xp_logs | Sam and Jay, midday (Reply)

Sam goes to visit Jay but his younger brother is not in a listening mood. Instead, he wants to know where Sam has been all this time and a fight ensues.

Even though Jay had been back for quite a while, Sam hadn't seen him much. The two of them always managed to get into an argument over something and his little brother had been even more... irritable. He knew Jay would look at it like it was another case of abandonment, courtesy of Sam, but he did this it was best. Now things seemed to be getting better, however. So, once he knew that the younger Guthrie would be in his room, the older Guthrie stopped by. He knocked lightly and waited for a response. He hoped it would be a good one.

Jay opened the door and his faint smile flattered, obviously expecting someone else. "So what? Now you wanna talk?" he asked, scoffing and shaking his head, leaving the door open for Sam to let himself in. Thankfully Dani wasn't in here when Sam decides to come out of his hole and pay attention to his family. Paige wasn't really talking to him at this point, but she had a good reason for that.

He did break Sally after all.

Sam didn't step in, however. "I always want to talk and you always give me this kind of treatment. You can't rightly expect me to put forth the effort when this is the greeting I know I'll be getting." Usually he'd have pushed harder, he always did. After thinking about it for a long time, he decided that might have been part of the problem. Jay could always play angry brother with Sam because he'd always work hard to fix it.

"Not everyone shits sunshine and rainbows Sam," Jay said, abandoning his brother at the door. If he wanted to talk, which he would, he would have to come in. There was no interest in talking at the door. Or arguing. One of the two.

"And you think it's easier to be positive, Jay?" Sam did step in, though he left the door open; it appeared he might have to make a hasty exit. "I didn't come earlier because I didn't figure you needed to see me when this is how you always act. You've set up your world around me doing everything wrong because I get to be your scape goat." Though he was usually pretty even tempered, Sam was actually pretty angry.

Jay was in his room, though he left his door open, searching for a top, something fitting his mood. A mood that was starting to go downhill. "Aw c'mon," Jay scoffed bitterly. "You always act like everythin's perfect, all the time. One big happy family huh? As long as we smile, we can ignore the real problem, right?"

"Or maybe we can smile and still address problems." Sam fired back sharply.

"Ah ain't smiling for you," Jay shot back and came out, pulling his shirt over his head. "You ain't Dad so stop tryin' to act like him."

"I'm acting like your older brother because that is what I am. And you're acting like a little kid throwing a tantrum. Do you want me to come by to bicker at me more?" Being called 'not Dad' was really beginning to grind on Sam's patience.

"No, you know what you are," Jay snapped and pointed a finger at Sam. "You're the dead beat Dad that no one asked for. Smile like everythin's fine and come around when everythin's fine. Why do you think Paige hangs around the lab so much huh?"

"You want to know the kinds of things Dad would tell me, Jay?" Sam stepped up, pressing his chest right to Jay's pointed finger. "The best thing you can do for a person is something they'll never know about." His teeth clenched. "If you don't seem something it doesn't exist, huh Jay? That's why your world's so sad and lonely, you only see yourself in it." He knew when he said would be hurtful but he didn't care. It wasn't time to be soft with his brother anymore, he'd never respond to it.

Jay's finger dropped and his nostrils flared. "Maybe if you asked me sometime what happened, Ah'd tell ya I wasn't so lonely anymore. Dani understands. Even Kane gets it but you? You can't even get a clue. And don't put your words into Dad's mouth. He's better than that."

"And them getting what's going on can have nothing to do with how you talk to me, right? I can't get in the door without a fight and you want me to ask what happened?" Sam sighed deeply when their father came up again. "Dad told me a lot of things that he didn't get around to with you. I think that's why you are always so mad at me, I got more time with him. He wanted me to share things and I will if you'll let me."

"Don't tell me--" Jay cut him off in a warning. "Cause Ah don't wanna hear it. Ah don't. It's March Sam. MARCH. Where the fuck have you been between then and now? What happened to you when Ah was sick, when Paige was going crazy? When Mamma hurt herself? Where the fuck have you been this whole time?" At each question, Jay's wings expanded to his growing anger.

"You know where I've been and you know why it can't always be with you, Paige, or Mamma. We don't all live on the farm anymore and I can't be in two places at once. I run the farm when no one else can, I help here when no one else can, and I look for you when no one else can. I have to make priorities now and no one person can always be at the top of them." The raising wings didn't threaten Sam at all. He had always beat Jay when wrestling.

Jay stepped in his brother's face in passing. "So what's your priority been this whole time huh?" He stepped away to get some water.

"Since you've been back? Giving you space because I didn't reckon arguing would be the best thing for you." Which was an extremely honest answer from Sam. He didn't figure Jay would appreciate it, however.

"Giving me space," he repeated in disbelief, pulling a glass out and filling it. "God Sam. Ah'm so sick of this bullshit. Mah friends care about me more than family does. Mamma's so busy with the other kids, she can't come here and says 'oh you're brother will handle it', but you know what--" he paused to take a drink, only to slam it down on the counter, spilling it. "--Ah don't want you to handle it cause you can't Sam. So why don't you just get the fuck out."

"I suppose I ought to." Sam stepped back through the door frame, resting his hand on the door knob. "If being the only one that didn't give up when you were gone... the only one that was out every day looking for you... if that doesn't tell you I care and can handle things; then I don't figure anything will." He shut the door behind him gently and stood for just a moment before heading back toward his office.

He gripped the glass tightly at the closed door and heaved a sigh with his wings falling a few degrees. Leaning down on the small counter, Jay brought his hands to his face, pulling back his skin and released a low growl of frustration. Sometimes, he just hated his family.