xp_logs | Nathan and Haroun, Thursday evening (Reply)

Haroun stops in to see a headachey Nathan the day after the riot. He has a number of concerns about the team. Nathan is moderately receptive to the concerns, but not at all to one of Haroun's suggestions.

Now, here was a piece of deja vu, Nathan thought, shifting on the couch and letting his breath out on a sigh. Of course, the last time he'd been couch-bound due to psionic something-or-other it had been a spectacular act of stupidity on his part, not simply fatigue. Knowing that the headache would diminish steadily and most likely be down to a dull ache by tomorrow was a very cheering thought, really.

Rachel was down with Moira in the labs, but Moira had very pointedly taken Bella out of her cage and set the bird on the back of the couch with a few trenchant words about 'giving the poor thing some proper attention'. Bella seemed perfectly happy to sit there and coo at him, however, which was just fine by Nathan.

Haroun got the full briefing about what had happened, and a short visit to check on his friend was surely not amiss. Besides, he was having a good mobility day, and the walk would do him some good. *KNOCK* went the door, and Haroun send a pointed "Open the door, ya bum!" thoughts Nathan's way just to be sure he got the message.

Nathan grumbled and managed enough telekinesis to open the door. "Don't be so cheerful," he muttered as Bella gave a disapproving hiss at the opening door. "Hurts my head."

"Poor baby." Haroun said, walking into Nate's suite and collapsing into one of the available chairs. "Heard you went off and had a riot and you didn't even invite me. Very inconsiderate of you."

"Was that what that was?" Nathan pushed himself up a little, and Bella proceeded to tumble down into his lap, cackling. He stroked her feathers absently. "I must have missed it. What with all the sightseeing and learned political discourse..."

Haroun grinned at his friend. "One man's riot is another man's political discourse." he intoned.

"So I've heard." Bella got comfortable, finally, and Nathan regarded Haroun for a long moment, his expression growing sober again. "Scott... it looked pretty bad."

Haroun nodded. "I heard he took a hit, and I presume it's not good. We won't know more until we get more information from the source. Seems to be a rough last few months in terms of injuries and people turning their coats."

Nathan sighed, and explained, succinctly, what had happened with the monorail, and how Scott, holding off the rioters along with the rest of the X-Men not evacuating the train, had been in the middle of the mob and distracted. "... I'm surprised Jean didn't kill the guy," he said. "I had most of my attention on holding up the train, but I felt her telepathy flare."

Haroun nodded. "Like I said - rough times. We're going to be riding everyone harder with a few key people out or untrustworthy. Might be time to bump some of the trainees up to main to cover our lack of people power." he mused out loud.

"They did pretty well out there. All of them," Nathan said, leaning back against the pillows with a sigh. "I'm damned glad the National Guard got things under control when they did. We wouldn't have been able to manage much more."

Haroun nodded, and then relaxed. "There's no telling when I'm going to be fit to go back on-duty." he said out loud for the first time. "I'm considering handing in my tabs."

Nathan jerked upright, then cursed as his head spun and his stomach lurched. Bella yelped and slid to the floor, flouncing away squawking irritably. Nathan bit his lip, swallowing hard, and then eyed Haroun. "That's setting a bad precedent."

Haroun shrugged. "I haven't made up my mind yet. I said I'm considering it." he shot back irritably. "I'm not a REMF. I got no desire to sit in a comfortable room and train the next-generation of front-line X-Men. Nor am I the receptionist."

"Now I know you're feeling better," was the acid rejoinder.

"Yeah, fuck you too, sweetheart." he said, but with a grin. "I ... I just don't know when I'm going to be fit. If ever."

"Did I? When I was lying down there with a broken back?" Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Do you need a visit from a visible embodiment of your subconscious?" he inquired. "Because I could probably manage that."

Haroun shot Nathan an acidic look, and his head was full of ~Like you know how to do anything else!~, but he left them unvoiced. The thought was unworthy of him and untrue to boot. "Keep out of my head, Nate. I'm serious." he said with steel in his voice.

"Maybe I'll just steal your favorite strategy and berate you on the subject. Although, you're up and moving around more or less under your own power, so you're not a captive audience. Then again, my rhetoric is better than yours."

"Good days and bad days." he said. "You see my good ones. On the bad ones, I have to crawl from my bed to the bathroom." he admitted, a hard admission for a proud man. "The new 'ware is amazing in its promise, but it was designed by children. Brilliant children, yes, but children."

It was the headache. Seriously. If he hadn't been exhausted and sore, he would be able to find better words, Nathan told himself. But what he had would have to do. "Do you really want to hand in your tabs," he asked, not beating around the bush, "or are you just discouraged?"

"I'm not a telepath. I don't know." he said. "Yes, I'm discouraged. Yes, I've considered handing them in ... until such a point as I can earn them back. Will I do it? I don't know yet. And no, I haven't talked to Alison about it yet. None of her business, really."

"None of her..." Nathan stopped, closing his eyes for a moment. "Oh, of course. Because she's only your CO. And your girlfriend. Neither of which qualifies her to want or need to know if you're having doubts."

Haroun sighed. Nathan was being obtuse. Probably on purpose. Probably got his jollies from it. "No, it's because it's my life and I can do with it what I will. If she loves me - and she does - then she will accept whatever I choose. The fact that she is my CO is, quite frankly, irrelevant."

Nathan glared for a moment, and then threw a pillow at him. "So why are you talking to me?"

Haroun blocked the pillow reflexively. "Because you're my friend?" he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Because you might understand what I'm going through?"

