Jay & Kyle, backated to Monday the 5th

[x-icarus.livejournal.com]

After Kyle gets kicked out of his tree by Wanda and sentenced by Scott, he stomps back to his suite in a huff. Then Jay confronts him about their ambiguous relationship and they come to terms with what they are as a couple.


Kyle stomped down the hall to his suite, scowling. Grounded, kicked out of his tree, and he still wasn't sure he was wrong.

Stupid teachers. Stupid bigoted idiots.

He threw the door open, uncaring as to how much noise he was making, or how much he was probably disturbing Marius or Jay or Forge. He was cranky and he could make stompy noises if he wanted to.

Regular time away from the mansion with Forge had done much to clear Jay's mind. While he still wasn't totally calmed, he was at least comfortable enough to spend the rest of the day lounging in the suite's common room watching TV without jumping at every little sound.

But the slamming door was not a little sound, and Jay nearly leapt out of his skin as Kyle stalked into the room. "Shit, man," he said, breathing heavily, "What crawled up your ass?"

"What hasn't?" Kyle spat out. "My tree is broken, I'm grounded, Ms. Maximoff gave me a lecture and I have a bruise on my ass that itches because I was in the tree when it broke." So much for stalking to his room, slamming the door and getting his sulk on, Kyle thought.

"Grounded? For breaking a tree?" Jay frowned, sitting up and inviting Kyle to sit with him. "Go back to the beginnin'. What happened?"

Kyle's idea of sitting was to flop bonelessly next to Jay and manage, somehow, to take up more space than Jay himself did. "Lesee. I was gonna put the fear of God in Tommy, because he's an asshole, and so I did, and maybe I kinda... punched him in a jaw a little..." He mumbled the last part of his words, trying to figure out how to say it without ... actually saying it.

Jay shifted, folding his wings and letting Kyle rest his feet on his lap so there was almost enough room for the two of them. The mention of Tommy nearly sent Jay off the couch. "You did what?" he asked hoarsely, his voice barely above a whisper.

"He... " Kyle let out a huff and threw his hands over his head. "He was being an ass and all mutter mutter mutter under his breath all week and I can totally hear him, and then he said he was the one who beat you up, and I got pissed and then he called you a fag and said I was your freaky boytoy or something and so... " He looked away from Jay, only now feeling a bit embarrassed. "I punched him in the jaw."

He knew it. Tommy wouldn't change. It was all just a pipe dream. "He said that, huh? He told you that - that he's the one who broke mah wings?" Among other parts.

Kyle frowned. "He didn't tell me what he did, just that he did better in beating up with less effort or something. I guessed the rest, and kinda lost it at him." He scratched his head, trying to remember. Losing his temper messed up his recollection of things. "I think I threw him at the sofa maybe..."

"Ah can't believe you hit him. Now people are gonna flock to him even more and mope about how the poor little bigot should be pitied and cared for," Jay snorted.

Kyle didn't actually remember any moping. "I ... don't remember anyone moping." He said, because it bugged him that he didn't remember. "Or any flocking, actually." He scratched his head some more, because it helped him think, and because his head itched.

Jay sighed. Okay, he'd exaggerated. But folk certainly weren't treating Tommy like he should've been treated, and in his book, that was equivalent to sympathy. "Don't matter," he waved it off. "Ah mean you're the only one who's actually seein' him for what he is and ain't panderin' to him."

Kyle shrugged. "I think most people are ignoring him. It's not like anyone's taking him out to dinner or anything." He sighed. "So, movie's off. Because I'm grounded..." He was still grouchy about that. "I wouldn't have slugged him if he hadn't been such an ass and admitted he beat the crap out of you. 'snot -fair-."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "So you whupped him to defend mah honor?" How . . . surprisingly noble. Mostly surprising.

Kyle straightened up a little. He kind of liked that. Defending honor. It made it sound all noble, instead of him just losing his temper and only barely keeping from pounding Tommy into something like bigoted rice pudding. "Sure!" He said. "I mean, dude, he totally was asking for it too."

