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xp_logsOne of Moira's patients takes a walk outside, looking for someone he knew in another life.
It was the simplest thing, the rubik's cube, with its six sides with various colours. It should have been easy to rearrange it so the colours matched. For half an hour, he worked on it and found his attention waning. Should it have been this hard? Possibly. He knew he couldn't do it within a half hour when he was able to use his powers, at full mental capacity - he had tried it when he was younger - why would they give it to him now? He scrutinized over the reasons, each one likely as the next. The one reason that stood out the most was frustration and controlling it as it was positively the most aggravating puzzle to date.
Clutching the rubik's cube in one hand, Manuel took up his cane and got to his feet. Walking it off was the best way and slowly, he made his way down the hallway. A fleeting glance at the time told him it wasn't too late to visit the children's ward. There was a constant nagging feeling when he looked at the kids, one he couldn't place and found that it was good to be there, around them, lest he remember whatever it was he was trying to recall to memory.
Passing the nurse's station, she was about to protest when he lifted his arm, revealing the inhibitor - a minor stipulation if he was going to go in that section - children's emotions were often high and too straining on him. She nodded her head and Manuel paused with an after thought. "Has Nathan already come?" There was no secret that Nathan came here and Manuel had an increasing need to talk to him.
"Not today," the nurse said kindly, her Scottish accent very thick. "But he is on the island. I think I saw him outside this morning?"
Manuel nodded curtly, turning around and headed for his room. It took him ten minutes to get there, moving slowly and stopped at the nurse's station, informing them that he was going outside. He went to retrieve his sweater and headed outside to see if Nathan was still around. If not, his search was in vain but at least he would get a breath of fresh air before going back to the children's ward.
Nathan was in fact outside, sitting on the stone steps leading down from the family wing of the castle and watching Rachel running around in circles and occasionally giggling and falling over on the muddy ground. She was having a great old time, he thought fondly, watching her - although she did keep moving further and further away. He'd have to watch carefully, in case this was a subtle attempt to make a break for it.
Manuel got out front and he was tired, ready to sit down when his eyes caught sight of the young redhead, Rachel. It was hard to miss her, with that fiery red hair dancing in the wind. He almost did not bother except that perhaps Nathan was there and his nagging curiosity demanded satisfaction. Gripping the cane, Manuel made his way back inside and headed down the hallway to the other doors. It was easier than going alongside of the building and surely Nathan had some knowledge that Manuel wanted to speak with him. He opened the doors and stepped outside, looking down at Nathan. "Nathan," he greeted. Invitation or not, Manuel had to sit down now and did so on the stairs, placing two feet between them.
Nathan eyed him for a long moment, silent. He'd known Manuel was on the mend, almost from the moment the young man had woken up; it was difficult for Moira to hide surprise on the link, although as usual, he hadn't asked her about it. Their mutual if unspoken agreement that he respected medical confidentiality and she respected X-Men business had worked perfectly well for years, and neither of them were about to alter their approach at this point.
"Manuel," he finally said.
He had gone over many times what he wanted to say to Nathan, yet none of them seemed like a good idea now. He knew he'd feel unsure around the man but he hadn't been able to determine what degree until now. Setting the cane aside, he allowed himself a heavy audible sigh, brushing his hands together and soaking in the fresh air. "Rachel looks well."
"She's getting big," Nathan said, with a slight, fond smile for the still-capering two year-old. "Hard to believe that she's going to be three in a few months." His eyes slid sideways to the younger man. "You look like you're doing well," he said, more neutrally. "All things considered."
He watched Rachel, those fiery red locks dancing behind her. "She looks very much like her mother." Just as kind too, though he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he turned his head, his gaze leveling with Nathan's. "Yes, thank you. It's not often I get another chance. I thought my nine lives had been used up when I woke." He joked, but how much of it was truly a joke to laugh about.
"You're not a cat, Manuel." Nathan's voice was quiet, oddly tolerant. He'd had a few months to wrap his mind around the fact that the younger man was back among the land of the living - and really, he was glad for Manuel. Contrary to the empath's long-held beliefs, he'd never actually wished him ill. "But yes, you should look at this as another chance. I wish for your sake you could make a properly fresh start, but I don't think any of us get that. Even after comas."
