Amanda and Nathan, backdated to Monday afternoon...

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Amanda stops by Moira's room looking for her, and instead finds Nathan, who has Certain Things to say to her.



Amanda was still wondering what had happened to Sunday as she made her way up to Moira's room. The good doctor hadn't been in the medlab, and whilst Amanda really didn't think there was much to be done to help her, something to stop the physical symptoms of withdrawl would be good. She'd rather like to be able to eat again sometime. Bracing herself for the doctor's almost over-whelming motherliness, she tapped on the door.

Nathan looked up from where he was sorting through the box of things Marie had brought him and frowned, recognizing the presence on the other side of the door. He reached out with his telekinesis, unlocking it. "Hello, Amanda," he said neutrally as the girl jumped, clearly startled.

"Oh, it's you. I was lookin' for the doc..." Amanda hesitated on the threshhold. "She ain't here, is she?"

"No, she isn't," Nathan said, eyeing the girl. From what little he had seen on the journals - he hadn't had much opportunity to pay attention this weekend, of course - she was going through a rough time. Hell, he could sense that for himself, not to mention see it just looking at her. It didn't entirely excuse what she had said to Moira, but it did explain it. "Down in the lab, I think," he went on when Amanda blinked at him.

"I already tried there. She weren't around." Amanda sighed and started chewing on her thumbnail. "Fuck. She makes a point of tellin' me I can see her whenever I need to, and then when I do, she bloody well does a disappearin' act."

Nathan gave her a long, steady look, before he remembered that a) she was a kid, and a troubled one and b) he hadn't been having a good day even before she knocked on the door, so if he lost his temper at her it would be at least partially misdirected. "My fault," he said, a little too lightly, to judge by the wary look Amanda gave him. "I'm running her ragged."

Amanda wasn't great at picking up the finer points of other people at the best of times, and this wasn't one of those, but even she could see something was up. Something that was more personal than Nathan having a bad day. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Right. What'd I do?"

"Well," Nathan said, keeping to the reasonable tone, "we could start with you offering her a drink, just to be malicious." Amanda stiffened, but he went on inexorably. "But I'd rather focus on you throwing her son in her face. Since I was one of the ones who helped her through the aftermath of that, I'd really be interested in knowing what precisely you thought you were doing and what Moira did to justify you being quite that cruel."

Guilt and remorse flashed across Amanda's face before she managed to lock down into the schooled 'don't give a fuck' street kid expression. "Sometimes you got t' be cruel t' be kind, don't you? Ain't my fault the doc can't take 'go away an' leave me alone' as it's meant."

"Su'hnai h'llaren," Nathan muttered darkly, recognizing exactly what was going on here. He'd suspected something of the sort from what Moira had told him, but it didn't mean the reaction was any less irritating, or saddening. "Ne'hanna, mi'caehla, turain nohir," he said to the girl, and then wondered why she was gaping at him.

"If you want t' give me a bollocking, then at least use fuckin' English," she said, glaring at him. She felt bad enough about what she'd said to Moira, and having to need her help after all was galling enough, without this bastard giving her shit about it.

He blinked at her. "Use English?" he asked uncertainly. "What--" It dawned on him what must have happened, and he gritted his teeth, trying to hold back the growl of frustration. "I'm sorry," he said, a little more harshly than he intended. "I keep slipping into--it's a language from the future, and you know, I don't even know what it's called?"

"Well, it ain't any of the ones I know, but that don't count for much. You talk t' Doug about it? That's his thing, languages." Amanda realised she'd let her defensiveness slip - again - and gritted her teeth. She was still tired, the bruises she'd acquired Thursday night were making her feel stiff and ill-used, and these people just wouldn't get it. "So what was it you were tryin' t' say to me? I'd hate to miss out."

Nathan shook his head quizzically, trying to bring the words back to mind and failing. "Not sure exactly," he admitted, "but I think it was something along the lines of 'I don't buy it.'" He gave her a wry, tolerant look. "The girl who brought me tea for my headache may be having some difficulties, but she's not the nasty bitch she's been pretending to be lately. I may not be much of a telepath, but I don't need to be, to see that."

"Maybe I am that nasty bitch an' I managed t' fool you earlier. Maybe it's the real me comin' out." She bit her lip. "Maybe the doc caught me on a bad day, I lashed out."

Nathan couldn't help a dry smile. "I was trying this tactic before you were born, kid. Don't expect it to get you far with me."

Amanda sighed. "'M never fucking playing poker in this place. You bastards read me almost better 'n Pete an' Rom." She leaned tiredly against the doorframe. "An' it ain't doin' me a bit of good when no-one believes me when I tell 'em I'll hurt 'em if they don't get clear. Not good for the ego at all."

"We always hurt the people around us," Nathan said, shaking his head again. "Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Sometimes seriously. I don't think anyone--not 'normal' humans, not us freaks of nature--can avoid doing that. It's trying to clean up the mess you've made that's the important part."

"An' sometimes there's so much of a mess there's no cleanin' it up." Amanda looked down at her feet. "I tried - 'm trying - an' all I seem t' do is make it worse. Even when I try t' do good, it gets twisted. Maybe 'cause I'm twisted."

"That doesn't mean you stop, Amanda," he said, more gently. "There's no light at the end of the tunnel if you don't keep moving through the dark."

"Thing is, 'bout walkin' in the dark, is you always stub yer toe," Amanda said with the faintest hint of a grin. "Um, I'd better get goin'. You'll tell the doc I was lookin' for her? It's sorta urgent."

Nathan nodded. "Soon as I see her," he said. "And Amanda? If at any point you need an uninvolved party to talk to, or even just someone to rant at--" He stopped with a wry grin. "Well, I have a thick skin, and I promise not to do anything too awkward."