Catseye and Kurt; Catseye and Sarah

[x-catseye.livejournal.com]

During a Danger Room session, Kurt and Catseye discuss the situation with Nick.

"Oooof!" Catseye whuffed as she misjudged her landing on the rooftop of the building BigCat was meant to be leaping onto in the Danger Room session. Her back legs hadn't quite made it onto the ledge so she'd caught the edge of the roof on her stomach and knocked the wind out of herself. She scrabbled to get her legs onto the roof with the rest of her but she was having trouble catching her breath so she rolled onto her side and lay stunned for a moment before shifting back to human form. "Owww!"

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked from the control room, hand hovering over the abort switch. "Perhaps we should take a break."

"Yes please," Catseye croaked, clutching her ribs as she stayed on her side. She blinked a few times as she remembered how to breathe, while her healing factor kicked in. "Still not as agile as you," she said with a wry grin.
"Few people are", he said matter of factly, shutting the room down and making his way to join her. "But you should focus on what you can do, not what I can."

"I know, I know," she muttered, sitting up. "I really have to start watching what I eat. I got all squishy in Tel Aviv." She made a face and poked at her midsection. "I don't think I exercised much in any form, and I didn't shift to BigCat at all while I was there, except when I was in Africa."

"Well", he said, businesslike. "We will have to work out exercise regimes for you and BigCat to get you back into shape, won't we?"

"Yup yup," Catseye nodded, stretching out her legs. "Even though it still doesn't seem fair that I have to keep three different bodies in shape separately," she grinned. "You're lucky you only have the one."

"I think you can allow LittleCat to be lazy", Kurt pointed out, grinning back. "No one really expects a house cat to be in top shape - unless of course letting that form slide would make a difference when you are human or BigCat."

"I wonder if they're all connected, though," Catseye mused. "I should ask Hank or Jean. I've never really thought about that before. But... they should all be connected, shouldn't they? Because, if I get hurt in BigCat form I hurt in human form, right? And in Tel Aviv I was never BigCat so BigCat never ate, but it's still out of shape because my human form ate too much!"

"This is true", was the musing response. "Though now you mention the hurt, I do wonder if you might not find a way to deal with that by shapeshifting, if you focused on the one part at a time."

"Deal with hurt?" Catseye inquired, not following his train of thought. "By shapeshifting? I don't think I'm supposed to do that though... I think I'm supposed to stay in whatever form I'm in if I get hurt because if I was to break a bone in catform and then shift back to human form, it might make the injury worse because of how the bones shift?"

"Well, it depends." He sat down next to her, absently examining her ribs. "When you shift, is it all at once or could you control it as Rahne does, only shifting as far as you wish to?"

The catgirl shook her head. "I can't control it like Rahne does, nope. I think it has something to do with different mutations, hers being lycanthropy and mine being genetic metamorphosis? Maybe? I do not really know. I just know that it happens so fast and there's nothing in my head when I decide to shift that makes me think I can stop in the middle. It just sort of happens like... BigCat?" She snapped her fingers. "And then I'm BigCat."

"Ah, I see. Then you are probably right about staying in one form if you do get hurt. If your power had worked like Rahne's, you might have been able to heal an injury straight away, but not if the change happens all at once."

"Well, I can heal in every form," Catseye explained with a grin, "so injuries heal straight away no matter what form I'm in. Too bad the healing factor doesn't work to keep me in shape, though. That would be nice. Especially now that I'm living in the city and can't spend a lot of time out in the woods where I like exercising."

"You could always come here", he said mildly. "You know you would be welcome, and if you warn me, I can make sure nothing happens that ought not."

"To the Danger Room, you mean?" she asked, confused again. Because he couldn't mean the mansion, right? He knew about what Nick-slash-John's doctors had said, didn't he?

"To the mansion", Kurt said gently. "Or at least, to the grounds. You only have to call me and I will make sure John stays in the house - or even better, take him away somewhere until you have gone."

