[identity profile] x-polarisstar.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] xp_logs
Lorna and Remy have a talk in the park about the email she sent him.



When Remy had finally called her, apparently days after he was free though Lorna didn't put much stock in Amanda's response, Lorna suggested that they meet in the city. A little bit of thinking led her to suggest they meet somewhere away from the brownstone. The last thing she wanted was an entire building full of professional busybodies listening in. They agreed on Rector Park and set a time.

The signs of waning summer were everywhere in the small, silent park. Lorna arrived early and sat with her lesson plans, organizing her semester so that she didn't think too much about why she'd asked to meet Remy. Not too far off from where she sat under a tree, an older couple walked together, just one full circuit before leaving.

He didn't put much thought into why Lorna had suggested the small park. Between the mission in Brazil, the kidnapping ring, and now Jennie's disappearance, LeBeau was feeling at the wrong end of the ragged curve. Since New Orleans, their few conversations had been strained; uncomfortable with the spectre of Belladonna still in the air between them. What time remained had been gobbled up by either her X-Men duties or his time working with the Snow Valley types.

Hopefully, this would give them a chance to slow down life around them for a moment, and figure out where they were. He caught sight of her at the bench, and waved unnecessarily.

Lorna waved back and packed away her notes and books. She stood as he came near but only touched his hands lightly rather than giving him a hug. "Hi, thanks for coming. Do you want to sit down?" Her voice was soft, subdued but there was an undercurrent to it that suggested she wasn't quite calm, no matter what front she put up.

One thing Remy was good at was reading people, and this situation felt every way outside of being right. He took a seat next to her, his old seeming half collapse on to the bench identical to the motions he'd made the day they'd first met.

"Remy got a feeling dat maybe I might need to."

Lorna sat again, taking a deep breath and looking everywhere but him. "So..." she said after a moment, her head tilted back to look at the leaves above her. "Did you guys break up the kidnapping ring?" It wasn't really stalling if she was interested in the answer, was it?

"No thanks to me. We got de locals, but de ones wit' de international connections managed to get past me." Remy said, obviously frustrated. The follow up to the investigation had turned up nothing, and now they had a lost student to deal with. "I'm slipping. Time would have been dat dey wouldn't have made it to de damn car. Now, some other mutant is going to get pinched de next time dey set up shop."

He sighed, clasping his hands lightly and resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm sorry, chere. Dis isn't what you need to hear from me right now." Remy rubbed his fingers together, looking at his hands. "I missed you."

She flinched. "I..." Like a bandaid, Lorna, a little voice inside her head prompted. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

There were times that Remy hated being right.

"Is dat de case?" He stopped, and took a deep breath. "Look, Lorna, if dis is 'bout Belladonna--"

"Belladonna?" Lorna interrupted, looking over to him, confused, "No...I...no." She hadn't even thought of Belladonna in weeks. "This...it's not you. It's nothing to do with you. I just..." Lorna stopped and shook her head, trying to gather her scattered thoughts. There were a great many things that she needed to make clear, "I need some time to pull myself together. To make my life work. I've been thinking a lot about honesty recently. And...I'm not being honest with myself. I keep hiding in other people and running away from problems and that has to stop." She clasped her hands in her lap and stared down at them. "It's not you."

Remy sat for a long moment, trying to piece his own shattered emotions together. He'd been dreading this, and it was difficult for him to believe that he wasn't the reason for her sudden decision. Was it the aspects of the monster she'd seen, or something else.

"I trust you. Dat's not something I do wit' a lot of people. It's not something dat I even do wit' myself much." His fingers knotted and relaxed, lines of stress standing out on his arms. "I also love you, and dat's not something dat I've ever done before. Wit' anyone." He finally looked up from his hands, at her face. "I need you to tell me again, Lorna. Tell me dat it's not de monster dat's making you leave. If it is me, den I can leave you alone. If not, den I will trust you."

Lorna's hands shook as she pulled them apart and held one out to him, "Remy, I...I've never seen you as a monster. I never will." Her face was solemn, strained but entirely open and honest. "I'm sorry to do this. If I thought... You don't need me, Remy. There was a time when you did but you don't anymore. You're not a monster and you're strong enough to never let yourself become one."

Remy took her outstretched hand, kissed the top and held it briefly against his cheek before wrapping it in both of his hands. A touch of a smile touched his lips. "Guess dat's something we both missed den, neh? It wasn't about need. I wanted you. I still want you, so much dat my heart is ready to burst and I've never really wanted anything for myself before."

His hands, long fingered and unnaturally strong held hers with a fierce determination. "I understand needing to find yourself, chere. I wish dat you could be wit' me while you do it, but I understand. No matter what, I need you to remember dis. It's not need, Lorna. I want you, not to hold back de monster and not to be my standard. Just to be you, happy and glad to be wit' me."

Lorna pressed her lips together hard and sighed, "I can't do that right now. I can't be with anyone and I...you're different now, Remy. Who you were before and who you are now." She gave him a brief, soft, sad smile. "You're stronger now. But I'm not. I've been trying to stop falling apart for years. It's not working. And I have to fight the urge to tear people apart when I talk to them. So..."

"I know. Maybe better den anyone." He finally let her hand drop from his. "You're wrong 'bout one thing. You might think dat you falling apart, but I know what's underneath. You will get through dis."

His eyes dropped to his hands again. "I hope dat who I am is worth de same to you as who I was at de end."

"I'm sorry," she said again, helplessly. Her hands clasped together again and she bit her lip, literally biting back words. Arguing with him would do no good. She'd said her piece, she should go. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Guess dat wasn't ever an option, was it?" He said simply.

Lorna flinched again but said nothing. What could she say? The alternative would have been to go on as she had been, waiting for the day when she couldn't cope at all. Silently, she gathered her things, never looking at him.

So that's how it was to end, with nothing but a murmur and a sullen silence. Remy waited quietly for her to leave the park, before finally getting up and walking back to the brownstone. He had work to do. People who counted on him. Maybe she was right all along. He had no right to love.
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