xp_logs | Log: Dani & Forge - Nightmares, brains and confessions (Reply)

Dani tracks Forge down in the library to see what's going on. They end up resolving some of their issues with what's happened over the past several months and Dani admits her powers are acting funny again.

Dani sighed as she played yet another round of 'Find the Forge'. It was really getting old, especially since she had more than a slight suspicion that he was purposefully avoiding her. Fortunantly, she had some practice at this game and had begun looking for him in the least likely of places first. The library was her fourth stop. Sliding into a seat at the table, she flipped through a book that seemed to be written in Sanskrit and waited for Forge to notice her.

Finally glancing up from his copy of Man and Superman, Forge raised an eyebrow at Dani sitting across the table from him. Squinting at the title of the book she held, he finally smirked. "Subset patterns in differential calculus? Branching out a bit from the usual community college fare?"

"Subset patters of what? It's your book, not mine," Dani asked, putting the book down as if just holding it would give her cooties. "I came to see you."

Sitting for a while in silence, Forge put his paperback down and spread his arms. "Here I am," he said quietly. "Still got all the bits I left with. Well, most." He ruffled his hair and smiled. "You know, three weeks on Lorna's cooking can spoil a guy, but she doesn't do frybread."

"You scared me. You scared me so bad. Don't do that again!" she admonished, as if she were his mother and this were his fault. She knew it wasn't though. "I ain't been so worried in my life!"

Forge just shrugged. Since he'd returned, he'd dealt with platitudes and words of concern for everyone. "Try being me for those three weeks. Then you'll know scared. Try blowing your own brain half out of your head and shutting down your powers. Then you'll know worried. Try..." He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "Try just... I don't know, letting me get back to my life? Everyone keeps wanting to know how I'm feeling. No one really asked before - I suppose playing Boy Hostage suddenly makes people concerned for my emotional health. I'm fine."

"Did I ask how you were, Hahkota?" she asked, quietly, reviewing the conversation in her head. She hadn't thought so.

Forge sighed again, shaking his head. "No. But everyone else... the doctors, Doc Samson, the Professor. Everyone expects me to be some kind of nervous wreck. Yeah, Lorna's cracked. Lorna also had her mind taken away from her. She was forced to kill people. Me... yeah, it was pretty damn horrible, but it's over." He let out a small growl, enough to get a warning look from Shan and quiet him. "Look," he said in a whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm just... I'd rather move on and forget it. How've you been?"

Dani shrugged noncommital, "Dealing. Been having nightmares again, but I ain't projecting I don't think...no ones said anything. I think my head's on backwards again like the owls."

"Nightmares?" Forge reached out, touching Danielle's hand lightly. "Stress-induced, or powers stuff going weird again?"

Again, she shrugged, "I dunno. They don't feel like my nightmares, but that don't make any sense. It's hard to explain. Feels more like when my powers first came, back when Namshim was alive."

"Well, they're supposed to be going back to normal like before the baby, that's what the docs said," Forge remarked. "And you know, if it wouldn't weird out Marius too much, you know you can accidentally fall asleep on our couch anytime."

Dani smiled, she'd missed his couch as crazy as it may seem. Then again, she and crazy were good friends most of the time. "I didn't think you wanted me there anymore." She had missed Forge, even before he'd been kidnapped. There was a separation between them.

Looking down at their hands, Forge gave a small laugh. "You had the kid. You gave him up, and Dr. McCoy took him - and stopped being anything else. Stopped being a mentor, stopped being a scientist, stopped being a friend. All to be a father. ANYONE can be a father. Garbage men, convenience store clerks, bums on welfare. Not everyone's a Nobel candidate." He scowled, pulling his hand away to clench it in a fist. "I thought he knew priorities better. And I transferred a lot of that anger to you, as kind of the cause of everything. I'm sorry."

"You can't dictate his priorities, Forge, no matter how much you want to. To him, being a father is the most important thing ever, more than winning a Nobel prize. If I had known this would happen, I don't know if I'd've done things differently," Dani paused and looked Forge straight in the eye, "I had to do what was best for Billy, no matter what, "she snorted bitterly, "And don't think I'm happy watching my baby be raised by someone else. I didn't want to give him up...but it was best for him. Not for me, no for you, not for anyone but Billy. Being a parent...it changes you."

"Yeah, no kidding," Forge said bitterly. "But hey, enough about my anger management issues. These dreams of yours, they bad?"

"Your anger is mine too," Dani said simply, not trying to belittle it. "I caused it, even inadvertantly and it affects me."

Clenching his fists until they hurt, Forge leaned back to look at the ceiling, letting out a loud breath. "It's not just you," he said. "It's that... I have something I am the best in the world at. The best in the world," he reiterated strongly. "And to be passed over for someone playing house with the new baby and girlfriend, well... it's a learning experience. To basically be told, to hell with your potential, borrowing someone else's kid is more important. To hell with finding you and getting you out of a madman's control, I'd rather save the life of a killer instead. To hell with..." he cut himself off after another ice-cold glare from the librarian. With a long sigh, he focused his gaze out the window. "I need to talk to Samson again," he decided.

He had a point, even if he was focusing on being defined by his powers again, "I asked Mr. Summers if I could help find you. There wasn't anything I could do. I ain't the best at anything Forge, I'm failing my classes now, but I'd've given anything to find you. And not because of your powers or because of your potential, but because you are you. I don't care if you fry your powers or scramble them for breakfast, you are more than just your mind."

Forge whipped his head around to look at Dani. "My mind is the only thing I have that isn't twisted and cracked and broken, Dani. What Mr. Marko is to strength, what Alex is to raw power, what Manuel is to being an asshole - that's my brain. But the rest of me?" He held out his arms, comparing the pale flesh of his right forearm to the shining metal of his left. "I'm broken, Dani. In more ways than I know how to count. At least let me hold some pride in the one whole thing I do have."

She blinked at him slowly, staying calm, "...So? You're human. It ain't how good your body is or how smart your mind is, it's about what you believe and what you care about and how you treat others. It's about doing the right thing even when it's unpopular or standing up for what you believe in. It's bringing me tea because you wanted to or Kyle doing your laundry. I ever tell you my grandmother had both her legs amputated at the knee when I was 7? Diabetes. Didn't make her less my grandmother or less of a wonderful, caring person. No one loved her less."

"Don't tell me about doing the right thing," Forge replied sternly, "I know what's the right thing to do, and how much it can turn around and stab you right in the chest but you do it anyway because it's right and for the best and..." he thought of what Dani had said about her son, and felt a wave of shame wash over him. "You know what it's like," he said quietly, dropping his gaze.

"You want to get some frybread?"

"God yes."