Catseye's tail lashed behind her, a sign that she was Not Happy, and her speech became more laboured. "That does not sound very fair to anyone. This is his home. You should not have to take him away just so I can come by to exercise, when I could just go to a gym in the city. And I do not want to feel like I have to sneak around this place and arrange things with people to keep him from seeing me. This blows!" she suddenly lamented angrily.

"It does", he agreed sadly. "I wish you could have come home to find him Nick again. And more, if it was up to me I would let you see him, but I know little about either psychology or psychic trauma and we must defer to those who do."

"None of this brain stuff makes any sense," the catgirl muttered darkly. She'd been keeping pretty optimistic or nonchalant about her situation with other people, but with Kurt her true feelings came out. "I don't like not being able to live my life the way I want to because of something that makes no sense to me. He doesn't remember anything, Mister Sefton! How much more trauma am I going to add to that? I mean, how much worse can it actually get than not remembering anything?!" She hated sounding so petulant, but this had been simmering inside her for far too long to keep quiet about it.

"He could not remember anything ever again", Kurt said quietly, but
with no remonstrance in his voice at her tone. "Which might not seem
so terrible to him, he seems happy enough as John, but would surely
not be the way any of us hopes it will turn out."

"But... I still don't understand," she lamented. "If he's happy as John, why is everyone wanting so badly for him to be Nick again? I mean... how is John so different from Nick? Couldn't John get to know all of us and be your son and Julian's friend and my... friend, just as much as Nick was? Why does he have to go back to being what he was? Why can't everybody just let him be John and get to know John if he's happy as John?"

"Perhaps we should all try to", he agreed unhappily. "But it is not easy. He feels guilty because he cannot be the Nick we knew, we feel badly because he feels guilty and because we do want our Nick back, and it all goes around in circles and everyone avoids each other."

Catseye pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and put her chin on her knees, sighing. "He should not feel guilty. Guilty is not happy. I did not know he felt guilty but if he is guilty that is bad. I did not realize things were so bad. I wish I could tell him that I do not want our Nick, I just want whoever he is to be happy." She wasn't even sure the old Nick would fit with the new Catseye anymore, never a fan of living in the past. She just wanted to move forward from all of this and live her life.

"He asked about you", Kurt said, looking at her sideways. "He found some photographs, he wanted to know who you were... so he does know you exist. I do not want either of you to suffer about this, you know that."

"I know. I do not want any of us to suffer," she sighed, putting a hand on Kurt's and squeezing it. "I... I suppose if he knows I exist and his doctors still think he should not see me then they must have a good reason. I suppose I should trust them. But it is hard, Mister Sefton. It would be so much easier if we just hated each other, I think."

He squeezed her hand back, smiling faintly. "Perhaps it would. At least then you would both be avoiding each other by choice."

Catseye could only nod. After allowing herself a moment of wallowing in self-pity she sighed again, thwapped her tail on the floor, and forced herself to smile at Kurt. "We could set things on fire, cut up pictures, and throw things. That is what I see people on tv and in movies do. But, I just moved into a new apartment so I don't have anything to set on fire or anything to throw. And wishing things are different does not make them different. This is the way things are. I came back to train and go to college. Not to be with Nick. That's not my life anymore."

Kurt nodded. "Then if you are already moving on, perhaps it will not be so hard after all. Still a little painful that you cannot have proper closure, but it could have been worse."

"I don't feel like it could be worse," she admitted with a wan chuckle. "I know it could have been worse, but that doesn't mean I feel good about it. Closure, yes. Maybe that's why this feels so bad. But it could have been worse." She kept repeating it to herself as if that would make Kurt's words true. "It's going to get better, right?"

"One way or another, I think it will", he tried to reassure her. "If not because the situation with Nick changes, then because you do, as you have already while you were gone."

"I have, haven't I?" she answered with a smile, preening a little. "I've change from a student into an assistant and now back to a student again, but a grown-up one, and an X-Man trainee. And a chef. At a diner. Part time," she said with a nod. "It's still a... work in progress, but I like my life."

"You are still very young yet", Kurt told her, smile strengthening. "It should not be more than a work in progress, at your age when you have so much time left to build it. You are thinking of being a chef?"

