xp_daytripper: (heartbroken)
[personal profile] xp_daytripper posting in [community profile] xp_logs
Amanda has a nightmare, Angelo is there.



"We're going to make her go away forever. No more nightmares, poppet. No more fear. All you need to do is believe that I can take her away."

"Sweetie, it's perfectly alright to scream."


And scream Amanda did, until she thought her throat would burst, and still there came the pain, the sensation of metal digging into her skin, peeling away runnels of it, and then the burning as the blackened salt was rubbed in. It went on and on, and this time there was no last-minute rescue, only the pain, Rack's smirk and Candra's voice, cooing into her ear that it would be all right, that everything would be all right, and under the water, a pair of black eyes opened, full of flat hunger, hands like claws reaching for her...

Amanda's eyes flew open and she bolted upright in the bed, gasping as the sudden movement caused the healing scabs on her back to crack open again. For a moment she wasn't sure where she was, having gotten used to the frame they'd kept her in for several days, letting her back heal. Lying in a bed again felt strange, but at least she didn't feel trapped any more. Panting slightly, she tried to get her heart rate back under control, but she was shaking so badly, she couldn't quite manage it.

Angelo started up from the camp bed he was sleeping on - he'd asked the nurse for it the first night he'd spent there, and she'd given him one after he told her he'd be staying there whether she did or not - and was at the bedside a second later. "Amanda? Sssh, ssh."

She grabbed at him, heedless of the healing wounds on her wrists from the restraints, the further tearing of her back, burying her face in his chest as she shuddered uncontrollably. "Selene," she gasped. "She woke up and she's coming for me and it'll never end..."

He rocked her, feeling the blood coming from the opened wounds on her back... but he could deal with that after she'd calmed down. "She's gone. Selene's gone, Candra's gone... neither of them's ever gonna touch you again."

He was real. He was there, and Selene wasn't, and neither was that cunt Candra, she was dead with a hotknife between the eyes... Gradually Amanda's panic eased, although the shaking didn't, and she hung onto the front of his shirt for dear life. "A dream," she whispered. "But it felt so fucking real. I was there and the 'Coats didn't come and she finished the ritual..."

"The worst ones always do", he said quietly, arms still warm and solid around her. "But remember, it didn't happen. This is real. You're safe."

"Fuck." She let out a long, shaky breath, forced herself to relax her grip somewhat, although she didn't let go just yet. "I was wondering when this was going to start. They've been knocking me out so much, I wasn't dreaming..." She sniffled, and lifted her head. "Sorry to wake you up, love."

"It's why I'm here", he reminded her. "I've done it to you enough times." He tried to disentangle himself, gently, just meaning to go and turn on the light on - but ready to stop the attempt if she resisted it at all.

"Doesn't mean 'm not grateful for it." Amanda clutched again at his shirt as he began to move, but made herself relax. He wasn't going anywhere far, she knew that. "Shite. Think I opened my back up again."

"I know. I could feel it through your top", he said, sliding off the bed. "Let me just get the light, we'll see how bad it is." Then he'd either call the nurse or patch it up himself.

"So much for getting out of that fucking hospital gown," she grumbled, letting him go. Only the fact it pulled the skin too tight across her back stopped her from pulling her knees up in the old way. As it was, her hands twisted in the blanket at her lap, one of the bandages on her wrists showing a faint red stain as well.

He was back a few seconds later, the main light in the room now switched on. "Let me see, now", he said gently, taking the hand of the obviously bleeding wrist. "This first, then your back."

She blinked in the light, and swiped her free hand across her eyes, wiping away the tears. In the brightness, her hair was dull and lifeless from lack of washing, tied back in a ponytail, her skin paler than usual, the bruise across one cheek livid against the white. She watched as he slowly unwound the bandage, wincing a little. "'S all right. Just knocked it about a bit," she said, trying to collect herself and not think about what her back looked like. "No need to fuss."

