xp_logs | LOG: [Crystal, Haller] By the lake (Reply)

A random encounter by the lake. Crystal shares her concerns about the school, and Haller leaves reason to doubt he actually understood what the word "resignation" meant when he gave his.

"All things are burning." David had read that somewhere back when Charles had sent him on his first Buddhism kick. It meant that the soul was consumed by material desires that blinded it to enlightenment and kept it in the chains of death and rebirth, suffering and strife, blah blah blah, profundity. The metaphysical technicalities didn't matter to Cyndi, she just thought it sounded good.

And it was true. The world burned around her, weight and warmth and motion on every side, alive and touchable again, finally, finally. It was as if a cloth had been lifted from her eyes. She almost felt sorry for the others. Jack was clumsy and could only feel big things, and Jim and Davey couldn't feel anything at all -- well, except brains, but that didn't count. Cyndi knew that of the four of them in David's head, only she could see the world as it really was.

There was fire in all things. It just needed someone to set it free.

Right now, though, Cyndi had to be content with the air over the lake. It was part of the Arrangement. Charles had promised not to lock the power away again, but only if she didn't hurt anyone. As if she'd ever tried to hurt anyone. Well, okay, maybe that one time, but that hadn't been her fault. Anyway, it didn't matter. Currently she was trying to do the exercise Charles had suggested: dragging the fire along a slow, sustained path. And, oh yeah, it had to be over the lake so she didn't accidentally set the lawn on fire again.

It was hard. Usually she just gave something a shove and let it go, because that wasn't hard at all. Moving it with intent was more difficult, and it was even harder when she didn't have anything solid to burn; she had to keep pushing all the time to keep the fire going on air alone. It was a lot of work. So what if the lines weren't very neat? Cyndi thought, wiping the sweat from her eyes as she skipped a stream of light across the water like a stone. Trying to keep everything nice and regular made her head tight. She kept going anyway. She wasn't out of control. She could prove it.

Maybe Charles was watching from his study.

With a thought the stream of light split into three, threads of fire unrolling across the brackish green of lake in golden streamers the width of her hand. Somewhere behind her she could feel Jim watching, fascinated, just like David always had been. Cyndi smirked and stretched upward, running the fire back into a single ribbon of flame that swirled high into the sky. Jealous?

"Hi."

The tongue of flame dispersed like smoke in a breeze. The voice was young, vaguely familiar. Student -- even as the pyrokinetic started to turn she was already stepping back in a response as much instinct as arrangement. The former counselor's face went flat, briefly, then mismatched eyes focused on the girl standing behind him.

"Oh, hello," Jim said, smiling as recognition set in. His lank frame became more relaxed, less fraught with the barely-suppressed frenetic energy that was characteristic of Cyndi. "Crystal, right? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you coming. I get a little distracted when I'm practicing."

Crystal nodded and smiled. "I understand, Mr. Haller. Sometimes when I am practicing, I can be so caught up in what I am doing that I don't even notice other people. I have almost flown into people on more than one occasion. I am sorry if I disturbed your practice. I would not want you to stop on my account."

"No, it's all right. I think I'm done for the day." Yes, we are, Jim thought in answer to Cyndi's disappointment. Judging from the amount of sweat on his face they'd practiced enough for one day. Giving Cyndi the opportunity to use her power may have been an important part of therapy, but he had to draw the line somewhere. He wiped his forehead again, his smile shading to apologetic for the necessity. "So, how have you been finding your first few months here? Is it very different from Attilan?"

Crystal had to stop herself from breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Of course this place was different! The people here appeared to have no idea of how a proper student/teacher relationship should be. "It has been, ah, an interesting few months," Crystal replied as calmly as she could manage. "It is very, very different from Attilan." Not to mention the fact that at home I do not have to deal with rude and inappropriate behaviors on a regular basis...