"No I suppose we don't. But it is a fresh start, regardless." He broke eye contact, lowering them down to the rubik's cube in his hand and he turned it three times before he spoke again. "I remember their feelings," he said, recalling the emotional turmoil he caused some, stress and anger he caused to others. "If I remember nothing else, I remember that. And I will keep it fresh in my mind, or as fresh as I can allow myself. It has the strength to ground me or warp me, depending on my view or rather, the view I take from it."
"I hope you keep what you've experienced here on Muir fresh in your mind as well." Manuel's problem had always been that he saw the negative. On Muir, there were the more negative emotions that you might expect at a hospital, but there was a core of hope, as well. You couldn't have as many people who were so committed to helping others in one place and not have that reflected in the psychic atmosphere.
"Experience has done me no favours in the past, Nathan. Wouldn't you say experience is what causes me to repeat my mistakes? It's hard to get a step forward when the past forces you to step back into old habits. A slow physical recovery gave me plenty of time for that. I prefer to move at a slow pace anyways. We stumble when we run."
"Unfortunately," Nathan said, and if there was any sarcasm in his voice, it was very, very mild, "if you're going to live, you've got to move, Manuel. Existing involves amassing experiences. They don't always have to be negative, or destructive - I really wish I'd been able to teach you that. Then again," he said, "I shouldn't have been teaching you anything. I was not the right person by any stretch of the imagination, especially not back then."
"You were a fine teacher. I was not a very cooperative student. If I'm going to live, I need time to adjust and that means I need to go at my pace. My problem was that I was rushing to catch up with everyone else and forgot myself in the process. I did not pay attention to my emotions, but everyone else's." Manuel stopped talking, catching his frustration before it began and corrected it. He went through the mental process of relaxing and blowing the tension out of his body, thankful that he had a moment to do that. Lifting his eyes, he used Rachel as a means for that, a focus to draw him away from where he was going and only then did he speak when he felt he was calm and collected. "I wish you would teach me again, so I could prove I would be a better student than before."
Nathan nearly swallowed his tongue, and thankfully refrained from any questions regarding bodyswapping in mid-coma, because that did not sound like the Manuel he remembered.
"I've been struggling with my own telepathy lately," he said guardedly. "I still know the Askani techniques, obviously, but... I'm maybe not the best role model right now."
"Perhaps another time then, when you feel.. up to it." He toyed with the rubik's cube for another minute, letting the slight breeze fill the space between them. He wondered about Nathan's telepathy and what he was having trouble with, but he gave away no signs that he was interested. It wasn't his business. Toying with humility in his mind, the idea of showing someone humility was easier than actually giving it and Manuel found this little conversation tiring but a small step in the right direction. He knew he surprised Nathan, but to what degree and the specifics of how, he did not know. Instead, he offered the cube as something to break away from the weight of the conversation looming over them.
Nathan hesitated for a moment, but then took the cube - only to offer it to Rachel as she came running over. She sat down with a little 'off', and immediately levitated the cube into the air, where it started to spin as she studied it thoughtfully.
"I could go over some basic meditative techniques with you again," Nathan said after a moment, surprising himself. "I don't know... they may help. They certainly can't do you any harm."
Manuel watched the cube but he couldn't for long, closing his eyes and pressing his hands to them. It strained him, the pressure over his eyebrows distracting him from any more pleasant moments of silence and he ran his hands over his brow twice before looking away. "Yes, that would be well, thank you. Whenever you have time." If he had time. Manuel had all the time in the world now but he knew Nathan had other commitments, like the one that was sitting nearby. "I'm sure they'll have an impact despite what you think."
Just what magic had Moira and Charles and Curt been working? Trying to keep his eyebrows from vanishing into his hairline, Nathan turned back to Rachel, reaching out a hand. The cube floated over, and she made a face at him, then grinned and bounced back to her feet, dashing away.
"She actually seems to fly less, lately. I keep wondering why." He looked sideways at Manuel. "Are you going to be able to get back in all right?" he asked after a moment. "You look like the walk out here took a lot out of you."
