Log: Scott & Warren

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

Scott and Warren meet at Harry's and help one another get over some 'work' related issues.

Harry's was, as always, buzzing with an atmosphere of good-natured companionship as friends gathered to meet after a long day at work. An atmosphere which precluded one Scott Summers, the dark aura surrounding him left him standing out amongst the revellers as he sat starting into his beer. 

Warren wasn't really the type to let a friend drink alone, so Scott soon found himself with a blonde angel at his side, ordering a scotch and taking a seat. "Just when I think you can't out brood yourself, you go and set a new record." Scott turned his head as Warren settled into his seat. "At least I have a reason to sit and brood this time." he told his friend. "We, no I screwed up big on this one Warren." His gaze morosely fell back to the drink clenched between his hands. Scott had seen a side of himself he didn't know had existed, and he wasn't sure he liked what he saw. 

"Did we?" Warren asked mildly, taking a sip of his scotch and looking sideways at Scott. He didn't usually push people to talk about things if they didn't want to, but he thought today would make a good exception. "Why don't you explain to me how that works?" 

"You mean apart from leading everyone into the ambush to end all ambushes and getting my teamates thrown in prison or converted into...those things?" Scott asked sourly glancing around to make sure no-one was listening to them talk. 

Warren looked at Scott. "You can't take all of that on your shoulders. We all agreed to go. We all knew the risks. There's no way any of us could have known about the ambush, or the extent of the mutate process. You can <i>not</i> feel bad for this one." 

"I should have seen it, planned for it," Scott replied, "I'm supposed to look after my team, plan for the worst case scenario. Instead I got them trapped, lead them into the interrogations..." Scott's voice trailed off as he bowed his head above the beer mug he was holding so tightly his hands were turning white. 

"Oh for fuck's sake, Scott." Warren took the beer out of his hands, pulling at it until he let it go. "This is not all on <i>you</i>. No one, <i>no one</i> expects you to be omniscient. And in case you hadn't notice, it's not just your team any more. We're big kids now, and we know what we risk every time we go into the field. <i>No one</i> who went there, no one blames you, or holds you responsible for what happened. You are not going to shoulder this. You are not." 

"You don't understand Warren," Scott told his friend, "In the prison, the interrogator threatened to kill the others if I didn't break, if I didn't tell them what they want to know." He span to face his friend, with a look of raw anguish written across his face, "I said no! I was willing to sacrifice all of them if I had to to stop the Genoshan's from extending off the island, I would have let them all die Warren," he said more quietly, "I hated myself but I would have let them all die." 

"None of us are that easy to kill," Warren shot back. "And what were we doing there, if not to stop that exactly? Every single one of us that went there knew we were walking into a situation in which we could die. Do you really think any of us would have been okay if you'd sacrificed the rest of the world for us?" 

"What does it say about me though that I could take that decision, and would make the same one again even if we weren't going to escape?" Scott asked. "It was the 'right' decision to make, but you're my family Warren. You and Hank, Ororo and Jean. I can't loose you, but I almost chose to. You might not have been forgiven me for putting you ahead of the rest of the world, but I don't know if I could have forgiven myself if I'd had to sacrifice you all." 

"Well, it didn't come down to that," Warren replied brusquely. "And it takes a very particular sort of person to be able to put others before themselves, especially when those people are strangers. And yes, if it did happen, that we were killed because of your choices, then it would have been an incredible burden on you. But that sacrifice would have made an incredible difference for the world, and that sort of consequence is hard for us to really grasp, because it's so hypothetical. But don't you doubt that it would have made a difference." 

Scott blinked, "You're right, it didn't happen did it. We all made it back in one piece," He sighed and let out a small hesitant smile, "I can't really keep dwelling on the what if scenario can I, not when people around here still need me," Scott continued with a more settled voice, he may not have been happy about the decision but it had been the right one to make. He hoped that he'd never be faced with such a choice again, but if he was he knew where he'd land. He might feel bad about it but was no other choice he could make. He smiled apologetically at Warren, "Sorry, I'm being kind of selfish here aren't I? How're you holding up after everything?" he asked his friend with real concern plastered across his features. 

Warren waved at the bartender. Now that Scott had finished his intense brooding, they could both have another drink. Because really, they needed it. 

"I'm fine," Warren replied evasively with a shrug. "Mostly been catching up with work. And placating Jen. It's been keeping me out of trouble, which is probably what I need for awhile." 

"Work does have a way of piling up when you disappear for to weeks," Scott replied. "And how are you really doing Warren?" he asked calling his friend on his evasion. "A certain wise someone reminded me that it's no use hiding or brooding about things." 

"I really am a little transparent, aren't I?" Warren smiled ruefully. "I mean, all things considered, I'm okay. I didn't get locked up or anything like that, I wasn't seriously injured. I was pretty lucky. But..." He pressed his lips together. "I came up against both Callie and Laurie when they were mutates. And when it came down to the line, I didn't hesitate to take them out. I firebombed Callie and knocked Laurie out. I know they weren't themselves, but..." He shrugged. 

"Only to those of us who know you," Scott comforted his friend. "It's not like you had much choice Warren, it was either them or you and they were threatening your team mates." Scott smiled wryly as he considered how the conversation was being repeated with the roles reversed. "I know they don't blame you for what you did, they're still horrified they attacked their friends in the first place." He tipped his new glass at Warren, "I guess we both learnt something about ourselves while we were away." 

"I know. Hell, Callie was attacking some of the kids. It's just..." Warren shrugged, looking at his drink. "I was going to say, it wasn't something I'm comfortable with now. But that's what happens when you're an X-Man, right? You can't always deal with situations with logic and reason." 

"You just have to react," Scott finished for him. "All we can do is hope we react properly. We certainly didn't pick an easy career path did we?" 

"No," Warren said with a rueful smile. "We definitely didn't."