Vanessa & Lex | Thursday Evening

[x-copycat.livejournal.com]

Vanessa tells Lex all about a child-led attack on her and the pair plot a trip to Thailand for a feast.

Warning: Entirely inappropriate jokes about the consumption of babies and aborted fetuses follow.

Vanessa had crawled all six feet of her frame up her boyfriend's back and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her arms draped around his shoulders, hands clasped and dangling in front of his chest. With her chin perching on his shoulder, Vanessa looked at Lex and grinned. "No, really, they were trying to impale me. The children, there were sticks. There could have been pitchforks and torches not far behind," she was telling him with as straight a face as she could manage, but she was obviously failing. "I should have eaten a baby to make all that trouble worth it."

"Oh really?" Lex replied with an impish grin. He thought about calling her out on it but thought it more enticing to play along and see how far she could make it before completely breaking down. "Well, we could always take a trip to Thailand, I hear they're cheap over there." He lifted her higher onto his back as he moved around, gently swaying back and forth like he was having trouble carrying her.

"I thought those were just whores? Don't buy the whores, they don't know anything I don't know. It'd be a waste of your money. And there's probably STDs down that route!" She nodded firmly, then poked at him. She couldn't reach too far down his body so she got him somewhere in the upper area of his stomach. "What's the matter, soldier boy, all that mansion living making you soft? Do I have to put you through training myself to make sure you can hack it?" Her tone had taken on an entirely playful sound to it, teasing even.

"You tell me," Lex retorted, skipping the comment about whores in order to maintain the playful mood. He swung his hips into the next swing and threw Vanessa around to the side of his body. If she'd let go there she would have flown across the room. Instead, she simply slid around to his side. In the mirror, Lex would have swore that she looked like a cute little Koala. Kissing the side of her face, he slid his cheek against hers. "How was that for you?"

While she would deny it should anyone ever question her about it, Vanessa made a small, surprised and suspiciously squeaky sound when she was slid over to Lex's side. His arm was all that kept her on his back instead of swinging around him more fully. She covered that damning squeaky sound with a smirk, "You could do better, soldier boy." Vanessa crawled a little higher so her legs wrapped around his waist rather than where they'd fallen to at his hips and then started to nudge his arm out of the way. "So how do you feel about Baby On a Stick? If we can get them for cheap in Thailand I'm thinking shish kebob baby," she continued, picking the vibe of the conversation back up without any indication they had segued.

Openly laughing, Lex let Vanessa slide around to his front. "Sounds enticing. If I can swing it with the professor we should take the jet, that way they won't be able to see us coming. However, if we're going to pick them up in bulk then we should do something more extravagant with them, maybe make something like a great baby feast." He kissed her on the forehead to stop himself from losing it. At the same time he cupped the back of her head in his hands and brought her close to him.

She was settling quite comfortably on the other side of Lex's body. It wasn't really much of a novelty with how often she either jumped on him, pounced him or shoved him down onto something or other so she could straddle him. But she sure as hell enjoyed the view from this side better. "Baby luau? Oh, Korean barbecue baby? Baby sushi? What do you think the Japanese word for baby is? Hm..." Vanessa's mouth pursed into a line as her eyes moved up toward the sky to ponder how you would say Baby Roll in Japanese.

"I'm not sure," Lex said, and then pressed his lips gently against hers. After kissing her for almost half a minute he released her, "not that it matters." He enjoyed being able to joke with her, to think of things that would send most people running in disgust. Having lived a brutal life, and knowing that she'd been through worse, he relished the moments where they could make light of it all and enjoy the physical and emotional intimacy they both needed.

"'Baby maki' just doesn't sound right," she told him in a small voice with a frown. Then she stole another, albeit it much more brief, kiss. "Beer battered baby? Baby back baby? Baby sausage? Ooooh!" Vanessa's eyes lit up with excitement. "Baby jerky!" She was so going to hell for this. She really, really was. There was a growing black mark on her soul the longer she kept up this conversation, but Vanessa was just so terribly amused by herself. God only knew how Lex could manage to put up with her and her bouts of random and insane but she was glad he could.