To which Jay responded: "Why?"

"Uh. Why was he asking for it, or... why did I defend your honor?" Kyle asked, very carefully.

"Dude, no doubt he was askin' for it. Ah mean the second."

"One, you just said 'dude', and two, I dunno. He.. I .. um..." Kyle stammered. "Because... because I can and he hurt you and ... " This was going to come out all stupid, he just knew it. "Because... because beating people up and calling them fags is just ... wrong. And ... and.... and I don't know, I just wanted to make him hurt because you were!"

"That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Jay said, unable to hide an affectionate smile. "Besides, 'Oh, Jay, more more justlikethatYES!'"

Kyle was extremely very goddamn glad that Marius and Forge were nowhere in earshot, or anywhere where they could see him go beet red in the ears. "You're making fun of me..." He mumbled. Which would almost be easier to deal with because then he'd be less confused.

"Ah'm not," Jay insisted, running a hand up the leg of Kyle's jeans. "Swear ta God. Ah really didn't think you . . . well, cared quite like that."

Kyle struggled to -not- be terribly distracted by Jay touching his leg. Sometimes his overactive libido was really annoying when he was trying to think. Like when certain female classmates of his wore really short shorts and he had to finish a biology project and... He tore his thoughts away from that subject, and back to the one at hand. "Dude. It’s hard to explain. I .. I'm not good at explaining this stuff!"

Jay rested his hand on Kyle's heel so Kyle to actually think and formulate coherent sentences. "What do Ah mean to you?" Maybe a blunt question would get a real answer.

"Uh, I, um..." Kyle stammered. "I really.. I ... I don't know how to answer that question." He squirmed uncomfortably and stared at the wall. "I wanna think you're at least, you know, a friend, but sometimes I think I annoy the fuck out of you, and then there's the.. the.. you know.." The sex. Not that he was going to say it out loud just like that.

Jay was. "The sex," he finished. "You do annoy the fuck outta me sometimes" - most of the time - "but Ah wouldn't be with you iffn Ah didn't like you more than that. What Ah'm tryin' ta ask is, why do you not wanna be boyfriends?"

"Because I annoy the fuck out of you?" Kyle said plainly. "And." He ran a hand over his face, frustrated. "Dude, I'm barely okay with the fact that I'm okay with thinking that you're hot. Its a lot to try to deal with all at the same time. I'm not even okay with being a mutant, and I've been one for like, a year."

Jay withdrew his hand from Kyle's leg, as if that would make him more comfortable with himself. "Ah know this is one of the toughest things you'll ever have ta do," he said slowly but calmly, "but Ah ain't askin' you ta call your folks and tell 'em what'choo're doin' in bed. Ah just . . . Ah like you Kyle. You make me feel good in a way no one has in a long time. Ah ain't sayin' Ah love you or nuthin' like that, but Ah am sayin' you are more to me than a fuck buddy."

Despite the urge to curl up and bury his face in his knees, out of sheer embarrassment, Kyle managed to look at Jay. "Jail was tough, telling my folks I stole a car was tough. This is... " He shook his head. "I didn't have to tell them I was a mutant. The Professor did that. And... and I like doing stuff with you...." He paused, and then grimaced. "I mean, like, regular stuff, not like, just the naked stuff. I just... dude, this is fucking scary. It’s... its words. Words make things harder."

"Words make stuff real," Jay clarified. "Is that what's botherin' you?" For Jay, finding the words to express himself and to identify with had been one of the most liberating experiences of his life, even if he'd kept it a secret for years. He couldn't imagine how tough this was for Kyle.

"Kinda, yeah." It was exactly totally one-hundred percent that. "It's.. I wish I had some kind of quote or something, because I don't know how to make it sound right. Saying it means I have to think about it and if I have to think about it, I have to think about all the stuff that goes with it, and that's really confusing and scary."

