xp_logs | Kevin & Laurie | 7am Saturday (Reply)

Kevin tries to ease his guilt by finding Laurie to let her know he's okay. She tries to help...then sprouts horns.

He hadn't actually slept much since he'd gotten back in the ridiculous hours of the morning mostly because he'd slept most of the way on the bus back from Massachusetts. Kevin couldn't help feeling rather intensely guilty over Yvette and Laurie worrying over him, especially when he wouldn't have thought Laurie would be someone to worry over his disappearance. Yvette he could understand but he hadn't really considered Laurie a very close friend. A friend, yes, in the more casual and peripheral sense that he allocated to most people who were likely much less peripheral than he liked to think. His self-appointed task for the morning was to track both girls down and apologize for worrying them. Since he had nothing to do for most of the hours until he could reasonably go find either of them, and because he refused to go to the metal shop which would risk running into Jay, he spent a large amount of time drawing. Among his drawings ended up with a sketch of Yvette as an Amazon protecting a village and one of Laurie as an angel hovering over a town. Why he'd picked those visuals he didn't know, but the angel Laurie looked so serene she may have actually been meditating.

When the morning reached an hour when other people were sure to be waking but Jay was sure to already be in if he was returning to the mansion Kevin headed downstairs. Everyone ended up in the kitchen, right? Breakfast would give him something to do and he figured no matter how many stacks of french toast he made there would be enough people to eat them all, and so he set to work until at least one of the girls showed up, if not possibly both.

Laurie was indeed in the kitchen, and was currently busy mixing up a batch of both 'gluten free' crepe mix and the more normal stuff. Since Lorna had left, the advanced cooking students had almost taken it upon themselves to take over and divvy up the various tasks among themselves. This week, Laurie was on mornings and she took her tasks very seriously, there was already a small army of different foods scattered along the main table in the dining room that they used for main meals.

She wouldn't make the crepes till more people were up though, considering cold crepes were never exactly a wanted result when one was serving breakfast.

"Hey Kev," she said, not really paying attention as she saw him at the door. It was several more minutes before she glanced up again in surprise. "Kev! You are in _such_ big trouble, Mr 'goes away without letting people know where he's going to be'."

He'd paused, even hesitated a little, when Laurie greeted him so casually. So calmly. He just kind of froze there in wait until it struck her and the reaction he expected came just as he thought it would when she put it together. He even cringed slightly. "Could ya not call me 'Kev'?" It was what Jay called him and only Jay ever called him that. It sort of grated on his nerves in a serious way, though more so now than before. "Sorry. Mister Dayspring got me when Ah showed up. Said you were worried. Ah," he paused awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say that wasn't a lie without having to delve into a whole conversation he didn't want to have with much of anyone but especially not in the kitchen where just anyone might wander through. "Well, Ah wasn't really in the frame o' mind to be realizin' people might worry."

"Kevin then." Laurie said, and frowned at his obvious discomfort. She put the bowl she'd been mixing crepe batter in down on the counter and moved out from behind it to lean against the front, arms folded. "What happened?"

Kevin took an obvious step back when Laurie came around. Closer proximity just made him jumpier than he already felt. As it was if he could have bound himself in rope with only a slit to see out of he would have. He wasn't as bad as he'd been thanks to Jay, but he wasn't any better than he'd been before that either. "Just...Ah needed to get outta here for a while. Only allowed to be gone for three days at a time, though, so Ah kinda had to come back last night." He might have explained it to her, in a much more glossed over way than he had with Nathan, if it wasn't for where they currently stood.

"Would you have come back at all without that?" she asked, voice gone soft as she noted his jumpy demeanor. Her first instinct might have been to calm him down the easy way but she'd promised herself she wouldn't use her powers unless absolutely necessary. She was becoming way too quick these days to simply use them to make things easier for herself.

Because it was someone that did rank as a friend, no matter how peripherally he pretended she was, Kevin wouldn't lie to her. His voice was always quiet, always soft, but it dipped down to barely more than a whisper when he admitted, "No. Ah wouldn't've." He didn't want to explain why, but he wasn't sure vague was going to hold up with her for long.

"Is it really that hard here?" Laurie asked, expression sad as she gazed at him, noticing the exhausted set of his shoulders. "And sit down already, before you fall down."

"Ah'm not gonna fall over," he told her quietly, any actual protest absent from his voice. Nathan may have used up most of his fight, or he might just not have wanted to be argumentative with Laurie who'd spent a lot of time helping him by practicing meditation. "It's not the hard that's a problem, 'xactly. It'll be hard anywhere. The risk is worse here. An' it ain't worth that to me."

