Amanda, Kurt - Saturday morning
Nov. 18th, 2006 08:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsAmanda goes looking for Kurt after spending the night at Marie's. They discuss her news, and then he drops a bombshell of his own.
It was true, what he'd told Jack in their last session. He had a lot to think about. And Amanda's post had only added one more thing... because after all, what did the name Wagner mean to him?
So, Kurt had gone to his usual refuge, namely the trapeze, and was trying to think it all over with a clear mind.
The thing about Kurt was that he was something of a creature of habit. When she hadn't found him in his room, Amanda hadn't had to think hard about where to try next. Standing in the doorway of the gym, she watched him for a short while, trying to get an idea of his frame of mind. Better than before she'd left, certainly, but that wasn't difficult.
At last she moved into the gym proper, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets and her Doc Martens ringing on the floor. "Hey, Blue," she called to him. "I'd ask what's up, but it's already you, by the looks." She kept her tone light on purpose.
He peered down at her, hanging from the trapeze easily by one hand and his tail. "Good morning, Amanda. How are you today?"
"Better for being home," she answered, smiling to see him so comfortable upside down. "How about you? I'm sorry for taking off for Berlin like I did, but, well..." She let it hang - this wasn't about her issues. "Any way, thought I'd catch up with you before I took the bus into the city. Got time for your little sis?"
"I always do", he answered honestly, letting go of the swing and teleporting to the ground just as he started to fall. "It is good to see you home safely."
She let him get his balance before abruptly hugging him tightly. "You okay?" she asked him quietly.
He startled for a second all the same before hugging her back, leaning tiredly against her shoulder. "I am... as well as I could be. Better than a few weeks ago."
His weight against her shoulder was somehow comforting and she rubbed his back a little. "I saw Stefan, in Berlin. He wanted me to tell you... he thinks this whole thing's wrong, and he hopes you'll forgive him not stopping her. Only when Margali fixes her mind on something..." She trailled off, a little helplessly. "And I did something else, while I was there. Um, did you read my post yet?" Suddenly she wasn't sure how he'd react - the family was one of Kurt's touchstones and even if he'd been cast out, she wasn't sure he'd agree with her decision.
"I never thought it was Stefan's idea", Kurt reassured her quietly. "I saw his face during the ceremony, his and Jimaine's. And yes, I did. It gave me some food for thought."
"I just..." Amanda paused, thinking her words through - goodness knew she'd thought the action itself through a hundred times. "I s'pose I didn't want to be part of that. What Margali did to you. It wasn't right and I didn't want to share the name any more."
Kurt nodded, not angry - not with her, and not even really with Margali. "And as you said... it has not really been your name for a long time." He paused, choosing his own words carefully now. "I have been giving some thought to my own name."
She pulled out of the hug, looking confused. "You are?"
He looked at her seriously. "The name Wagner... to me, Amanda, it is nothing but a name given to me by a woman who is enemy to my friends, either because she chose it at random, or for a man even she did not consider a good father. All it means to me, apart from that, is that I was never quite Szardos, even when I was one of them, always a little set apart. I do not see that I have any reason to keep it, now, and perhaps... the change would mean more."
"I always wondered about that..." Shaking her head a little and dragging herself back on topic, she continued: "I get it, but... no, I won't ask if you're sure. It's a hell of a thing, Kurt. I mean, people didn't even know I had another name. If you change yours, it's going to be a big deal to a lot of folks. Not that any of 'em would say you didn't have reason to, well, if you explained why."
"They may ask, and I will explain as far as I can", Kurt said simply, not looking away. "But I have nothing holding me to the name now, and... a brother and sister might be expected to share a name, after all."
"Well, if it's what you.... wait, what?" The expression of startlement on Amanda's face was comical. Kurt only had three sisters, and two of them were Szardos, so that meant... "Bwah?"
He almost looked amused, and it sounded in his voice, too. "What other name do you think I would choose, if I was to change at all?"
"I don't know, something that means something?" Amanda waved her hands helplessly. "'Sefton' is something Rom picked, off the top of her head. I don't even know if it means anything, it's what I've been answering to for most of my life..." She wasn't really distressed, though - one of her rare true smiles was creeping across her face. "You'd really?"
"It does not matter what it originally meant", Kurt told her. "It is your name, now, by choice as well as by it being given to you. And yes, I would really. If you would not mind."
"Kurt Sefton." The smile broke through then, embarrassed and pleased. "It sounds... all right, doesn't it?"
His own smile had a touch of relief - he hadn't really thought she'd say no, not now, but he'd been afraid of it. "I think it sounds very well, yes."
The thought of saying no hadn't even occurred to her - this was Kurt's decision. "It'll take some getting used to, but..." She didn't have any words - magic was all about symbolism and having been raised to see the world that way, the gesture meant more to her than Kurt might have suspected. "If it's what you want," she repeated.
"You are the only family I have left, who can acknowledge it", he pointed out, smiling faintly. "It is what I want."
The blush was threatening to set her head on fire. "Um. Well. Thank you?" she said, lamely, but knowing he'd understand. Or hoping he would. "Ah, I should go - I'm taking the kids into the city today." She reached out and touched his forearm. "You want to come by for dinner at my place some time this week or something?"
"I would be happy to", he said, the smile growing a little. "What night is best for you?"
She shrugged. "Thursday? I'll call you, let you know when?" Then she smiled again, holding her arms slightly open for another hug. "I've got little sister time to make up for, after all."