"Yes yes! I am going to college to see if I like being a chef! If I like it better than doing work in international law like at Elpis than it was good I left, but if I don't like being a chef as much as I liked what Elpis does, then I will switch and go into political science so I can get a real job with Elpis, I think!"

"It is good to keep your options open", he agreed. "And with Elpis being our friends, I think you can be sure there will be a job open for you there whenever you decide you want it."

"It's good to have options," Catseye nodded, forcing herself to quash her doubts and anger away and remember all the Good Things she had. "But chef or Elpis employee, I think both come second to being an X-Man. And I can't be one until I can clear that building, right?"

"It would certainly help", Kurt said solemnly, pushing himself to his feet. "And I shall take that to mean you are ready to try again."

"Bring it on!" Catseye cried out with enthusiasm, and dissolved into giggles. "I'm never going to say that again, I promise."

He glanced back over his shoulder, amused, as he started back towards the control room. "I will tell no one you said it."

After the Danger Room session, the catgirl and Sarah catch up over snacks.


It was a little frustrating to Catseye that she felt like she had to sneak around the mansion, avoiding public areas and looking around corners so she didn't accidently run into Nick-slash-John and set back his recovery. She'd had a particularly exhausting training session and wanted to grab a bite in the kitchen before driving home, but first she had to make sure Nick-slash-John wasn't around. Thankfully, the coast appeared to be clear, so she rooted around in the fridge for some of the pastrami she'd brought with her and began to make herself a sandwich.

Sarah felt a little bit hungry herself, having just awoken from a nap, and she decided to make a food run to the kitchen. She wasn't looking for anything good like a sandwich, she felt more like having a pizza pocket or something of that nature. All thoughts of food went away when she spied what looked like a familiar form in the kitchen.

"...Cats? Is that you?" She rubbed her eyes, still not fully awake. She'd seen on the forums that Sharon was back and living in District X so she hadn't had a chance to see her in person yet.

"Hi Sarah!" Catseye greeted happily, rushing to give her friend a hug. "Are you coming to talk to the toaster? Is the toaster lonely?" she joked with a smirk.

Hugging her back tightly, Sarah may have clung onto her for a little bit. Hey, it had been awhile and she'd really missed her friend. Once she finally pulled back she grinned and shook her head. "Nope, though we did make up awhile ago. I think." She looked over at the toaster and smiled, all was still forgiven! "I was coming for a snack and instead I found you, so colour me pleasantly surprised!"

"Pleasantly surprised is a very pretty colour," Catseye laughed, squeezing Sarah's hand. "What sort of snack are you looking for? I've got pastrami sandwiches if you want one?"

"It is, yes!" Sarah laughed along with her and squeezed back, glad to have her friend back. "Ooh, sure, if it's not too much trouble, that'd be great." It would also be better than what she had been looking for at any rate. "How was your trip back? And how's your new place?"

Catseye set about making the sandwiches as she answered Sarah's questions. "The trip back was good, but long. At least I didn't get as jet-lagged as I did going over there, though. That was nice. The new place is very... empty, so far," she admitted, tone dropping in excitement a little. "I've never lived on my own before... well, I did as a cat I guess, but ever since I learned I was a mutant I've always lived at the mansion or with Evan, and then with roommates in Tel Aviv. I've never had my own place without any other people in it. So it's very... different." She didn't admit how much she wanted to come back to the mansion, knowing it wasn't a possibility for her right now due to Nick-slash-John's recovery.

Taking a seat, Sarah watched Cats as she made the sandwiches. "That's good, and yeah, because coming back you're... wait, you gain time, yes, so mathematically it's a shorter trip. I think." She thought for another second and then nodded, that was it. "I will gladly visit any time you like, I'll even sleep over!" Oops, there she went, inviting herself without asking. "I mean, once you're settled in and if there's room and if you're ok with that, I mean." It was too bad she couldn't just move back in, she missed her feline friend.

