Later that evening . . .

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Kitty was curled up in one of the chairs in her parlour, the door securly locked. She'd leave for classes, but that was about it anymore. Everything was so messed up...

Jamie stared at the closed door. Kitty wasn't anywhere else, so either she was in there, or she was staying inside the actual walls, and he wasn't sure what he'd do then . . . come to that, he wasn't sure what was going to happen now--he wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to see him again, or--but that didn't change what he had to do, just made it harder. He raised his hand, closed his eyes, and knocked softly.

Kitty started at the noise, but didn't say anything. A soft sniffle escaped her, but she simply wrapped her arms around her knees and burried her face.

Nothing. Maybe she wasn't in there. Jamie knocked again, louder. "Kitty? Are you there?"

It was Jamie. Kitty's head lifted - he couldn't want to see her, not after what she'd done. "Jamie..." she started, her voice catching.

His heart made an odd sideways spasm at the sound of her voice, and he leaned his forehead against the door. "Kitty, can I come in?"

"Why would you want to?" Her head dropped back onto her knees.

"Because I--" This wasn't going to work, not through the closed door, not when anybody could just walk by. "I just, I need to see you."

Tears soaking into her jeans, Kitty just said, "I'm... I'm sorry Jamie. I'm so sorry for everything..."

Well, that wasn't going to work either. "Don't--I--" Dammit, he had to get in there, she couldn't possibly think . . . and, okay, maybe he could, the Professor had said it was theoretically possible.

And he'd never be any more motivated than this.

Jamie knelt down and jammed his hand underneath the door, ignoring splinters and scraped knuckles. He had to get it . . . his fingertips brushed the inside edge of the door, which was going to have to be good enough.

He'd started being able to feel the jolt, when Dr. MacTaggart had got him working on his impact threshold--sot of a tingly little push on the inside of his skin right before he duped. He concentrated on that feeling, concentrated on his fingertips, and slammed his free hand into the floor. And this time, when he felt the push, he pushed back, forcing it down his arm, into his hand, into his fingers . . .

It didn't seem like any time at all before the dupe had appeared inside the room, unlocked the door, and he'd reabsorbed it and stumbled over to where Kitty sat.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said, voice breaking. "That wasn't you, it was goddamn Amanda's idea of fun, but I--God, Kitty, I'm so sorry, I thought it was, I thought you'd--I should have seen it right away, you couldn't do that, I should have known."

Kitty looked up, startled at the sound of Jamie's hand slapping the floor, and then stared as the dupe appeared in the room. "Jamie..." she started, then stopped as he spoke. Shaking her head violently, her hair flying, Kitty said, "No. I'm... I'm so sorry..."

"Don't. Please. It wasn't you, it--what you felt, that was fake, it was--you didn't have any choice. I did, and I still--" He was crying now, not bothering to wipe his face. "How many people live in this house can screw with people's brains, and I didn't even think of that? I never should have doubted you, and if you don't--if you want me to go, I will, but I had to say so first, I had to tell you I'm sorry."

"No!" Reaching out she grabbed his hand, pulling him closer. Bowing her head over his hand, she held onto it as though it was a life line. "I... I loved you, always, but I couldn't... I loved you and I thought I loved him and I couldn't feel the difference and I'm so sorry."

Jamie collapsed onto his knees next to her chair, his hand in hers trembling. "Then you still--" He swallowed convulsively. "love me?"

"God, yes." She looked up at him, tears still falling down her cheeks. "Always..."

Jamie sagged. "Oh, God, me too. Still love you, I mean, always, not me. Not that there's anything wrong with my self-esteem, I just--I'm babbling and I need to stop, I--oh, come here." He pulled her into a tight embrace, crying into her hair. "I haven't been scared of much s-since the hurricane but I was terrified I'd lost you, I couldn't think."

With a soft sob, Kitty collapsed against him, arms wrapping around him, burrying her head in his shoulder. "So sorry... so sorry..." she mumbled, shaking slightly.

"Ssh, not your fault," Jamie murmured. "It's over now, and we'll be okay. Here, scoot over, I don't want to let go but my knees are falling asleep."

She slid to the slide, making space for him in her chair then curling up against him once he was settled, resting her head on his shoulder. "I never stopped loving you," she whispered. "Never."

Jamie winced slightly. "I shouldn't have doubted. Even for a second." He chuckled painfully. "It just took me a little while to stop thinking 'I can't believe my eyes' and actually quit believing them. Shouldn't ever have treated you like I did, I'm a moron."

"No you're not!" There was a quite sort of vehemence in her voice. "I... I..." She didn't seem to be able to finish her sentance, instead hiding her face in Jamie's shoulder, sniffling quietly.

Jamie just held her for a while, rather than jam his foot further down his throat; finally, he shifted his scraped hand to avoid bleeding on her and coughed to clear his throat. "I think . . . we should skip this part. The whole blaming ourselves part. We can make a deal. I'll forgive you for everything you think you did, you forgive me for everything I think I did, and we just . . . let that be it, for that. And then we stay here until we fall asleep or starve or somebody makes us move or one of us really has to pee, because I don't ever want to let you go."

Kitty sniffed again, nodding her head. "I think... yeah. Definitely not letting go. And... I can do that," she added, "maybe. Um... letting go, I mean. Cause you're here, and that makes things... Everything dealable when you're here."

"I'm here." Jamie nodded. "And I'm not going away. And you're here, and as long as we're together I think we can do anything."

Kitty nodded again. "I think you're right," she said, her arms tightening for a second.

"Okay, then." Jamie kissed her. "Let's get out of here for a while tomorrow, away from the whole . . . everything. We can go to Chan's and I'll mispronounce the menu again, or the park, or the ice cream place, or . . . wherever you want, but I think we need another night off, just us." He raised one hand to stroke her cheek, saw it was the scraped one, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve instead. "What do you think?"

Kitty saw his scrapped hand and grabbed it, pulling it to her, running her thumb as lightly over his knuckles as she could. "Yeah. I think... getting out of here would be good. Jamie, we should clean this hand off..."

Jamie looked at it. "It's okay. Doesn't hurt--well, that much--and I needed in here way more than I needed skin on my knuckles anyway."

Pulling it closer she lightly kissed his fingers. "I'm sorry. I thought... well, nevermind. You're here now."

"Darn right I am." He folded his hand around hers, bringing it up to kiss her fingertips in return. "And you're stuck with me."

"Good." The sniffles had mostly stopped, and she pressed a kiss to his cheek, tasting his tears. "Love you..." she whispered.

"Love you too," he replied hoarsely. "Always will."