Manuel opened his eyes just long enough to see Rachel take off and smoothed his hand back over his brows again. "Yes, I am fine," he assured Nathan with a hint of annoyance in his tone. He was already weak enough. He didn't need someone fretting over him as well. Unless they were a nurse in a very short skirt. "Perhaps the novelty of flying has worn off? She does seem to like to explore all her options."
Nathan's shields were unsteady enough, even here on Muir, that he caught that mental image, and couldn't help a smile. Apparently some things didn't change. "Have you thought about where you go from here?" he asked after a moment. "I know you've still got recovering to do."
"Ideally? I'd like to go back to Spain, but I don't know what I would do, or where to start." He tugged his sleeve up, revealing the inhibitor though he knew Nathan already knew he wore one. "This will come off soon and I'm afraid I will be no better off than I was when I manifested." Leaning back, he rested his elbows on the steps and let out a sigh of complacency. "I will go to the mansion and retrace my steps without repeating any of my experiences. I don't suppose anyone will be happy to see me - the lack of visits say as much - however, Charles said we can rewrite our history without changing our past and I find that hard to disagree with."
Nathan smiled slightly. "He told me that once too," he murmured, watching Rachel caper. "The school's a very diferent place than it was two years ago, Manuel. Lots of changes." He couldn't lie and say that everyone in New York would be happy to see him, and not just because Manuel would know it if he did. But the atmosphere was very different. "And if it didn't work out, you could always come back here, finish your recovery someplace quieter. I have a certain amount of faith in Moira, although admittedly I'm biased."
He had no doubt that the school changed, but it couldn't have changed that much. Different people but the same song chiming away. He was interested in seeing who was still there, particularly Amanda as he had a lot of questions for her. Manuel smiled at the thought of Moira and picked up his cane. "If she was my wife, Nathan, I would be biased as well."
Using the banister, Manuel pulled himself to his feet and turned around, leaning his full weight on it for support. "I should go in, before they come out and get me." He shifted the cane and walked up the stairs slowly, pausing at the door. "It's good to see you."
It was the simplest thing, the rubik's cube, with its six sides with various colours. It should have been easy to rearrange it so the colours matched. For half an hour, he worked on it and found his attention waning. Should it have been this hard? Possibly. He knew he couldn't do it within a half hour when he was able to use his powers, at full mental capacity - he had tried it when he was younger - why would they give it to him now? He scrutinized over the reasons, each one likely as the next. The one reason that stood out the most was frustration and controlling it as it was positively the most aggravating puzzle to date.
Clutching the rubik's cube in one hand, Manuel took up his cane and got to his feet. Walking it off was the best way and slowly, he made his way down the hallway. A fleeting glance at the time told him it wasn't too late to visit the children's ward. There was a constant nagging feeling when he looked at the kids, one he couldn't place and found that it was good to be there, around them, lest he remember whatever it was he was trying to recall to memory.
Passing the nurse's station, she was about to protest when he lifted his arm, revealing the inhibitor - a minor stipulation if he was going to go in that section - children's emotions were often high and too straining on him. She nodded her head and Manuel paused with an after thought. "Has Nathan already come?" There was no secret that Nathan came here and Manuel had an increasing need to talk to him.
"Not today," the nurse said kindly, her Scottish accent very thick. "But he is on the island. I think I saw him outside this morning?"
Manuel nodded curtly, turning around and headed for his room. It took him ten minutes to get there, moving slowly and stopped at the nurse's station, informing them that he was going outside. He went to retrieve his sweater and headed outside to see if Nathan was still around. If not, his search was in vain but at least he would get a breath of fresh air before going back to the children's ward.
Nathan was in fact outside, sitting on the stone steps leading down from the family wing of the castle and watching Rachel running around in circles and occasionally giggling and falling over on the muddy ground. She was having a great old time, he thought fondly, watching her - although she did keep moving further and further away. He'd have to watch carefully, in case this was a subtle attempt to make a break for it.
