xp_logs | When It All Goes Wrong Again

Mutants on a plane! Sort of. Our heroes decide that the best way to get to Montana is to steal an empty plane. Guess who's on the one they try to steal?

"A delay? Damn it, Johnny, the pilots will be back in ten minutes and you were supposed to be here five minutes ago!" Crystal tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, uncovering the small Bluetooth headset she wore. "I want to go to Vegas and I want to go now!" Crystal stomped her foot down on the top step leading up to the plane. "I have to go home tomorrow and I don't want to waste any more time just hanging around here on the plane, all by myself, without you!" She frowned slightly, noticing a group of suspicious looking people approaching the plane. "What the hell?" The last three words were added as a seagull flew past her and landed in the plane. "Stupid bird, go away!" she demanded, flailing her purse at it.

The bird flapped its wings at her and then landed on the floor of the plane, making its way toward the cockpit. It looked over one shoulder, as if daring Crystal to come after it.

The stupid bird was walking around in her plane! Crystal rolled her eyes. Let the pilots chase it off when they came back, chasing a seagull around a plane was not a labor a princess should undertake. "Yes, I'm still here. There's a seagull in the plane! I don't know, maybe it's someone's pet? Of course I'm not going to go after it! If you were here you could chase it off for me… what are those people doing down there?"

What they were doing, or so it appeared, was 'sneaking' up on the private jet for whatever values of sneaking were possible for three teens and two adults to manage across an open tarmac. One straightened abruptly as she noticed Crystal standing in the doorway of the jet and nudged a Hispanic boy carrying a large phone book. "There she is," muttered the blonde woman, "Someone else say something to her, I'm sure even in this reality she won't like me."

Julio raised his eyebrows at Lorna and then turned back to the plane. "You realize, of course, that this could end badly," he said rhetorically, and then cupped his hands around his mouth. "OY! Crystal!"

Oh, great. They were looking for her, weren't they? Paparazzi class, reporters-in-training, or fan club? "Johnny, I'll call you back in a minute. Love you too." Crystal ended the call and focused her attention on the motley crew below. Taking a step down, Crystal flashed them a brilliant smile. "May I help you?" she called out.

"Uhhh," Julio looked to his companions for confirmation. "I, that is, we ah..." He gestured awkwardly until Bob's voice rang out from inside the plane.

"Well, what the hell are you knuckleknobs waiting for? You have your friend and the means of finding another. I'd say this is a golden opportunity, now hurry the hell up!"

"Bob!" Angel threw her hands in the air. "I swear to God, you need talking seagull training school or something. And what exactly is a knuckleknob? I probably don't even want to know, do I?" She waved at Crystal as the group started to edge towards the group. "Hi, we just kind of need to touch you for a second..."

Everyone looked at her. "Oh. Yeah, wrong thing to say, you know? Whoops?"

The seagull was talking? The girl was responding? Either someone at the hotel had slipped something into her drink, the drugs were kicking in really late, or this was some sort of idiotic ventriloquist act. Either way, there was only one thing that could be done in a situation like this.

"Back off, you freaks!" Crystal snarled, stepping up and into the plane. "No touching, got it? You want an autograph, fine, but there is no way in hell that any of you are going to lay a finger on the princess of Attilan!"

"You're not a princess," Forge said, jogging up to the plane and waving. "Not technically. And yes, we actually do need to touch you. It's a whole repressed-memory thing. Don't believe me, just ask the seagull." Pausing, he turned back to the group. "Okay, this is why I don't do the talking. Has anyone come up with anything better than 'trust the seagull'?"

Lorna dry-swallowed another pill. "Let me do it," she snapped and dashed up the steps of the jet, stopping a few below Crystal, "We're not here to hurt you, we just need to talk to you for a minute. It's important and I swear we aren't crazy." Smiling her very best 'I'm a former prom queen and sorority girl and one day I'll be First Lady' smile, she held out her hand to Crystal, "I'm delighted to meet you. So is Angel here, she's a huge fan."

Crystal stared at Lorna and backed away.