"I like baby back baby, it makes me want to dig out some of the deer I caught around Christmas. We can have a midnight feast to satiate our appetites while we work on our plans for the Great Baby Feast, though I'm not sure how many people would want to join us. In the end we'd probably be having baby sandwiches for months." He paused, waited just long enough take a deep breath, "Baby, the other other white meat."

Vanessa laughed quietly. She would deny to the end of time that she giggled, but she was definitely giggling. "Oh, the baby sandwiches. We'd have freezers full of baby." She was still busy giggling over the other other white meat, though. Lex was sort of cheesy and stupid. She kind of completely adored that about him. "Mm...venison. This pales in comparison to baby, but I think we'll just have to get by with it. Until we get to Thailand. Where we will buy baby in bulk."

"It'll just have to do, now won't it?" Walking forward, he leaned her over dangerously, making sure she knew that he was the only thing keeping her from flopping down onto the bed. This is strangely comfortable, he thought, unable to suppress the growing smile on his face. Every time he was with Vanessa, Lex felt more and more human. Even joking about the slaughter, and eating, of babies he felt like there was something real about their interactions that he could not remember feeling before. He wanted to keep it, and he decided at that moment that he'd do anything for her.

The legs around Lex's waist tightened and her hands climbed their way further down his back to keep a better grip on him. The legs weren't going anywhere but her attempts at clinging with her hands were actually only managing to gather his shirt up in her hands and pull it up his back. That was pretty okay with her, really. After all, she sort of preferred him with less clothing on even in completely innocent situations. "Unless we want to import baby. Importing's an option."

"I think the CDC would quarantine them, Mad Cow disease wasn't that long ago." Lex couldn't say it without a contemptuous smirk, every time they announced a new deadly disease he always told his friends it would be the end of the world. He wanted them to understand that the next great virus wasn't going to come with a warning, it was going to hit them so fast no one would have time to react. At least, that's the way he hoped it would happen. The alternative was anarchy and the apocalypse, biblical style.

Vanessa gave him her very best pout for that, which was quite a formidable pout really. "You're taking away all my baby barbecue fun here unless I run off to Thailand with you. Maybe we can smuggle them. I mean, if we don't exactly go through legal means they can't quarantine them, right?" Her expression was hopeful, complete with big, wide eyes. One day she'd stop and think and be slightly disturbed about how easily she pulled off that expression in relation to their conversation.

Withholding further comment for a moment, he pretended to ponder the implications of her statement. His expressions changed from mischievous to worried and then returned to something of profound amusement. "Isn't that why they have international waters? I mean, if we just had the feast out on the open seas no one would know, and we could dump the evidence so even if they found out there'd be no way for them to retaliate." If he thought about what had just come out of his mouth, Lex probably would have doubled over in horror. And to think that I'd once been in charge of leading men into battle, he mused, the thought making him more than a little weary about the current state of the American military.

"Hm..." Vanessa's head tilted to the side as she thought about that. It occurred to her that she'd gotten the bottom of Lex's shirt in her hands from all that attempted clinging she'd been doing and she grinned, though it was Morgan's grin with just one corner of her mouth quirking up into the expression. "This, this thought right here? That's why I'm keeping you, because you're smart." She gave him a playful kiss and then tugged upward on the gathered material in her hands at his back. "But you're wearing too much clothing."

Dropping Vanessa gently onto the bed, Lex let her pull the shirt over his broad shoulders. He stepped back as it came all the way off and struck an impish pose. "Is this better, or does more need to come off," he called playfully.

She had to unhook her ankles so her legs could fall away from him, but Vanessa decided the view was worth it. The metamorph propped herself up on her elbows and tossed Lex's shirt off to the side somewhere. Quite a show was made of allowing her eyes to roam down from his face. Her eyes lingered a little on his belt buckle before they kept going.

Licking her lips to wipe the very real smirk off of her face which had developed, Vanessa turned her eyes back up to her boyfriend's. "It'll do for now." A blue hand reached out and she quirked a finger at him in a "come hither" gesture.