Sooraya and Angel: Nightmares (Backdated)

[x-firestar.livejournal.com]

It's role-reversal time when Angel finds herself being comforted by Sooraya after a nightmare.

Warning: Brief mention of child death



Angel yawned, tired, as she dropped onto the nest of blankets she'd set up near Sooraya's bed, toweling her hair dry from her shower. It was just a little nostalgic, sharing a room with her friend again -even if it was for not-so-great reasons this time around.

The door opened and Sooraya entered, her hands busy unwaving the long braid in her hair. She had to smiled a little at the sight of her friend sitting on the nest of blankets. It had helped a little to have her friend staying here with and she was grateful for that. "I still say we should attempt to find you a mattress or something. All that sleeping on the floor can't be good for your back..."

"Nah," Angel waved Sooraya's words off with a smile. "It's supposed to be, like, bracing or something. It strengthens your back muscles, I guess. And if that turns out to be completely wrong I'm sure someone down in the med labs can fix me later. Besides, whenever you move a mattress it always turns out to be just a little bigger than the door you're trying to get it through. Do you really want to deal with that hassle?"

"I'm sure we would have been able to figure something out." Sooraya tossed the elastic bands on small table besides her bed, before grabbing her hairbrush and taking a seat on the bed so she could brush it out and loosely re-braid it before going to sleep. "I hope I don't keep waking you up this night." The last few nights Sooraya had at least woken up from nightmares two times, sobbing a couple of times. Most nights she would simply sneak out of the room and spent the rest of the night in prayer and reading the Qur'an.

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it?" Angel said, her voice taking on a strangely serious tone for just a moment. "Besides," she added in a decidedly lighter voice, "if I was really worried about being woken up, I'd just go back to my room. There's a whole wall between me and Lorna's nightmares. So no worries is the point I'm trying to make."

"I know. But I feel like... a little child with their blankie or something." Sooraya admitted, blushing a little. Her hands continued weaving and she quickly wrapped the scrunchie around the braid that hung halfway down her back. "And yes, I know it's silly to think that..."

"Little children have it totally right, though!" Angel said as she pulled the towel out of her hair and flopped back on her blankets, pretending to cuddle the towel. "I mean, think about how easy they've got it - they just have to look adorable and the whole world falls at their feet. If anyone knows how to live life, it's those guys." She was trying to take the edge off of some of Sooraya's embarrassment -after everything that had happened, they had all earned the right to need a little security. And if that security was in the form of a friend sleeping next to their bed, then so be it.

Sooraya had to smile about her friend's antics as she changed into her nightgown and crawled under the covers. "You have a point there. But i think i am gonna try sleep now... Night, Angel." Once she saw her friend was also tucked under her covers, she reached out and clicked of the small lamp that was still burning on the table.

"Sweet dreams," Angel said quietly as she rolled over, curling into a ball under the blankets and letting her eyes drift shut.

***

Useless.

It wasn't something she enjoyed feeling. But here, in the middle of what was basically Hell on Earth, that was basically what she was. Useless. Unable to help as she watched her teammates be mercilessly beaten, powerless as an innocent girl disintegrated before her very eyes, and absolutely useless as she stared into the vacant expression of a girl she called a friend, now trying to kill them.

The images flashed through Angel's unconscious mind, along with the horrible feeling of uselessness, as she tossed and turned, tangling herself up in the blankets, low whimpers slipping off her lips. She'd spent a lot of time pushing away her own (not-nearly-as-traumatic) trauma in favor of helping her friends and anyone else who needed it. But her subconscious didn't like to be ignored.

Sooraya felt like it had been only a few moments since she had dropped of when she woke from the murmurs and stirrings coming from close to her in the room. She leaned up on her elbow and looked around, quickly spotting Angel tossing and turning in her nest of blankets. As quietly as possible she climbed out of bed and knelt down to her friend. "Angel..." She called out softly. "Wake up. It's only a nightmare. Angel..."

It took a minute for Angel to snap back to reality; she sat up quickly, blinking rapidly and trying to acquaint herself with her surroundings. She was not in Genosha. She was not powerless. She was not useless.