Manuel got out front and he was tired, ready to sit down when his eyes caught sight of the young redhead, Rachel. It was hard to miss her, with that fiery red hair dancing in the wind. He almost did not bother except that perhaps Nathan was there and his nagging curiosity demanded satisfaction. Gripping the cane, Manuel made his way back inside and headed down the hallway to the other doors. It was easier than going alongside of the building and surely Nathan had some knowledge that Manuel wanted to speak with him. He opened the doors and stepped outside, looking down at Nathan. "Nathan," he greeted. Invitation or not, Manuel had to sit down now and did so on the stairs, placing two feet between them.
Nathan eyed him for a long moment, silent. He'd known Manuel was on the mend, almost from the moment the young man had woken up; it was difficult for Moira to hide surprise on the link, although as usual, he hadn't asked her about it. Their mutual if unspoken agreement that he respected medical confidentiality and she respected X-Men business had worked perfectly well for years, and neither of them were about to alter their approach at this point.
"Manuel," he finally said.
He had gone over many times what he wanted to say to Nathan, yet none of them seemed like a good idea now. He knew he'd feel unsure around the man but he hadn't been able to determine what degree until now. Setting the cane aside, he allowed himself a heavy audible sigh, brushing his hands together and soaking in the fresh air. "Rachel looks well."
"She's getting big," Nathan said, with a slight, fond smile for the still-capering two year-old. "Hard to believe that she's going to be three in a few months." His eyes slid sideways to the younger man. "You look like you're doing well," he said, more neutrally. "All things considered."
He watched Rachel, those fiery red locks dancing behind her. "She looks very much like her mother." Just as kind too, though he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he turned his head, his gaze leveling with Nathan's. "Yes, thank you. It's not often I get another chance. I thought my nine lives had been used up when I woke." He joked, but how much of it was truly a joke to laugh about.
"You're not a cat, Manuel." Nathan's voice was quiet, oddly tolerant. He'd had a few months to wrap his mind around the fact that the younger man was back among the land of the living - and really, he was glad for Manuel. Contrary to the empath's long-held beliefs, he'd never actually wished him ill. "But yes, you should look at this as another chance. I wish for your sake you could make a properly fresh start, but I don't think any of us get that. Even after comas."
"No I suppose we don't. But it is a fresh start, regardless." He broke eye contact, lowering them down to the rubik's cube in his hand and he turned it three times before he spoke again. "I remember their feelings," he said, recalling the emotional turmoil he caused some, stress and anger he caused to others. "If I remember nothing else, I remember that. And I will keep it fresh in my mind, or as fresh as I can allow myself. It has the strength to ground me or warp me, depending on my view or rather, the view I take from it."
"I hope you keep what you've experienced here on Muir fresh in your mind as well." Manuel's problem had always been that he saw the negative. On Muir, there were the more negative emotions that you might expect at a hospital, but there was a core of hope, as well. You couldn't have as many people who were so committed to helping others in one place and not have that reflected in the psychic atmosphere.
"Experience has done me no favours in the past, Nathan. Wouldn't you say experience is what causes me to repeat my mistakes? It's hard to get a step forward when the past forces you to step back into old habits. A slow physical recovery gave me plenty of time for that. I prefer to move at a slow pace anyways. We stumble when we run."
"Unfortunately," Nathan said, and if there was any sarcasm in his voice, it was very, very mild, "if you're going to live, you've got to move, Manuel. Existing involves amassing experiences. They don't always have to be negative, or destructive - I really wish I'd been able to teach you that. Then again," he said, "I shouldn't have been teaching you anything. I was not the right person by any stretch of the imagination, especially not back then."
"You were a fine teacher. I was not a very cooperative student. If I'm going to live, I need time to adjust and that means I need to go at my pace. My problem was that I was rushing to catch up with everyone else and forgot myself in the process. I did not pay attention to my emotions, but everyone else's." Manuel stopped talking, catching his frustration before it began and corrected it. He went through the mental process of relaxing and blowing the tension out of his body, thankful that he had a moment to do that. Lifting his eyes, he used Rachel as a means for that, a focus to draw him away from where he was going and only then did he speak when he felt he was calm and collected. "I wish you would teach me again, so I could prove I would be a better student than before."