"Sit down anyway." she replied, a stubborn tilt to her chin. "And why is the risk worse here? I'd have thought it would be the same anywhere you go. It's not like your powers are going to change."

He wasn't winning the sitting thing and unless he was willing to say why he didn't want to sit, which he clearly wasn't. Kevin sat down looking scolded and muttered a polite, "Yes, ma'am." He swallowed hard because he wouldn't lie to Laurie but he couldn't exactly answer her either. Or he wouldn't, anyway. "Look, unless you're willin' to go somewhere a lot less trafficked Ah'm not really," the word comfortable refused to come out of his mouth so he tried revising. "It's not somethin' Ah'm gonna talk 'bout where it might end up public. This is the most populated place in the whole mansion."

"Okay. We can go down to the archery practice range, if you like. I'm one of the few people who use it and there's no way Dani or whatshername, new girl is going to be there this early." Laurie noted, curious as to what could be so bad that he'd be concerned about others overhearing.

"Alright." Kevin would have had much the same reaction to anything he considered private, really. If Jay was anything to measure by then other people only considered about ten percent of the stuff he did private. At least the walk meant he wasn't that close to things he kept picturing withering and blowing away as dust. Nothing except Laurie who he kept more than a polite distance from which was a marked difference from when they'd first started to practice meditation together.

She was persistent though and Kevin hadn't gotten more than two moments before Laurie asked him again what the difference in risk was here. He hated the explaining part and his awkwardness over it was obvious from his body language to his tone. "The risk is worse here because...some people're friends. Friends do things like get comfortable. Like adjust to the no touchin' thing. An' then Ah get comfortable an' don't freak out as much when they get closer or touch mah arm er somethin'. Other people, they see me the way Ah walk around normally an' they won't bother me. Won't get near me. An' right now...it's not safe to be near me. Not as safe as it was before."

"Why isn't it safe, Kevin?" she asked, tone level and calm.

He'd known she wouldn't settle for half answers. He just sort of hoped she wouldn't pry his fingers off the death grip they had on the lid he was keeping on the situation. "'Cause Ah can't be trusted no more. Ah nearly gave Jay a real demonstration of what Ah'd do to 'im if he kept tryin' to push at me. Ah ain't never gotten that close to doin' that on purpose before. Never."

Laurie wondered what Jay had done that had Kevin so sure he could no longer be trusted. She had a feeling that perhaps it had more to do with who the both of them were then that Jay would intentionally try to send Kevin over the edge.

"What did he do?" she asked, expression grave. She needed to know before she said anything else. Without the full story, the full picture she had a feeling she might do more damage than good. And Kevin seemed to need someone's help right now, before he went and did something truly silly.

He shrugged. "He was Jay. Pushin' buttons 'cause it's what he always does an' not listenin' to what Ah say like usual. Told 'im Ah didn't wanna talk to 'im or see 'im so he shows up and wonders why Ah'm not happy to see 'im." His hands were already balled into fists as they had been for weeks now but they clenched more tightly at the thought. "My mutation ain't exactly stable right now either." He would have just kept going until he hit his room and have locked Jay out normally but once he'd been tripped he'd been faced with a very real test of self-control which was only heightened by contact with Jay.

"You'd think seein' someone was obviously not in the mood to see you, plus obviously havin' a real bad day for some reason would make a person leave ya alone. Not if the person is Jay. He jus' tries harder to get what he wants. But that's what he's always done."

"That can't have been easy." she said, glancing at his hands and then looking him in the eyes. "What's wrong with your mutation?"

Kevin broke eye contact immediately and looked at the ground. "They think Ah might be addicted to it. Ah don't want people knowin', though. Don't wanna scare 'em. Not as long as Ah know Ah can keep myself in check. But Ah don't think Ah can anymore. Only came out to find you an' 'Vette."

If he'd been anyone else, she'd have reached out at that point and drawn him into a hug. He looked so much like he could use one. "Have you...Did you hurt Jay? Is that why you ran and didn't say anything?"

"Pinned 'im against a wall an' told him if he kept it up Ah'd do somethin' bad enough to him that Ah'd hafta go to Garrison after and ask to be taken into custody. Ah'm only allowed to not be in jail as long as Ah don't hurt someone. Minute Ah do Ah get a smaller cell'n this one." It was an understatement that Kevin needed a hug. At this point he needed to attach himself to someone and not let go for days. He wouldn't even raise his eyes from the ground again.

"Kevin, please look at me." Laurie said, wanting him to have eye contact with her for what she wanted to say.

Some days Kevin really wished he was less well mannered than he was so he wouldn't be compelled to try to do as she requested. He had to fight the impulse to not look away but he managed to raise his eyes, though they lingered closer to her nose and lips than her eyes.

