Thursday night, Scott and Terry

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

After talking to Bobby, Terry hides herself away. Scott comes across her and is put in the incredibly awkward position of comforting her about the situation.




There were some places that just meant safety and security no matter what was happening. Places that ingrained themselves so deeply into your consciousness that you couldn't shake need for the comfort found there, even when it was likely to be false. For Terry, needing desperately to hide from everything, the only real solution was to take her lockpicks to a certain door and crawl into a darkened corner, her head pressed against the cool wood of the bookshelf.

He had forgotten a book he needed for class tomorrow. That was the only reason Scott was coming down to his office at this time of night - well, that and the blankness of the guest room was getting to him. He went to unlock the office door, and realized that someone had beaten him to it.

He stood there for a long moment, wondering... and heard, in the quiet, the sound of rapid breathing from inside the office. As if someone was trying not to cry.

Scott, after another long moment of thought, opened the door and stepped in. He didn't turn on the light. "Terry?" he said softly, looking... there.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Summers." Terry curled herself into an even smaller ball and sniffled, "I didn't think you'd be coming here." She didn't make any move to leave. Scott would understand. This wasn't the first time this had happened. "You changed your locks again."

"It's been a while since you broke into my office." Scott sank down next to her, in the pool of moonlight from the window. She was in shadow and he couldn't see her face, but he could imagine, just from the sound of her voice. "I'm so sorry," he said, his own voice cracking. "So sorry, Little Red..." It was an old nickname, and he hadn't used it in years. "You didn't deserve any of this."

She shifted slightly in a strengthless shrug. "If I hadn't broken up with him, he wouldn't have been in Boston." It hadn't taken long for her obsessive thought train to dead end there in horrified realization that this was as much her fault as Bobby's. She was the one who had ruined everything. Jean had said so.

"No. No," Scott repeated, more vehemently. "Maybe he wouldn't have been in Boston, but you did not make him do what he did. That was his choice."

Terry leaned forward so her face came into the light, pale skin washed out by paler moonlight, traces of tears glistening on her cheeks. "But he only made it because of me. If we hadn't broken up, he would never have done it."

"And? Does that excuse it?" Scott swallowed past the tightness in his throat. "This wouldn't have happened if Jean hadn't left me. Does that make this my fault?"

She looked appalled, "No! It's not...you're not to blame. Sure and you're the only one here without any of it. Dr. Grey didn't leave just because of you. She said..." Terry stopped and bit her lip hard. She hadn't wanted him to know that she'd seen her. Hadn't wanted to make this worse. But she did. Just like always.

Scott opened his mouth, then closed it, a little shaken. "You saw her--no," he amended suddenly, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't."

Terry paled further and tried to fix this. Maybe if she told him what Jean had done for her? "She helped me realize that I was wrong. After the test was negative, I felt...like I'd killed something. I know that it wasn't really but I couldn't help thinking that maybe...I didn't want to be pregnant. I hated the baby and then when it wasn't there...I felt like I had killed it." The words tumbled out in a rush, hesitations painfully obvious. "Dr. Grey, she...she told me that I needed to stop that. That it wasn't healthy."

"I'm... glad she was able to help you with that, then," Scott said, his voice strained. "But Terry... that doesn't change what..." He stopped. Who was he trying to get her to blame here? he thought confusedly. Jean or Bobby? Or just anyone but herself?

"I know." She drew back into the dark again, eyes closed. "It doesn't change anything. It's all messed up and he's...they're gone and they left." Her voice broke, anguished and desolate. "I can't hate him. I did this too, I can't hate him."

"You did not do this. You didn't." He swallowed past the jagged feeling in his throat. "No one's saying you have to hate him. But if you can't hate him, then you can't hate yourself."

"I did. In Seattle. And he broke up with me and then he forgave me and...I can't hate him for doing the same thing I did." Terry broke off with a sob and lowered her head to her knees, her whole body shaking with misery.

Seattle? He wasn't following here... Scott swallowed again and reached out, laying a hand hesitantly on her shoulder. "He forgave you," he muttered after a moment, not quite able to believe he was saying this. "Could you forgive him? Not now, but sometime. Do you want to?"

"I don't know," she whimpered, lifting her head to look up at him, "I want...I don't know. I can't even think right now. Everything hurts too much. Will you forgive Dr. Grey?"

"Terry..." His voice broke and he leaned back. "It's... really complicated. A lot's happened, with Jean and I... she doesn't want to be forgiven."

Terry shuddered and crawled forward, wrapping her arms around his neck like she was 12 again, hiding here from a nightmare. "Bobby does. He didn't ask me to but...I know he does. I just don't know if I can."

"Tonight's not the time to be making those decisions." He hugged her carefully, hating Jean, hating Bobby, hating himself. Terry was the only absolute innocent here. "You need to... give yourself some time, okay?"

"I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to see him at all." She clung to Scott, feeling small and fragile. Just a child again with a pain that was too much for her to handle. "Why do people go away?"

"I don't know." He didn't have an answer for her. He just wished that he did. Scott closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to control his expression. "But you don't have to see him. If you don't want to."

She swallowed hard. "I want to go home."

"Then talk to Sean. Tell him... tell him whatever you want to tell him, but tell him that."

Terry sniffled, "I have class. There are tests." And if she didn't pull good grades now, she was in a world of hurt for acceptance to college. Too many of them wanted to see final semester grades as their final decision point.

"We can work that out, Terry. It's all right." One of us should be able to get some space. "Homework you can take with you... makeup tests for when you get back."

Home. She hadn't been home in so long. "I'll...I'll think about it. I don't want to run away. I have responsibilities." She bit her lip as she sat back, the desire to just get away almost overwhelming. "I don't know."

"No decisions tonight, remember?" Scott said exhaustedly, letting her draw back. "Just remember that you have the options."

Terry nodded and wiped at her face, scrubbing her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I'm sorry, Mr. Summers. You probably didn't want to have to listen to me right now." She settled back in her corner--this still seemed like a better place to be than anywhere else in the mansion.

Scott shrugged a little, leaning back against the wall behind him. He couldn't muster up the firm disagreement that sort of statement really demanded. "You needed to talk," he said a bit hollowly, not meeting her eyes. "I wasn't going to leave you on the floor crying."

"It's okay. I like it here." She looked at him closely, able to see enough past her own misery to take in his hollow, strained appearance. "You should go back to bed."

"Wasn't in bed," he muttered, not sure that he could take the concern. Help her deal with her concerns, yes. Not have worry directed at him. Not from Terry.

"Then you should go to bed." It was so much easier to worry about him than to let herself feel her own pain. She hesitated a moment then shifted a little closer to the bookcase. "Unless you want to stay? I mean...it's your office. I can go. Or...you can stay here with me."

"I'll stay until you're ready to go," Scott said, staring off into the shadows. "Not going to leave you sitting down here in the dark alone."

Terry sighed, hating the idea of going back to her room. She liked her suitemates but the last thing she wanted right now was people around her. "I was going to stay here. I can't face anyone else right now. Not when they all know what he did." Her own fault there too. She lost control.

"I have a decent couch," Scott said, rising. "I can get you some blankets." He bit his lip, his throat catching at the sudden stabbing pain in his stomach as he moved. "Pillows," he said a bit more weakly, that sort of thing...'

Terry looked up at him then rose reluctantly, knowing that he wouldn't leave unless she left the corner for someplace less wooden. It was just that the couch was fairly new to the office. Not part of her comfort zone. "Okay." Somewhere safe. That's all she needed right now.