Nathan nearly swallowed his tongue, and thankfully refrained from any questions regarding bodyswapping in mid-coma, because that did not sound like the Manuel he remembered.
"I've been struggling with my own telepathy lately," he said guardedly. "I still know the Askani techniques, obviously, but... I'm maybe not the best role model right now."
"Perhaps another time then, when you feel.. up to it." He toyed with the rubik's cube for another minute, letting the slight breeze fill the space between them. He wondered about Nathan's telepathy and what he was having trouble with, but he gave away no signs that he was interested. It wasn't his business. Toying with humility in his mind, the idea of showing someone humility was easier than actually giving it and Manuel found this little conversation tiring but a small step in the right direction. He knew he surprised Nathan, but to what degree and the specifics of how, he did not know. Instead, he offered the cube as something to break away from the weight of the conversation looming over them.
Nathan hesitated for a moment, but then took the cube - only to offer it to Rachel as she came running over. She sat down with a little 'off', and immediately levitated the cube into the air, where it started to spin as she studied it thoughtfully.
"I could go over some basic meditative techniques with you again," Nathan said after a moment, surprising himself. "I don't know... they may help. They certainly can't do you any harm."
Manuel watched the cube but he couldn't for long, closing his eyes and pressing his hands to them. It strained him, the pressure over his eyebrows distracting him from any more pleasant moments of silence and he ran his hands over his brow twice before looking away. "Yes, that would be well, thank you. Whenever you have time." If he had time. Manuel had all the time in the world now but he knew Nathan had other commitments, like the one that was sitting nearby. "I'm sure they'll have an impact despite what you think."
Just what magic had Moira and Charles and Curt been working? Trying to keep his eyebrows from vanishing into his hairline, Nathan turned back to Rachel, reaching out a hand. The cube floated over, and she made a face at him, then grinned and bounced back to her feet, dashing away.
"She actually seems to fly less, lately. I keep wondering why." He looked sideways at Manuel. "Are you going to be able to get back in all right?" he asked after a moment. "You look like the walk out here took a lot out of you."
Manuel opened his eyes just long enough to see Rachel take off and smoothed his hand back over his brows again. "Yes, I am fine," he assured Nathan with a hint of annoyance in his tone. He was already weak enough. He didn't need someone fretting over him as well. Unless they were a nurse in a very short skirt. "Perhaps the novelty of flying has worn off? She does seem to like to explore all her options."
Nathan's shields were unsteady enough, even here on Muir, that he caught that mental image, and couldn't help a smile. Apparently some things didn't change. "Have you thought about where you go from here?" he asked after a moment. "I know you've still got recovering to do."
"Ideally? I'd like to go back to Spain, but I don't know what I would do, or where to start." He tugged his sleeve up, revealing the inhibitor though he knew Nathan already knew he wore one. "This will come off soon and I'm afraid I will be no better off than I was when I manifested." Leaning back, he rested his elbows on the steps and let out a sigh of complacency. "I will go to the mansion and retrace my steps without repeating any of my experiences. I don't suppose anyone will be happy to see me - the lack of visits say as much - however, Charles said we can rewrite our history without changing our past and I find that hard to disagree with."
Nathan smiled slightly. "He told me that once too," he murmured, watching Rachel caper. "The school's a very diferent place than it was two years ago, Manuel. Lots of changes." He couldn't lie and say that everyone in New York would be happy to see him, and not just because Manuel would know it if he did. But the atmosphere was very different. "And if it didn't work out, you could always come back here, finish your recovery someplace quieter. I have a certain amount of faith in Moira, although admittedly I'm biased."
He had no doubt that the school changed, but it couldn't have changed that much. Different people but the same song chiming away. He was interested in seeing who was still there, particularly Amanda as he had a lot of questions for her. Manuel smiled at the thought of Moira and picked up his cane. "If she was my wife, Nathan, I would be biased as well."
Using the banister, Manuel pulled himself to his feet and turned around, leaning his full weight on it for support. "I should go in, before they come out and get me." He shifted the cane and walked up the stairs slowly, pausing at the door. "It's good to see you."
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