He was only too willing to provide, and did so. "And no shortage of time to do it in, at least."
It was true, what he'd told Jack in their last session. He had a lot to think about. And Amanda's post had only added one more thing... because after all, what did the name Wagner mean to him?
So, Kurt had gone to his usual refuge, namely the trapeze, and was trying to think it all over with a clear mind.
The thing about Kurt was that he was something of a creature of habit. When she hadn't found him in his room, Amanda hadn't had to think hard about where to try next. Standing in the doorway of the gym, she watched him for a short while, trying to get an idea of his frame of mind. Better than before she'd left, certainly, but that wasn't difficult.
At last she moved into the gym proper, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets and her Doc Martens ringing on the floor. "Hey, Blue," she called to him. "I'd ask what's up, but it's already you, by the looks." She kept her tone light on purpose.
He peered down at her, hanging from the trapeze easily by one hand and his tail. "Good morning, Amanda. How are you today?"
"Better for being home," she answered, smiling to see him so comfortable upside down. "How about you? I'm sorry for taking off for Berlin like I did, but, well..." She let it hang - this wasn't about her issues. "Any way, thought I'd catch up with you before I took the bus into the city. Got time for your little sis?"
"I always do", he answered honestly, letting go of the swing and teleporting to the ground just as he started to fall. "It is good to see you home safely."
She let him get his balance before abruptly hugging him tightly. "You okay?" she asked him quietly.
He startled for a second all the same before hugging her back, leaning tiredly against her shoulder. "I am... as well as I could be. Better than a few weeks ago."
His weight against her shoulder was somehow comforting and she rubbed his back a little. "I saw Stefan, in Berlin. He wanted me to tell you... he thinks this whole thing's wrong, and he hopes you'll forgive him not stopping her. Only when Margali fixes her mind on something..." She trailled off, a little helplessly. "And I did something else, while I was there. Um, did you read my post yet?" Suddenly she wasn't sure how he'd react - the family was one of Kurt's touchstones and even if he'd been cast out, she wasn't sure he'd agree with her decision.
"I never thought it was Stefan's idea", Kurt reassured her quietly. "I saw his face during the ceremony, his and Jimaine's. And yes, I did. It gave me some food for thought."
"I just..." Amanda paused, thinking her words through - goodness knew she'd thought the action itself through a hundred times. "I s'pose I didn't want to be part of that. What Margali did to you. It wasn't right and I didn't want to share the name any more."
Kurt nodded, not angry - not with her, and not even really with Margali. "And as you said... it has not really been your name for a long time." He paused, choosing his own words carefully now. "I have been giving some thought to my own name."
She pulled out of the hug, looking confused. "You are?"
He looked at her seriously. "The name Wagner... to me, Amanda, it is nothing but a name given to me by a woman who is enemy to my friends, either because she chose it at random, or for a man even she did not consider a good father. All it means to me, apart from that, is that I was never quite Szardos, even when I was one of them, always a little set apart. I do not see that I have any reason to keep it, now, and perhaps... the change would mean more."
"I always wondered about that..." Shaking her head a little and dragging herself back on topic, she continued: "I get it, but... no, I won't ask if you're sure. It's a hell of a thing, Kurt. I mean, people didn't even know I had another name. If you change yours, it's going to be a big deal to a lot of folks. Not that any of 'em would say you didn't have reason to, well, if you explained why."
"They may ask, and I will explain as far as I can", Kurt said simply, not looking away. "But I have nothing holding me to the name now, and... a brother and sister might be expected to share a name, after all."
"Well, if it's what you.... wait, what?" The expression of startlement on Amanda's face was comical. Kurt only had three sisters, and two of them were Szardos, so that meant... "Bwah?"
He almost looked amused, and it sounded in his voice, too. "What other name do you think I would choose, if I was to change at all?"
"I don't know, something that means something?" Amanda waved her hands helplessly. "'Sefton' is something Rom picked, off the top of her head. I don't even know if it means anything, it's what I've been answering to for most of my life..." She wasn't really distressed, though - one of her rare true smiles was creeping across her face. "You'd really?"
"It does not matter what it originally meant", Kurt told her. "It is your name, now, by choice as well as by it being given to you. And yes, I would really. If you would not mind."
"Kurt Sefton." The smile broke through then, embarrassed and pleased. "It sounds... all right, doesn't it?"
His own smile had a touch of relief - he hadn't really thought she'd say no, not now, but he'd been afraid of it. "I think it sounds very well, yes."
The thought of saying no hadn't even occurred to her - this was Kurt's decision. "It'll take some getting used to, but..." She didn't have any words - magic was all about symbolism and having been raised to see the world that way, the gesture meant more to her than Kurt might have suspected. "If it's what you want," she repeated.
"You are the only family I have left, who can acknowledge it", he pointed out, smiling faintly. "It is what I want."
The blush was threatening to set her head on fire. "Um. Well. Thank you?" she said, lamely, but knowing he'd understand. Or hoping he would. "Ah, I should go - I'm taking the kids into the city today." She reached out and touched his forearm. "You want to come by for dinner at my place some time this week or something?"
"I would be happy to", he said, the smile growing a little. "What night is best for you?"
She shrugged. "Thursday? I'll call you, let you know when?" Then she smiled again, holding her arms slightly open for another hug. "I've got little sister time to make up for, after all."
He was only too willing to provide, and did so. "And no shortage of time to do it in, at least."