Finally, Angel focused on Sooraya. "Sorry," she said quietly as she untangled herself from the blankets - which was quite a bit of work. She'd really trapped herself. "I didn't mean to wake you up." It was like role reversal, she reflected dimly in her still slightly sleep-hazy mind. Well, it was role reversal, really.

"It's fine." Sooraya quickly reassured her. "I don't mind. I have done it often enough myself." She reached out and gently put her hand on one of Angel's. "Are you okay?"

Angel's squirming stilled as Sooraya rested a hand over hers. "That's different," she said after a moment, fidgeting so the blankets were more under her than wrapped around her like large, cloth snakes trying to strangle her. She wasn't sure how it was different, so she hoped Sooraya didn't ask. She just knew the logic worked in her head. She didn't bother responding to Sooraya's question - she was too tired to lie.

"What's different?" Sooraya asked with a slightly confused look in her eyes. Angel wasn't making much sense here, but it was obvious to her that she was not really okay. "Angel, what do you mean?" Sooraya repeated softly when Angel seemed about a thousand miles away.

"You...nightmares...waking me up...it's just different." Angel knew she sounded a bit out of it - she shook her head, rubbing her eyes with her free hand (no tears; just a prickling tiredness that wouldn't be ignored). "Sorry," she said again. "I just mean...I don't know what I mean. Two in the morning isn't a great time to be rational." And she was feeling rather stupid. She was supposed to be the okay one, the one that just smiled and tried to help the not okay ones. She wasn't supposed to be the one who needed to be woken up from a nightmare.

Sooraya had to think for a few moments... two in the night was her best moment either. "It is the other way around at the moment, isn't it? We are friends, Angel. We help each other." She ventured forward carefully. "If you want to talk, it's okay. If you don't, it's also okay?"

Angel swallowed a lump in her throat, pulling her knees up to her chest. Her argument of "I don't want to dump this on you" had died with Sooraya's words. Help each other. Friends did do that, didn't they? "It was just...I mean, you were there," she finally said. "You know how bad it was, you know what happened." A slight shiver ran through her body, and she pushed it down. "I never want to feel that powerless - that useless - again," she declared quietly after another moment.

She just listened quietly, giving Angel's hand a squeeze when she felt her shivering. "I can imagine that... I just wish..." Her voice trailed off, not quite sure what to say. "I wish I could promise it would never happen again..."

"But every now and then these things happen, unfortunately," Angel finished the sentence as Sooraya's voice drifted off. "I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it." She added that last part in a surprisingly fierceful voice. "And it doesn't mean if it happens again, I have to do things the same way I did this time."

"None of us like it." Sooraya agreed immediately. "What do you wish you had done differently though? You did what you could in the circumstances."

"I know no one else liked it," Angel said quickly. "I'm sorry, this all probably sounds really stupid..." And what did she wish she'd done differently? Anything. Everything. But she didn't know how to explain that to Sooraya.

"Angel..." A warning tone could clearly be heard in Sooraya's voice. "It does not sound stupid. This stuff is hard to put into words. You have heard me ramble several times. It's okay..."

Angel rubbed the back of her head, meeting Sooraya's eyes. "I'm okay," she finally said. "Really." It was more or less the truth. She was shaken (nightmares did that to a person), but she'd live, of course.

Sooraya gave a last gentle pat to her hand before withdrawing hers. "Wanna try to get some more sleep?"

"Yes, please." Sleep. Sleep sounded good. Angel enjoyed sleep. She stretched a bit, wincing when something cracked in her back, then giggling and sounding a little more like her usual self. "Oops. Sorry again about waking you up."

"Just repaying the favor, I am sure." Sooraya replied with a small voice in an attempt to inject some humor. She waited till her friend had laid down before climbing in her own bed. She knew no more sleep would come for herself, so Sooraya was intending to wait till Angel was asleep and then focus on her prayers or studies.

"Heh. Yeah, maybe." Angel rolled so she was facing away from Sooraya, staring at the wall. She didn't want to keep Sooraya awake, but she was pretty sure (no matter how much she wanted it) sleep wasn't happening again. Oh well. She had to get up in about four more hours to get ready for classes anyways. At least she wouldn't have to worry about oversleeping.