Lorna turned and beckoned the girl frantically, rolling her eyes before plastering the smile back on and turning back to Crystal, "I really can't believe it's you. She's been so excited about this."

Angel ran up the stairs behind Lorna and beamed as nonthreateningly as possible. "Hi! Love your work." That is what people said to the high and famous, right? "And we're really, really, really glad to found you again--er. To meet you. Meet, yes. Just, you know, ignore the talking seagull that looks like it wants one of Ms. D's pills. No lookee!"

Again, there was only one thing to do. Crystal screamed. A loud, earsplitting shriek designed to surprise attackers and gain the attention of everyone in the immediate vicinity. Then Crystal turned and fled toward the back of the plane.

"Oh darn it! This is why I'm not allowed to speak, ever!" Angel darted after her, looking over her shoulder. "Come on, guys, I think we've got a plane to steal. Er. Borrow, yeah. Though I won't be with the stealing, though, I'll be the coaxing out. Ms. D, some help?"

"Kill me." Lorna sighed, wished for the pill to kick in already thanks, and followed Angel through the plane to the small lavatory. "Crystal! Open up before we have to break down the door. We're not crazy people..." Wow, that was probably the biggest lie she'd ever told. And it was such a bad one too. "Just come out here and we'll explain everything!"

"Vai-te foder, porra louca puta!" Crystal shouted from the safety of the bathroom. "My boyfriend is going to be here any minute and he is going to kick your ass!"

Forge peeked back out of the cockpit. "Whoa. One, Crystal got a boyfriend? Now we know there's something seriously wrong with the universe. And two, where in the world did she learn to swear like THAT? I'm impressed." He rummaged around under the seat, finally coming up with a spiral-bound manual. "Aha! Owner's manual! I'll have this baby airborne in no time."

"Wait, you do not know how to fly?" Julio said, looking at Forge incredulously. "I thought you said you knew how to fly the blackbird!"

Shiro sat down in the co-pilot's seat and reached over to look at the manual. "I have done the flight simulator for the 'Bird a couple of times," he said, "But they usually end with me having to abandon it and just fly on my own. Forge, shouldn't your big mutant brain tell you how this tube works?"

"Big mutant brain isn't exactly working right now," Forge grumbled, "And no, before you ask, I never bothered to take actual flying lessons. And no, Scott hasn't actually LET me fly the Blackbird yet. Even though I totally aced the simulator on the first try and hey, Startup Procedures!" He leaned back over the instrument console, flattening the manual against the windscreen.

Lorna resisted the temptation to beat against the door with her head and used her fist instead, "You don't have a boyfriend, you little nitwit. Open the damn door and get out here!"

"¡Chinga tu madre, puñetero mentirosa!" Crystal spat, slamming her fist against the door. "Get off my plane you crazy bitch!"

"Let's just leave her, we don't really need her to remember to steal her plane, right?" Lorna muttered and glanced around, "Angel, do you see anything that we can use to get this door open so that I can beat the princess senseless?" She raised her voice again, pitching it to carry through the door, "Do you really think that's going to work? Jesus Christ, this is what inbreeding does to people."

"Wow, you're scary." But she listened, leaning back on her hands to peer around the plane. "Let's see, let's see. Wait...what?" She got up and went to a little desk area. "Why does a plane have a bust of some...strange...person on it? Ah well, I'll take it. Ms. D! I think this'll work!" Angel grabbed the bust and grunted at the weight of it in her hands, heading back to Lorna and the door. "No worries, Crystal! Only a little bit of property damage!"

Lorna stared at the bust that Angel had shoved in her hands with a bemused expression, "How is this going to help? We need like a prybar or something." Unless they used the heavy head to actually break the door but that seemed like it would take a really long time. Lorna set it down and tabbed out another pill instead. "Or Crystal could just come OUT and stop hiding in the freaking toilet already!"

