Shiro & Alex, Wednesday afternoon

[x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com]

Following the events of Baron Zemo and Fenrisulfr, Shiro confides his worries and anxieties in Alex. Or rather, blames him for them.


Shiro was not leaning against the wall by the entrance to the Danger Room waiting for Alex to leave one of his first training sessions as an X-Man trainee. He was just helping to keep the ceiling up by supporting the wall. That he was at the Danger Room and that Alex was inside were purely coincidental. When the doors slid open with their trademark hush sound, he didn't so much start as carefully leave the wall to do its architectural duty. He folded his arms across his chest again, trying to look cool and collected, like he always spent his free time downstairs in the big steel hallway.

For just a trainee, Alex was very familiar with both the basement and the Danger Room. With such powerful and destructive powers such as his, it really was the only safe place Scott could do powers training with him, especially at the beginning. But now being in there for another, much better purpose, just felt...awesome. Despite being tired, he was all grins as he left the Danger Room. Even when he spotted Shiro in the hallway. "Hey," he said with a small wave, making to walk by, figuring Shiro was waiting for someone else.

The instant the door opened, Shiro felt the familiar rush of Alex's energy, and when he spoke he had to remind himself that he couldn't grab Alex and take him, physically or energetically. "Hi. Are you finished with your training?" A rhetorical question, but he didn't know what else to say.

Alex too felt the attraction and immediately dampened down his powers, one hand curling into a fist from the effort since he was tried from training. "For today, yeah." He stopped so they could talk politely, which was still awkward since he had no idea what to say.

Shiro took a step away from Alex even as his own powers reached out to latch onto Alex's, quickly falling in sync. His head swam with memories and the feelings of them together, and had Alex not clamped down even further on his powers, Shiro didn't know what he'd have done. "S-sorry."

He shook his head, sweaty blond bangs falling into his eyes. "No, it's okay." His voice was calm, because it really was. Alex had kicked himself after the journal thread, as he should have remembered that complication, instead of getting defensive.

"No, it is not," Shiro retorted, suddenly angry. How could he have been so stupid as to come down here and think nothing would happen? Especially in light of Baron Zemo's scheme. "Alex, I . . . When the Enchantress took the pyromancers, she used our powers to fuel Zemo's machine." He emphasized "used" and "powers" and "fuel," hoping he'd get the point across quickly.

Alex couldn't help himself as he took a step forward towards Shiro and momentarily lost control of dampening his powers. His heart clenched at the thought of Shiro, or anyone, ever experiencing that horrible feeling of being used like that. "Oh god Shiro...Are you alright?" He was completely sincere in his concern, knowing that pain first hand after all.

Shiro stumbled again under the sudden yet short onslaught of energy, and before he knew it he was two steps closer to Alex. When Alex clamped down again, it felt like he'd been dunked in the lake in January. "What do you think?" he spat. "Sorry, it was a mistake talking to you. This will not work. We cannot be around each other anymore."

"Why?" Alex blurted out the word quickly and had to stop himself from reaching out to grab Shiro's arm to prevent him leaving. The other male's mood was swinging back and forth and Alex was too tired to read into it. "I know how that feels Shiro so I'm asking if you’re okay. Would you rather I didn't care?"

"I would rather I had not come down here in the first place," replied Shiro, neatly dodging the real question. "Every time you are near, I feel you. My powers look for any energy they can take, and you are the most convenient source. I cannot control it, and I do not want to put you or anyone else in danger. I was doing well enough until you joined the X-Men."

"We'll figure something out. Don't you think Scott considered all the options?" Of that, Alex had every faith, if anything because Scott had assured him. "He's not about to let anyone of us be in any danger. Now, answer me, are you alright?" Of course he wasn't going to let it go, it was his biggest fear and he had to know if the other was recovering alright.

"The woman who was involved with three months of psychological torture four years ago invaded my mind and stole my powers for a plot to destroy the world. I was screwed up enough as it was without her help. And now you are here, making it worse. Making me worse." Shiro looked away and crossed his arms over his chest again, or maybe he was hugging himself to shake of the sudden feeling of cold. "You tell me how I am feeling," he said quietly.

Alex just kind of looked at him for a moment, after having winced as Shiro had spoken. "You feel like shit." He said faintly and honestly. "And yeah, now I'm wondering why you came down here too, if I make you feel so much worse." There was no malice in his voice, but a slight bit of pain. Shiro was...had been his best friend for most of Alex's years at the mansion. This distance between them hurt more then he realized while living at Lorna's.

"I do not know. I . . . It is like an awful dorama. I want to be your friend and for everything to be like it used to be. But the moment I approach you, I do not think that I am capable of it." Shiro ran a hand through his hair and sighed in frustration. "I am not strong enough," he admitted pathetically.

That earned a soft snort from Alex. "Shiro, if I can go from being hostage bait to an X-men trainee...I think you can be strong enough to deal with this." He had every faith in Shiro that he could, or more, he wanted him too. "Because...I want things back the way they were too. I want to be your best friend again." The but that's all hung in the air.

Shiro caught it loud and clear. He nodded. "Do you regret it at all? I mean, besides the obvious. You are not . . . you know." Shiro had no idea himself. He'd certainly liked everything that Kwannon and Clarice had shown him, but then again it was Alex he was with in that crazy dreamworld.

That question made Alex bite his lip. "No," he said truthfully, "I don't regret it. But you’re right, I'm not." He sighed, realizing that Shiro wouldn't want to hear this but it had to be said, "I never stopped being in love with Lorna. I realized that she when she left."

It was half-expected, but that didn't make the admission any less painful. "You realized that earlier," Shiro asserted, looking up into Alex's eyes. "Do not tell me that you did not. What about prom last year?"

He couldn't fight back a wince even if he tried. "A part of me knew, yeah. The part that got wrapped up in the music and the atmosphere. But I didn't, ya know? Or, I guess I wouldn't admit it, until I knew I wouldn't get to see her every day." This was hard, harder then he thought it ever would be.

"So why me?" Shiro asked simply through gritted teeth, fists clenched so tightly he was leaving crescent-moon marks on his palms.

"Because, you," he paused, considering, "were my best friend and I trusted you. After Vida...I needed that." Alex could only sigh. The only thing he could offer was the truth.

"I was convenient," Shiro interpreted. He fought the urge to punch a wall. "This? This is why we cannot be friends. Our friendship evolved into something else, and I cannot look at you and not long for it. It is simply maddening."

"You were not convenient!" Alex said defensively. "I told you, I didn't realize I was still in love with Lorna and I really wanted to love you, you idiot!" He shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry."

Shiro swore silently and sighed, his anger leaving as quickly as it came, replaced by the rather familiar feeling of shame. "No, don't," he said, his hair falling over his eyes as he looked down. "I am confused and it has been a difficult few weeks. I probably caught PMS while rescuing Colbert."

Unable to help himself, Alex chuckled slightly at that comment. But only for a moment before he was sincere again. "I really am sorry Shiro. I really...really really...hope we can figure this out." He missed his best friend something awful.

Shiro just made a sound, somewhere between a murmur of assent and a pessimistic grunt. "I have a gauntlet run in ten minutes," he said, gesturing at the doors to the Danger Room. "I need to prepare."

"And I need a shower so I'll leave you alone." Alex hesitated for a moment before sighing and just giving the other boy a small wave. "I'll see you around." He said softly before moving to go.