kyle?"

He couldn't picture Jay looking anything like... Jay. Kyle frowned. "I think you'd look weird blond. Your wings are red, blond wouldn't... " He scratched his head and looked over Jay slowly. "It'd look fake, and fake's not hot at all, and for the love of God, why am I talking about this?"

"Welcome to the world of queerdom," Jay responded, spreading his arms in a welcoming gesture. "Your complimentary glitter's in Clarice's room."

"You'll never be prettier than me. Just accept it." Terry took her spot on the couch again, peering at Kyle thoughtfully, "Why don't you just think about it for a bit? It's not like it's going to change or anything. Take your time. Also, we're missing the rest of the show."

"I guess." If Terry was willing to not make him talk about it, she was about to become Kyle's new Favorite Person. Thinking about it involved thinking about many things Kyle didn't like thinking about in the first place. "No glitter. That's for sure." He muttered under his breath. "And dancing's still lame."

Comments

[x-havok.livejournal.com]

Alex says that yes he can dance but he's not about the show anyone cept Lorna, so it's not a blonde thing!

But OMG! Just what I needed after a long day of classes guys. That was hilarious. Poor Kyle.

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

Not fair. Jay wants to see!

[x-blink.livejournal.com]

*glitters Kyle with MANLY glitter*

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

There is ABSOLUTLY no such thing.

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

Glitter in the shape of boobies?

[x-rahne.livejournal.com]

As opposed to the usual phallic glitter?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

NO.

[x-roulette.livejournal.com]

No no. Glitter in the shape of beer. And football.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

You're making fun of me!

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Marie-Ange would like to formally protest Jay's theory that blonds cannot dance. Doug dances -quite- well. Ballroom and swing and generic modern type dancing.

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

Then he should join Jay and Terry's troupe.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Then Jay needs to make his troupe idea public.