What the hell where those people doing out there? "Salope, pétasse, pute!!!" Crystal screamed. "What the fuck is wrong with you people?! The pilots are coming back soon! Johnny will be here any second! They are not going to let you get away with this!" She punched at the door again. "Vache grosse!" she added arrogantly. Something about that crazy blonde just rubbed her the wrong way.

Meanwhile, back at the front of the plane, Julio stared at Forge as the boy ran himself through takeoff procedures. "Perhaps you should close the door first, que no?" There was a clunk and a scrape, and Julio winced. "I will have you know, if you crash and we all die, I am killing you so hard."

"I get to kill you right back," Forge said, handing Julio a headset. "You're my co-pilot. Close the door and get everyone to buckle up. Oh, wait." Forge leaned back towards the cabin. "BUCKLE UP!" he hollered, giving Julio a thumbs-up. "See? Flying a plane is easy!"

As it apparently was, as the engines roared to life, and the small plane began to pivot towards the runway. The speakers crackled as the onboard radio jumped to life.

"Uh, Attilan One Three Niner, you are not yet cleared for takeoff. Please return to the hangar area."

Forge instinctively keyed the microphone, a smirk on his face. "Tower, this is Attilan One Three Niner, requesting a fly-by, over."

Angry voices came back over the radio. "Pilot of Attilan One Three Niner, identify yourself to this station, over." Forge looked over at Julio, and gave a shrug as he clicked the radio over to 'intercom'.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying Attilan One Three Niner today. I'm your pilot, Doctor Tran. With me is our first officer, Ron Mexico. Once we get our spoiled royal brat - who's got one hell of a mouth on her - out of the toilet, we'll be taking off for parts unknown. First Officer Mexico, go ahead and secure the cabin for takeoff."

Shiro got up and moved over to the navigator's seat on the side, leaving the co-pilot's seat free for Julio. "Montana. Hmm. We have to cover a distance of approximately twelve hundred miles, assuming we fly straight to Helena. Can we do that? We can do that. I think." He discarded a map that he couldn't fold up and grabbed another. "This is unnecessarily difficult."

Angel, sulking at the statue, lurched slightly when she felt the plane begin to move. "Something else to open the door," she sang, starting to poke around under the seats. On her hands and knees, she disappeared for a few seconds. "Hey!...okay, this is even weirder." She popped up, brandishing a crowbar at Lorna. "Can I do it, can I can I?"

She was like Lili with a new toy and Lorna reacted in exactly the same way, with a laugh and a pat on the head. "Go right ahead. Hey Princess, you've got one more chance to actually act like a lady and greet your guests politely!" She banged on the door again, expecting to get nothing back but more cursing.

"You're not my guests, you're trespassers! What do you want? Me? The plane? Money? What will it take to get you off my… Johnny? OK, don't panic, but there are some lunatics on board the plane and they're holding me hostage in the bathroom. A pistol? Yeah, got it."

"Did she just say a pistol?" Angel exchanged panicked looks with Lorna as she scrambled over the seats. "Shooting me is very bad karma!" she yelled, shoving the end bit of the crowbar into the door. Getting a good grip, and thankful that powers or no she'd kept up on the swimming and the muscles that came with it, starting to heave. It took a few seconds of rocking back and forth before the door started to splinter and she kept at it. "Dude, you're so not allowed to shoot your suitemate."

"Oh right, like she's really got a pistol," Lorna scoffed and helped Angel pull the door away from the frame then reached through the opening and grabbed hold of Crystal's shirt, "Would you get out here already?"

Crystal drew back as an arm reached for her, then rammed her elbow into the crazy blonde's arm as it grabbed at her shirt.

"Ow, Christ!" Lorna managed to get a hold on the girl's arm--of course this Crystal would do what her counterpart never would and put on long sleeves--and yanked her out, not particularly caring that it rammed Crystal into the half open lavatory door. "Get out here, for the love of God. Why are you always such a pain?"

Ow!!! "I don't even know you!" Crystal shouted as the heel of her boot came crashing down on Lorna's foot. What was wrong with these people?! "What the hell do you want from me?!"

