Shiro and Ororo, backdated to Tuesday afternoon

[x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com]

Shiro wakes up, and Ororo is there to speak with him. Or to him. Whether Shiro actually appreciates anything in his state in debatable.


The incessant clicking was the first thing that Shiro heard when he awoke. He shivered, and dug deeper into his blankets. The clicking seemed to slow down, but it was still loud enough to prevent him from falling back asleep. He nearly fell out of bed when he opened his eyes. Why was he in the infirmary? In an isolation room, at that. He shook his head, trying to clear it of the forgiveness and remember why he was there.

Fire. Dust. Metal. Powder. A kiss. "Oh God," he heard himself whisper. Spotting a vaguely human-shaped shadow approaching the fogged glass window, and jumped out of bed and ran over to it. "Hello?" he shouted, banging on the glass frantically, like a hostage begging for help. "Let me out! Please!"

"Shiro, it is all right, please, calm down." Ororo's voice was calm and soothing, though she wore a worried expression as she stepped around the doorjamb and into the room. "You are not a prisoner here, you are only here for your own good." She pursed her lips and regarded him, relief mingling with frustration. "Come, please, sit down."

Shiro could hear his heart pounding, and when the door opened, he backed away, wearing a deer-in-headlights expression. Now he wanted to be left alone again; a talk with Storm could not end well. At least it wasn't Cyclops. Shiro's eyes opened even wider when he thought of the other headmaster. He'd be wanting to talk, too, wouldn't he? Shiro was going to be out of the X-Men and out of Xavier's for good.

"I'm so sorry," he choked. "I didn't mean to do . . . Forgive me, please."

"Sit down, please." Ororo made her way across the room and took a seat in the single chair beside the hospital bed, folding her hands in her lap and waiting for Shiro to follow her request-cum-order. There was no hint of her intention in her expression, though if she had wanted to check on his condition she could've merely asked Amelia for an update.

Shiro nodded and padded over to his bed. Though short at just over 5'7", he tended to carry himself like a giant; he always had a tremendous presence. But now his actual size was apparent, as he climbed up onto the bed and pulled his knees to his chest. "~Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry,~" he muttered in Japanese like a mantra.

"Shiro." Ororo pitched her voice to hopefully cut through his mumbling, or at least to get his attention. "You have done wrong, as you obviously realize. You have endangered yourself and others, and I do not think I need to outline the fact that it could have been even worse. But I am not here to berate you. So please, stop apologizing and calm yourself."

"I can't . . . I can barely feel it." Shiro looked over his knees at his outstretched hands. "No fire. No heat. It is there, I know it, but I cannot pull it out. It's teasing me. So close yet . . ." He clenched his hands into fists and punched the bed. He felt angry all of a sudden. He wanted to throttle something or someone. Anyone. He just needed to see something hurt.


Without flinching, Ororo watched as the young man pummeled the mattress. She had not been there with Scott and Marie and Logan, but she had heard Shiro's voice and his desperation. It seemed that it had not faded with his frenzy. "It is just as well you cannot yet. There are more important things to concentrate on now. Like your recovery. Your powers will come later, when you are well again."

"Th-this is not like two years ago when I burned out," Shiro said through gritted teeth. "I could not feel a thing then. But now it's like . . . it is there but I cannot take it. Kuso, I want things back to normal!"

"They will go back to normal when you have earned it," Ororo replied. "But you have done too many things and changed too much for it to be easy. This task will take all your effort and determination. Are you willing to work at it, Shiro?" For now you have seen what happens when you take the easy way.

"As if I have any choice." Shiro screwed his eyes shut and took a series of deep breaths, control techniques that Tomo and Mariko had taught him years ago. He needed to rein in his temper and think clearly. "How are Logan, Marie, and Mister Summers? Were they . . . did I hurt them?"

"Logan and Mr. Summers are fine. Marie is still recovering from absorbing your powers." Which Ororo had ordered her to do - there was a twinge of guilt there, but not as much as one might expect. "It may take longer than usual, as what she absorbed was augmented by the drug."

Shiro bit back his sigh of relief from hearing about Logan and Scott. He remembered Marie taking his powers - the memory of the kiss made him blush - and he hadn't even considered that she'd Kicked by proxy. "There is no way that I can adequately apologize. Not just for breaking the law, but for abusing your trust as well." Especially that. "Where do I turn in my leathers?"

Ororo shifted in the chair, remembering the talk she had with Scott, and her own thoughts since then. "Shiro. While it is true that you are in no shape to be on the team right now, Scott and I are not asking for your resignation. If you choose to leave, that is your choice, but if you choose to stay... It will be the more difficult path, it is true. But you are not the first to make a mistake, and you will not be the last."

Her words were met with a strange mix of relief and disappointment. "Feels like I am being let off easy," Shiro said softly. "I still want to be on the team. I cannot imagine not being an X-Man. B-but I do not deserve it. I-I do not know if I will ever deserve it again."

"You will have to earn it," was all Ororo would say. "You have let many people down. But part of being an X-Man is standing up when you have fallen and persevering. I believe you can do this, Shiro."

"I would almost prefer for you to ask Dayspring to come here and yell at me," Shiro admitted, looking down. Ororo's words and her tone made him feel like a loser, quite frankly. It's easier to feel better about yourself when you can yell back. "But I understand. I will do all I can. I want to be Sunfire again."

"Good. Then you will have that chance." She didn't need to add but only one. They were willing to forgive, but only up to a point. They faced enough danger from without; they didn't need it from within. But if Shiro truly meant it, then he would get it, at least from Ororo. Everyone else had their own choice to make as well.