"Yeah, there is", he contradicted. "If it's opened up, it needs a new bandage an' maybe washin' out some. Need to make sure it'll heal up right again."

"Jean, bring her some cream for her wrists. We don't want her chafing, after all." Amanda shuddered a little. "There's some antiseptic stuff," she replied, voice shaking. "Over there," she nodded at the bedside cabinet. "Since they have to use it so much on my back, it's easier to leave it."

He sent a strand of skin to pull the cabinet open, glad he'd been working on the dexterity of those extra 'limbs', and bring back the cream. "Here we go. They leave bandages in here as well, or should I go get some?"

"Next shelf down." She was glad of his dexterity too, since it meant he didn't have to let go of her hand. Uncovered, the wound was puffy and ugly, bruised flesh surrounding a combination chafe/cut from the restraints. Her thrashing had opened the wound slightly, blood oozing from the part along the top of her wrist. The injury was worse there, since she had been pulling at the cuffs the entire time. She watched as her smoothed the cream on carefully, trying not to flinch.

He hadn't actually seen her injuries uncovered, before this, and his face went very still as he got a good look. "Okay. We'll get this fixed up right", he said soothingly, not really listening to his own words.

"Thanks." It sounded inane, but she wasn't sure what else to say, watching his reaction. His hands were warm and gentle on her skin as he finished with the cream and lay a fresh piece of gauze over her wrist before beginning to wrap it again. "It... looks worse than it is," she offered. "Doesn't really hurt that much." It wasn't entirely a lie - the painkillers she'd been on had taken away most of the active pain. "I s'pose it's just as well I didn't have the IV in still, yeah?"

"Really is. But then, I guess... you said the drugs they were givin' you that way stopped the dreams. So it all goes together." He finished binding her wrist and hesitated, knowing her back came next.

She saw that hesitation. "It's all right, you don't have to. We can just call the nurse or something. 'S their job after all - wouldn't want to start some sort of union thing, would we?" she said, trying for casual and failing miserably. Bad enough the wrist - he didn't need reminding of what had been done, not when his own bruises were still fading.

"...they should probably know about it anyway", he said reluctantly, feeling like a coward. "Might be they can do somethin' to stop you breakin' the cuts open, if it happens again."

How did you bandage an entire back? Amanda knew from experience there wasn't much to be done except keep it covered with a light layer of gauze, taped on. "I'll live," she said, with a tight, wry smile that was more of a grimace. "Been there, done that. But yeah, if you could just get the nurse for me, that'd be good. Tell her I'll need another hospital gown thing, since I don't want to wreck all my shirts." She didn't physically pull away, but inside the walls were coming up again, and she cursed Candra. Again.

"Yeah, I'll get her." He didn't let go of her hand yet, though. "It'll heal soon." It was the only thing he could offer.

"It will." She smiled at him again, this time without the bitterness although not without a certain sadness. "Don't worry about it, love." With a squeeze of his hand, she added: "Thank you, for being here. It means a lot."

"Wouldn't be anywhere else", he said softly, squeezing her hand back then letting go.

"I know." She waved him in the direction of the door. "Nurse? I hate using the bloody buzzer, and I'm oozing back here."

That got a flinch, and he got up and hurried towards the door without another word.

She watched him go, hating herself for pushing him away, hating Candra for putting her in this situation. Sorry, I have a life, one I'm fucking enjoying... Anything you want from me, you're going to have to take, you twisted cunt. Her wrists twinged, and she realised she'd been clenching her fists, forced herself to relax. They'd get though this, it was early days yet, that was all.

But she couldn't help wondering if he'd ever be able to look at her without blaming himself.

The nurse bustled in, closing the door behind her, talking briskly about sleeping pills and the need to not exert herself. Amanda nodded, made all the right noises and after the night shirt had been peeled carefully off, obediently lay down on her front to let the nurse change the dressing. And blessed her lucky stars that none of the people in range was a telepath.
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