She needed to get her hands on Crystal's skin, so of course the other girl was dressed like a nun. "Did you miss the last fifty times I said we just needed to talk to you? You better not have broken my foot!" She grabbed for Crystal's face and caught a fistful of hair instead. Never one to waste an opportunity, she yanked. Hard.

Crystal screamed, turning slightly.. "You did talk to me!" Her leg darted out, her foot ending up behind Lorna's leg as she connected solidly with the back of Lorna's leg above her knee.

Apparently this Crystal had taken self-defense too and actually learned something because that really hurt. Lorna bit her lip to avoid screaming and gritted out through clenched teeth, "If you'd just shaken Angel's hand like I told you!" She shoved Crystal back, knocking her into the row of plush seats. "What part of anything I said meant lock yourself in the fucking TOILET?"

"I don't have to listen to you! I'm sure your daughter is nice, really, but you are a complete and total freak!" Crystal gave Lorna an evil grin and prepared herself to stave off another attack.

"Daughter? I'm twenty-three you horrid little cunt!" Up until now her focus had been on getting Crystal to remember. Now she just threw a punch because she was sick and tired of Crystal's...any Crystal's...snide, superior attitude.

"I don't need to shoot you to stop you," Crystal retorted. As the woman loomed over her, though, the thought of smashing her over the head with the pistol was appealing. This had gone far enough. She should have kicked the crazy lady off the stairs when she had the chance, but she hadn't know just how insane the blonde was! Princess Crystal Boltagon's hands shot out and grabbed the woman's arm… and Lady Crystal Amaquelin found herself staring up at a very angry Ms. Lorna Dane. "Miss… Dane?" Crystal whispered questioningly. What have I done?

There was a popping noise and a whooshing sound from behind them as a white substance started to cover them both. Angel was pressed against the wall behind them, grimly pointed the fire extinguishers nozzle at two stunned women. She didn't even really care that Crystal was now remembering, in her eyes the fight had gone on waaaay too long. Besides, she'd had to dodge way too often to avoid getting hit and that wasn't very nice. And she wasn't aiming for the heads at all.

"You guys done?" she asked with a sideways grin, letting upon the handle. There was something highly funny about her using a fire extinguisher on them.

"I…yes…I…" Crystal's mind was reeling, trying to sort the truth from what had, until just a few seconds ago, seemed quite real. It still seemed real, but now there were two sets of conflicting memories, thought processes, emotions, and personalities in her head. Even worse was the stunning realization that everything was wrong. She did not curse. She was not rude to people, not even to seemingly insane people who said they wanted to touch her. And, worst of all, her powers were gone. Completely gone. The absence hurt, left her feeling empty, she could not feel the air pressing against her.

"Ms. Dane… what happened to your hair?"

Lorna slumped against the opposite bank of chairs, sticky and foam covered. "The people on the museum field trip are all here in this world. We don't know how or why. None of us are mutants. And apparently, this is my natural with some help from others haircolor. Angel, tell the boys we're ready to go before I decide to make you pay for this." She plucked at what had previously been quite a nice top. "Don't suppose you have any changes of clothes handy, Crystal?"

Crystal blinked. "What… what do you mean 'none of us are mutants'?! How can we not be mutants? That is impossible!" She sat up suddenly, feeling quite sick, her stomach churning. The fact that she was covered in sticky foam didn't matter. This was all wrong, so very wrong.

"I think I'm going to let you two get, um, unstickified." Angel very slowly edged away from her teacher and suitemate, figuring that they might get angry about her using the fire extinguisher on them eventually. Turning, she trotted up to the front and stuck her head in to peer at the wannabe pilots. "Hey boys, how you doing on the flying air thing? Good? Crystal remembers and now she and Ms. D are both covered in fire extinguisher foam." They turned to stare at her and she grinned. "Hey, eyes on the runway and then the sky! Not me! Not innocent...I'm going to go find some peanuts..."

Bob flapped into the cockpit. "Are we all settled now? Good. You please don't crash and kill us all, it would put a dampener on the hallmark moment back there."