"Yeah, 'interesting' is definitely a good way to put it," Jim agreed with a lopsided smile, although he suspected the slight undercurrent in Crystal's voice indicated she thought that was an understatement. He didn't really have a good sense of her yet -- he'd seen her around the school, but she'd never come to him for counseling. Despite her manner of dress, from what he'd gleaned from the journals she seemed fairly conservative . . . although it occurred to him some of the things that had happened in the past few months went beyond culture shock. Jim dropped his arm to his side and gave her a questioning look.

"Sorry if this if this is a dumb thing to ask," he said, "but things have been moving pretty fast lately -- do you have any questions? About what's been going on lately, I mean. This place can be a lot to jump into, and that's easy to forget if you've been living in it for a while. I'm not working right now, but if it's something I can't answer I can always find someone who can for you."

Crystal blinked. What to say and where to start? Crystal looked directly at Haller. "I, ah, I think I understand it. The teachers leave the school to try to save the world, then they come back and are either mentally or physically harmed and they must deal with this. At the same time, they bring new students into this situation. Meanwhile, they also think that it is a very good idea to advertise to the students exactly what is wrong with them so that the students do not have to guess just how bad things are this time." There. For better or for worse, it was said.

Jim's face remained perfectly straight while meanwhile in the back of his mind Cyndi sputtered with uncontrollable laughter. Thank god for the heavy compartmentalization of DID.

"Well, it's . . . something like that," Jim admitted, rubbing the back of his head. This was going to be fun considering he was precisely the kind of casualty Crystal had listed. He wondered if there was any way to explain this that could make it sound less than completely insane. He had his doubts, in part because parts of him weren't entirely convinced it wasn't. "It seems weird, but the saving-the-world stuff is basically like the RedX organization. If you've got the training you can volunteer, if you want, and most of the volunteers come from the school because this is still one of the only facilities equipped to train mutants. But it can be hard. It's like . . . well, you went to San Diego to help out after the earthquake, right?"

"Yes," Crystal replied, nodding. "I even had my own share of an experience that could have turned out much worse than it did. I was lucky. But I did not come back and start running around saying things about it. It happened. I survived." Crystal hesitated for a brief moment before adding, "Besides, I am not responsible for the lives of students."

He knew what Crystal was talking about: Scott's admission of what had happened to him in July. And Jim, if he was honest with himself, had to admit he saw her point. He hadn't really known how to respond to Scott's post. It hadn't been planned, Scott had been goaded, but . . . how appropriate had it been to talk about the experience publicly? Many of the students seemed to accept situations like that as a matter of course, but the newer ones weren't quite so jaded. It had obviously made an impact on Crystal. And after what had happened to him, how safe could Julio feel?

But Jim knew he was compromised here, so he'd just kept quiet. Jack sneered at him. Because you can't stomach the idea of anyone knowing what's really wrong with you, so you never tell anyone anything. And we've seen where that leads, haven't we?

However, this wasn't the time or the place to work out his personal feelings on the subject. He set aside his qualms for a moment and focused on what mattered.

"That's true," Jim said aloud, nodding slightly, "And it's not always like that, either. But the X-Men go into situations like the one in San Diego a lot, sometimes worse. Seeing and going through things like that too often can wear you down. If it does to the point it changes how you're acting . . . that's a tough call. If something's going on that might affect the students we try to explain it so they have some kind of warning. There's a fine line between telling too much and not telling enough. Sometimes maybe we misjudge."

Crystal might have been naive and innocent on a certain number of matters, but she wasn't stupid and she certainly wasn't born yesterday. Of course Haller couldn't say that she was right. He had to defend the staff, the X-Men, didn't he? He was one of the people who had come back hurt, wasn't he? Everything was nice and pretty and it was a beautiful day, even though the teachers felt that it was perfectly acceptable for teachers to go off on new arrivals, randomly tell students about their problems, direct foul language at them, and who knows what else?