"Well, Ah'm here ta make them not confusin' and not scary ta think about. What sorta things are botherin' you the most?"

Kyle made a face. "The part where I still like girls? A lot? And I know that, yeah, I get to like both, but I'm totally having a hard time getting around the idea of dating a guy. I know how to date girls, I mean, you know, in theory. I ... " He let out a long frustrated low growl. "I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing."

Jay had to hide a chuckle behind his hand. This was actually rather cute. "There aren't any rules to datin' fellas," he said once he could manage a straight face. "You don't have to give me your jacket or hold doors open for me or pull out mah chair when Ah sit down, but Ah certainly would be flattered. Ah reckon what it comes down to is we just act like any other friends, except more intimate."

"But we're already doing that!" Kyle said, surprised. "And you can't wear my jacket, doof. Not unless you cut it up full of holes, and I like that jacket." On the other hand, he figured he could fully get away with foisting scarves on Jay. He had damn near enough of them, with a grandmother who still didn't get "No, I don't get cold!". Or was just ignoring his protests.

"So then what's the problem with givin' ourselves the title?"

Kyle ducked his head. "I just told Mr. Summers I wouldn't go punching people in the jaw for mouthing off, and that... " He growled again, remembering Tommy's mocking tone. "That -word- pisses me the fuck off, and I'm .. I.. I don't wanna go getting in trouble again, because it's gonna make me madder, if I'm, you know, your boyfriend and not just the guy you're sleeping with."

"What word, 'fag'? Ah reckon that you'd show him that you aren't somethin' disposable if you're not just the guy Ah'm sleepin' with," Jay countered. "'Cuz, well, you're not disposable."

"Is that what that means?" Kyle asked. "Something you can just throw out?" That seemed appropriate. Jay'd been the one to tell him 'dork' meant a penis too. "I can't go punching him, or anyone else, in the jaw, at least, not to hurt anyone. I think like, giving Forge a wedgie doesn't count." He frowned and looked at his hands. "I was gonna seriously hurt him, right up until the last second, and then I hit him instead. I .. don't wanna.. I can't do that again. I can't."

"Ah think Ah read that it used ta be a word for whore before it became a slur. So, yeah, it kinda does mean somethin' you can just throw away." Jay reached over to take one of Kyle's hands in his. "Bein' boyfriends shouldn't make you more put out. You should think of it like a 'fuck you' to Tommy. He's so wrapped up in his own pathetic mind that he doesn't see that we're much more than his retarded stereotypes."

Kyle did his very best to not grip Jay's hand tightly. It didn't work. "Man, hearing you say that is one thing. Thinking it myself when he's muttering crap under his breath, or just, you know, existing, is a hell of a lot harder.

"Don't Ah know it," Jay replied sadly. "Ah can't fuckin' stand him bein' anywhere near here, but Ah do get some smug satisfaction outta knowin' that he's so pissed about it. Makes it all almost bearable."

"I ... I just dunno what to do." Kyle said. "And every time I think about the whole boyfriend thing, I get this little voice in my head screaming "Dude! I'm not gay! I like girls!"." He shrugged. "'Cept I know better, sorta. And I feel like a big hypo... crate? crit? hypocrite." Kyle frowned. "Either one. I know it’s a hipo-something anyway."

"Hypocrite. Just stop applyin' these damn labels to yourself if they bother you so much, then. They only exist ta make people feel better about themselves, so if they don't work for you, then fuck 'em. Ah like bein' gay. You don't. Big whoop. It doesn't change what we are. Whatever we are."

"HEY!" Kyle protested loudly. "It's not that I don't like, you know, um..." He bared his teeth, angry at himself. "Aw, fuckit. Jay, it's not like I don't like you, or sleeping with you, or any of that, it's just that I didn't plan to go and like guys, even one guy, you know, ever, and it's fucking hard to get used to. I like it, okay? If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be doing it, I just gotta get used to the idea of having a boyfriend and not a girlfriend, dammit!"