"The real question I have is what the difference is between getting back into shape and coming back to the team, and getting back into shape and rejoining the team after a formal resignation."

Haroun shrugged. "If I do turn them in, and if I do get back into shape, then I expect to start at the bottom. Stupid code-name and grey leather. Just like anyone else." he said. "But how right and fair is it that I keep my XO slot, keep my X-Men slot that could go to someone able-bodied?"

"You. Are on crack. Mostly because you did not start at the bottom. Neither did a number of the rest of us. What," Nathan demanded, "is this some kind of self-imposed penance for getting ripped in half or something? And just who do you think wants your XO's job?" he went on, his voice rising a little. Bella, clambering back into her cage, paused and blinked at him.

Haroun blinked. "I wanted to give it to you, actually." he said quietly. "You're strong, quick, have an excellent head on your shoulders, and you won't lead our people into a meat-grinder."

Nathan gaped at him. "You have got to be kidding me," he said. "First of all, if--IF Alison was ever looking for a permanent substitute, the first direction she'd look in would probably be Kylun. He's done a damned good job subbing for you. And I do not belong anywhere near a command slot, now and possibly for a good long time to come."

"Why not?" Haroun said. "Not that Kylun wouldn't be a good choice, but he's not my first choice. You have command experience - Kylun doesn't. No slur against the guy, but he's a monk."

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "You might have missed the fact that I'm still in therapy once a week," he pointed out. "Jack does tend to sneak in and out rather quietly these days. And this is leaving aside the fact that I now appear to be functionally epileptic for some bizarre reason, thank you very much Askani."

Haroun sighed. "You're also a mean, nasty, clever sonofabitch." he pointed out. "With, what, a decade or so of small-unit mutant tactics experience under his belt. Yeah, you've got a glass jaw, and yeah, you're apparently epileptic now. Doesn't matter to me. I'd still give them to you and be perfectly comfortable with the decision."

"I wouldn't take them." It was odd to come out and say that. It was something he'd always known, of course... and something he'd never actually expected to have to come out and say. "And even if I would, it's not your choice if you resign, is it? It's Alison's."

Haroun nodded. "I'd push for it, but yes, it wouldn't be my call." he said, thinking it through. "But this is hypothetical. I like being an X-Man - more than you know. Being the XO is a hell of a burden, but it's one that I took - take - willingly. But I can't do that when I'm like this!"

"So focus on getting better," Nathan said with a sigh, flopping back against the couch. The surge of energy was gone, as if it hadn't been there in the first place. "If you want to take some official time off to feel like you haven't got the obligations you can't fully meet hanging over your head... this isn't the army, Haroun. And much as I wouldn't take your job if you paid me, I will quite willingly help pick up the slack while you're gone."

Haroun thought about that for a moment. "Might be a good idea - if I can get the COs to sign off on it." he said. "Keep my slot, but appoint someone else to take it - maybe Kylun, since you won't do it, you pussy - to train him up. Then, when and if I recover fully, we can work the transition in reverse. It's not very kind to Kylun, but we could do with spreading some of the expertise around."

"I imagine Ororo and Alison are going to have their hands full for the next little while." Nathan was very quiet, remembering what he'd seen through Jean's eyes. "I doubt the doctors in Seattle were able to save Scott's eye. I've seen damage like that too many times before. You won't be the only member of the command staff off indefinitely, I suspect."

"We need people to step up. If not formally, than informally. I know you've got a major shitball around your time in Mistra, but you've got the most experience of anyone training mutants. We don't need killers, obviously, but the stakes are going up. Scott may be crippled for life. I should be dead now. Lorna turned her coat and sold us all to Magneto. We need people to step up. We need you."

"And you have me," Nathan said, his tone oddly unexorable. "However and whenever I'm needed. Except if it's in command of anything."

Haroun nodded tiredly. "It'll do." he said. "Because we need all the help we can get. We need to get the trainees promoted and integrated - those who are ready, anyway. We need to get the next class going - Clarice is a start, but we need more. New faces, new thinking. More Dumb Idea sessions. Switch it around, change our approach. The old stuff is compromised - got to throw it out, start fresh."

"It doesn't sound to me like you particularly want to let the job go," Nathan pointed out with a sigh, trying to relax. "The trainees, huh?"

"I told you, I love the job. But I don't want to fuck things up by not being able to do it right." he explained. "Yeah. I want them to curse your name before they go to bed and first-thing when they get up." he said with a certain degree of fiendish glee.

"Charming. Well, bounce it off our currently unmangled COs and see what they think. I know all three of them have had me doing a fair amount of training work since I got fit again." Nathan shifted on the couch, sighing. "But not right now, okay? My head's splitting and I'm exhausted. Twenty-four hours of riot work was distinctly unfun."

"Of course, of course." he said, holding his hands up in apology. "I didn't mean that you should jump up right now and go get it done. Plus, normally I take the bad-guy role. Now I'm giving it to you."

"Sorry," Nathan muttered, closing his eyes. "Doesn't fit. I was never the bad guy when I trained people, even at Mistra. In fact I was kind of the anti-bad guy."

Haroun shrugged. "You'll work it out, then. But I should let you get some sleep - you look like hammered shit." he said with a grin. "Now, let's see if I can get out of here." he said, standing very slowly and ponderously. "If I take it slow, I should be OK."

"PAH!" Bella proclaimed from her cage. "Pah!"

"Well, you've been told," Nathan said, and turned over to face the back of the couch. "Shut the door behind you," he grumbled.

Haroun flipped the bird the bird, and then slowly - ponderously - made his way out of the suite - closing the door behind him.