Nathan, Angelo and Alexey, Thursday afternoon

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

Angelo's restless and wandering the villa when he comes across a conversation he probably didn't want to overhear. Sometimes venting takes unusual forms.



His mother and the others would probably have been happier if he'd just stay in his room and be looked after, Angelo was well aware. But he was going to go stir crazy if he did that, so he slipped out periodically to the beach or just for a walk around the house. He was passing the study when he heard the... not shouting, but definitely not a friendly conversation, and paused to listen briefly. Just in case.

"~Careless and negligent,~" one of the parties to the conversation was hissing, in Russian. It was very clearly Vasily's brother Alexey. "~What the hell were you thinking, Nathan?~"

"~If you're asking me whether I took suicide bombers into account, no, I didn't.~" Nathan's voice was much calmer, all of the emotion in it carefully contained. His Russian was just as flawless as Alexey's, despite it not being his native tongue.

"~In fucking Tel Aviv, you didn't take suicide bombers into account...~" Angelo's Russian was not flawless, but it was good enough for him to catch at least every other word. Enough to follow the conversation, mostly. And since one half was Nathan... he stayed.

"~Alexey, I'm sorry.~" Nathan's voice was still steady, but there was enough pain beneath the surface for it to be audible. "~I'm so sorry. Vasily-~"

"~Is twenty-two years old!~" The anguish in the other man's voice was far closer to the surface. "~Twenty-two years old, and maimed-~"

"~I know. Alexey-~"

"~Because you encouraged them to pretend that they were ordinary people all of a sudden,~" Alexey raged at him. "~That they were safe!~" There was a scuffling noise from inside the study suddenly, followed by a crash and an audible thud.

He didn't even think - a lot of what he'd been doing, this last few days, had been about impulse more than thought - before he opened the door. And when he saw Nathan on the floor and Alexey standing over him, quite obviously having just hit the older man... well, there wasn't a lot of thought behind the solid punch to Alexey's jaw, either.

Ordinarily, Nathan would have intervened instantly, separating the two of them telekinetically if he couldn't get to them fast enough physically, but he'd smacked his head on the edge of the desk as he'd fallen. For a few dazed moments, he wasn't even aware of the fact that there was someone else besides Alexey throwing punches. The ex-FSB agent shook off Angelo's first hit and landed one of his own.

Angelo snarled at him, wiping away the blood from his nose, and lunged at the other man. He was smaller, and not as long-trained, but right now, he didn't particularly care, as he tackled Alexey.

*Crash!* Nathan grabbed the edge of the desk, shaking his head doggedly. "What the-" he mumbled, seeing someone else grappling with Alexey on the floor. "Ange-"

Angelo was ignoring him, too busy trying to pound his fist into Alexey's face. "You don't. Hurt. Him." He wasn't even thinking about what had made Alexey so angry, and he didn't care.

Alexey was not precisely a lightweight, and landed a few more solid hits of his own, bloody nose or not. Nathan hauled himself to his feet, swaying slightly as the room spun, and told himself that Mina would forgive him if he woke up the baby.

"Knock it off!" he ordered in something close to full battlefield roar. Alexey actually stopped first, just in time for Angelo to smash another fist into his jaw. Nathan gritted his teeth and moved forward, pulling Angelo up and off the older man.

It took him a second to realize the fight was over and stop reacting on reflex... and in that second, Angelo slammed an elbow back into Nathan's ribs, trying to get free and get at Alexey again.

Nathan grunted and let go of him, staggering backwards and against the edge of the desk, his arm coming around to shield his ribs automatically. His breath caught with pain he couldn't hide for an instant. Angelo hadn't pulled the hit there in the slightest.

Angelo turned his head as he jerked away... then froze, completely, as he saw who was behind him. "...shit. Nathan?"

"I'm okay," Nathan managed, wheezing a bit. His hand came up, almost in an imploring gesture to Angelo to just hold on, just for a moment. He looked past him, to Alexey, who was getting to his feet, looking thoroughly ashamed of himself.

"Alexey-"

"I'm sorry," the other man said hoarsely, cutting him off. "It's just..."

"I know. It's all right." #Later, please,# he thought at Alexey almost desperately, his eyes going back to Angelo. #Please. I promise. You can even hit me again.#

Nathan, I'm not going to hit you again. Alexey's eyes were clearing even further, though, and the look he directed at Angelo's back was more understanding that anything else. He nodded and left the study, wiping the blood away from his nose.

Angelo hadn't turned to look at Alexey, hadn't seen his expression, hadn't moved at all. Except he was shaking, visibly.

Alexey had the decency to close the door behind him. Angry as he'd been, he was sharp enough to see what was going on here. And Nathan certainly hadn't missed it, either. He moved towards Angelo slowly, his hand not quite falling to his side.

"It's okay."

"How is it okay?" Angelo demanded, though his voice sounded more lost than anything. "I... shit, Nate. I went at him for hittin' you an' then..."

"Instinct. Just instinct." Nathan's voice was somehow gruff and gentle at the same time. He laid his hands on Angelo's shoulders, squeezing gently, then tilted his head to try and get a closer look at Angelo's face in the dimly lit study. "You know, I think he looked worse..."

Angelo let him look, at the bloody nose and split lip and the bruises that threatened. He shrugged slightly. "He wasn't expectin' it."

"Your mother's going to have a small cow." He didn't let go of Angelo; he could feel the tension coming off him from here, and had the strangest impression that if he let go...

If he let go, Angelo might just take off running. Or shatter. It could go either way. "She's seen worse", he said with a very faint smile, not moving a muscle otherwise. "Bit of ice'll fix it up."

