xp_logs | Monkey Joe vs. The Coffee Machine

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Squirrel vs. Technology. WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL BE VICTORIOUS!?

The squirrel sniffed at it. Whatever it was, and Dori promised him it was a coffee maker, it sure didn't look like it. It looked like something from a video game or a sci-fi movie, and Monkey Joe was well acquainted with both of those. He didn't want the fee beans he'd get from the back of the machine. He wanted to beat it, because apparently it couldn't be done.

He sniffed around it first. Cautiously.

The Home Barista 2.7 had been specially designed with squirrel proofing in mind- something that its creator took great pride in as this was certainly not a standard feature. Granted, the system had cost a great deal and would retail for upwards of $1000, but it was worth it. Hank had been anticipating this moment and the sensors that he'd installed on the counter to detect Doreen's pet had alerted him to the pesky rodent's arrival. The doctor watched the creature's progress through a camera he had hidden in a light fixture.

In the kitchen, the coffee machine buzzed to life, and said in it's pre-programmed voice, "Greetings, Monkey Joe, would you care for a coffee bean?" It then dispensed a chocolate covered bean from a leg into a small dish attached to the rear of the machine.

Monkey Joe jumped back, clicking and squeaking and bouncing around in a circle. Coffee machines shouldn't talk. It upset the natural order of things where squirrels ruled the universe. And they did rule. However, he wasn't going to turn down a coffee bean and after a moment of spazing out he darted forward took it, and shoved it into his cheek, then putting his paws against the metal of the machine, looking for a way in.

Another bean fell from the dispenser, a bit warmed this time as the machine had finally heated up its coils. "Another?" it asked, in the nicest tone possible.

The bean was stolen and shoved to safety in his cheek quickly and then Monkey Joe decided to see if he couldn't get a paw up wherever the beans were coming out. If you could get a paw in, you could get a head in and then the rest of you.

The machine's sensors detected the intruding appendage and a small pump inside began to whir to life. The inside of the bean dispensing shoot was actually a very small tube that could be inflated- much like an angioplasty balloon. If the squirrel didn't remove its paw from the dispenser, not only would it close up for thirty minutes, his hand would be- temporarily- stuck.

Monkey Joe didn't remove the paw and panicked when it was suddenly stuck tight. What was with this! He swore by the nuts of his squirrelly forefathers! Not that it was understandable to anyone but Doreen.

Hank chuckled to himself as the squirrel tried to pull itself free. Pulling up the remote system control he'd installed in HB2.7's chassis, Hank deflated the balloon enough to let Monkey Joe free himself- he didn't want the poor rodent chewing its arm off- and then re-inflated the balloon.

Monkey Joe pulled his paw out and swore angrily at the machine before retreating to figure out what to do next.