"Your powers don't make you a monster." she said simply, her hands clenched at her sides to stop herself from reaching out to comfort him. "And the feelings you have, this addiction, that doesn't make you a monster either."

She was wrong about the monster thing but after all the arguing with Nathan a few hours prior and a few days before that he didn't feel up to the debate. "That ain't the point, Laurie." His eyes dropped again.

"What is the point then, Kevin? That you feel like you need to hurt people? But you don't, you're fighting it. You left rather then hurt Jay. Those don't seem like the actions of a bad person who can't be trusted."

She wasn't sure she really understood the issue here. Apart from the urge to harm people, which she assumed someone like Mr Haller or Dr. Summers-Grey could help him with. The only logical reason she could see that he'd want to leave was that he believed he somehow deserved punishment. Otherwise, why else would you leave the one place where you might actually be able to find help?

"No," he corrected as he finally shook his head, "Jay finally got the point and left. Ah wouldn't be here if he hadn't. That's the point."

"What does it feel like then?" Laurie asked, changing tracks suddenly. "The addiction."

That wasn't something he'd been asked about by anyone other than Haller and Dr. Grey-Summers. The question made him pale. When he answered Kevin looked unwaveringly into Laurie's eyes and spoke with a calm stillness. "Like nothing would ever compare to reaching out and feeling your skin turn to dust under mine. And like every moment Ah don't do it Ah go more insane. Like your destruction'll bring me peace."

"Is that what you want, Kevin? Just peace?" Laurie asked, smiling softly as she thought how easy that would be, for someone like herself. "I can give you that, if that's all you want."

"You can't give me the peace Ah want." His words were strained as his jaw clenched and he stamped on the initial reaction he had. He was too well mannered to make his point that blatantly and in those words but they screamed in his head. No way was he doing that. He didn't trust himself that close to her even when his mutation wasn't playing havoc with his mind.

"Maybe not, well, I can't stop you from wanting to wither things. I'm not a telepath. But, maybe I can do something about the craving, I don't know." Laurie noted, a frown furrowing her brow as she pondered whether she actually could do anything to help him. It wasn't the same as just putting someone to sleep, although she could do that. "I can, help with the stress you're feeling right now though, make you less crazy manic, help you think clearer."

"Don't," the word came out in a clear, sharp sound louder than Kevin ever spoke. It was easy to not hear Kevin normally but even a strong wind wouldn't have drowned the sound of that single word. "Ah need it. The stress. Don't--just don't. It's better the way it is."

"Why?" she asked, "Why would you need to be like this?"

"'Cause if Ah relax my control slips," he told her with the utmost seriousness. "And once that slips what's going to save your hand? Your arm? Your neck? Your face?" He could have gone on but he was pointedly ignoring any body part normally covered by clothing, which brought up another point. "Your clothes?"

"My clothes?" Laurie asked, a suddenly smile fleeting across her lips. "Something you want to tell me Kevin?"

The blood rushed to up his neck to his face almost immediately and he really wished he could hate her that. "Not the point Ah was tryin' to make." Although, she had a point. Did she realize how very visual he was? He hadn't had the mental image before but he definitely had it now. Dear God he needed away from this girl for so many reasons now.

"I know, but you can't blame a girl for trying to lighten the mood." Laurie noted, looking up at the pale blue sky overhead. The morning was getting on, and there'd soon be a lot of people in the halls. She had an idea that this would not be a good situation for Kevin. "Come on, you said you wanted to see Yvette? I can show you where she is this time of morning."

Kevin growled at her, it was very possibly the most light hearted gesture he'd made in weeks. He pulled a folded piece of paper out from his back pocket and held it out to her. It was the drawing of her he'd done. "Just so y'know, Ah'm doin' a more accurate one with horns an' a forked tail," he grumbled. He sounded like he was in a better mood but his posture showed he hadn't relaxed at all and his arm had actually tensed when he'd held the trifolded sheet out to her.

"As you should." she replied, grinning openly now. "I am somewhat evil, after all. Come on, you. We'll get you to see Yvette and then back to your room before there's a bunch of people. But, whatever you decide, with the going or staying, I mean. Well, I do think you're better off here. At least there's people who know you, and know what you can do. Wouldn't you rather be around people who can stop you if you needed it, then some poor human who wouldn't have a clue?"

"Laurie, it ain't that kind of alternative that's bein' considered," he said as he started to follow her back to the mansion to find Yvette. "The alternative technically can handle me better'n anyone here can." It was sort of like his own armored guard. Only she wasn't armed or armored. Also, in his head she was still naked. Laurie was clearly the bane of his existence.