Nathan's jaw tightened, almost unnoticeably. "Don't think too badly of him," he said quietly. "Alexey, I mean. He's been like a father to Vasily - he's twenty years older, and they lost their father when Vasily was a baby. I don't..." Nathan's voice faltered for a moment. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd gotten here and you'd been on the operating table having your leg amputated."

Angelo closed his eyes for a second at that, then looked at his feet. "I didn't know. I mean, I knew... about Vasily, but... I didn't know what this was about. Just caught a bit of the talk, then I heard him hit you."

"I was looking the other way. Although I probably would have let him hit me anyway, if I'd thought he really needed to." Nathan hesitated. This wasn't what needed to be said here, he thought suddenly. Talking their way around what had just happened.... he hesitated for only a moment and then stepped forward, hugging Angelo. "It's okay," he said again, more softly.

"It's not", Angelo protested again, stubborn though his voice was quiet. He stood stiffly in Nathan's arms, not stepping away but not leaning or hugging back either. "Nothin' is okay. Not that, not me, not..." He might have said 'Vasily', or 'Alexey', or 'Dom', but he just trailed off instead.

Nathan stepped back, but didn't let go. "You're missing my point. It's okay not to be okay."

"But I haven't... not been okay... in so long. I can't do that again, Nathan." His voice was rising, in spite of himself. "I don't.... I can't go back to the screwed-up kid now."

Nathan closed his eyes for a moment. "You're not going back." His voice was slightly more hoarse than it should be, but steady, he managed to keep it steady. "This isn't backsliding. You think you're not hurt just because you walked out of the hospital a day later?"

"I think I don't have a right to be hurt", was the answer, as his voice dropped back to almost inaudible. "Not when everybody else got it so much worse."

"Bullshit," Nathan said, his hands tightening on Angelo's shoulders. "Bullshit." His voice wasn't quite a rasp. "These are your friends, too. Elpis is your dream, too. And you were there when someone tried to bring it all crashing down on your head."

"So there'll be a few nightmares", Angelo said softly. "More 'n a few, maybe, when I can sleep, but that always happens. Happened with Smichov, an' then it went away again. These will too." He was, fairly clearly, trying to convince himself more than anything.

"No. They won't. Not something like this, not if you don't get help." Nathan did sound angry, this time. He gave Angelo's shoulders a little shake. "It doesn't work, to soldier on and pretend you're not hurt. Haven't you learned that watching me?"

"You don't... well, maybe you do get it, but..." He didn't pull away from the shake, just stood there. "Someone has to come out of this not hurt. I got to walk away, so..." His voice was weakening, though - not getting quieter, just that something there was getting closer to cracking.

"No, someone damned well doesn't, and you are not allowed to lay that on yourself. I am not going to let you." Nathan's voice was soft, but fierce, and not entirely steady. "You can pick yourself up and get back to work if that's what you need, and God knows I don't really expect that you'd be willing to do anything less, but you do not get to pretend that this doesn't hurt like hell, Angelo. You don't."

"I..." Angelo looked up at him, finally, blinking. "I don't know what else to do."

Nathan's jaw clenched again. "You do what you feel you have to do. But you admit what happened, Angelo. That they tried to destroy what you believe in, that they hurt your friends, killed people who would have grown to be friends. That you're angry and afraid and grieving. You're allowed to be," Nathan said, realizing something of what had to be behind this. Angelo had always been afraid of losing people. He'd learned to live with the possibility, he wouldn't be an X-Man if he hadn't. But there was a difference between that and what had happened on Friday. Between knowing, and being in the middle of it all. "It's all right."

There was another long moment's tension, then, abruptly, it all went out of Angelo, leaving him slumped and shaking. He glanced away as he nodded, looking small and defeated and all out of arguments. "Okay."

Nathan hated that look of defeat, but he understood it. "I'm here, you know," he said, his voice gruff with emotion. "I'm here, and I wasn't there, I know, but that might make it easier in some ways." With him, Angelo wouldn't have any guilt about walking out essentially unscathed.

That got a tiny quick nod. "I know. I'm... well, okay, I wasn't tryin', the way you want me to. But I will."

Nathan's heart nearly broke at the response. That wasn't what I meant! "I'm sorry," he said instead, hoarsely. "I'm so sorry, Angelo. I just..." He stopped, swallowed, and looked away himself. "I just can't bear the thought that you look at the fact that you weren't badly hurt as..." He didn't even know how to phrase it, now. All of those too-clever words had gone away. "It's something that makes me wish I believed in a God, so that I could thank him for it. It kills me to see Dom in that hospital bed, and if it had been both of you, I don't know what I would have done. You're both-" He raised one hand, rubbed at his eyes briefly. "You're both adults, I know - I'd walk into the worst situation on earth with either of you and trust you to watch my back without hesitation, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to protect you. Or from looking at you and feeling like a father whose child's in pain."

Angelo was... confused, on many different levels. Confused and lost and tired and yes, in pain, whatever he'd been trying and failing to make out all week. He hadn't wanted to piss Nathan off and risk him walking away, even if the greater part of him knew that would hever happen, but that had only been part of it. He knew the other man was right, and he'd been trying to say that as well. And right at that moment, he had no words left at all. And for all he wanted to step forward and just cling... he couldn't move.

Too many words. Entirely too many words. Nathan stepped forward and hugged Angelo again, letting out a shaky sigh. "I'm sorry," he said again, simply. "I'm just so damned sorry." I'm sorry that this happened to you. To all of them.

This time, he didn't just stand stiffly there. He leaned, so very tired, with a sigh of his own. "Wasn't your fault", he offered quietly. "Any of it."

"I know." And he knew that Angelo didn't think he was really thinking that way. It was a somewhat roundabout way of telling him that it was okay, too. Like father, like son.