"Of course I'm okay with that," Catseye grinned. "I don't take up much room unless I want to, so don't worry about there not being room. Of course, if we were to have a slumber party with more than just you and me, then we might have a space problem," she chuckled, "since my place is just one room about the size of a litterbox, but we'll figure something out. People sleeping on the fire escape... in the bathtub," she giggled.

The slumber party idea was a great one, Sarah was highly in favour of it. "We probably wouldn't sleep at all, though! We'd probably just stay up all night talking and watching cheesy movies and everything!" If she wasn't sitting down she'd probably have been bouncing a little bit at the very thought of it. She giggled at the thought of sleeping on the fire escape or the bathtub just the same.

"And eating. There would have to be eating involved," Catseye added, handing over a pastrami sandwich to Sarah and joining her at the table. "Popcorn, pizza. What else do girls usually have at slumber parties?"

"Thank you!" She took the sandwich, taking a bite of it before continuing. "Oh yeah, definitely food. And chocolate." Chocolate would definitely have to be on the menu. Thankfully she still had a nice bit of Hallowe'en goodies left so she could provide some of that if need be, provided she didn't eat it all first. "Um, I dunno. Popular culture would tell you we should have a pillow fight."

Catseye rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "In our underwear, right? I could make some chocolate-covered bugs for the occasion," she said in a deadpan tone.

"Hah, yeah, right?" Sarah might've been blushing a little bit at the mention of underwear though. She laughed it off though and waved a hand dismissively at the other girl. "Like chocolate covered ants or something?" That wasn't exactly her thing but she'd heard of it before, and maybe Sharon loved them so she wasn't about to put them down or anything.

"Ladybugs," the catgirl informed her friend matter-of-factly, taking a big bite of her sandwich. She waited until she'd swallowed before she grinned. "I am only joking. I would not really make chocolate-covered ladybugs for a slumber party. I would much rather use the chocolate to make a cake or brownies or something!"

"Ahh, ok." Sarah took a bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly as she did so. Ladybugs weren't her idea of a good snack, not that she'd ever had them before. She grinned back when Sharon told her she was just joking. "Oh, yeah, a cake or brownies would be good too, totally!" After taking another bite, Sarah got up to get herself a drink. "Can I get you something to drink with that? Also, if you need a hand setting up your place, just say the word and I'll be there."

"Sure, some milk would be good. Thanks," Catseye replied. "And I'm sure I'll need a hand. I'm not very good at setting up electronic things so maybe I can borrow you for that?"

Sarah took down a couple of glasses and then poured them both up a nice, tall glass of milk each. "Of course, I would be more than glad to help!" She brought the glasses over to the table, setting one down in front of her friend before sitting down again herself. "I'm just so glad you're back, it's like an early Christmas present."

Catseye beamed back at her friend. "I'm glad I'm back, too. I... I think I was a little afraid to come back at first. I... feel like I've grown up a lot since I left, and I was on my own for so many months, I think part of me was worried that I wouldn't fit in anymore. But coming back was definitely the Right thing to do. Even if things are a little weird with me not living here because of Nick-slash-John."

She reached out to put a hand over Sharon's, patting it a little. "It was the right thing, and yeah, it's a bit weird not having you around, but if that's what's for the best that's all you can do." Sarah smiled again, squeezing her hand a bit. "And you have grown up a lot, it's true." It was a big change since the last time she'd seen her, and she wondered if she seemed any different to the other girl as well.

Catseye was grateful for the consoling touch. "Everyone's grown up a lot," she nodded. "I mean, hey, look at us," she grinned, "eating pastrami sandwiches and drinking milk instead of eating greasy burgers and drinking soda. We're so old now!"

"We have, it's true." Sarah returned both her hands to her sandwich and took another big bite of it. "Exactly, look how responsible and mature we are." She even said it as ma-toor, not ma-chur, to sound, well, more mature. Looking over at the cupboard she'd been intending to raid before she realized Sharon was there, she gave the other girl a sideways look. "There, uh, are cookies around here, too. Just sayin'."

"And ice cream?" Catseye asked hopefully.

"Chocolate and vanilla." She was acutely aware of the ice cream situation in the kitchen for some reason.