Garrison and Laurie log

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Posting a bit early due to timezones.

Laurie talks to Garrison, it doesn't go so well.



Laurie looked up, the light of the television washing her face to a ghostly pale as she sat on one of the comfy common room couches.

"Garrison." she said, a tentative smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Were you wanting to watch something?"

She hadn't been avoiding him since their run in a month or so ago, but the mansion was a large place, and she had 'not tried' to talk to him. She supposed it was somewhat the same thing, even if the actions were slightly different.

"Nope. Television at Harry's works fine." Kane said, finishing off his quick sandwich. He was supposed to meet Adrienne for the game around ten, damn west coast games, and had taken a minute to grab a bite before heading out. However, his path had taken him through the living room where Laurie had been curled up, unseen, and watching 'The Hills' it seemed. In all, Kane couldn't really imagine a worse random meeting at the mansion.

It wasn't exactly the opening for a conversation she'd been looking for, but she supposed beggars couldn't be choosers. "Did you have a moment before you go?" she asked, moving into a more comfortable position on the couch. "There's some stuff I'd like to talk to you about."

"Oi." Garrison muttered and looked at his watch. "You've got 24 minutes until Purcey throws his first pitch."

Kane was will aware that he was being overtly unfriendly. Laurie was a trainee, not his responsibility, and after the last month of incidents and nonsense on the journals, he was pretty much fed up with her. Not that he was going to go out of his way to lash her about it, but having one of her 'deep discussions' about whatever random issue was bothering her today seemed about as much fun as pouring hot sauce into his own eyes.

"Why are you...were you so tough on me?" Laurie asked him, wincing slightly but going on anyway. This was possibly not going to go as well as she'd hoped.

"Because this isn't a game. It's life or death for you and the rest of the team out there, and if you don't want to take it seriously, it's better to get rid of you now before you get yourself, or worse, some one else killed."

"Direct." Laurie muttered, almost to herself. "I'm sorry I used my powers on you. I sort of had a first hand demonstration recently of why it's not good to totally rely on them."

"Not the point." Kane said unkindly. How thick were these kids? "It wasn't that you used your powers. You ignored your training because you figured a shortcut would have been easier. You know what really pisses me off, Laurie? That I might not have figured it out."

With the glare of the television, Garrison's face had become a contrasting mask; his skin white against his now black looking hair and beard. "I might have gone further with training that you didn't understand and aren't ready for. Assuming that you were lucky enough not to get your skinny neck broken by accident then, you might have cleared to go out with the team, and found yourself up against someone who your power doesn't work on. So I take it a little personally when someone doesn't care enough to think that other people are the ones who will end up taking responsibility for your choices. You tried to deceive me because you didn't want to do the work, and you honestly hoped I'd be fooled enough to let you get away with it."

Laurie could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes, and fought them down. She'd deal with this, she wouldn't back down just because it was hard, and he was angry.

"That wasn't the reason I did it." she started, not really wanting to look at him, but forcing herself to. She was the one who'd started this conversation after all. "I thought...Everyone else seems to find this easy. When you said what you said, I got angry because it felt like you were telling me, I don't know what I thought. I just wanted to be as good as everyone else."

"Lazy, selfish and stupid. You know, you're convincing me that you're ready to go further." Kane said. He wasn't entirely sure why he was so hard on Laurie, except for the fact that despite all the evidence of what the X-Men risked around her, she seemed to almost willfully not get it. As if she was doing it on purpose.

"Training is supposed to be hard. It's supposed to weed out the people who just can't hack it, and figure out how fast the rest can go until they all get to the same level. The point is that when you walk out with a partner, or a group, you can trust them to be able to do the job to a bare minimum. You can trust your own life with them, because you know they went through the same drills, learned the same lessons you did. I'd had to attend funerals of fellow RCMP. The X-Men are lucky that they haven't had to go through that yet, but I have seen men and women in the same uniform as mine get put into the ground. And the only thing that I can know for sure was that they didn't die because they weren't prepared for the job."

"I'm not ready." Laurie said after a pause, wincing as she straightened her hands from where they'd curled into fists. "I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I just want you to stop being angry at me. I've been doing stuff off campus, you know. I joined a martial arts class. It's been teaching me a lot, although I kinda realised after awhile that it wasn't going to teach me what I needed in a fight, the actual useful fightey bit, anyway. But it's good, I'm learning a lot. I'm trying, Garrison. "

"What do you want? A medal? A pat on the head?" Kane shook his head. "Laurie, I don't trust you, and you've done nothing to prove to me you should be trusted. Which really doesn't matter in the end, since I'm not the one who makes the decisions. When Scott and Ororo test you to move up to the team, they'll put you through the meat grinder, and I've already told them about our little adventure in self-defense, so they'll make sure there's no way you'll get a chance to dupe their tests. Other than losing out on my self defense class, there's nothing you're missing at the school if I think you're an idiot."

Laurie didn't respond immediately, just watched him for a time, before shaking her head as if shaking off an unpleasant thought. "I want you to trust me again." she said finally, her eyes never leaving his face. "I just, I don't know how to do that. I don't know what you want to see."

"Yeah, really, I don't really think that's going to happen any time soon, Laurie. I'm not your teacher, I'm not your boss, and I'm not your friend. My guess is that you hate the idea that someone doesn't think you're worth trusting more than really understanding what I've tried to tell you." Kane looked at his watch, and then back up at Laurie. "Time's up."

Laurie winced almost visibly, but turned to her show rather then look at him for another moment. "I wouldn't want to keep you from important drinking." she said, pressing the volume up on the remote.