"Yes, of course, Mr. Haller," Crystal answered wryly. "Let's just hope that next time, the teachers who return in complete working order outnumber the ones who don't...and that they stay that way." She didn't want to be rude, but continuing to point out flaws in the school's system obviously wouldn't get her anywhere. Who knew which of her words might be reported to someone else? Of course continuously throwing yourself into situations like the one in San Diego would wear you down. That was part of her point, wasn't it? "The students deserve some sort of stability and a feeling of safety, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, they do," Jim said, and this time there was no voice of dissension. His mouth took on a slight twist of wryness. "Like I said, errors in judgement do happen, but it's also not fair to burden you with things you don't want or need to know. That's not what you came here for. We need to take that into account even if we're hurting. Especially then. For my part in that, I apologize."

Wait...what? Not telling the students what was going on was his suggested solution? "Perhaps it's not so much the actual telling," Crystal said carefully, "as it is the way certain matters are related. If someone, you for example, needs to take a leave of absence" and what a great leave of absence it is if you're going into all of this with me! "the students should be told. Just...in the right way, like you did." Crystal had no way of knowing whether or not Haller "opened up" to students like Scott had with her, but he hadn't said anything inappropriate to her.

"Nevertheless. It's that 'right way' that's sometimes in question." Jim brushed a hand through his sweat-soaked hair, smiling slightly at his own contention. Crystal was making more sense than he thought anything he could say would at this point, so maybe letting it rest was best. Still, it was something to watch out for in the future. "Well, the occasionally questionable line between private and professional aside, how has everything else been so far? Powers training and everything? You started with Ms. Munroe, right?"

Ah, the classic "change in subject" ploy. How obvious. Sure, she was doing great. As a whole, the teachers were crazy and dressed in leather outfits. Quite possibly, the students were crazy and wished they could dress in leather outfits. The third week in August was over and her roommate was still away. Her roommate's best friend was also away, and who knew where he was or how he was surviving? Had he sent word to anyone at the mansion? She had meant to ask Forge when she spoke with him, but he had seemed so...concerned? about Jennie that the opportunity to do so never presented itself.

"Everything else is fine," Crystal replied, flashing the same smile and using the same sound-like-you're-genuine tone she normally used at social functions. "I like working with Ms. Munroe."

Yeah, he'd lost her. Given how often he resorted to a similar tone and expression, Jim recognized the shift to a public mask when he saw one. He was going to have to leave it for now; pushing generally wasn't a good idea, especially when he had no clue what he was doing. Although Cyndi was definitely enjoying her company.

Oh, like she's saying anything you don't know is completely true. You should totally say that stuff. Also, hey, wicked style.

"Ms. Munroe's a good teacher," Jim said aloud. "Once regular classes start you'll get a couple more. I guess that isn't a new thing where powers are concerned, but I assume that's not the primary reason you're here. Not that learning isn't the point of school, but usually the main point of joining an exchange program in another country is the experience. If it was just about powers training you could have stayed in Attilan, right?"

The problem with that statement was that, for the most part, Jim was wrong. Crystal was there for powers training. Yes, she had had training on Attilan, but she had come here for further training. She was getting proper instruction from Storm, but wasn't quite sure about the other teachers. Her parents, however, had been interested in the "experience" Haller was talking about. The school provided an opportunity for them to send Crystal to a boarding school without having to worry about powers-related issues.

Perhaps that was part of her problem here. Crystal hadn't really given things a chance. She had been so intent on other issues and the problems she saw that she hadn't tried to look for or appreciate any of the cultural aspects, as crazy as they may have seemed. And now she was just standing there, her mind wildly trying to figure out something nice to say.

"Oh, sure, the experience," she managed to say in what she hoped was a convincing tone. "It has been...interesting. Very, very interesting. I have learned many things about the culture here." Great.

Jim laughed a little, understanding the 'interesting' in every sense she meant it. Perhaps a little too well. "Xavier's is kind of a world in itself. Interesting, yeah. But occasionally worth the weirdness. I hope you'll find, anyway."

Crystal nodded. "We will see."