Jay raised a hand. "Ah know, Ah know. Sorry." He had to lay off the pushing. As important as this was to him, he knew that if he kept down this route, then he wouldn't have anything, and that would completely defeat the purpose of this whole conversation. "But . . . I wanna know what Ah can do, y'know? Is there anythin' Ah can do ta make this easier for you?"

"Not a clue." Kyle said, shaking his head. "I dunno, time, I guess. Not unless there's some book on how to deal with waking up bi or something." He snorted out a laugh at the idea, and then paused, peering at Jay curiously. "There isn't a book on that, is there?"

"Ah reckon there're plenty of books about bisexuality and how that works. Oughtta ask Shan since you're stuck in the library 'til Judgment Day," Jay suggested. "There're plenty of books about bein' in relationships with other fellas, but they're mostly all like 'Now you can double your wardrobe.'"

Kyle snorted. "See, that's totally not fair. I mean, one, you wear less shirts than me, and two, why would I want to wear your clothes anyway?" Gay people were crazy, Kyle decided. Sharing clothes. "It's not the "I like a guy" thing though. Its ... dude, I mean, I woke up liking guys one day. At least, I woke up next to a guy and I had a hard-on. That's kind of a shock. I mean, don't most people get some time to get used to the idea?"

"Ah don't know of anybody who just woke up one mornin' and realized they like guys," Jay said, shrugging, "Although Ah can count the number of fellas Ah know who like other guys on just one hand, so Ah can't really say for sure. But Ah reckon that most guys don't actually act on their feelin's straight away. Ah was, like, twelve when Ah learned what bein' gay is, but it was a coupla years 'til Ah actually did anythin'. Partly because Ah didn't know anyone else who was gay, and partly 'cuz Ah was afraid ta find out."

"Okay, so... you're the expert, what would you do if you were me?" Kyle asked. Because he had no idea what to do.

"If Ah were you?" Jay certainly knew what he wanted Kyle to do, but he was clueless about what he'd do if their positions were reversed. Jay had been all too happy to hook up with guys whenever he'd had the chance, but his situation was entirely different from Kyle's. "Well, Ah reckon that since Ah like you and you like me, and Ah kicked someone's ass on your behalf, then it's really a no-brainer." Which may not be what he would have done exactly, but it's what he'd have wanted to hear. Which counted, right?

Kyle scrunched up his face, trying to think. "Can you live with me needing to, you know, get over myself with the whole labels thing? Cause that might take a while." He scratched his head and flopped backwards towards the arm of the couch. "Man, I spent like, half a year making myself think before I talk, and then it totally blows up in my face, and messes up my sex life!"

"Yeah. Ah mean, Ah know it's not easy for everyone. But Ah just want that one label of 'boyfriend.' It implies a lotta things that Ah want. Intensity, excitement . . . you know, like an orgasm." Jay grinned.

"I'm not buying you a Valentine's Day present..." Kyle grumbled. Well, probably not. That way lied the way of being a big dork. He stared at the top of Jay's head, twitching his fingers trying to get up the nerve to actually say it, and why did Jay have to bring up the whole orgasm thing anyway. That was just distracting. And made other things twitch. "I feel like a big dumb dork and if anyone gives me crap for sayin' you're my boyfriend I'm gonna dump 'em in the snow. Espically Forge. And Marius."

"Ah reckon you'll be in the right if anyone gives you a hard time. Ah'll even help you steal Forge's leg." Jay got up from under Kyle's legs so he could crawl on top of him. "But now that we've got this straightened out, so to speak, Ah'd rather take advantage of the fact that you're stuck in here for the next few weeks."

"Two ... two weeks..." Kyle argued weakly. And then got a good look at that very distinctive expression on Jay's face, put two and two together and figured out what he was up to, and then promptly went to the "Brain Shut Down in Fifteen Seconds" place. "Shutting up now. Gotcha."